A Kick in the Balls
by Mutt229
Summary: Bella is entering her senior year of college with her two best friends and roommates, Alice and Emmett. Her final year in college is going to be one for the recordbooks, as Bella and her crew invite two new roommates to share their house with them.
1. She's A Little Runaway

Chapter One – She's a Little Runaway

**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**EmPOV**

"Fucking Brandon," I murmured under my breath as I sat back against the hot sticky seat of the car. My little a-hole roommates were always doing this shit to me. _"Emmie, we'll just be a minute," _or_ "beauty takes time," _or my fucking favorite, _"I just gotta do one more thing before we leave." _ My ass always is waiting. And waiting. And waiting.

_I hate fucking waiting._

I exhaled deeply, trying to right my mind away from the f-bombs and irritation, because those girls were not going to change. Ever.

I stared out the windshield watching Alice talk a mile-a-minute to some poor blonde-haired boy. Describing him in that moment in time, he looked exactly like a deer in headlights before you slam into it with your car. It was odd how he watched her intently as she rambled on about something. He simply just smiled back at her.

_Interesting. Alice looked nervous – this is a first._

She looked like she might be reenacting the Mount St. Helens eruption or executing a cheer at a football game, and she was turning a brilliant shade of pink. Lots of very excited Alice type arm movements. Anyone else would say she was just excited, but I knew better. That tell-tale bounce she had going on was pure Alice – she liked this boy. And by boy, I mean pretty boy, and he didn't look like an athlete or anything. Looked like one of those artsy-folk types, with crazy, I've-been-on-a-rollercoaster-all-day hair and clothes that may have, but probably hadn't been washed last week. I guess you could say he was borderline attractive.

_God, I sounded like a girl!_

That's exactly what shit rolls through your brain when you have two girls as your best friends and roommates. Okay, girls is not a valid word for them, maybe she-males or...fuck, there is no way to truly describe them adequately. I met Bella first, in the training room at the University of Washington, after we both blew out our knees on the same day. Bella had a soccer game versus Stanford, an epic game since the teams were both undefeated and battling to go to the NCAA tournament. She was going for a ball midfield and some bitch slide-tackled her and bye-bye went her ACL. I had heard from her teammates after the game that she was swearing so much that most of them went to church the next day to purge their souls. Typical Bella.

I had seen her lying on the training table with enough ice to fill two coolers of beer and by the odd shade of green she was turning I'd say she was ready to vomit. It distracted me for like 8.2 seconds because my own knee had left my body and felt like it was burning in the fiery pits of hell. My ACL went the way of the dodo bird after I went to sack the quarterback late in the 4th quarter and ended up in a 300 lbs. pound sandwich. I went one way and my knee went the other. I still can't get myself to watching that game, or the slow-mo replay of the hit. I still don't have the stomach for it. Bella won't watch that shit either.

We had reconstructive surgeries on the same day, scheduled back-to-back. I remembered laughing to myself before the surgery as they rolled that girl out into recovery. She kept babbling on and on about having the brush her teeth, make the bed, and various other chores. Then she tried to stand up and take her robe off because she wanted to shower. That was when I had seen it.

Two nurses had to hold her down until they got her out from under the anesthesia. She was asleep the whole time. It was classic. Of course, that is how our friendship started. The next day in the training room, we were icing on tables next to each other and...

"_What's that a tattoo of on your hip?" _

"_What?! Um...how do you know I have a tattoo?" she whispered looking at me in horror from across the table._

"_I saw it yesterday at the hospital, when you started flashing everyone in the recovery area," I said just waiting for her to bite. She was turning a brilliant shade of red and I was dying on the inside trying to keep from laughing. "It was quite the show."_

"_Oh god, kill me now," she squeaked out. And I went in for the kill shot._

"_I must have to say you have one of the greatest racks I have ever seen. What are you? A 34C or 34B?" I said with one of those patty-drop smiles on my face. Let's see what she does with that._

_I watched her as she let out the breath I knew she was holding. Then she did something odd. She sat up, turned to look at me, said "The boys are 34Cs," and then after a moment she shut her eyes and asked, "Did you see the kitty too?"_

_The laughter that was boiling up inside me burst out and I was laughing so hard that tears were running down me face. She just sat there staring at me with a beat red face and some crazy furious eyes. Then out of nowhere, I heard a loud crack as her ice bag connected with my face._

"_You ASSHOLE!!!" she yelled at me. I took one look at her and knew I was in some serious trouble. Like super trouble. Like I was seriously Captain Fucking Trouble. Thank god the training was empty at the time because that shit could have gotten ugly._

"_Okay, okay," I said with my arms outstretched trying to calm her down. "All I saw was the tattoo, and it was a brief flash. I was just having some fun with you. Seriously, nothing else."_

_She groaned as she let herself lay back on the table. "Does the asshole have a name?"_

_I chuckled, "Emmett, Emmett McCarty."_

"_Really?"she said as she got a devious look in her eye. "Emmett McCarty. Hmm, well...this changes things."_

_I was starting to become slightly afraid of this woman. She started to laugh to herself. Okay, I was officially afraid now. "What?! Can you fill me in?"_

"_I'm Isabella Swan. Most people actually just call me Bella or Swan. Whatever."_

"_Okay, am I supposed to know what is going on?" I asked hoping that life would become clearer because I had no fucking clue what was going on. I was searching file after file in my brain and coming up blank. She then turned back to me smiling like a Cheshire cat._

"_I live over in the quad. I think you know my roommate Kate." _

_Fuck._

_Great._

_Fantastic._

_This was one of those moments when fate deals you a really shitty hand. I tried my hand at humor in the hopes that Bella would go easy on me._

"_You know Crazy Katie. Small world?" I asked as I chuckled to myself. I was silently wishing that this girl wouldn't throw me to the dogs. Or maybe just that one crazy dog._

"_I think that I know everything about you already. You favorite music, your favorite food, what type of car you have, what cologne you wear, where all your classes are, what you look like when you sleep. All really normal not remotely creeper stalker stuff."_

_She was obviously having a good time at my expense. "Whatever did you do to deserve that?" she asked._

"_Freshman weekend and too much Jager," I explained as I leaned back on the table. I groaned as I shifted the cyro-cuff off my knee. She looked at me as if she were on an airplane getting asked if she wanted chicken or beef for her meal. She went with chicken._

"_Truce?"_

"_Truce, huh?" I said with some slight hesitancy._

"_Well, I probably shouldn't go easy on you, but I have seen the shrine, and it is downright scary. I am not one hundred percent sure this wasn't some crazy act of voodoo or some shit," she pointed to my knee. "Maybe we can help each other out – you with the parties and all the hookups you football boys get, and me with Crazy Katie. Deal?"_

"_Deal."_

Bella and I spent the next few months together in the training room rehabbing our knees. We would catch dinner together, occasionally watch movies and sometimes study together. Apparently in college land this meant we were dating but with Bella that never crossed my mind, except for the one night we kissed but that is a whole other story. Bella, Alice and I had lived together since sophomore year, and Alice and I were moving our last load to what will hopefully be the last place we live in together.

_Why was I still waiting???_

Alice was Bella's partner in crime and they had been assigned to each other as roommates freshman year. Alice was this skinny little petite thing that although surprising, did not touch caffeine. The reason I mention this is because Alice only had three realms of being; high energy, super crazy high energy, and asleep. Kid sleeps like a rock, and then poof, she's awake and usually annoying. Today was no different....

"ALICE! We....are....leaving!" I shouted out the window of the car, giving her that 'yeah, don't fuck with me' look. The look she shot me back was priceless; a cross between really pissed off and really fucking annoyed. That made two of us. I shot her back a death glare and she took the hint and said goodbye to her pretty dude guy and gave him a small wave as she made her way to the car.

"Emmett, what the HELL!? Seriously, do you want me to become a nun? I'll take my flipping vow of celibacy right now! Urgh!" Alice yelled. She looked at me like various evil ideas of ball mutation were going through her head.

There began yet another epic stare down. It lasted a little over two minutes, with plenty of nostril-flaring and eyebrow jackassry. It ended when I could feel the sweat beading up on back and I was in danger of having some serious issues with sticking to my seat. So, I turned my glare and started the car.

"We're late," I stated matter of factly. "Swan, will kill us if we don't meet them on time."

"We are dead already. We were supposed to be there at 12:30," she said dismissively as I started to the house.

_Always fucking late..._

BPOV

Ever had one of those surreal moments when you are driving somewhere and your mind is so preoccupied that you forget you were driving but still make it to your destination?

_Wow, I had only 20 miles left. I had been really out of it. Hell, I was still out of it._

I shoved the credit card back into my pocket and jumped into the car. The leather of the seats had warmed slightly and I was throwing back on the AC. I decided tunes were in order for me to get my head back on driving and off of this past week's events. I put the iPod on shuffle and crossed my fingers that the music gods would allow for a favorable shuffle. A song from Garbage's first album came on and was amiable to driving so I saved it from the skip button.

As I pulled back on the highway I couldn't help but think back on when I first came to live with Charlie. Who could have thought that in four short years that I would be driving away from Forks to possibly never return. The thought made a shiver run down my whole body.

_How did it all go so wrong?_

I finally pulled up to the house around three in the afternoon. It was good to be home. Truthfully, U Dub was the only place that I ever felt like I belonged. It was different here; I was liked, wanted, and occasionally loved. I was popular. It was a far cry from where I had been in both Phoenix and Forks.

The house was perfect, and the cleaning crew I hired an amazing job getting her all spruced up for everyone to move in. This house was my baby. I bought her when she was a rundown old stinky frat house that had been sitting vacant for years. Nobody wanted her – but I could see her potential. I spent six-figures cleaning up the old girl, and basically had to gut it to have the house become habitable again. She had six bedrooms, four bathrooms, a huge living with the most massive plasma money could buy, and a gourmet kitchen. The only sad part in all of this was that they had to tear-out the three-level tap system. Emmett cried when I told him that we couldn't keep it. Real tears – no joke. I had it replaced with a Kegerator out on the back porch and I swear Emmett looked at me like I was Santa Claus for weeks when I told him about it.

I spent the rest of the day unpacking my stuff out of the truck and going on some massive food/beverage/random other stuff hauls from Safeway and Costco. Everything was perfect. Getting everything ready. Getting all my affairs in order.

I shook my head. That couldn't be where I was headed. No. _No, no, no!_

I mentally chastised myself for even going there. I could handle this.

I went to sleep that night alone with my big beautiful house. Emmett and Alice were just a few blocks away spending their night in that nasty little apartment, but I didn't call them. I wasn't even supposed to be here anyways. I was supposed to be enjoying my last few nights with Mike before I headed back to school. He was staying in Forks to take care of his mother and the store. That was his place in this world – in Forks. A beautiful small town. A beautifully small, cramped, suffocating town. I yanked my pillow off the bed and slammed it over my head.

_What was wrong with me? Didn't I deserve happiness? Didn't I deserve to have a place to call home? _

_Why was his love not enough? _

_Why did I say no?_

I knew the answer to the last question. That was easy. I left out the breath that I was holding and silent tears ran down my cheeks. I was alone.

_Wouldn't she be happy that her darling baby turned out just like her...?_

I had woken that morning with a sense of purpose, although I was decidedly tired from the night of restless sleep. I ran all my errands in the morning; athletic department (to get my check for room and board), bookstore, and the liquor store.

"Emmett must have been a really good boy," Mr. Cobble said as he winked at me. "I would offer to have one of the boys help you load that into your truck, but I know better."

I took the dolly from the side of the store and loaded the keg. To people who didn't know any better, I suppose I looked like I worked here. I unloaded the keg and returned the dolly to the store.

"Give my regards to 'Anchor Man' for me!" he yelled as I left the store. God I hated that name. It was one of the dumbest advertising campaigns for this school. I picked up one of the free football schedule posters near the door.

_I knew exactly where to put this._

After setting up the keg, placing the poster in what I though was the most brilliant place ever, I sat at the kitchen table staring off into space. I had nothing to keep me occupied and my mind went there. It was like I couldn't escape my memories. He was looking back at me so intently, waiting for me to make the fairytale come true –

KNOCK! KNOCK!

I was instantly out of the memory haze and made my way to the front door. I opened the door to a beautiful blonde woman.

_Okay, let's be serious..._

I opened the door to a woman who; (a) may have graced the cover of any major magazine, (b) probably made every other woman on Earth feel like an ugly slob and not remotely pretty, or (c) all of the above.

_I went with 'c.'_

"Hi, can I help you with something?"

"Oh, you must be Bella. I'm Rosalie. Your new roommate," she said.

Before I could answer she said, "I am soooo sorry for being early, but I saw a car in the drive and was hoping someone was here."

"Yeah, I'm sorry. Emmett and Alice told me they had found two people to take the two other rooms. Um...do you want a tour?" I spat out.

"Sure, that would be great." She gave me a tentative smile.

I raised an eyebrow. "Have you already been here?" By the way she looked at me I had my answer.

"Yeah, Alice gave me the tour a few weeks ago. Although, I must have to say, this place looks amazing now that the furniture is in," she turned to give me a questioning look, "You did all of this?"

I thought I should probably be offended, but hey, I didn't exactly look like the poster girl for interior decorating. I just shrugged and said, "Yep."

After an awkward silence minute or four, I asked, "Where's your friend? The other roommate? Where is she?"

"Oh, well...she's a he. And, he is coming later today or tomorrow," she said as if I was going to pull the deal-breaker card out and chastise her for bringing her boyfriend into the house. I wasn't really okay with her bringing a boyfriend. Not at all.

"How long have you been together?"

She chuckled a little bit and said, "On and off for 22 years."

I raised my eyebrow expectantly again.

"He's my brother. You probably wouldn't look at us and think we were siblings, but we are. He looks like my mom, and I look like my dad."

With that explanation, I turned around to grab her two sets of keys. I had to let her in on the rest of Bella's particulars.

"You have to share a bathroom. Sorry, I have a weird aversion to man-hairs on everything so sharing a bathroom with a boy is a no-go. It's a full bath with a walk-in shower. Alice and I are sharing the master bath upstairs and it has the most awesome whirlpool tub, which you can use. There is also a hot tub on the upstairs balcony. Tell your brother my bathroom and tub are off-limits per the man-hair thing. Okay?"

She just looked at me and started to laugh at little.

"What?"

"Alice told me you were...quirky," she said.

"Alice says I am a lot of things. Well, I am going upstairs for a minute. Do you need anything else?"

"No, no thank you. Most of our stuff is coming tomorrow with my parents. But, I was too excited to spend a night here and start getting everything together," she said.

I went upstairs and was instantly drawn to my running shoes. I threw on some running shorts and a t-shirt and grabbed my iPod. I turned to look in the mirror and couldn't even look at myself. All I saw in that moment was her.

No. The fragile grip I had on the situation had been slipping with each passing moment.

I shook my head and made my way to the stairs. My head was becoming clogged with memories. Most of them painful. Most of them memories I couldn't escape and felt so real, so overwhelming.

I should have called Alice, or my dad, or Emmett, but I couldn't. I had made this mess this time. These were my choices that haunted me. I couldn't escape who I was.

As I was walking down the front steps I heard Rosalie yell, "Hey, where are you off to?"

"Going for a long run. I just need to clear my head," I stated.

And with that I was gone.

**EmPOV**

"No. Listen to me," I said to Rosalie harshly. "What were her exact words?"

"Emmett calm down. She said 'I just need to clear my head.' Is that a big deal?"

I flew up the steps into Alice room, and barged in. "She's running, Alice. Clearing her head. We have to go!"

Alice jumped off her bed and grabbed her shoes. She grabbed Bella's car keys and I grabbed some water and some energy bars from the kitchen. We've only been through this two times now.

_What the fuck was she thinking? What happened?_

"Rose, grab your shit and get in the car. We'll explain later."

As we hopped in the car, I grabbed my cell phone out of my pocket and dialed.

"Hello?" a voice said on the other end of the line.

"Charlie, it's Emmett. Hey, quick question. What happened this week to have Bella so upset?" I said. No beating round the bush this time. I had to know what we were up against this time.

"Oh, um...she's didn't tell you? Well, I guess there's no reason not to tell you. I can't believe she hasn't shared this with you yet. Didn't you see her yesterday?" Charlie asked.

"She was in town yesterday?"

"Yeah, she left the morning after the party. Didn't even wait til I was awake. Just left," he told me. He sounded despondent, like he had some shared pain in what happened.

"Charlie, what happened?" I said. My tone a little more demanding. Bella was my friend. Hell, Bella was my best friend. I needed to know.

"Mike asked her to marry him, and then it went downhill from there. Stupid kid did it in front of his whole family. She just freaked out. Told him no. I asked her about it later and she...well, she sounded just like her mother," he said, sounding more and more distressed.

I let out the breath I had been holding. This was bad. Epically bad.

"She said some pretty tough things to me, but I know she wasn't fighting with me," Charlie finished.

"Thanks, Charlie. Talk to you soon." I hung up the phone before he could even respond.

"Rose, how long ago did she leave?" I asked.

Rose looked at her watch. "About two hours ago. What is going on? Why all of the drama?"

Alice pulled out of the driveway and silently nodded to me as she made her way through the streets.

We had to find Bella soon.


	2. Hope It Gives You Hell

**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter Two – Hope it Gives You Hell

**RPOV**

I had been sitting in the backseat of the Audi with my arms crossed staring at both Alice and Emmett in the front of the car for some time. I was indisputably pissed off. Most of my anger had been directed at the large piece of man-meat that sat in front of me. I hoped he could feel the heat from my eyes as I glared at the back of his skull, because I was intent on letting him know how just how angry I was. Emmett was an ass to me, something that in all my years had never happened to me. I didn't appreciate that he had basically thrown me into car to go find a girl I had known for five minutes. I didn't even know these people and all of the sudden my relaxing day turned into drama city and I was stuck in the back of this car.

There was something else that was significantly adding to my dismay – my attraction to Emmett. My anger was shifting as I thought about him, and my heart started beating faster as my mind took my feelings in the opposite direction. I was glad that he was preoccupied at the moment or he probably would have caught me as I ogled him from the backseat. How I went from furious to infatuated in less than a minute was beyond me.

I kept staring at him from the backseat. He had strong masculine hands. I was entranced by how the strong thick muscles in his forearms flexed as he ran his hands through his hair. When Emmett had bossed me around I felt the urge to both slap him across the face and seize him to run my hands across his chiseled chest. Where there should have been only anger, I felt something else. My gaze started to shift again and I found myself drinking in his muscles and the way that he clenched his jaw as he was deep in thought. My mind started to wander...

_My improper thoughts about my roommate had to be put on the backburner...for now._

I shook my head infinitesimally from the backseat to void my mind of my thoughts. I had to get back to the issue that was at hand; the drama circus that surrounded Miss Bella and her running.

"How far should we go?" Alice asked Emmett as she motioned toward an exit on the road.

"Second entrance to the park is about ten miles up. We'll just wait for her there. At least she's predictable," Emmett answered.

I had only met Alice a few times over the years through our common acquaintance, her sister Jessica. Jess and I were roommates and sorority sisters down at USC, and Alice was an infrequent visitor. It didn't take one long to realize that although Jess and Alice were always being mistaken for twins, they could not be more different. As Alice had the market cornered in liveliness, and Jess was even-keeled, and maybe a little lackluster in her approach to life. They were like oil and water when they combined. It took me by surprise when Jess had suggested I look up Alice when I told her that I was attending U Dub for graduate school.

_Maybe that had been a huge mistake._

They glanced back and forth between each other, sharing some private conversation that I apparently was not privy to. _Seriously?_ I had seen and heard just about everything in my lifetime, and this probably would not phase me. What was this really about? A turned-down marriage proposal does not seem like the colossal drama-factor that has been applied to this situation.

Emmett motioned for Alice to veer towards some park about twenty minutes or so away from campus. I had really no clue where we were going. They just kept glancing at each other, and I grew more and more impatient with each passing moment. They had kept whatever had been going on from me, and I felt the frustration bubbling over.

Emmett had told Alice what Charlie, who I ascertained was Bella's father, said about what had happened two nights ago. But I couldn't really understand what was at issue. The way that Alice reacted to it made me think that there was much more to this story. I looked back up at Emmett and he was staring at Alice again. My patience had just run out.

"ENOUGH!" I screamed, "If you two are quite finished with your goddamned eye tango, I would like to know what is going on. Alice?"

Alice took one last hesitant glance over to Emmett and turned her eyes back on the road.

"Bella's had a pretty rough go these past few years. Her mother was a complete nightmare to her, and it didn't end well for them," Alice said. She seemed tentative and sad from what I could see in her eyes through the rearview mirror. I remembered those eyes. Alice looked just like Jessica in that moment and I knew that whatever Bella had been through, it must have been bad.

"Renee was all kinds of nasty wrapped up into one package. She never wanted to be a mother to Bella, and Bella spent most of her life wondering why," Alice said as she looked at me through the rearview mirror. That look had told me that this was the something bigger than the marriage proposal; Bella had much more on her mind today.

A chill had run down my spine as all the aggravation slipped right out of me in that moment and I started to be concerned about the girl that Alice felt so genuinely for. Alice continued to talk about Bella's mother for a few more moments, and I started to realize that she played a larger role in the events that had unfolded.

"We told Bella that this was going to happen. She never fucking listens. Mike had only one purpose for asking Bella to spend the summer in Forks with him," Emmett seethed. Where Alice had empathy for Bella, Emmett seemed equally as frustrated with the situation.

"Emmett, I don't think that is it. Bella truly loves Mike, but I think she knew they were never meant to be. Last time I talked with her she was trying to convey that to him. She said it was a little more than difficult because Mike was so overwhelmed by his father's death and –"

"Don't make excuses for her Alice!" Emmett exclaimed as he interrupted Alice. "Mike is a good guy and doesn't deserve this. You know she never let him in. She should have ended it last year. She should have just fucking cut him loose."

"Hindsight is all twenty/twenty, Big Guy. You are no one to talk," Alice answered back. He sort of grimaced after her last remark and I could tell she had the goods on this guy. I wondered how many people in this house were shying away from the responsibility of dealing with reality.

Bella's situation with Mike made slightly more sense to me and it did not escape my how similar we were. We had something in common. Instead of the route that she chose, I placed hundreds of miles between myself and my problem. It was easier to be removed from the situation than to stay and deal with it. But that was neither here nor there. I just really wanted to know what Bella was doing.

"I get it. I do," I alleged as I shook my head back and forth from the flood of memories that were swimming in my head, "But, you haven't explained what WE are doing?" I motioned between us and then asked, "Why must WE find Bella?"

Emmett inhaled and let out a long breath before turning to face me. It startled me how serious his face had looked in that moment. "She runs. Fuck, she runs until she thinks she can outrun the past. But, she never does. First time, we had to bring her to the emergency room because she was so dehydrated and messed up. She ran for ten fucking hours."

I listened as Alice and Emmett took turns explaining the previous two times that Bella had gone out for her 'runs.' Emmett went on to talk about some guy named James that treated Bella like trash and made her life a living hell during her freshman year. He was the quarterback on the football team with Emmett, and was Bella's first love. She had opened her heart to him only to have him break her to pieces in some very appalling ways. She was devastated. Alice tried her best at lightening the mood.

"The best was during the spring game when Emmett kept breaking tackles so James got the shit pounded out of him," Alice chuckled, "Emmett had ten sacks in that game. James left her alone after that." She smiled toward him and he gave a small uncertain smile back.

"Let me guess. The second time was after some other asshole broke her heart?" I said as I feigned sadness. All this over some guy issues, I was over this whole situation. I was about to offer a snide remark when Alice spoke up.

"No. Not at all," Alice started sheepishly, "It was after her mother died."

It was like all the air that was in the car was sucked out when Alice said those words. The anguish of the loss of a parent was something I couldn't wrap my mind around, and I did not let my mind wander there. I couldn't. I felt instantly guilty for my comments and I knew I had to make amends with my roommates.

"Bella was a complete mess for months. This thing with her mom is bigger than we though it was," Emmett said. His alarming tone had me wondering just how much Bella had been hiding from them.

"I know," Alice groaned. "I wish she would let us in," she continued trailing off into a whisper.

I looked and saw Alice's eyes were wet. She was wiping tears away as she pulled into a small parking lot. Emmett reached his hand over and gave Alice's hand a squeeze. The sweet gesture wasn't lost on me. I guess the big dumb oaf must have had a heart trapped in-between the mass of muscles.

I got out of the car and hurried around to Alice's side of the car. "Sorry if I seem insensitive, you guys have some serious history here and I am just trying to play keep up."

Emmett came up behind me and placed a hand on my shoulder. "We should probably apologize to you. The three of us should come with an ownership manual," he said with a small laugh. The hand on my shoulder gave me a small squeeze as if he was trying to convey the love and special bond that existed between the three of them.

"How long do we have?" Alice asked Emmett.

He looked down at his watch. "Um, about fifteen minutes, give or take five. She really hasn't been running all that long."

I let out a small laugh. "It's been two and a half hours. That's pretty long for a run," I said incredulously as I looked at the both of their faces.

Emmett and Alice both cracked a smile. "Bella's on the soccer team and ran the Boston marathon in just under three hours. The kid lives to run," Emmett answered. I was happy that I had lightened the mood to some extent after my previous comments.

"Hey, we don't have much time. She'll be here in seven minutes," Alice stated as if she had a stopwatch precisely timing Bella's run.

"Seven, huh? How about a wager, oh omnipresent one?" Emmett asked.

"If I win, homemade pizzas, and I get to pluck your eyebrows. And before you even start, remember the wager rules," Alice said as she held up her slender arm to his face.

"What are the wager rules?" I asked curious as to why anyone needed rules to wager with.

"Oh, mostly things like no nudity, streaking, inappropriate touching, etcetera. Emmett needs reminders often because he is always trying to skirt the rules," Alice answered looking at me with a small twinkle in her eye. She most definitely had something up her sleeve.

Emmett just grinned at Alice and started shaking his head. "If I win my eyebrows stay intact, and we get really drunk tonight – no exceptions. Swan will make us some enchiladas."

"God, that sounds good. Deal," Alice moaned as she answered him and held out her hand.

"Deal," Emmett answered as he shook Alice's tiny hand in his. "You in, Rosalie?" he asked turning his grin on me. There was something I couldn't place in his eyes as he looked at me. I gave him one of my small coy smiles and nodded in acknowledgment.

"Sure. But, just remember my parents and brother are here early tomorrow," I said trying to hide my anticipation. There is no better way to get to know your roommates than with ample amounts of intoxicating beverages.

"Sure, sure. Got it. Let's go get Bella," Emmett answered back.

He started walking toward the running path with Alice and I dawdled for a moment to try to get my head around what had happened in the last few hours. When my eyes finally focused in front of me, I looked up to see Emmett had turned his head and was looking at me. He was grinning ear to ear.

I returned his smile for a second before looking away to conceal what I think would have been a small blush coloring my face. When I turned to face him again, he did it.

He winked.

_God, I was desperately hoping that he won the bet..._

**BPOV**

_Stupid fricking asshole iPod!!!!_

I jerked my earbuds out of my ears and took my whole fucking iPod and hurled it into the woods with such force I almost came out of my sneakers.

_Ha! Good fucking riddance!!!_

Damn thing had been switching and skipping songs like some evil creature that was possessed by the devil. It had been cutting to classical music every time I thought I had it fixed. Just like everything else in my wonderful life; it was fucking bewitched.

I had been running for over two hours now and I could feel my legs start to tighten up. A burning and achy feeling was starting to take hold of my body, and instead of losing myself in the run, my mind was consuming me. With each passing moment I was just becoming more and more enraged. Normally when I ran I could just space out and become numb to the ground and the scenery passing around me, but that just wasn't happening. Everything around me was too alive, too awake, and too real.

_My fucking life was BEWITCHED!!!_

Why couldn't this just fucking work for me? Running was my sanctuary, my get-out-of-jail free card – running _was_ my escape. Apparently, that was not the case anymore.

_FUCK!!!_

I knew in my heart what was really irking me, Charlie. I treated him so poorly, yelling at him like some little girl throwing a temper tantrum. It's what was weighing me down making me feel so worthless, so empty, and so alone. He was my family. _My only family._ The one I had left. He was the only one who knew me for what I was and wasn't and he loved me regardless. Our relationship wasn't easy and I couldn't tell you the number of things that were awkward as all hell between us, but he knew my skeletons. They were his skeletons too.

If I could have gone back and changed anything, it would have been that moment in that small yellow kitchen in Forks. I had hoped he would forgive me.

_He had to forgive me._

My relationship with Mike was another story. Part of me was happy that it was over; there was no going back after how I reacted to his proposal that night. The possibly of making it right did not exist. I couldn't just walk back up to him and tell him why I didn't love him the way he loved me. I didn't know if I was even capable of giving that piece of myself to another person. Maybe he had deserved an explanation from me, but I honestly did not know if telling him my heart was still too hurt and broken to love anyone would have made it any better. I was responsible for causing his pain and the guilt and remorse for how I had treated someone who loved me, someone who gave me their heart, was overwhelming me. I knew how it felt to be in his shoes.

My feet had begun to slow beneath me and I came to a stop on the pavement. I couldn't run anymore. I was letting my demons destroy every relationship with the people I loved and I had to stop.

It was a rare, beautifully clear day in Seattle and the sun had been shining through the trees. I stopped to let it warm my face. I could feel my heart beat inside me chest as I let out a deep discontented sigh. I knew that I had screwed up royally again, and that Emmett and Alice would have my ass. Something in my peripheral vision caught my attention, and I turned to see what it was. That was when I saw him.

All two hundred and sixty pounds of him.

A small smile crept across my face as I realized they were here. They were here for me. The tears that I have been holding slipped over my lids and ran down my face. I lifted my feet and resumed running toward him in the clearing. I closed the distance within a few seconds and bounded into his arms. I buried my face in t-shirt as the silent tears turned into all-out sobs.

"I'm...I'm so sorry." The words came out of me through my muffled sobs. Emmett positioned me back on the ground and placed a wayward hair from my ponytail behind my ear.

He wrapped his arms back around me and hugged me to his chest. "I wish you could just talk to us, Bella. None of this ever needs to happen," Emmett said as he breathed slowly in and out calming me. I felt a small hand brush my long ponytail from my back.

"Let us be there for you Bella. You aren't alone in this," Alice said as her threadlike arm weaseled its way under Emmett's and into the hug. She then brought her forehead to mine.

I felt the tears stalling as we stood there for a long moment, and a sense of calm swept over me. For no reason at all, I started giggling to myself. "Why can't I just have to two of you forever?" I asked as I slowly released myself from the tri-hug.

"There aren't enough Starbucks or lattes in this land for you to keep up with me, and besides, I don't share," Alice said with a small sparkle in her eyes. She was one hundred percent correct on that account.

"Swan, you already turned down my open invitation to take this on," Emmett said as he motioned to his physique. "Plus, I am way too hairy for you." He looked at Alice and she broke out into a fit of laughter. I loved how they both knew exactly what to say to lighten my load and lift my spirits.

I started to wipe the tears from face with the sleeves of my shirt, making sure I didn't look like the complete disaster I knew I was. Alice and Emmett appeared at my sides and wrapped their arms around my waist and shoulders.

"We aren't letting you off the hook, you know," Emmett said as he looked down at me. He was right. I couldn't keep this all bottled up inside me anymore. I didn't want to be scared to live my life anymore with her constant presence threatening my sanity at every turn. I needed to make amends with who I was and to stop letting her haunt my everyday life.

We started to make our way to the car, when I made out a blonde standing by the Audi.

"Oh, god, you brought Rosalie with you?" I whispered as alarm and shame started to wear me down.

"Bella, calm down. Yes, she is with us. And, yes, we let her into your crazy little world," Emmett answered as he hugged me tighter to his side.

"You have nothing to worry about," Alice said and I decided to let it go as I knew that it would be only a matter of time until she was let in on the debauchery and chaos that was living with the three of us.

As we approached the SUV, I could see that Rosalie was giving us the once-over to try to figure out what was going on. She didn't look mad or annoyed, which was strange to me, as I would be overly annoyed at the situation that she was dragged into. She closed the distance between us and handed me a bottle of water.

"Thanks," I began not quite sure which direction to take this, "Sorry about getting you involved in this–"

"Don't worry about it," she said as she cut me off. "The good news is you are making enchiladas, we are all getting really drunk tonight, and Emmett's eyebrows are getting plucked," she stated matter-of-factly as she opened the passenger-side door. I stopped right in my tracks and stared at her with my jaw wide-open, with no words to say in response.

"Hold up right there woman," Emmett said pointing at me. "First, you need to stretch out and eat something. My ass is not caring for you tomorrow if _your_ ass can't walk." He threw two powerbars my way and motioned for me to go over to the grass. Emmett walked back over to Alice and Rosalie who were standing by the car deep in conversation. I couldn't hear what they were saying but Emmett was quick to intervene.

"Wait, wait, and wait. That was not a part of the bet. You can't go making your own rules," Emmett interrupted them as he stared at Rosalie. They argued for a few more minutes but I tuned them out as I stretched out my sore muscles. Alice's piercing tone of her voice brought my attention back to their conversation.

"I won the bet, Emmett I don't see how this is an issue?" Alice shot back. "Bella, snap out of it and get in the car." I shook my head to get my self out of my thoughts and hurried into the passenger-side seat.

"What are you girls working in tandem now? Christ, I am either the luckiest man alive, or the most stupid. Take your pick," Emmett answered gruffly as he climbed into the SUV.

"Whoa, hold up," I said between chews of my powerbar. "What exactly is going on?"

I was wondering exactly what had taken place in my absence this afternoon. Emmett pulled out of the parking lot and headed back toward campus. The run hadn't taken too much out of me and although my legs were tight, but the rest of me didn't feel different from any other day that I worked out. I was feeling oddly at ease in that moment, but I knew that I had to face my demons head on, and soon. Instead of confiding in my friends, I always pushed them away at the times when I needed them the most. It had to stop. But not today. I decided I would banish my problems again and deal with them at a more convenient time.

"We were timing you. We knew you were running somewhere between a seven to eight minute mile, and we placed a small wager on when you would make it to the park," Alice said.

"At least someone was getting some enjoyment out of the afternoon. I take it Alice won?" I replied with a cynical tone as I motioned to her in the backseat.

"I did, and although I really wanted homemade pizzas, Rosalie wants enchiladas. I really don't see how you can refuse her given the current situation," Alice stated as if a great injustice would be done to consider the other options.

Emmett started to laugh, "Alice, it's nice to see that you haven't lost a step here. Rose, take notes. Alice always gets what Alice wants."

I reached over and punched Emmett in the side of the arm. "Ouch, what was that for?" he exclaimed as his hand moved to rub the sore spot.

"That was for thinking _I had_ lost a step. Eight minute miles? _Please_," I said as I rolled my eyes. I turned my head to the backseat and at Rosalie. "Can we call you Rose? Is that okay?"

"Only my parents call me Rosalie, so it's fine. Emmett apparently just takes the liberty whenever he see fit," she said as she shot a look at him through the rearview mirror as a small smirk crept onto her face. I turned my gaze to Emmett who kept his eyes locked on the road, and then back to Rosalie. She had a very innocent look on her face and it didn't escape me that there was something definitely brewing between theses two.

The time past by so quickly we were already pulling into the drive at the house.

"Okay, Spice Girls, we're here. Rose, when's your brother getting here? I could use a little help fending off the women's movement you girls got going here," Emmett whined.

I almost forgot about the elusive fifth roommate.

I had only a few things on the short list for the rest of the day; shower, enchiladas, hot tub, and bed.

Oops, I meant; shower, enchiladas, lots of margaritas, hot tub, and bed.

Hopefully, the short list would turn around this ill-fated start to my senior year.

**EPOV**

It had been a little past seven in the morning and I decided that I was going to get an early start to the day. I left my parent's house and stopped in at the local coffee shop for a triple shot latte and a cinnamon chip scone. There's really nothing better.

The phone call from my sister replayed through my mind as I waited for my order.

"_Edward!!" Rosalie screeched into the phone. "Can't talk but – Emmett get your hands out of the goodie jar!! Sorry, sorry, I am leaving you some keys with a gnome at the house."_

_I could hear what sounded like the sloshing and splashing of water in the background and Rosalie yelling at someone. I was concentrating on listening too much that I forgot to respond to her._

"_EDWARD!?" she yelled._

"_Rose, I'm here. What...what about a gnome?" I asked._

"_Oh, he has your keys. I will be – Emmett, I'm going to kill –" she yelled but the line went dead._

_I tried to call her back several times but it went straight to voicemail._

_Several minutes later I received a text from a strange number._

_**Cell phonne swiming wuith the fishhes ask gnome for your keys -Ro**_

I grabbed the coffees from the counter and headed out to campus. My much reserved sister had apparently let her guard down long enough and had become my extremely inebriated sister. After reading the words of the message several times, I thought that I would just make it over the house early to make sense of it all.

I pulled up to a sizeable brick house. Rosalie's descriptions of it being beautiful didn't do it any justice. The house looked like it should have graced the cover of some magazine, and looked to some extent contrary to the other houses on the block. I was walking up the sidewalk trying to balance the two coffees in my one hand when I caught a glimpse of it out of the corner of my eye. Partially hidden by a bush was a small gnome relaxing on a tree trunk. I started laughing to myself as I reached down to pick up the small figurine. Taped to the bottom were my keys.

The smell of tequila wafted through the air as I pushed the door open. There wasn't anything too out of place as I looked around the house. I made my way towards the bedrooms on the main floor. Rosalie had explained the house's layout to me in detail and it was one of the reasons that she insisted we live here. I peeked into both bedrooms and they looked completely untouched with Rosalie's bed still perfectly made. My blood pressure elevated slightly and I wondered where Rosalie was in the house. I decided to make my way towards the offensive odors coming from the kitchen.

_What in god's green earth had happened here last night?_

As I looked around the kitchen I took a mental inventory of the carnage; two empty bottles of tequila, too many empty beer bottles to count, two blenders with green sludge left in them, and what looked like guacamole spattered across the cabinets.

_I guessed I missed the party._

I was making my way out of the kitchen when a thunderous thud from upstairs that caught my attention. I heard my sister's hushed laughter floating down the stairs. I decided to go investigate what my sister was doing upstairs and with whom. I was partially up the steps to the second floor when I could just make out my sister's voice along with a male's voice coming from the room at the end of the hall.

_I wondered, what the hell Rosalie had gotten herself into last night?_

What had been waiting for me on the other end of the door was something that I certainly did not expect. Well, I certainly did not expect it when I was awake.

I saw my sister lying in large king-sized bed with two other girls. _Okay, that was new_. From my vantage point she could not see me as she was laying on her side with her back to me. There was a brunette in the middle of the bed curling up into a tiny ball, and a brunette with spiky hair with an eye mask curled up right beside her. I could just make out Rosalie's whispers as she must have been talking to someone. My eyes moved to the floor and I spotted a pair of huge feet sticking out from the far side of the bed on the floor.

"Rosalie?" I said in an authoritative voice, effectively getting her attention.

Rosalie's head shot up from the bed and looked at me with a face full of surprise and embarrassment. Her hair was sticking up in all directions. After years of late-night swimming at the cabin I could recognize that my sister had definitely gone to bed with her hair still wet. The two very large feet suddenly disappeared from the floor and up stood one of the largest men I had ever seen. If I had to do battle with him over my sister's honor, it wasn't going to be very pretty and it would have been extremely brief.

"Who is talking so loud?" the small spiky haired girl whispered as she sat up in bed keeping her eye mask on.

"This is Edward everyone," Rosalie started as she rubbed her eyes and gestured towards me. The large man started to walk towards me with an apprehensive expression on his face, like he thought I could possibly do any harm to him.

"I'm Emmett, nice to meet you," he said as he reached out to shake my hand. His hand engulfed mine with a considerably firm handshake.

"I'm Alice. And everyone needs to stop shouting," she whisper-yelled as she removed her mask from her face. She opened her eyes wider when she finally saw me and a small twinkle came to her eye. I went back to lean against the doorframe, as Emmett crossed in front of me to go to Alice's side of the bed.

"That is Bella," Emmett said as he pointed to the ball in the middle of the bed, "She was the master of ceremonies last night, so she's probably in rough shape right now." Alice and Rosalie exchanged looks after Emmett's last comment and I started to wonder just what type of madness took place last night.

"I know you are awake, Swan. Quit being so rude," Emmett said in a sing-song voice and moved the bottom of the bed and took the comforter in both hands.

"You wouldn't dare," Alice sneered at Emmett as she was desperately trying to get a good grip on the bedding. I knew that sad little pixie didn't have a chance versus the mammoth man that was standing right before me.

With one swift tug, the comforter rest at the foot of the bed. Bella sat up in the bed instantly and tried in vain to run her hand through her hair to remove it from her face. Her hair was in complete disarray with her long auburn locks sticking out in every direction and she was trying, unsuccessfully, to open her eyes to the bright room.

I took a long slip of my latte and seized the opportunity to look her over without the chance of being caught. Rosalie had mentioned that our three new roommates were all athletes at U Dub and I was full-on expecting they would all be in amazing and humbling shape. Bella had on the tiniest shorts that could have been considered glorified underwear and they showed off her beautiful long lean legs perfectly. My eyes moved from her legs to the small tank top she had on. It left little to the imagination and one of the straps was hanging perilously off her shoulder. My eyes lingered there for a moment hoping that the strap would slip down lower and expose the body parts I longed to see. Her skin looked so soft and luminous and I wondered what it would be like to run my hands all over her body. I should have thought better of what I was doing, or at least try to conceal it better, because I knew Emmett probably wouldn't have been too pleased with me undressing his roommate with my eyes. I didn't want to ever invite any chance of physical violence from Emmett.

When she had fully adjusted to the morning light her eyes met mine and she abruptly straightened and grabbed a pillow to cover herself, immediately ending all of my fun. _Damn_.

"Hi, I'm Bella," she said in a rough morning voice. Her eyes were wide open as she looked at me from across the room. A bright red blush colored her cheeks and I smiled in reaction to the thought that she was somehow embarrassed at the situation. What could she possibly be embarrassed about?

"Did you girls have fun at your little sleepover?" I asked with a smirk as I continued to lean against the door frame. My eyes moved from Bella to Rosalie who had climbed out of bed and was walking over to me. She leaned into my side and put her arm around my waist.

"Too much fun actually," she said painfully as she rubbed her temple with the side of her hand. "What time will they be here?"

"10:30. I told them not to come any earlier due to your extracurricular activities last night," I said teasingly with a small laugh and leaned in to kiss her on the side of her head.

"Oh, fuck my phone!" Rosalie groaned as she brought her hand to her face.

"You mean this?" Emmett said as he crossed the room towards us. He had an amused look on his face as he handed her the water-logged blackberry, Rosalie just looked down in horror.

I squeezed her a little tighter to try to reassure her that everything would be all right. "Don't worry. I told Mom to pick you up one before they came over today. If she asks, tell her you lost it. That's better than 'it's swimming with the fishes' or whatever you said last night," I said. She left my side and started back towards the stairway behind us with Emmett following behind her without delay. I made a mental note to figure out what was going on there later.

Alice and Bella both crawled out of the bed and threw the comforter back on the top. I got a good view of the rest of Bella, and I decided that I should probably leave before my mind got away from me again. As I pushed away from the doorframe, Bella swiftly jumped back into the bed and went back into the fetal position under the covers. With that, I turned to follow Emmett down the stairs.

Emmett and Rosalie were at the landing and I hesitated for a moment to look at the pictures that ran the length of the stairs; mostly the pictures of a beautiful brown-haired girl who I would be living with this year.

And one of Emmett dressed as a Chippendale for what I was guessing was Halloween.

I heard Bella's voice above me, "I don't think my head could hurt any worse than it does right now. I need some coffee and about one thousand milligrams of aspirin," Bella said painfully. I could tell that she must really be hurting right now.

"Bella, get up," Alice said forcefully. "My head is killing me too, but we can't just leave our roommates hanging. We, actually I should say you, were a huge part of the mess in the kitchen." I heard a loud moaning sound that I had guessed came from Bella.

"How do you go from hung-over to annoying less than a minute is beyond me? Quit talking to me, unless you plan on making me some coffee," Bella growled. Wow, this woman was really cross in the morning.

"Bella, get out of bed. I want to go back to sleep too, but we need to go help clean up. I don't want their parents to think they are living with a bunch of clothing-optional wild depraved animals," Alice said sounding more displeased with Bella's antics.

There were a few seconds of silence and then the rustling of bed covers. "Alice, I don't know if I can actually move right now," Bella groaned, "And what in the world are you talking about?" Bella answered in a hoarse voice.

"Oh, what do you mean, Bella? The part about the wild depraved animals or the fact you have virtually no clothes on?" Alice shot back with a mischievous tone.

"Oh, for the love of all things holy," Bella groaned, "Don't remind me."

"I think our new roommate definitely got an eyeful of you," Alice snickered and I thought that it was probably a go time for me to make my way to the kitchen. I hadn't realized that my staring had been so obvious, but apparently Alice was very perceptive. As I started to walk from the landing down the stairs I heard one last comment from Alice.

"Bella, if you're not up in five minutes, I'll send Edward up here to wake you up," she said.

I should have stayed a moment longer to hear Bella's response, but I didn't need to.

I looked at my watched, and secretly hoped Alice made good on her threats.


	3. You Can Go Your Own Way

**A KICK IN THE BALLS**

Chapter Three – You Can Go Your Own Way

**BPOV**

It had taken us over an hour of cleaning to finally get the house into something that was presentable to parental types. The morning-after tequila smell had been the worst part of the event, and almost pulled me under when I first went into the kitchen. I felt as though karma was getting me back for yesterday's high jinks. To say I had not been feeling well was the understatement of the century. I was constantly teetering on the edge of keeping it together and loosing all my marbles. I had been saying silent prayer after silent prayer that I would be able to get through the morning. I could sleep off my hangover later.

In relation with how everything had been going in my life, I had been given the awesome task of scrubbing the guacamole off the kitchen cupboards; which I was not responsible for. That had been all Alice. Scouring that repulsive guacamole off the cabinets was not ideal work when it was constantly reminding me of vomit.

I kept to myself, mostly because I was fighting to keep my stomach contents where they should be, and I also didn't want to invite any interaction with Edward. It had been much too early for attempts at awkward conversations full of idle chit-chat with anyone. Everyone else kept to themselves as well, and it was all for the best. I was not ready to breathe life into yesterday's events, and was pretty sure they were ill at ease with what to say to each other, let alone me.

I seem to always have that effect on people.

The only time that I had an actual encounter with anyone was when Edward offered me one of the best damn coffees in memory. It was vanilla with a hint of cinnamon and was like a little sip of heaven in the hell I had been residing in. It did wonders for my stomach and gave me the certainty that I was not going to be talking with God on the big white telephone. Edward had been extremely pleasant to me, which I had guessed was in direct correlation to seeing me in my various states of undress that morning. What guy wouldn't be nice to you if you had almost shown him the whole kit and caboodle?

I knew all too well that Alice was a devious, devious woman and if a chance arose that she could throw me under the bus, she would have taken full advantage of it. She was not a mean spirited person by any means, but she had this Machiavellian streak in her that made her a force to be reckoned with. When she had made threats – she carried through. I was often left in the wake of the U.S.S. Brandon.

After she left my room I had to quickly get up and get dressed, although my bed was calling me back to it. I gave extra attention to what I wore making sure that I was appropriately dressed. No use drawing needless attention to myself. My embarrassment from my new male roommate seeing me in my 'I'm-getting-some' overnight apparel was not in the least bit amusing. I presumed that I had been way too drunk last night to care what I put on. Emmett had already seen me practically naked too many times to count, so I supposed that I put on the first thing I found no matter how risqué.

I had been woken up that morning by the sound of voices from outside my envelopment of covers. Emmett and Alice had known better than to try to pry me out of bed in my post-night –of-crazy-drinking state. Apparently, all the protocol had been thrown out the window and I was being talked at through my cocoon. There were too many voices. Too many loud, annoying voices.

Damned people had no idea who they were dealing with. I was not, I repeat NOT, a morning person.

In what had been a sudden rush, I had been forcefully removed from the safety and warmth of my blanket. I tried unsuccessfully to get my rat's nest hair out of my face so I could see what was going on around me, and to hunt down whoever was responsible for this crime against humanity. The room was unusually bright and every time I had tried to open my eyes fully, it felt as though my eyes were being scalded by the light. When I finally found myself being able to stand it, I was taken aback by what I saw before me.

When I first saw Edward I thought I was quite possibly hallucinating because no one can look that good at god's hour in the morning. He was definitely attractive. It did take me awhile to finally see him through the hang-over haze and when I did, I reacted instantly to the way he was looking at me. He had the deepest set green eyes and his gaze was like being caught in some strange tractor beam that was drawing me in. My heartbeat started accelerating and I felt the blush start to rise into my cheeks. I had wondered why he was staring at me so intensely, and it was impressive that he could have gotten such a response from me because I seriously thought that the world was about to come crashing down around me. I was caught on the tequila tilt-a-whirl from hell and that added to the anxiety I felt from how he was looking at me. I had been sure that I would be rushing to the bathroom.

In highsight, maybe fate spared me the embarrassment that was about to follow.

I broke my eyes away from his intense gaze and had gone about trying to assess the situation that was around me. I had been sitting in my bed with Alice and Emmett. Rosalie and Edward were all positioned near the foot of the bed. I had felt the strap of the tank top I was wearing tickle the side of my arm and pushed to move it. It was in that moment I had realized what I had on. FUCK!

Almost see-through lace? _Check!_ Extra small boy shorts? _Check! _

As quickly as I could, I scrambled for a pillow and covered myself with it. I thought that there was no way _that_ had just happened. I shouldn't have been so surprised. Fate was just throwing me another curve ball in an epically bewitched life. It had dawned on me that this day could possibly be worse than yesterday, but I chose not to think about it.

I looked back to Edward and some sort of emotion crossed his face as I had covered myself, but I was in no shape to try to decipher its meaning. It was a relief that he had left my room after Rosalie and Emmett. I was happy to finally get the opportunity to sleep it off and hopefully wake up to realize it was all a bad dream.

Instead, I got Aliced.

Alice was a wonder to behold at all hours of the day. Her mind worked a million miles a minute and I sometimes had to stop the kid to try to get her to breathe and calm down. She gave me some grief about what I had been wearing and had threatened to send Edward up if I wasn't down to clean. That sneaky little pixie minx knew how to get me every time. I was no match for Alice because she always considered all the other viable alternatives to make sure she got her way.

After the cleaning was complete and I had been fed and fully caffeinated, I went upstairs to go have some private time with my shower. It had been a successful morning; and by success I mean that I did not up-chuck and had avoided all conversation with my roommates. Step one of my plan of all-out avoidance was a victory for Team Bella.

I stood in the jets for about ten minutes letting the warm water and steam massage my tired muscles before I finally started moving. When I had the master bath remodeled I took out one of the other bedrooms for my bath and closet. I had spared no expense in this room, making it a refuge in the house. The shower had duel shower heads and six side jets. Was it overkill? Yes. Was showering in it probably close to the best experience of my life? Hell yes. That shower had been exactly what I needed to try to get through a full-day of having to deal with life. I had known that my roommates at one point in time were going to confront me – I just really hoped that it wasn't going to be any time in the next few hours.

The official start to the soccer season was looming, and I decided to take the opportunity to do some bodily maintenance. It wasn't like I let myself go, but it was those girly things I seem let slide all of the time. Alice had to constantly remind me to mow my lawn and trim the hedges – that woman had crazy verbiage for female maintenance. My all-time favorite was her insistence that I 'adopt a bald eagle.' The word 'normal' was never used in a sentence when describing Alice unless you put the word 'not' in front of it.

It had been surprising when I successfully waxed my eyebrow and lip, because I had the tendency to remove the top layer of skin along with my hair. I have had several bad waxing experiences, and once walked around campus for a week with a pink moustache that turned crusty and peeled. By the way people had been staring they must have thought I had an epic make-out session with either Chewbacca or Grizzly Adams.

After my success in the land of waxing, I turned my attention to my feet. My feet weren't ugly, but had a striking resemblance to a fourteen year old boy's. I had just picked out some sort of pink color from Alice's stash hoping to hide all the imperfections in my feet, when she walked through the door.

"I see Beauty One-o-One is in session," Alice said in a mocking tone. She walked over to the counter and picked out a new almost black nail color. "I really don't know why you bother; you are going to lose half your toenails this year."

"Why Alice, I thought that you would be impressed by my initiative to try to beautify myself. I thought that you said I needed to work on being a girl." I responded pointedly.

"Don't worry honey, your little charms seem to work on everyone around you," she snapped back. Something was really bothering Alice and I wondered if she wanted to talk about yesterday. I didn't know if I was quite ready to tackle that issue yet and I had felt my stomach start to do flips at the thought of it. She started to busy herself painting my toenails and I was about to open my mouth against my judgment.

"Have you checked your voicemail yet?" she asked stopping me in my tracks. Her voice had lost a lot of it's distain for me.

"Um, no. Should I?" I responded awkwardly. I knew that by her asking I should probably check my messages. Alice always had some weird sixth sense about things like that.

"I don't know. Do you plan on avoiding everyone all day?"

_Crap! She was on to me._

"I am not avoiding...call it deflecting," I answered her back.

"How long do you plan on defecting?" she asked. She was definitely not going to let me keep this up very much longer.

"Maybe a day or two?"

Alice tone became serious and her body grew rigid. "Really, Bella? I should have brought a cake to this little pity party you have going on here. If it were just you, I probably wouldn't be up here trying to crawl up your ass to get you to do something," she rapped out, "You need to consider the others involved. This isn't just about you."

Alice yanked my other foot forward and I could tell that my actions were having an effect on everyone around me. "Sorry, Alice. I just don't know how to go about making it right," I said feeling the truth in those words.

"Are you done hiding yet?" she posed harshly. "If you aren't, then no, don't check your voicemail. But if you are, I am sure that your voicemail will help you out a bit."

_Damn that cryptic woman_. She always had a way to make the smallest requests seem like I was making pivotal life decisions by acting on them. It was like living with the reincarnation of Yoda by the way she phrased some things. Several people could have left messages on my phone, and I didn't know if I was ready for any of them. I let out a long dejected groan and looked at Alice as she finished the last coat on my nails. I was searching her face for some sort of clue for what I was up against, but she shifted quickly to return the nail polish to the counter.

"Alice?" I said in what came out as a whimper. She was keeping me at arms length and I couldn't stomach the idea that she was frustrated by me. She had always been there to help me shoulder my problems and I needed her more than ever. She turned to look at me with her eyes full of apprehension.

"Bella, I need you to understand something. I can't just stand here and help you keep living your life like there are no consequences for your actions. I love you, but I need you to let me help you. I can not stand on the outside anymore," she said straight faced as she tried to keep her emotions at bay. She was on the verge of tears, as was I, and I knew that she wanted me to make atonement with all those that I had hurt whether it was intentional or not.

"I know I do. I am just afraid what will happen when I let my guard fall," I whispered.

"You'll get the good and the bad, Bella. You haven't been giving the good a fighting chance lately," she stated as she moved past me. Her eyes moved to my hip and she touched the tattoo there. "Words to live by."

I looked down at the tattoo on my hip and the words in Latin I had marked there my freshman year in college. It had been through my grandfather that I had become a lover of Latin and Greek culture. He said that history was the best artifact that we had in life, and to look at the mistakes and masterpieces of life. He was always using famous quotes by philosophers and leaders, and when he died, one of his last requests was to have his favorite quotes imprinted on his grave marker.

_**Finis vitae sed non amoris.**_

The words were his last gift to me, although I had chosen a different phrase for my tattoo. He had always been that constant force in my life. He and my grandmother had been my true parents for most of my life, and knew that after his passing that my life was my own. My grandmother had passed six months before him and I always thought he stopped really living after she died. They were the one constant in my life that acted as a counteragent to the dysfunction of the rest of it.

He knew I would have no beacon to guide me, no stars marking my way when he was gone. Everyone who knew my mother knew she was not capable hands. She was not my mother on any account and she had no ability to help me through the rest of my formative years. She was a child herself, and although my grandparents had tried their best, there was no way to right that ship. She was a lost soul.

After his passing, he had left three letters; one to my mother, one to me, and one to my father. It did not come as any surprise to me that he had written a letter to Charlie, as he had always held him in the highest regard. I never had the courage to ask either of them what their letters said, but the day that my grandfather's will was read I was quickly being shipped off to Forks, Washington. It wasn't until after my mother's death that I found out that she had given up all legal claims to me. I didn't know if he had asked her to do that or if it had been a part of the settlement of the will. I knew that living with Charlie was the best option, but I wanted to know why she wasted no time with disposing of me. I desperately didn't want to care – but I did.

When I came to Forks I was a mess. Being a mess was a reoccurring theme in my life. Every semblance of the life I had known in Phoenix was gone. My foundation shattered. Charlie didn't quite know what to do with me as the most time we had spent together up to that point was three week long holidays during the summers and Christmases. We had an awkward existence in the beginning of my time there but eventually began a comfortable routine. Charlie was a man of boundaries and so was I, and we kept a distance as to not tread on each other's toes. I never questioned that he loved me unconditionally, but he was just Charlie and had his own unique brand of love.

I don't know how long I had been sitting there in my bathroom lost in my own thoughts but the big bear roused me from my reverie. I damn near fell off my seat I was so startled.

"Swan!" Emmett yelled from the doorway to my bathroom.

"Holy crap, Emmett! What do you want?" I seethed as I righted myself.

"Well, hello to you too, Sunshine. Rosie and Eddie's parentals just pulled up so I was coming up here to get you," he said with a very mischieveious smile on his face. "I was coming up here to make sure that you weren't planning on modeling the rest of your underwear collection."

"Ha, ha, asshole. Very funny. I wonder what would happen if I let it slip about the sleeping arrangements last night," I said sarcastically. Two could play at this game buddy. I wasn't that intoxicated last night to remember Rosalie climbing into my bed when the sun was rising. He eyes held mine for a moment and he finally spoke.

"No one can resist the charms, honey," as he started flexing his muscles in my large oversized mirror.

"I'm sure most sober women can," I remarked as I slapped him as hard as I could on his ass. He jumped a little and I tried to make a hasty exit from the room. He spun around and grabbed my arm and I should have known that I was not going to get away that easy.

"Need a lift?" he said as a little egotistical smile spread across his face. He swiftly grabbed my arms and threw me over his shoulder caveman style. Although I was feeling much better than this morning, the quick movement had me made me slightly nauseous.

"Emmett, put me down!" I yelled as he made his way out of my room. The feeling of his shoulder in my ribcage was not pleasant as he took the stairs. I kept up with a nasty spread of profanities as we got to the bottom of the stairs. Then all of the sudden Emmett's whole body posture changed and he released me from his shoulder and placed me on the ground. I took my fist and hit him hard on the arm.

"God, you are such an asshole," I cried and started to smooth out my clothing.

"Isabella Swan, I see that you still have the mouth of a sailor," a voice said from behind me. I held my breath as I turned around to see no other that Dr. Carlisle Cullen standing in front of our fireplace. I became transfixed in that position and stared at him wide-eyed.

"Dad, you know Bella?" Rosalie asked as she looked between her father and me. She had the most confused look on her face. Dr. Cullen started moving my way and his eyes went to Emmett who was standing next to me mirroring my shocked position.

"Hello, Emmett. I should have inquired more about my daughter's new roommates before she moved in," he started. I still could not move. It was like all space and time stopped. I was a statue. I didn't believe that this had been happening. "My two favorite patients!"

Emmett had apparently regained the ability to move and slowly stuck out his hand to meet Dr. Cullen's. He and Emmett did that man hug thing where they shook and reached around to pat each other on the back. I just stood there openly gapping at the display. Dr. Freaking Cullen was Rosalie's dad?

"Catching flies, Bella?" he asked as he took in my expression. I quickly shut my mouth but continued to stare at him. I finally recovered and began with the first question I could think of.

"You...Rosalie? Edward?" was all I croaked out. Dr. Cullen's face lit up in amusement he started to laugh as he moved across the room to where Rosalie was standing and put his arm around her. At the same time, Edward had finally appeared in the doorway with a box and looked about the room with a confused look on his face.

"Did you guys get through introductions?" he asked as he tried to make sense of our facial expressions.

"No need. I have known these two for quite some time," he responded with some delight. Edward's face turned to the two of us and he smiled. Weird. "Where's Miss Brandon, then? I am guessing she completes this little trifecta?"

How did he know all of this? Crap, what else did he know? Alice was going to lose her shit when she found out about this. As if on a cue, Alice walked through the door.

"Hey, guys. Can anyone –" she said as her voice abruptly stopped. She dropped whatever she had been holding and when it hit the ground I flinched. My nervous system seemed to be out of whack and I needed to calm down and get my shit together.

"Alice!" Dr. Cullen exclaimed and went over to give her a hug. As his arms enveloped her tiny frame she turned her head to mine and mouthed, "What the fuck?" Those had been my thoughts exactly.

I started to laugh at the complete absurdity of the whole situation and bent down to grab what Alice had dropped without looking. Bad move.

"Didn't get enough last night?" Rosalie suggested snickeringly. I finally looked down to what I was holding. A keg's tap.

_Seriously, my life had to be bewitched_.

"What happened here last night?" Dr. Cullen questioned as he looked over at his daughter. Her eyes grew as large as saucers, and I knew that in that moment Rosalie had let the proverbial cat out of the bag and she would have much rather had left it in there. Edward walked over to me and was looking deeply into my eyes. I could not get over how intense his gaze was and again I could feel my heart start to race. _Crap!_ I needed to remind myself to try to regain complete control of my bodily functions in the future.

He reached out his arm and grabbed the tap from my hand. His fingers brushed mine and I felt liquid fire travel up my arm. It was like the burning sensation you got after you hit your funny bone but in a good way. I couldn't really explain it. I continued to look at him and arched my eyebrow at him to see if he had a similar reaction, because that feeling couldn't have been normal. His face broke out into the beautiful crooked grin and he turned to answer his father.

"Dad, do I have to remind you that you were once young and fun?" Edward revealed with that grin plastered to his face. He looked as though he was trying really hard to hold in a laugh. "Maybe you ought to share the story about driving your roommate's car up the steps of the library at Dartmouth?"

Dr. Cullen held up his hands in defense and quickly responded to his son. "I am sure no one is interested in old stories, Edward. I guess we all have all glory days," he said as his gaze passed to me. I could feel the blush start to color my face and I felt as though a large spotlight was fixed upon me in that moment. It had to be time for step two in my plans for defection or I needed to exit stage left.

The front door opened and I felt the eyes leave me. A beautiful woman walked through the door and I instantly knew she was Dr. Cullen's wife. Her hair was a beautiful shade of auburn with chestnut and honey highlights. I could see the resemblance immediately between her and Edward, and I knew that Rosalie was spot on when she said they looked alike. I was taken aback by the paleness of her face and how her features were drawn noticeably. Her skin looked delicate and paper-thin and she had dark circles under her eyes. She looked so vulnerable standing there and I wondered if she had been sick.

Dr. Cullen wasted no time and was at her side as she opened the door. She was carrying a small box which he immediately snatched from her hands. He wrapped his arm protectively around her and he turned to face us. Emmett and Alice had assumed their positions at my sides, and Edward walked to his mother grasping her hand lovingly.

"Esme, this is Alice, Bella, and Emmett," Dr. Cullen said as he motioned to us on the other side of the room. She looked at Dr. Cullen for a moment and a familiar grin was planted on her face.

"Alice Brandon, Bella Swan, and Emmett McCarty? What are the odds?" she asked questionly.

"You don't miss a thing do you," Dr. Cullen declared.

"It's nice to meet you, really. Carlisle has told me so much about you all," she answered warmly. "What are the odds that my children would end up living you?"

Odds? _Freaking odds_. Odds were never in my favor. Maybe this had to be a good thing. Nope. It was probably bad. Damn hopefulness.

Emmett huffed next to me. "Yeah, odds..." he said partially under his breath. I was glad to see that I was not the only one who was still in a state of shock.

"It was like it was meant to be," Edward answered as he shrugged his shoulders.

***

We went about our own ways for the rest of the day – which meant I had been hiding out in my room. I knew that I had told Alice that I was done avoiding my issues but this morning had been yet another curve ball. I was mentally and physically exhausted from the last twenty-four hours and was hoping for some sort of magical reprieve from the constant state of bewitchment. The conversation I had with Alice during the morning kept replaying in my head. Her tone had been a warning for me and I knew it. No matter how much I had been through I had no right to cause those who cared for me pain. I had vowed to never do that to anyone but how I was living my life was pulling that into question. I didn't want to live my life constantly drawing parallels to her.

_Was I ready to stop running? Was I ready to hash it out? To rip the Band-Aid off and expose the wounds?_

I picked up my phone and went out the door to the balcony attached to my room. I settled into the oversized hammock and looked out over the tops of the trees in the backyard. The sun was starting to dip towards the horizon and I decided that I must try to make it right. I looked at the phone as if it were a key to my past and present. A symbol for the juxtaposition that I found myself in; as if I was straddling the line between them.

I had six missed calls; three from Charlie, two from Mike, and one from the bursar's office. I hesitated for a moment before I hit the key for my voicemail. My stomach was starting to feel queasy and my palms started to sweat. I was nervous. Nervous for the rejection and the thought that I had ruined people that had loved me. I closed my eyes and thought of him. He would want me to live, to fight my battles head on.

I had four new messages. My first two messages were from Mike and Charlie insisting that I call them. The third from the bursar's office about an overpayment and credit on my account.

Then there was the fourth...

"_Bells, its Charlie. Um, I don't know what you want to hear, but I want you to listen. I have never been good at being a father and I know sometimes you must think that I must not care, but I do. You were the best thing that ever happened to me and maybe I don't say it enough, kid, but I love you. I don't regret anything with your mother because I got you out of the deal. I don't know what I can do to convince you of that, but I will. I am not mad at you" there was a long pause and then he continued, "I just need you to talk to me, let me know you are alright. Please, Bells. Just talk to me."_

As I stared at the phone it started to blur and I tried to rub the water from my eyes. The tears were flowing fast down my face and all I wanted to do was scream. I did that to him. I made him question himself. I made him feel as if he had failed me – when it was me that had failed him. I wanted so badly to feel physical pain in that moment to dull the searing pain that was ripping at the walls of my chest. I started to sob uncontrollably and my breathing was coming in and out in short wild gasps. I had my arms wrapped around me and I clutched the phone to my heart.

The weight of my grief that I had been hoping to escape finally crashed down on top of me.

EPOV

I heard her.

The pain I heard coming from the top story was making me ill at ease. She wasn't just crying – she was hysterical. I heard her sobs and her gasps for air and I knew that she was being tortured by something. My own heart started to ache for her because I knew that pain. I lived with it everyday.

Rosalie, Emmett and Alice had left to go pick up dinner and I was busy tidying up after my parents' departure. It had been a long day for all of us and I was looking forward to relaxing and kicking back a few cold ones. The meeting with my parents had been a complete and utter clusterfuck and I was surprised at how well my father had known my roommates. I really shouldn't have been surprised; my father was after all the head of the department of orthopedics at the university.

Their reactions to my father were priceless. Bella looked like she had seen a ghost and she struggled with making coherent sentences. She looked like she needed to be saved and I was all too willing to help in that department. There was something about her; innocence mixed with passion, feistiness mixed with humility. She was a walking contradiction. I was attracted to her – almost drawn by some unknown force.

She had been eliciting reactions from me that I had no idea I had been capable of. Parts of me that I had abandoned until recently, had been drawn out and I felt like my heart started to beat again. I didn't know if it was being home again that was changing me, but I felt as though I could make a fresh start again. At least I would try.

I had been watching her all morning as she went through the menial tasks of readying the house for my parents. I considered that she had been avoiding me all morning but I thought better of it after Rosalie snagged me for a conversation. I was about to give her some hell for her activities the night before but she beat me to the chase when she started talking about Bella. She gave me the play-by-play of the last day and I was surprised by what she was telling me. She gave me a glimpse of the private pain that Bella was carrying and I marveled at the fact that we was even functioning that day. I didn't want to speculate why she did what she did, but she seemed so vulnerable and lost when Rosalie described her. I didn't mean to, but I looked at her differently after that, as though she was a martyr for her pain.

I had simply gone out to get a beer from the Kegerator on the back porch when the sounds assaulted me. Her cries were coming from directly above me and I felt obligated to at least go see if she was okay. No one needs to try to bear the weight of their pain alone, and I had hoped that I could offer some assistance until her friends returned home. I walked through her room and out onto the balcony. The sight before me took my breath away. She was curled up in the fetal position in the far corner of the balcony with her head resting on her knees. You could tell that she was trying so hard to get herself under control but she was failing miserably.

I went over to her and placed my hand on her knees. She flinched at my touch and she slowly lifted her head. Her eyes were bloodshot and the tears continued to pour from her face. She was trying so hard for me, a stranger, to manage her whimpers but she still could not get herself under control. The tears were unrestrained and I felt compelled to help her in any way I could. Her sorrow was so powerful I felt as though it connected us and I wanted to do everything in my power to erase it. As I took her hands in mine I felt a surge of electricity pass through my arms as I brought her to her feet. The compulsion that brought me to her was stronger when she was in my presence and I wanted to calm her. I wanted desperately in that moment to take away her pain. I would do anything I could to save her.

I pulled her down onto the hammock and held her in my arms. Her head was resting against my chest and I could smell the sweet fragrance of strawberries in her hair. I ran my hand over the side of her face and through her hair and tucked a wayward piece behind her ear. My reaction to her was so strong, commanding me to do things that I should not have been at liberty to do. I started to lean back and I brought her into my side. The hammock encased us bringing us close together and her head was resting on top of my chest. I just held her there and over time her breathing started to slow. The cries and sobs became whimpers and the rigidity of her body started to relax. Holding her was bringing forth feelings and responses that I had not felt before. I wanted to hold her there forever just like that, but fate had other things in mind.

I thought that I had heard voices coming through the house and expected to see one of my roommates appear to tell us that dinner was here. Instead, a man I had never seen before stepped out onto the balcony.

"Bella?" he said in a strangled voice.

Bella's head instantly shot up off my chest and she scrambled to make her way out of the hammock. She effectively dumped both of us on the floor, and I was confused on whether to laugh or go over and strangle the man who had interrupted us. Her face was contorted into an expression that was somewhere between shock and mortification. She looked up at me with her eyes pleading me to save her further embarrassment and I took that as my cue to leave. I made myself scarce and when downstairs to see if the other roommates had returned.

They were sitting around the table in the kitchen unpacking the food. Rosalie took one look at me and cocked her head to the side.

"Edward were have you been?" she asked cautiously as I realized that my shirt was soaked with Bella's tears.

"Upstairs with Bella. Who was that guy?" I said as I looked to Alice and Emmett.

"Mike," they answered in unison.

"_**Finis vitae sed non amoris." – The end of life is not the end of love**_


	4. I'm On The Highway To Hell

**A KICK IN THE BALLS**

Chapter Four – I'm on the Highway to Hell

**BPOV**

"Mike?" I barely squeaked out, "What, what are you doing here?" I couldn't believe he was actually standing there on my balcony. My life was caught up in some vicious cycle of agonizing insanity that had been unending. I guessed this was just par for the course.

He stared back at me and I could tell from his expression that he was starting to get really angry. I could not have blamed him in that moment because what he had seen was presumably the worst way he could have found me. I had been wrapped up in a cocoon with Edward in the hammock, and our positions probably looked all too friendly for Mike's liking. Hell, we were almost engaged at few days ago from his perspective.

"Maybe you should first answer me what you were doing up here? Who was that guy?" he fumed as he motioned towards the hammock. I had understood that there was no way this was going to end well. I was at the point of no return. My emotions were on a rollercoaster and the insinuation that I was doing something dishonest was going to get the best of me. There were going to be at lot more tears. And a whole lot of yelling.

That fiery side of me that was constantly getting me yellow carded in my soccer games was trying to coming out and it looked as though Mike was to be the recipient of my fury. No, he didn't deserve it, but I felt compelled to refute what he saw and defend Edward. Edward was there to comfort me when I was sure that no other person would offer me that kind of affection. Everyone that I had a history with was either pissed at me or hurt by me, and he was the only one who did not know what I was capable of. I was probably just a damsel in distress to him but I would take it.

"He's my new roommate, Mike," I stated with my teeth partially clamped together.

"Your roommate you just met this weekend? A stranger?" he seethed. I could tell that his emotions were starting to get to the boiling point and I needed to calm him down. But, that was not what I did.

"I was fucking hysterical Mike! If you haven't fucking noticed I AM A COMPLETE MESS!" I screamed back at him. My fists were clenched firmly to my sides, and I was just getting started. I was so very angry. I spun around to remove him from my sightline and try to manage my emotions. I could tell from Mike's breathing that he had been trying to get himself under control also. He took deep uneven breaths and I had thought that he would try to approach the situation with a little more discretion. I was really wrong.

"YOU'RE the victim here, Bella? YOU are a mess? What the fuck does that make me?" he spat out as he pointed his finger at me angrily. "Turn around and look at me! Do I look fine?"

I turned to look at him and what I saw was a man on fire. I knew that I had cut him so deeply that he should never forgive me. His brow was furrowed and he looked at me like he wanted to rip my heart out. Fuck, he could try – I wasn't quite sure I had one.

"Did you come here for this?" I said through my teeth as I motioned between us. "I thought you said you never wanted to see me again?" Maybe it was I that did not want to see him again. It was easier just to let him go than to hash it out like this.

"You think I could do that? Did you think that was it? We were just done?" he continued as the level of his voice started to drop. The anger was seeping out of him and I could tell that I was just re-opening the wounds. Weren't we over? How could he still have feelings for me after what I had done?

"How could I think that you would forgive me? I am a horrible person, Mike. It would be best for you if you just fucking forgot about me and moved on," I rapped out as the traitor tears started to well back up in my eyes.

"Bella, you know me better than that," he started as he let out a deep breath, "I love you. And you love me. I know you do. Why don't you see it?"

I wanted in that moment to fly away; to go somewhere were no one would find me. I was about to face one of those demons that I kept bottled up inside me. He deserved that. He deserved better than that – but it was all I could give him. The tears started falling from my face again and Mike moved toward me. I knew that he wanted to comfort me, but I couldn't let him. That feeling of raw emotion, the feeling of absolute self-loathing was what I deserved. I hated myself for what I had done but there was no turning back. Time was my enemy again; as it always had been. You could never get back time.

"Mike, stop. I can't keep doing this. I can't keep letting you believe that I am something that I am not," I had begun, not knowing how to convey how I was feeling. I felt as though my heart was starting to shatter and all my pain started to come to the surface. "The love you give me; I cannot give back."

Mike rushed over to grab my hands and gently started to reassure me. It was a futile act. I looked at him as I searched my heart for the love that I should feel for him, but there was only emptiness. I had to let him go. He was one of the only people who have given me his heart and I was about to break it. Again. I started to feel queasy and I could feel the bile in my throat. I was despicable. I was her.

"Bella, baby, we can make this right," he said as he took my face in his hands. I quickly grabbed his wrists startling him.

"NO, we can't Mike. I don't deserve you!" I shouted as I pushed him away from me. The tears were falling furiously and I could not keep my anger at bay. "I am so fucking broken, Mike. I am NOT capable of loving you like you love me. I can barely look at myself in the mirror knowing what I did to you."

He was looking at my face and I saw that his face had fallen after he registered my heartless words. He had to have known in that moment there was no going back. I had failed him. That he had wasted his dreams on me.

"You need to go. If you stay I will only hurt you more...please, Mike," I said as the anger dissipated from my voice. "Please just go," I said, my voice trailing off into a whisper. I felt that there was no air to breathe at that moment and I was trying to hold myself together for just one more minute. I wrapped my arms around my chest and hoped that he would leave.

"Bella," he began as his voice started to break, "I wish you saw what I do." He approached me again and lifted my face with one of his hands. He used his thumb to wipe away the tears that were falling. He turned his face away from me and brought me into his arms and squeezed me to his chest. I knew that this was the last time he would do this to me; that he would offer me his comfort. Mike may have not been the love of my life, but he was one of the most loving and caring people I had ever known. Life would have been ideal if I could just return the love he gave.

He slowly released me and turned from me, not meeting my eyes. I knew that he was in pain, but he was still being my protector. He did not want to show me how much the pain was contorting his features. He made it to the door of my room and ducked his head to the side so I could hear his voice.

"Good bye, Bella."

I watched as he walked out of my life forever.

**EmPOV**

It had been two tortuous hours since Mike had left. I had waited long enough for her to come downstairs and decided to go to her.

I walked out onto the balcony to see her figure lit by the soft moonlight. She looked pale and her features were drawn. I knew that she had been crying, but her face was dry. There were hints of salt on her face, but it looked as if she was done. It was quite possible that she had nothing left.

"You did the right thing, kid," I whispered as I sat down next to her. She continued to stare at nothing in front of her and I was wondering if she had finally broken. She always kept herself from falling to pieces around us, except when she went on her notorious runs. She never talked about her feelings; she always dismissed them and told us she was okay. Alice and I knew better. She was like a pot on the stove – just waiting to boil over.

I caught Mike as he left the house. It took me one look to know that Bella had done the right thing. Although I could tell that she had put him through the wringer, I also knew that she had told him what he needed to hear. Maybe, just maybe, Bella was figuring it all out.

I gave that kid a whole lot of fricking rope all the time, and by now she could have hung herself with it a million times. We never pressed her to deal with it, possibly because Alice and I were also renowned dodgers. We all knew real life existed outside of the bubble the three of us lived in, but it was much easier to just forget everything else and live in the present.

"Want to talk about it?" I said as I handed her a mug of beer. I probably shouldn't have been pushing a drink into her hands, but she looked like she was completely checked out.

"No," she uttered in a small voice, "I think that I had all I can take today."

She was right. I couldn't fucking blame her for feeling how she was right then. I put my arm around her and brought her to my side.

"I'm pretty fucking proud of you, you know," I said as I gave her a reassuring squeeze. She proceeded to take a long, healthy pull from her mug. _That's my girl!_

"Your little friend Alice tried to hammer all the pizza, but I was able to save you some. Interested?" I asked as I had known she was probably starving. I know eating is what I do when I am stressed.

She stood up and started walking to the door. It started to unnerve me that she still hadn't looked at me. I was starting to get worried that today may have pushed her too hard. I searched her features, but she looked so empty and her face was vacant of any emotion. My palms started to sweat and my heart had begun to race.

_Was this too much? What had I done?_

"Bella?" I whispered my voice cracking slightly.

She turned around and her expression took my breath away. It was like every semblance of Bella was gone. She looked so different. There was no feeling behind her eyes. They were dead. She scared the shit out of me.

I closed the distance between in three steps and brought my face to hers. I needed to tell her something that would make it right. Something that would erase those eyes and bring them back to life. Something that would bring my Bella back.

I didn't know why in that moment I chose that particular memory. But, fuck, I had been grasping at straws.

"Do you remember the night we kissed?" I asked. Her eyes suddenly moved to mine and she looked disturbed at my question. It was a fucking start at least.

"What?!" she choked out.

"The night we kissed. Don't you remember the best night of your life?" I said with a straight face. Her face went from being disturbed to really confused. At least she was communicating with me and out of the zombie phase. She raised both of her eyebrows at me.

_That a girl come back to papa._

"It was slightly better than tonight," she responded with some of the color coming back into her voice. Her voice was pretty rough, almost like she had smoked at least of dozen cigarettes, or something.

"Slightly, my ass! You were talking about that kiss for weeks," I roared. She let out a small laugh and I knew that this would blow over in time. I knew that we had so much further to go, but I had to remind her of the good stuff.

"You have the biggest flipping ego, Emmett," she said as a little tear escaped of her eyes. I was half-way to being successful at coaxing my little Bells back out of her shell.

_Come on, Bella. _

I was about to say something when she came back at me. "Should I tell Rosalie about your kissing prowess, or does she have first hand knowledge?" she suggested.

"This girl doesn't kiss in tell," I said as I grabbed her by the side. She gave out a little yelp when I crushed her to me.

"Ready?" I said knowing my words had a double meaning. She gave me what I had guessed to be a strong squeeze back, and we proceeded to head downstairs. I was happy that this hurdle was out of the way, although I still was feeling guilty.

Calling Mike had been the right thing to do.

**BPOV**

As I descended the stairs I didn't know what would be waiting for me in the kitchen. I half expected it to be empty with everyone going about their business, because life went on without my intrusions. I made the last twenty-four hours insane with my antics and I expected that they would have had enough of it. I had always dragged others down with me and even if I thought that I didn't deserve happiness, they most certainly did.

I hoped that Mike would eventually realize that I was right; that we didn't belong together. I had been so unfair to him, staying with him as long as I did, but there was something so easy about being with Mike that made it hard to let go. I liked that. He never challenged me, never went up against me when I was in one of my moods, and I knew I wasn't in love with him. Our relationship was stale from my point of view, and it lacked the passion that I so desperately needed to feel. He didn't bring me to life; he merely scratched the surface of the fire that was beneath.

From what I had seen of love, one person should complement the other, not dominate the relationship. That was how we had operated. Mike did everything in his power to please me but it was never enough. I had wanted to take the opportunity this summer to let him go, but I was too afraid of being alone again. It was the one part of my life where I felt utterly out-of-control, and let others dictate what would happen. I had learned my lesson; I would never let someone else determine my happiness.

They had been waiting there for me; all of them sat silently around the large table in the kitchen as I entered the room. What does someone say in a situation like that? Luckily, I didn't have to decide.

"Bella, you look like hell warmed over," Alice shouted as she got up to come over to where I was standing, "Emmett didn't let you see a mirror did he?"

She went about trying to fix me up, which was a general occurrence in my life, and took a wet towel to my face. When she had been successful in her attempts to make me look better, she turned and grabbed me into a hug.

"It's always darkest before dawn," she whispered in my ear so that only I could hear. Couldn't she for once just tell me what something meant? That cryptic bullshit was really starting to get on my nerves. My head hurt too much from crying to even attempt to think about her comments, and I released her from the hug.

"Thanks for that, I think," I began as I looked at her with an inquisitive look, "I heard you tried to eat all my pizza?"

Alice just rolled her eyes and started to laugh. "Is that what he told you? I had to hide an entire pizza from him. I put a decoy in the oven so that if he snuck any I would find out," Alice said as she turned to Emmett.

"It's not my fault, you obviously didn't order enough," Emmett responded as he pulled a pizza box out of the oven. He quickly took a piece and bit off half of it into his mouth. "What?!" he managed to get out as he chewed.

"I can tell you only have boys in your family," Rosalie started. It surprised me that she knew so much about Emmett already. She turned to look at Alice and me. "I am surprised that you two put up with his shit."

Okay, she had definitely been spending too much time with Emmett. The overuse of curse words in conversation was the major indicator of that. Alice grabbed my pizza and went to heat it up and I tentatively went towards the table. Edward had been sitting there quietly taking in the scene around him, but I couldn't help feeling that he had been watching me the entire time.

I didn't know what to say to him; my mind was blank. In the time that we had known each other, we barely shared a few words. He was an absolute mystery to me and I had no idea what had led him to my balcony tonight. I felt so awkward as I approached the table like a spotlight was being cast upon me. I supposed he knew everything about me, because obviously my dirty laundry had been front and center in our lives over the past two days. How much did he know? I sat down next to him hoping that my proximity to him would allow me to thank him quietly. That had been my plan; but God knows that my plans have not been going through as I had envisioned them.

"So, you two, want to explain to Uncle Emmie want you were doing upstairs?" Emmett asked as I damn near choked on my pizza. Edward had simutamulosly spit out a little of the beer he had been drinking.

"What the fuck, Emmett? Could you give me five minutes to eat before the Spanish Inquisition?" I spat out as I glared at him.

"Right, Bella. As if you would give me a fucking pass on something like that," he said mockingly as he looked back at me.

"Emmett, I was simply doing something that you would have done if you were here," Edward started. He said it so plainly and without emotion that I hardly recognized his voice. What was usually soft and velvety had turned cold and unfeeling. He didn't seem like the same person that had been with me upstairs.

Alice elbowed Emmett in the ribs and he winced in pain. It was surprising how much pain a little thing like her could inflict. "Give Edward some credit, Emmett," Alice said as she started to glare at him. "Those in glass houses shouldn't throw stones."

I looked over to Emmett and it seemed that Alice had said something that had really gotten to him. She knew something that he didn't want me to know. In the spirit of what had been close to an apocalyptic day for me, I decided I wasn't going to let it go.

"Spit it out, Emmett. Just fucking tell me, this day couldn't possibly get any worse," I uttered as I looked up at him.

He didn't say anything for about a minute, and towards the end of that minute I was starting to become unnerved. Alice finally answered for him.

"If you won't, I will," she said as she crossed her arms in front of her chest.

"Fine, fuck you are the most demanding little shit," he began. I could tell by the motions of his hands that he was definitely nervous about telling me this. "I kind sorta was the one who called Mike."

My eyes flew open and I stopped chewing. I could feel the anger starting to boil up inside of me and I just stared at him. I was about to open my mouth – but I stopped.

"Is there anything else that you did that I should be aware of?" I questioned with a slight edge to my voice.

He stared at me for a moment most likely wondering why I didn't go postal of him. I had most absolutely wanted to go off on him, but after the day I had I didn't have any fight left in me. Emmett was the all-time best meddler in my life, and Alice came in a close second. They were both always getting me into ridiculous situations that constantly made me wish they would knock that shit out.

"I called Charlie too," Emmett quickly spit out.

"Holy hell, Emmett! What the fuck has gotten into to you?" I screamed unable to keep my voice down as I stood up from the table. I felt a hand suddenly on my arm and I looked down to see Edward looking back at me. I stared at him for a moment as I felt an odd electricity pass between us. I lost all focus and I slowly lowered myself to my chair.

"Bells, I'm sorry," Emmett said as he came over to me. Edward had turned to look at Emmett and quickly removed his hand from my arm. Emmett's face gave a disapproving look towards Edward as he came up behind me. "I just wanted everything back to normal."

"If Rome wasn't built in a day, how did you think I could just fucking deal with all of this in a day? I am so tired and checked-out right now; please just tell me he isn't coming here?" I said with little fight in my voice. The prospect of having Charlie here was making my stomach feel like I was on the tilt-o-whirl again. I had no control over my emotions whatsoever. It was like in a second I could be crying or yelling at someone.

"No, he's not coming here," he said tentatively as he started to rub my shoulders. _Shit!_ This had to be bad. Emmett only does that when he wants something or he broke something. "We might be going on a road trip tomorrow."

I turned around in my chair and gave him my evilest glare – he had to be kidding.

Nope...of course, I had to be wrong.

"Charlie is expecting us sometime around dinner tomorrow," Alice offered.

_Great, they had to be in this together. Traitors_.

I huffed, I moaned, and I did some other childish things. I kicked at my chair. I hit Emmett a few times, and went about doing some other things that could only be classified as a small temper tantrum.

"Finished?" Alice asked in amusement. "We are going tomorrow if I have to drag you with us. There is no way we can allow you to go to soccer practice with this much angst. You might kill somebody."

"Can you just tell me when I get the rights back to my life?" I spit out sarcastically as I got up to go replenish my beer. I walked out onto the back porch hoping that maybe this trip would be a good thing. I had planned in my mind to make it back to Forks one of the weekends prior to school starting and work out everything with Charlie. I wasn't looking forward to it, but it was something that I had to prepare myself for. The incident with Mike earlier tonight took so much out of me and I knew what could potentially have taken place between Charlie and I could be impressive and painful.

The one positive note was that I was going to be with Alice and Emmett. That meant that I could do some serious acts of deflection. That's at least what I was hopeful for. I walked back in the kitchen to find the four of them in the center of the kitchen discussing something. They stopped when I approached and yet again, I was the elephant in the room.

"People, seriously. I am going to have a complex if you don't knock this shit out," I said as I gestured and walked past them into the living room. I couldn't think of what else to do so I popped on the TV and had begun to cruise the channels for something good. The couch cushions simultaneously puffed next to me as each of them sat around me. Alice had sat down and was looking at me. I knew that she had something that she wanted to talk about and I was feeling the pressure from her eyes.

"What?" I said softly as I continued to look through the guide.

"Bella, we were wondering if it –" Alice started but was cut off by Emmett.

"Charlie's house has enough room for five, right?"

I was about to yell at him for being rude to Alice when his words finally registered. I looked at him and he had a strange smug look on his face like he had just won a prize playing skeeball at an arcade. I had been thrown under a very substantial bus. I couldn't say no, right? I mean, Rosalie and Edward had been overly gracious in regards to the absolute crazy train I had just taken them on. Jeebus, I went against everything that was intelligent and safe.

"Yeah, someone will have to take a couch, but there's enough room," I said.

"It's settled then! I knew you would say yes! I need to start getting what we need ready and I definitely have to make a road trip mix on my iPod!" Alice exclaimed. She did one of her weird fist pump things that just looked awkward and ran up the stairs. I am sure that she made it up in only five steps.

I got up off the couch completely unsuccessful in the attempt I had made to calm myself down. "Bella's Death March," I whispered under my breath.

"The overdramatics are unnecessary, kid," Emmett said as he leaned back into the couch and grabbed the remote. "Old Chuck won't be a big deal and maybe we might have some fun," he finished and winked at Rosalie.

_Ballsy, man._

I looked at Edward and was quite sure he didn't see that display which was why when I turned back to Emmett I saw a wide Cheshire grin on his face. The man didn't need self-preservation when you are built like a Mac Truck. Edward looked like he might last all of three seconds against him.

"I dare you to call him 'Chuck' to his face tomorrow, Big Boy," I offered with a defiant tone, "Preferably after he's cleaned his guns."

The look on his face was priceless. It was somewhere between shock and panic. If there was one person on this Earth that Emmett feared, it was Charlie.

"Maybe I should take it easy on the old guy," Emmett responded trying to look engrossed in the TV program he was watching.

I took that as my cue to head upstairs and get myself ready for bed. As I trudged up the stairs all I could think of was sinking into my bed and curling up in the covers. If there was one thing that I appreciated more than a good shower, it was sleeping.

I was walking through the threshold to my room when suddenly I felt a small jolt of electricity from a touch on my back. I turned abruptly to see Edward standing in front of me. I had known it was him. He had this strange energy around him, it was almost tangible in the atmosphere around us. I began to bite my lip due to my apprehension and I waited for him to say something.

"I took this earlier and I wanted to return it," he said as he held out a small hair elastic. I looked at it and couldn't remember when he could have taken it because I thought my hair had been in a ponytail all night. Then I remembered. I flushed at the memory of it.

I closed my eyes for a second to remember the sensation of his hands as they ran softly through my hair and the brush of his nails against my scalp. It was a sensory overload with the memories of his smell, the feel of his body, and the warmth of his skin striking me all at once. My heart started to race again and I wondered if my reaction to him was the standard for everyone. Maybe this man has some sort of weird voodoo vibe to him. My thoughts were interrupted by Edward clearing his throat.

"I'm sorry. I am just filled to capacity with emotions right now," I started as I felt the blush intensifying in my cheeks. He gave me one of the most warm, reassuring smiles and I had to look away because he was having an extreme effect on me.

"Bella, there is no reason to be ashamed," he said and I looked back up at him. His beautiful green eyes were teeming with concern. "With the given circumstances I think that you did really well. I don't think you know how strong you are." He reached his arm up to brush my hair behind my ear.

I don't know where my next thought came from. It was from left field that was for sure. I had never been that forward before in my life. Maybe it was because I was feeling vulnerable. Maybe it was because I didn't want to be alone. Maybe it was because Edward was a picture of sex on a stick. Maybe it was all three – but, that was beside the point.

Once it left my mouth I wanted to back.

But, the bigger part of me, wanted to know what his response would be.

"Will you stay with me a while?" I hastily murmured so that only he could hear.

His eyes started to smolder and he bent down so that his mouth was at my ear.

"Bella, you should really get some sleep tonight," he whispered and I could feel the rejection start to wash over me. I had asked enough of him. This was to be the icing on the cake of my epically horrendous day.

I turned to walk into my room and revel in my defeat, but Edward grabbed me arm and brought his mouth back up to my ear.

"Leave your door unlocked, I'll be back in a few minutes," he said as a shiver ran down my spine.

I walked back into my room and grabbed a pair of mesh shorts and a tank top for bed. Edward had already seen me in the best I had so I settled for what I wore everyday. I went to the bathroom to continue my night routine and I stopped when I saw myself in the mirror. I looked terrible. There were no words to express what I looked like but Alice's earlier assessment of 'death warmed over' was spot on. After I had washed my face I put on some of the cucumber-cooling stuff that Alice had in the bathroom under my eyes hoping it would help me not look like the night of the living dead. I really did need some serious sleep.

I heard a noise inside of my room and could see the flickering of the TV from beneath the door.

Edward was in my room. I could feel the butterflies in my stomach multiply and I was nervous to open the door. I took a few deep breaths and closed my eyes as I turned the handle of the door.

Edward was lying on top of my bed with one arm behind his head watching TV. He was shirtless – which made my legs halt forward motion. He was eating popcorn out of a big bowl with the other arm. He looked like the picture of perfection in my big bed and the light of the TV made the features of his chest look perfect. My breath caught in my chest. I took a deep breath and slowly made my way towards the bed. He flashed me one of his heart-melting smiles and patted the bed next to him.

I slipped into the bed and under the big comforter that he was holding for me. I caught of glimpse of the tight pair of athletic shorts he had on, and the oven was officially on. He propped up some pillows next to him and I slid hesitantly over to his side. I must have given him a strange expression because he started to laugh to himself.

"I though we would watch a movie, maybe talk a little," he said as he shrugged his shoulders. "That is, if you are not too tired?"

I rolled my eyes. "It's still really early, what are we watching?" I asked as I tried to stifle my yawn.

"Top Gun or Miracle – you pick," he said between throwing popcorn in his mouth.

"Um, Top Gun, I have a soft spot for the Ice Man," I replied with a small smile as I felt my blush starting to rise.

He smiled back and jumped out of the bed. I couldn't help myself as my eyes were drawn to the muscles on his back. They made the most perfect 'v' and my eyes traveled lower to the tight fabric across his backside. They should probably have that thing sculpted in marble. He had turned around too quickly and caught me in my ogle-fest. He gave me a little smirk and shook his head infinitesimally as he climbed back in the bed. I wanted to thank God for making the room dark so that he could not see how heated my face was. I thought that I was about to explode. I was aware that my body was becoming very rigid as I tried to suppress my emotions.

"Bella, relax," Edward whispered as the movie was starting, "Come over here and nuzzle with me. You know you want to." He moved closer to me and I obeyed. I had no self control at this point.

As the movie wore on, I was fighting off the sleep with everything I had, but it was a losing battle. We did not talk to each other but he held me the same way he had earlier in the night. I had been enjoying his warmth, his smell, and the way his chest would shake when he laughed too much, and I wanted these moments to last longer. My head sank lower on his chest until it was covering his heart and I could hear its slow rhythms.

Then everything faded to black.


	5. Come Monday

**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Chapter Five – Come Monday**

**?POV**

What had I been thinking? This was bad. Really bad.

How did I let myself keep getting caught in these impossible relationships?

As I lay there entwined with this beautiful person in the bed I couldn't help but think that this would not end like a fairytale. For starters it sure didn't start out right. I mean, you shouldn't just start sleeping together in the same bed after you just met. I had better standards than that. I should have done the honorable thing and proceeded with caution and class versus what I did. It seemed like the side of me that usually ruled my actions was on the fritz. The house had been having that effect on all of its inhabitants. I could not rationalize why my heart was piloting down this particular road. The copious amounts of alcohol that I drank the first night probably hadn't helped. It was just so easy, and conversely so hard to forgo the delicate dance of dating when you already live in the same house.

There was no hiding who you really were; that everyday person that you were always afraid to expose because something could be a deal-breaker for the other person. I was at war with myself because part of me was very afraid that this would all go away because it wasn't built on a real strong foundation. I should have retreated and taken things slowly. But, being with this person was so easy – it just felt right. The one good thing was; we hadn't had sex yet. IT wasn't because I didn't want to. I really, really did. When the most attractive person in the world is lying next to you in bed, you can't help to want to touch, to caress, and to take. But, I had desires beyond that. I wanted to feel loved and adored, to look into someone's eyes and see that passion you feel for them reciprocated. I earned that. I deserved the fairytale.

It was so easy to consider that this person could be my fairytale. My bed cohort was funny, wicked smart, and unbelievably sexy, not to mention charming as hell. It was like love at first sight. It was almost like this person was made for me. Everything I always wanted in one package. I couldn't have wished for more. It all sounded so cheesy and clichéd, but I couldn't help but feel it was all real and way too good to be true.

And there was the catch.

Was this person the epitome of what I wanted, or was I just projecting those qualities to this person? After so much heartache in my life, was I really this lucky to find the love of my life so easily? Was I jumping the gun? My heart was starting to race now. Being under the covers seemed stiflingly hot and being entwined with the human equivalent of a radiator was definitely not helping. I tried to move my arm from underneath the pillow and yanked too hard, effectively elbowing my bedmate squarely in the ribs.

"Fuck, Rosalie, what was that for?"

**EPOV**

I didn't want to leave. But, I had to.

Lying in bed with Bella in my arms was perfection. In my eyes she was the essence of the perfect woman. Beautiful and strong. She was a gifted athlete, could cook like the devil, and was crass. I liked that – a lot. Bella wasn't someone who would easily roll over when people got pushy and had strong opinions on just about everything. She was also quirky. I loved getting to know all of her little idiosyncrasies; like not eating in bed. I learned that one the hard way the previous night. At least she didn't kick me out. She also made me brush my teeth. Something about germs and teeth moss – I just did as I was told.

Bella was also absolutely conflicted. The other part of her could be shy, timid, and afraid. She was one person one minute and someone completely different the next. That was keeping me on my toes. As I got to know her better through our brief interactions, I could see that she was constantly battling those two sides of herself. She could have easily retreated and let her demons take her, but she had come out swinging last night. Emmett had left her with no other choice when he decided to act as her keeper. I understood that he cared for her – but what he did seemed unnecessarily cruel.

When I had come back downstairs from the balcony, I had no idea that the person who was with Bella was Mike. He was a man who had pledged to her his eternal love, only for her to reject him. A rift burst open in my body and I separated into two different people; one who wanted her to end the relationship with all finality, and the other who wanted her to find peace whatever the outcome. If Mike was who she was meant to be with then I would tolerate her decision, if he made her happy. I had obviously been kidding myself.

I was all too glad she ended the relationship because I would not have been lying in her bed holding her tight to my chest if it had gone the other way. It was hard to imagine why someone could not love this beautiful girl so much, but her situation with Mike and how it ended was weighing heavily on me. I was left to wonder how things got as far as they did. How does one person think forever while the other has both feet out the door? It was confusing to say the least and I knew I had to find out the real reason why Bella acted as she did. Even if she didn't even know why herself. A life closed off from the possibilities of love was no way to live.

I didn't want to wake Bella; she looked so content sleeping on my chest. She had been murmuring in her sleep for most of the night; but I could only make out a few words. Her father's name was repeated over and over, and I knew that her anxiety over the trip we would be taking later that day had followed her into her subconscious. I had been absentmindedly twirling her hair with my fingers for the last few minutes immersed in my thoughts. When I finally focused in on what I was doing, I made an extra effort to not disturb her. The sun was shining through the windows and the light was reflecting off of her deep auburn hair showing the warm honey highlights. Her hair had such a lovely fragrance; a mixture of strawberries and sweetness. It was quickly becoming one of my favorite scents. She was finally sleeping peacefully in contrast to the thrashing around she had done in the middle of the night. I started to think more about what transpired last night.

_I awoke startled by my surroundings; it took me more than a moment to remember where I was. It was her cries and her whimpers that woke me from my sleep. Bella had been becoming increasingly restless so I tried to hold her tighter to comfort her. When she started crying in her sleep I knew that I had to wake her. She was so startled to see me there with her, but as she got her bearings she crashed herself into me. She held onto me so tightly and then in an instant let go. I sat up in the bed to mirror her position and wondered if I had overstepped by staying in her bed that night._

"_Why are you here?" she asked plainly, "Why would you do this for me?"_

_Her voice was still rough from sleep. I didn't know how to answer that question. I didn't quite know what compelled me to help her as I did. I was attracted to her, but could I say that? I didn't want to come off as some asshole that was just waiting idly until I could take advantage of her. That was the farthest thing from my mind._

"_Um...I thought that you could use someone to lean on. Are you mad?" I responded cautiously._

"_No, no. That isn't it. I don't get it. You don't even really know me," she said gently. "Maybe that's it – you don't know me."_

"_What is that supposed to mean?" I asked back, wondering where her head was at._

"_I just don't think you would be here if you really knew me," she replied. I knew what she was trying to say. She thought that she was a bad person; someone not worth my time or effort. I could relate to that. It was so easy to believe the bad things about yourself even if they are the smallest portion of who you are. Bella was more than that. Her friends were a testament to that._

"_Maybe you don't really know who you are, you may see things differently if you saw what others see," I suggested._

"_Did my roommates fill you in?" she inquired as the level of her voice started to rise. I thought that she was trying to imply that her roommates must have filled me in on all of her exploits and that I had passed some sort of judgment on her. If she only knew of how they spoke of her – maybe that is what she needed to hear._

"_They did, but apparently it is not what you think. You are one of the luckiest people in the world to have friends like that. They love you because they know who you really are. You may think that they have treated you harshly these past few days, but they are pushing you in the right direction," I answered forcefully hoping to remove her from that line of thinking._

_She sat there and looked at me a moment and then bowed her head. I knew that she felt guilty for her insinuation and knew that what I said was the truth. "Bella, we all make mistakes. We make the wrong decisions all the time, but it doesn't define who we are. Only you can do that."_

_She muttered something under her breath and I wondered what she had said. "What did you say?"_

"_**Per ardua ad astra**__," she replied loud enough that I could hear._

"_You lost me," I responded. She leaned over to turn on the bedside lamp, effectively blinded me for a moment. When I could finally open my eyes she had moved closer to me and was on her knees. She took the fabric of her shorts down to reveal a tattoo on her hip. There was a small crescent moon with stars and the words written as if they were clouds delicately floating across the sky. It was beautiful against her pale skin._

"_What does it mean?" I asked waiting for her response. It seemed as though there were endless amounts of beauty that Bella had to share. She smiled as she spoke._

"_It is Latin for, 'through struggles to the stars.' It was one of my grandfather's favorite phrases. He said that we shape our decisions; our decisions do not shape us. I wonder what he would think now after the mess I have made of things," she said as her face started to fall._

"_You can't go back and change what happened, Bella. I think he would be proud of you. I just don't think you can see things clearly right now. It will get better. It is always darkest before dawn," I stated hoping it would set her mind at ease._

"_What? Why did you say that?" she said quickly as if she was alarmed by what I had said._

"_I don't know, it just seemed fitting, I guess," I answered her back. "Why?"_

"_Nothing. It's nothing. Sorry, we should really go back to sleep," she said in an apologetic voice. I had wondered if I had said something wrong. She leaned over and turned back out the light. I got myself settled back down on the bed and laid there for a moment with my thoughts. I felt the bed move and then Bella's fingers on my arms. I rolled myself over to face her as she entwined her little fingers with mine. She brought our hands up to her chest and settled in._

_She let out a deep breath and said, "I am ready for my dawn to come."_

_I squeezed her hand. For me, it already had._

**BPOV**

KNOCK, KNOCK!

KNOCK, KNOCK

KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK ,KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK!

"Bella, WTF? Open up!" Alice screamed. "Why are both of your doors locked?

"You are cooking me breakfast. I already ran out and got you a latte!" she continued.

I shot up in my bed in a panic and looked about my room. I was alone. _Thank God._

Where did he go? I jumped out of bed and sprinted to the bathroom. Empty. _Good_.

I thought that maybe I had imagined him being here. I slept so hard that I barely remembered dreaming. Then I saw the offending bowl of popcorn on the floor. Yep, he was here. Definitely not a dream. When did he leave? I started to bite my nails as I started to feel a little anxiety over the fact that he snuck out of my room.

"Bella, I can hear you in there! Open up! Why is this locked anyways? Alice yelled through the door.

I shoved the popcorn bowl under my bed, away from Alice and went to open the door. I took a deep cleansing breath to get ready for the tornado that was about it hit. I turned the lock and the door flew open in less than a second.

Alice flew into my room and started to look around. I put my hands on my hips waiting for her to finish sniffing around the place. She did a quite convincing impression of a bloodhound.

"Finished?" I asked.

"Oh, you're up to something. I know it. Do you want to come clean now or wait for me to put the pieces together?" she replied with a little smirk on her face.

"Oh, I don't want to take away your fun, you little demented pixie," I mocked and waltzed into the bathroom.

"Someone is in a better mood today. Maybe all you needed was a good night's sleep," she said as she followed me into the bathroom.

I sat down on the toilet and went to shut the door with my leg when Alice just came right on through. She had no personal boundaries.

"It's called privacy, Alice. Really?" I uttered knowing it was fruitless.

"Seriously, what are you up too? I am not concerned just interested. You seem different," she said as she looked at me intently. I was having some stage fright and was not able to go, so I had to dismiss her quickly.

"Getting the weight off your shoulders helps," I replied knowing it was partially the truth. "Alice, really I have to pee! Out, out!"

Alice just rolled her eyes and skipped out the door. I was finally alone for a moment. I was about to go when she peeked her head back in the room.

"I'm going to figure it out – there's no hiding from me!" she asserted and then finally left shutting the door after her. God she was annoying.

***

As I went about getting myself ready to head downstairs I was partially lost in my thoughts. What exactly was I hiding? I sure didn't want to invite the scrutiny of either Alice or Emmett, but was what Edward and I doing taboo? Was it wrong to comfort a friend? Were we even friends? Yes, we were friends. Friends who sleep in the same bed. Were we more than friends? Did he want to be more than friends? I was so lost in my thoughts that I had been just standing there frozen with my toothbrush hanging out of my mouth.

I started to search my mind to figure out if I missed something; advances, touches, words, that would have conveyed that he wanted more. Did I want more? My heart started to beat faster when I thought about that. Sure, he was attractive. Wait. He was more than just attractive. He was get-your-motor-revvin' gorgeous and he seemed to own the remote control to my heart. A touch of his hand could send it fluttering. It was just so easy for me to fall under his spell. He was so enchanting that I thought that he could probably charm the pants off of just about any woman with a pulse. Did he want to charm MY pants off? My face started to flush as I thought of all the innocent moments we had and, how maybe, they weren't so innocent after all. Then the memory of him in my bed shirtless sent me over the edge.

_Focus, Bella_.

I shook my head trying to clear my thoughts. I had to switch directions quickly or I would have to do something to turn the motor off and I didn't have time for that. The pixie would most likely find me and end the fun. And potentially embarrass the hell out of me. I threw my hair up in a pony and headed downstairs hoping that cooking would be a good distraction.

There was no one in the kitchen, but on top of the island was the largest latte money could buy and a note. First, I checked the side of the cup to make it had an extra shot of espresso, it did, and then I read the note. Alice wanted waffles. That was easy. Alice knew that I could be bought easily with a good dose of caffeine and used it to her advantage often.

I went about my business making breakfast and as soon as the first batch was finished, Emmett walked through the door. I swear his nose was connected directly to his stomach.

"Bells!" Emmett yelled as he approached me from behind. He put his hands around my middle and planted a big, wet kiss on my cheek. "Waffles...yum, Emmett loves waffles."

I turned around and quickly swatted at him with my dishtowel as he grabbed the whole first batch of waffles. He was such a little pig. I was glad that I had thought ahead and made a double batch for the five of us. I watched him as he poured half of the container of syrup on his stack. I couldn't help but shake my head – this was just one of those moments that was trademark Emmett.

Catching a motion out of the corner of my eye, I turned and saw Rosalie standing in the doorway. I am guessing that she had seen the display and I was wondering why she was looking at me so intently. I couldn't make heads or tails of her expression and so I just went back to making waffles.

"Good morning, Bella," she said as she crossed in front of me, "Did you sleep well?"

That was odd. I couldn't help but notice she had a little bite to her words and I was wondering if she knew about the sleeping arrangements of last night. I had really no clue about how close Edward was with her, and I wondered if he told her what had happened. Just as I was starting to get worried, Alice walked through the door.

"Good morning!" Alice exclaimed as she glided through the kitchen. She snatched the waffle out of my hands and settled in at the table. Rosalie had stolen one of Emmett's waffles which was surprising since I heard no major commotion from the table. You don't mess with Emmett's food. Many people have lost digits when they have failed to observe that rule. I took a moment longer to appraise the situation at the table and my suspicions about those two were starting to firm up. There was, without a doubt, something going on between them. It seemed like everyone was keeping secrets.

Oh, poor Emmett. He probably thought that Alice and I wouldn't give him the business about his little arrangement with Miss Rosalie, but it would be all too soon that I was going to put him on the hot seat. The three hour ride to Forks was going to feel like an eternity and my plans had begun formulating in my mind. I definitely needed Alice in on this one. It was only fair considering what his ass had done to me yesterday. My wheels were turning furiously and part of me was actually looking forward to the car ride.

"Holy hell, Edward, did you go for a swim?" Rosalie asked. I turned to see Edward standing in the doorway dripping with sweat. Then something strange happened.

It was like time stood still and the world around me went silent. I was stuck in slow-motion land and I felt like I was watching a shoot for a romance novel. The view was that good. His hair was soaked with sweat and I found myself focusing in on the little individual droplets. I followed one drop as it fell from his face to his chest. His hard chiseled chest. It slowly went down over his pecs and then across his tight stomach muscles that were flexing as he tried to calm his breathing. It continued on its path to his obliques that formed the most perfect, sexy 'V'...and then finally into the fabric on his pants. _Gah! _That was worth getting up early for.

"Your waffle is burning," Edward said as he looked at me. The words didn't register.

"Earth to Bella!" Alice shouted from the table.

I should have moved but I was stuck. It took Edward quickly moving past me to get me out of my haze. He picked a fork up off the counter and took the waffle out of the iron. It was black and smoking and smelled really bad. I couldn't believe that I had missed that. I grabbed the waffle from Edward and threw it in the trash. I poured some more batter into the iron and closed it, and tried to busy myself in case someone had noticed my ogling.

And as luck would have it – Alice did.

"Bella, are you feeling okay? You look at little flushed," she said, her little eyes twinkling as she looked at me. She was smirking and had that devious look in her eye like she was about to have a little fun with me. I had that feeling you get right before the rollercoaster is about to take off.

"I'm fine, really. Just a little preoccupied with our trip today, that's all," I replied to her with a little more force than necessary. I kept staring at her so that she would get my point and let it go. But, sadly, Alice had a mind of her own.

"Edward, I didn't know that you liked to run," she asserted him. "Maybe you could go running with us sometime. Actually, maybe you would like to go running with Bella. Bella _really_ likes to run. She is probably more _your_ speed." I thought maybe she would stop there, but really, it was Alice. I should have known better.

"Bella, what do you think? Do you want to run with Edward?" she stated sarcastically. Her little sexual innuendo was not doing my blush any good and I could only feel the heat intensify. She was really trying to get me going. She knew exactly what buttons to push to get me to squirm.

Emmett's head shot up from his waffles and looked between the three of us. "Alice, what the fuck are you talking about?" he said confused about the exchange he just heard.

"I am just trying to find Edward someone to run with. You know, come to think of it, I had some teammates that might be interested. Bella, what do you think? Maybe Gianna? Heidi?" Alice leered right at me. I flinched at the mention of those girls because they were better known for what they did off the field rather than on it.

"Why are you talking about those bitches? Edward, if you and your Johnson have any self-preservation, you'd stay away from them. What are you trying to do, Alice? Get him a venereal disease?" Emmett said with a mouth half-full of waffles.

"To answer your question, Alice, I usually prefer to run alone. But, thanks for the your...consideration," he said as he flashed her a smile. She giggled a little at his reference to self-love, but I knew that he was on to her. Thank God – fending her off is much easier with a partner.

"Edward is definitely not looking for a girlfriend or any fuck buddies for that matter," Rosalie asserted as she looked at me. Her cool glare was somewhat startling and I thought that her message was specifically for me. I knew it was for me when she finished her thought. "Although Edward does have a thing for charity cases. All of his girlfriends were like that."

_Ouch!_ Rosalie undeniably had a bark to her, but I was slightly more concerned about the bite.

"Rosalie, that's enough. What has gotten into everyone this morning?" Edward said as he glared in her direction.

"Hell if I know," Emmett said as he stared at Rosalie.

I wasn't about to let Rosalie intimidate me – this bitch could tango too.

"Don't worry, Edward. This just reminds me of Emmett's last girlfriend, Lauren. Emmett had sworn off all blondes because of her," I mentioned for Rosalie's benefit.

"What the fuck, Bella? I'm just here enjoying some fucking fantastic waffles and you bring up the Lauren? I thought we had rules about this? Never mention her name when I am eating," Emmett yelled. I could tell he was getting angry with me, but I was a master of deflection. I just wanted the pressure off of me. He finished his last bite and walked over to the sink to drop his plate in the water.

"Edward, the bitches have their claws out this morning, I would make yourself scarce," Emmett said as he walked out of the room.

Edward was standing in the middle of the room with his hands crossed in front of his chest. He was looking straight at Rosalie. They were having some sort of sibling staring contest and I wondered what they were trying to convey to each other. Rosalie let out a long sigh and pushed back from the table. She walked past me and put her plate in the sink.

"Thanks for the waffles, Bella," she said quietly. It sounded very strained, but I would take it. I think that round ended in a draw, but I knew that there would absolutely be more tussling between the two of us.

Alice hopped out of her chair and went to leave, but she abruptly turned to face me.

"Can I use your computer in your room?" she asked. That was strange. Alice had a perfectly good computer in her room.

"Sure, whatever. Go crazy," I replied mostly just to get her out of my hair. I was still reeling from the perfectly dysfunctional breakfast we all just had. She quickly left the room leaving Edward and I alone.

"Sorry about Rose, she gets a little overprotective sometimes," Edward whispered.

"Does she know about last night?" I asked.

"No, no. I left your room early in the morning before anyone was up, but Rose has some pretty good intuition on occasion," he said as he leaned up against the counter. He was still sweaty. He was still shirtless. Keeping eye contact was really difficult when my eyes were drawn elsewhere.

"Thank God, I am not sure that I want to go head-to-head with your sister today. Or any other day, for that matter. She's a little fierce," I responded trying not to say anything that might be inappropriate.

He leaned in closer to me and whispered, "You can say it. She's a bitch."

I laughed as I covered my mouth with one hand and hit him on the arm with the other. At least he knew too. "You should go hit the showers, buddy."

"Are you going for a run today?" he asked carefully. I knew he was asking about going for an actual run.

"No, not today. Maybe tomorrow at home. There are some really great running trails around my house. I would probably ask you to join me, but you _run alone_," I giggled as I turned to clean up the kitchen. I couldn't help but sneak that little jab in there. I found it easier to talk to him when I was not looking directly at him. I am sure he had caught me a few times already eyeballing him.

"I actually do like running with other people; they just have to be the right one. I'm actually not sure that you can keep up with me. I have about half a leg on you," he challenged as his fingers brushed my hip suggestively as he turned to walk out of the room.

"You're on, Bucko. I have just the trail in mind," I said as the plan I was devising started to appear as a vision in my mind. He was going to be sorry. Grown men have shed tears on that trail. He flashed me a quick smile and disappeared through the door.

_Out of sight – but not out of mind._

I thought of him the whole time I cleaned up the kitchen. I reflected on the night we had shared and how much that he had helped me try to work out my issues. If he knew that this was just the tip of the iceberg and that most of my problems still were lurking below the surface, maybe he would be a little warier of my situation. And then again, maybe he wouldn't.

Something was really bothering me though. Was I a charity case? The way that Rosalie made it sound, made me think that Edward likes the broken ones. I was sure shattered enough to fit that category. I decided to shut down that line of thinking before I let it get out of hand.

I made my way out of the kitchen and walked up to my room. My door was shut, so I thought that maybe Alice wanted some privacy as she worked on the computer. I walked in the room to find Alice perched on top of my bed sitting with her legs crossed beneath her. I wondered how long she had been sitting like that.

"Hey, Bella. Do you want the good news first? Or the bad news?" she asked.

"Um, the good news, I think," I answered.

"Well, there actually is no good news for you, my dear Bella" she started with her lips curling into a wicked grin. "I found a man hair in your bed. Oh wait, I do have good news, the good news is it isn't Emmett's; the bad news is...I know who it belongs to. Know anyone with reddish brown hair?"

_Fuck._ Just when I had thought that we had escaped notice. I should have probably just told her. She finds out everything anyway. She had to be part bloodhound.

"It's nothing. We watched a movie and fell asleep. All innocent – I promise," I claimed.

"Innocent, my ass. I saw how you were looking at him in the kitchen. So did Rosalie, for that matter," she responded. "Did you kiss him?"

"No, no, Alice. Come on. You know me better than that. I just broke up with Mike for the second time last night. Nothing like that happened. We actually just talked...it was nice," I replied afraid to tell Alice some of the details. I didn't know how she was going to respond to all of this.

"You looked like you wanted to lick him in the kitchen, Bella."

"God, was it that obvious?" I replied as I plopped down on my bed.

"Yeah, it was. I haven't seen that look from you since...well, it's been a long time," she finished. I knew exactly what she was talking about. I hadn't really looked at someone like that since that asshole had come into my life. The look I would have given if I saw him again would be a cross between the girl from Carrie and the guy from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

"Got any advice, Oprah?" I asked feeling a little deflated.

"Well, you have more problems than just me. Rosalie is an issue. And if she knows, then Emmett won't be far behind and..."

I cut her off before she could finish that thought. I needed to play a little offense here instead of waiting to go on the defensive. I needed Alice on my team. And my team had an awesome plan.

"Do you get the feeling that Rosalie and Emmett are in...cahoots?" I asked not being able to think of a better word to describe the situation.

"Cahoots? I think I know exactly where you are going with this. I caught her this morning doing the walk of shame from Emmett's room!" she replied as she started to get really excited. "The waffle non-incident this morning sealed it for me."

"You caught that too. Good. I have a little idea for what we are going to do with this information. Do you still have _her_ number?" I asked feeling like I should start to rub my hands together like some evil villain in a melodrama.

"I have a feeling I am going to be calling in a favor," she said as her smile spread into the largest Cheshire grin. She picked her cell phone out of her pocket and began dialing.

"Kate?"


	6. The Long And Winding Road

**A/N:** This was by far my favorite chapter to write. I would like to thank my beta vampiremama for erasing all my misused commas and reminding which is my left and right. I must have been drinking when I wrote that section. I would also like to thank born2speakmirth for approving my little story so that your eyes can feast on it.

With the holidays fast approaching I am working furiously on shopping and writing so I can get ahead so my posting schedule doesn't go crazy....I am going to try my hardest but I am going out of the country alone with my husband...so yeah. We'll see.

Hope you enjoy it!!!

**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**A KICK IN THE BALLS**

**Chapter Six** – The Long and Winding Road

**BPOV**

"Emmett, bring the bags out to the car!" Alice yelled from the second floor. It was an imperative. But, I knew Emmett would do it.

I peeked my head out of the kitchen to see Emmett lounging lazily on the couch with Rosalie. Those two were constantly together. I felt as though they were almost flaunting their relationship in front of us, but never admitting anything. That was about to change. I walked out of the kitchen to toss Emmett the keys and he begrudgingly got off the couch and shuffled toward the door. He picked up two of the bags with his arms and I my opportunity to set the scene was then.

"Hey, Rose, can you bring this out to the car too?" I asked as I handed her two large Tupperware containers full of cookies and a bag of groceries. "I always bring food for my Dad since he can't cook to save his life."

She gave me a watery smile and took the containers from my hands. I made it look as though I was busy in the kitchen so that she wouldn't think my asking was anything peculiar. She turned to follow Emmett out the door and as soon as the door clicked shut, Alice materialized at my side. I knew that Alice had timing down to a science and as if right on cue I could hear squealing from outside of the house. Alice and I sprung ourselves over to the windows and took in the scene that was unfolding in front of us.

"Emmett! Emmett! You're back! You're back!" Kate screamed as she bounded into a bewildered Emmett.

Emmett was standing in complete shock with his arms hanging loosely at his sides. There was no way he could have seen that coming. She was squeezing him and wrapped her legs around his torso. She was holding on to him so tight that I presumed that he could have been starved for air. Emmett was stunned; as if he were paralyzed by Kate's tentacles. She partially withdrew from the hug to smash her face into his and plant two large kisses on his cheek. She was screeching at him about how much she had missed him this summer and how excited she was for their senior year together. It was better than what we had anticipated from her. It was official – Kate was still crazy. Potentially even crazier than before.

What made the moment even more perfect was the fact that Kate was wearing a Superfan shirt with Emmett's number and name across the back. Anyone else would have probably taken out a restraining order against her, but Emmett thought he could handle it. I had always done my best at keeping her crazy to a minimal level – but Emmett had pushed me a little too far yesterday. One good act deserved another. My eyes were drawn over to Rosalie with her hands rigidly planted on her hips and the most vicious scowl across her face. If a look could kill – my little friend Kate would be dead. Alice and I were so giddy we started springing around like little school girls.

"What are you two up to?" Edward said from between us, making us both jump. Alice made quick work and grabbed him to bring him over to the window.

"That's 'Crazy Katie.' Or also known as Bella's teammate and Emmett's personal nightmare," Alice said as the three of us continued to peer out the window.

"What's that all about?" he asked as he looked out the window at the little crazy woman bounding all around Emmett.

"It's a really long story, but we are enacting a little revenge on Emmett. He sometimes forgets the he should keep his nose out of other people's business. Namely mine," I said as I glanced at him from the side. Edward stared out the window with us for less than a minute and seemed agitated by what he was seeing.

"Rosie looks really pissed," he whispered.

"I know. This is better than we expected," Alice breathed.

"Honestly, she looks beyond furious. You should probably do something before Rose goes all kung fu on that poor girl and does some real damage. Don't you think this has gone on long enough?" he asked and I knew that we should probably go put an end to it. Although it would probably be nice to have someone finally break it to Kate that Emmett was not hers. She was both crazy and delusional.

"Edward, you are kind of a killjoy right now," I started and he turned to face me with a stern look that reminded me of Charlie.

"Fine," I huffed and I grabbed the bag and headed towards the door.

"Katie!" I yelled as I rushed down the steps. Emmett's head snapped to my direction and he gave me the iciest glare. "Thanks for stopping by. Here you go," I finished as I handed her the bag. I was trying desperately to give the appearance of nonchalance but my body language was giving it away. There was just too much bounce in my step.

Emmett folded his arms over his chest and I could feel the weight of his eyes on me. I kept my smug little smile on my face and sashayed Kate back over to her car. I decided to put the cherry on top of the sundae and turned my head to give Emmett a quick wink.

_Yeah, Buddy, that was all me._

She spewed some more crazy from her mouth to Emmett but I was too elated to bother to listen to what she was actually saying. I was over the moon that my plan had gone so well. As Kate was talking about some inconsequential team stuff I discretely watched Rosalie and Emmett interacting over my shoulder. Her whole body was tense and I could tell that she was probably laying into him. He looked like he was pleading with her and she abruptly stalked away from him. It didn't escape my notice how visibly pissed she was and Emmett turned to follow her like a little puppy. I must have to admit – we were good at the revenge business. But, revenge is always better when feelings of remorse don't creep into your heart.

I waved to Kate as she drove off and went back inside the house. That was better than what I expected it to be. I was so lost in my victory that I walked in and ran straight into Emmett's rock-hard chest.

".FUCK?" Emmett seethed as he looked down at me. To anyone else, he looked terrifying. To me, it was just Emmett.

"I had to return a few things to her before she goes home and I wanted to get it out of the way before we leave. I probably should have warned you. Sorry?" I replied as I tried to play innocent. I was terrible at lying so I knew that Emmett would see right through me.

"Have you had your fucking fun for the day, Bells?" he rapped out but I wasn't too surprised by how angered he was considering what I had seen transpire outside a few moments before. It confirmed my suspicions that he must really like Rosalie. _Shit!_ I was starting to feel considerably guilty and revenge was starting to taste sour. Alice jumped in between us obviously feeling the heat coming off of Emmett. She got up on her tippy toes and seized his arm so she could speak in his ear.

"Emmett, this isn't _so _bad. Just think of the positives. The make-up sex is going to be amazing," she whispered loud enough so that I could hear it too.

Emmett's face turned a deeper shade of red and he stared at the both of us. The sweetest smiles that we could muster were plastered across our faces as we waited for the words to register in his mind. His eyes grew wide as saucers and he started to laugh a little as he covered by of his eyes with the palms of his hands in frustration. He murmured a few dozen expletives under his breath before he finally spoke to us.

"Girls, you have really out-done yourselves this time," he said with a dark edge to his voice. He knew that we got him on this one; but this was just one small battle in the greater war. Emmett was crafty and I knew that he would wait until the perfect opportunity to enact his revenge on us for the greatest amount of carnage.

"Game on, girls. Watch your backs," he said playfully as he walked out of the room.

*****

"Whoa, what are you doing?" Emmett asked as he moved to block my path to the driver's side door.

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm driving," I stated as I rolled my eyes at him.

"Nope, honey, you're not. I am. It has already been decided," he replied as he snatched the keys out of my hand.

"My car – I drive. End of story," I declared with some force to my voice.

Edward and Rosalie approached the both of us and I couldn't help but stare at the two of them. He had his arm wrapped protectively around her and she was smiling; something that I hadn't seen her do at all that day. Maybe that was the effect that Edward had on everyone. I felt a strange feeling of jealously as I watched them interact with each other. It would have been nice to have someone to share the burden of life with. I hoped the probability of Edward having talked to Rosalie about our situation was high, as I wanted her to warm up to me after the events of the morning. I understood why she would want to protect her brother from someone like me. I wasn't exactly a catch given my life status. And the thought of Edward bringing me home to see his parents was absurd. Edward almost certainly deserved someone better than me. At least he could find someone who wasn't so completely screwed up.

The five of us were now standing around in a circle looking at each other expectantly. Emmett and I were constantly getting into dramatic standoffs before we went on trips because he always wanted to drive and I didn't like to give up control. He always said it was some sort of 'man thing' that he should drive. I told him he was nuts.

"Listen, girls. Edward and I should sit in the front and you should sit in the back. That is the way it goes," Emmett said as if it was the final word and we shouldn't argue.

"Why?" I asked hoping that Emmett would share some of his genius ideas. I had hoped that it would get him into even more trouble and the female majority could send his ass directly to the backseat.

"Ass size," he said matter of factly. "You have the three smallest asses so you should sit in the back."

The three of us started to snicker and Emmett looked at us like we had lost our minds. I didn't know how he didn't see this one coming. Sometimes Emmett could be so clueless.

"So, you and Edward, being the _**two biggest asses**_ should sit in the front?" I barely got out before started to laugh uncontrollably. Alice and Rosalie were still laughing with me when Emmett started to stomp his feet having grown impatient with us.

"Let me rephrase. Since the sizes of our gluteus maximus' are the largest, so we should sit in the front," Emmett bit out. I knew he was wishing he had a do-over on that comment.

"Fine. If you get to drive we get other concessions like radio control," I said quickly. I could not bear an entire trip listening to heavy metal and rap music, or what Emmett called 'driving music.'

"And no bitching about bathroom breaks," Alice snuck in.

"Fine, fine. Get in the car!" Emmett answered as he herded us toward the car. I sat behind Emmett with Rosalie and Alice to my right. Rosalie got the dreaded middle seat because Alice made sure that I had gone around to the other side of the car before she got in. Rosalie's icy demeanor had faded significantly, and I still didn't know what to make of that. She could have received information on two fronts; with either Emmett or Edward filling her in. Just how much she knew was wearing on me a little and I had the feeling that I needed to patch things up between us. I wanted her to like me and to maybe understand that I am not the vile person I may appear to be. My first impression had been really bad. She saw me at one of the, if not the lowest, points in my life. I was better than that – but going about proving that may be next to impossible. I could only hope that she would have an open mind, and heart for that matter, and hear me out. Those thoughts had started to get me feeling anxious, and I decided to give my heart a rest and try to let it go.

Alice grabbed the cord out of the center counsel and hooked up her iPod. The first song was 'Vacation," by the Go-Go's. _It had to be the eighties_. Emmett and I both began to shake our heads and went about informing the Cullens about Alice's obsession with eighties' music. I brought along my iPod just in case someone went into a catatonic state from eighties music overload. One must always have a back-up plan when Alice is involved. The conversation in the car was easy and Alice suggested that we should take the time to get to know each other better. I hadn't dawned on me until that moment that I had no idea what Edward was even doing at U Dub. I guessed that I was so swallowed up in the drama of "As Bella's World Turns" that I failed to inquire about his life.

I went first. Senior, soccer team, biology major, and art minor. I didn't have to go into very much detail about my family, as those dysfunctional gaps had already been filled in. Edward asked what I had planned after graduating and my response was that I really did not know. I knew that I was coming to a major fork in the road; but there were just too many paths that I could choose. I didn't know what path I preferred honestly, which made it all that much harder to make a decision. I could travel, go to medical or grad school, or do nothing. Life is much more confusing when money isn't a problem. I didn't go into the money issue – that was too complicated and painful. But, I was sure they were wondering. I couldn't tell them without showing off too much of my baggage and I would have had an ugly breakdown. My emotions were still not completely under my control. Edward seemed taken aback by the fact that I was considering med school as a viable option – school had always been one of the areas of my life that I had my head on straight. Maybe he thought everything in my life was just one big clusterfuck. I really had not given him any indication that I had anything under control.

Alice went next. Senior, track team, and kinesiology major. She planned on becoming a physical therapist and she was currently looking at programs in numerous schools throughout the Northwest. I had not become conscious of the fact that Alice might be leaving after the year was out, as I could not imagine not living with her. I started to feel a little melancholy as she went on about some of the schools that she had been researching. She was the ying to my yang. What would I possibly do without my Alice?

Rosalie had graduated with honors from the University of Southern California with a degree in political science. That surprised me. She was a first-year law school student and wanted to work in government relations and possibly go into politics. That _really_ surprised me. She didn't know where yet or for whom, but she had three years to figure it all out. She was only fourteen months younger than Edward and they were the only two children in their family. Carlisle had wanted her to go into medicine but she had no desire to follow in his footsteps. That was for Edward to do. It appears that Carlisle and Esme made some really smart babies.

Edward was a first-year medical student. He had sent the past year traveling and doing volunteer work in a children's hospital in Seattle. He wanted to go into psychiatry and I had no idea it would take him around thirteen years to complete his training. He wanted to work with children and young adults, and as he continued to speak I started to think that a person like Edward was rare. You don't find people like him on accident and I wondered if he had always been as kind and considerate as he seemed to be. I was both mesmerized and put-off by his evident perfection. Where I seemed to have the market cornered in dysfunction; he had it in flawlessness. It wasn't until he told some stories from his days at Dartmouth that I started to think that there was a whole other side to Edward that I did not know. You don't become a fraternity president by being a nice, sweet guy. I hoped that I would expose some of his quirks so that I wouldn't feel so self-conscience of my own. It felt wrong to want to find his faults; he had to be damaged so that I didn't feel so criminal in wanting him to like me.

As the conversation carried on without me, my thoughts drifted back to my plans after college. When I started school, it was my plan to enter into the medical field by some degree. I couldn't make sense of my options. Doctor, doctor's assistant, or nurse – it was overwhelming. My counselor was always more interested to talk about the great Emmett than discussing my plans after U Dub. He said with my grades and good MCAT scores I would easily get in. Dr. Cullen had also told me that he would write a letter on my behalf, which seemed really awkward to me now given the present situation. What would it be like to go to school with Edward? The thought was intriguing.

Emmett finished out the life introductions and of course he made note that we had saved the best for last. One day that man's head was going to fall off because of his enormous ego.

Senior, star football player, and business major – and he left it at that. He was very short and I could tell that something was eating him. There was no mention of his post-college plans and I started to think that Emmett had been doing some serious reevaluating of what he wanted to do after school. Everyone thought that it would be so simple for him and that he would go for what seemed as the obvious choice; professional football. He was a two-time All-American, winner of the numerous awards, and would probably be taken high in the draft. Possibly in the top five depending on how the season went that year. Alice and I were the only two people who knew that he wanted to actually go to business school and get his MBA. I guessed that he didn't want to get into that conversation in the car.

"Gotta pee, boys," Alice chirped, "There will be a gas station about a mile up on the right."

Emmett pulled over and lined up the car along the pumps. I went around to the driver's side and put in my credit card to get the gas going, and then proceeded to follow the other ladies to the girls' room.

Alice and Rosalie occupied the only two stalls so I waited making sure that I was not touching anything.

"Rose?" Alice asked tentatively. I had a bad feeling that Alice was going to use her time in the bathroom confessional well that day.

"Yes, Alice," Rosalie answered. It appeared that Rosalie was okay with talking while using the bathroom. I always told Alice that I could only have one conversation in the bathroom, and it was with the big porcelain phone. It never stopped her from pestering me with her incessant chattering.

"I just wanted you to know, that we know. But, I was wondering if you knew that we knew? And if you didn't know, do you know now or did you figure it out? And I want to know if you know about others things going on? Or if you don't –" Alice blathered with blinding speed.

"Alice! Breathe," I shouted. I had to cut her off. That was painful to listen to, and unmistakably Alice. She forgets to breathe when she is rambling off everything in her little head.

Rosalie walked out of her stall and strode towards me to wash her hands. She had a small smirk on her face. "Okay, to answer your questions, and I hope I get this right, I did know that you knew about Emmett and I. He told me earlier today," Rosalie said as she concentrated on the words. She looked up at me through the mirror and finished her thoughts. "And I know about the other things in the house. My brother told me."

"Well, that's great! This secrecy bullshit always bugs me. My life is like an open book. So, does Emmett know about Edward and Bella, and does Edward know about you and Emmett?" Alice responded as she flew out of her stall.

"No, I don't think they know. And let's keep it that way," Rosalie said as I made my way into one of the evacuated stalls. From the inside my steel confessional, I had a little more courage to ask why. Rosalie went on to talk about how Edward can be overprotective of her and that she wouldn't want him to think poorly of Emmett because of how early everything was. She used the cart and horse reference and I could understand why she wanted to wait it out to see what was really going on between the two of them. I could agree with her completely and I was going to use her line of thinking against her.

"That's also why Emmett does not need to know about Edward. Not that there is anything really to tell. No one wants to see Emmett go all crazy and Papa Bear on Edward," I said.

"I think you are all overreacting; the boys can handle it. You need to trust me on this one," Alice chimed in. I walked out of the stall to see them both waiting patiently for me. Rosalie still looked at me like she was trying to figure out if I was good for Edward. It was a change for the better versus how she reacted this morning. Whatever had happened – I was thankful for whoever helped her see me in a different light.

"I should probably apologize to you, Bella," Rosalie started slowly. "Edward is free to make his own decisions, but I..."

"What?" I replied after she looked though she was not going to finish her statement.

"I just have missed him, and now is not a good time for him to get involved with anyone. I can be a bit of a bitch and overprotective, but I have my reasons," Rosalie answered somberly.

"A _bit _of a bitch?" Alice answered with a sarcastic tone.

"Fine. I am a _**big bad bitch**_, if that makes you feel any better. But, I do mean it. My brother means the world to me and we don't have the time to help him pick up the pieces again," Rosalie finished with tone even but still with some bite.

"Rose, I know. I have done enough destroying to last a lifetime. I won't hurt him. I promise," I said.

_I won't hurt him. He is too good for that._

"Well, Rosalie, since you have done your impression of Mama Bear, I think that you should hear it from us too. Emmett may seem like some big tough guy, but he is like a big brother to the both of us. The same goes for you; consider yourself warned," Alice said menacingly.

Rosalie looked at Alice for a considerable amount of time before it sunk in that Alice wasn't messing around. Alice was rarely serious and always friendly so it was difficult to determine if she was serious or pulling your leg.

"Okie dokie, ladies. Bitchfest is over. Let's get the show on the road so I can give Charlie a big old hug!" Alice exclaimed as she switched gears at lightening speed. Rosalie and I both laughed a little at Alice and I couldn't help but think this situation was absurd. I knew men did this sort of posturing, but I guess nothing about this group was ever conventional.

I shared a glance with Rosalie and a silent understanding went between us. I hoped she believed what I had said because I meant it. I would never hurt him. She gave me a small smile and it breathed optimism into my heart that she would one day trust me. I wanted to have many run-ins with the 'nice' Rosalie rather than the 'she-devil' adaptation.

"Let's keep this _all _to ourselves," she said as she linked my arm and then linked her arm with Alice. "I am a little afraid of what Emmett would do to Edward. He is a little protective of you," Rosalie continued in a whisper. I rolled my eyes at her remark. If she only knew the cockblocking power of Emmett. I was surprised that Alice and I were even allowed to date, and I am sure there is a shovel and shotgun in Emmett's closet somewhere.

"You have no idea," I groaned. "This will all need to be discussed on a ladies' night out. We will tell you everything you ever wanted to know about Emmie Bear."

"I am going to try to give you the benefit of the doubt, Bella. But, it will be hard for me. I can't tell you that I am not going to bitch you out for one thing or another," Rosalie asserted. She was trying her best to give me some space to figure it out what was going on between Edward and I, and I hoped to offer her the same. Although by what I knew of her; she was probably a good match for Emmett.

We walked back out to the car and hopped back in. We only had about an hour left and the anxiety that had been absent for the first half of the trip was starting to bubble up in my stomach.

Alice got us back to the eighties' flashback music marathon in no time and we were back on the road. Everyone was silent in the car and I kept gazing at Edward. There were little subtleties that I was just starting to notice. He tugged on his ear as a nervous habit. There was a small scar on the bottom of his chin. His fingers would tug on the ends of his hair when he was uncomfortable about something. How he would turn look back into my eyes when he knew I was looking at him. My heart skipped a beat each time and I would have to look away. Getting lost in his eyes was something that I wanted to save for a moment when we were not surrounded by our roommates. As I gazed out my window at the lines of towering pines, my thoughts floated to the question of how I would proceed with him. I desperately needed to talk to him about a lot of things and I hoped that I wouldn't chicken out when it came to talking about feelings. My inner psyche was asking what my intentions were and I had no answer to give. Alice interrupted my thoughts.

"Okay, I can't take it anymore. I am going to use my 'fifth-wheel' status and call you all out!" Alice blurted out over the music.

"Alice, this is not the time," Rosalie said harshly as she put my hand on Alice's bouncing leg. As if that would stop her.

"Alice, what are you talking about?" Emmett answered and I could tell he was interested in Rosalie's reaction.

"Alice," I hissed trying urgently to get her to stop, but she had a mind of her own and the USS Brandon was on full-speed ahead.

"Come on guys, it's not big deal that you have coupled off. I think you are all good for each other," she brightly asserted. I sank into my seat and Rosalie mimicked my behavior. I was waiting for the explosion from the front seat. Maybe Emmett would pull the car over so he and Edward could defend our honors. It seemed a little ridiculous when I thought of it that way.

Emmett stared at Edward; Edward stared at Emmett. Emmett was gripping the steering wheel with unyielding force. Edward's hands were fisted in his lap. I was trying to figure out what emotions I could make out in their faces, but I couldn't make heads or tails of either of their expressions. It seemed like an eternity before anyone spoke.

"Maybe we should discuss this later. Like when I am not driving," Emmett rapped out and I could tell that this was far from over. He glared at me through the rearview mirror and I didn't know if he was mad at me or Edward more. He was going to make sure that I found out either way.

"Later, then," Edward said with some agitation in his voice.

That image of them fighting reemerged in my head and I knew that Rosalie and I would have to do some significant damage control in the wake of Alice's remarks.

*****

Silence.

Alice.

But, silence and Alice? Huh?

It wasn't strange that Emmett, Rosalie, Edward, and I would be quiet after Alice had dropped the bomb on us, but it was peculiar that Alice was. Alice was never mute on car rides. She was the one that was always keeping us occupied with her stories, bad eighties' tunes, and ridiculous games. It was really annoying most of the time which made it even so much more noticeable that she wasn't engaging us in anything.

She was sitting with her back partially turned with her shoulders hunched forward trying to screen Rosalie and me from what she had been doing. I could tell that she was texting someone. She would smile each time that she would look down at her phone and giggle gently and my interested was peaked. Who was she talking to? She had no boyfriends on the horizon but I got the definite impression that it was a boy she was conversing with.

I wanted to ask Rosalie if she could see what was going on, but I didn't want to make it obvious. Then my devious little plan took shape in my head.

"Emmett, can I see your phone?" I asked.

"Sure, whatever. What do you need?" he answered back as he handed me the phone.

"I want to see if your internet is working. I want to look at my soccer schedule," I said obviously lying to him. Emmett was an easy pawn in some of my schemes.

I went through his contact list and found what I was looking for; Rosalie Cullen. I programmed her number into my phone and got ready for stage two. I knew that he had her number in his phone from the earlier conversation in the car, but it somewhat surprised me that he would give me his phone. Emmett knew I wasn't above going through people's phones – but at least I admitted it. I guess he had nothing left to hide.

I quickly typed out a message to Rosalie hoping that it wouldn't be too obvious what I was doing. I wanted to operate on the down-low; keeping it hidden from everyone else in the car.

_** rose – its bella. can you see what alice is up to?**_

Rosalie picked up her phone after it beeped and looked over at me. I raised my eyebrows at her to try to convey that we needed to stay silent. She smirked back at me and went back to her phone.

_**nope. what's this about?**_

_** she's hiding something...look again**_

_** still can't see**_

_** are you opposed to physical violence?**_

Rose laughed a little out loud but then quieted herself quickly. I looked over to see that Alice was totally engrossed in her phone, oblivious to what we were doing. Edward and Emmett glanced over their shoulders a few times, but Rosalie and I did a good job at concealing what we were doing.

_**what did you have in mind?**_

_** if you can hold her down I can get the phone out of her hands and see who she is texting with. its only fair considering that she called us both out on the carpet**_

_** okay I'm in**_

_** when I move to stretch that is your cue. watch out – she may be small but she's feisty**_

_** don't worry I CAN handle alice**_

I believed her. I took one more look at Rosalie and I started to raise my hands above my head. Rosalie moved so quickly that Alice had no time to react and she had her pinned against the window. I jumped over Rosalie and pried the phone out of Alice's little fingers. I looked at the screen and a name I had never heard of was displayed upon it.

"Rose what the hell are you doing?" Edward yelled from the front seat trying to make sense of the ruckus behind him.

"Bella! Bella! Give me my phone back!" Alice exclaimed as her little arms were still pinned by Rosalie. Rosalie had her pressed solidly against the window and Alice squirmed like a little salmon caught in a bear's mouth. I made a mental note to be a little more afraid of Rosalie in the future.

"Rose, in the car is no time to be manhandling Alice. Save it for later," Emmett said with a smirk on his face. I was sure that he was taking a little pleasure in this.

"I'll let you go if you promise to not try anything stupid," Rosalie remarked snidely to Alice. The way she said it confirmed that I should definitely be afraid of her. Rosalie slowly released her and Alice turned towards me. She had that pleading look in her eyes and I was almost ready to hand her back her phone.

_Almost_.

"Who's Jasper Whitlock?" I said.

"What!?" Edward and Rosalie hollered in unison.

"How do you know him?" Edward continued as he turned himself around fully to look at Alice.

"I met him a few weeks ago. It's really no big deal," Alice said as she reached over for her phone. She looked really irritated with me, which was nothing new, and I knew that she must really like this guy to get so bend out of shape over this. I handed her back her phone and she crossed her arms in front of her like a five year old to show her irritation with me. _Life's a bitch, honey_.

"Hold on a minute," Edward said as he took out his phone and held it up to Alice. "Smile!"

The light on his phone flashed and Alice looked stunned by what had just happened.

"What the hell are you doing?" Alice seethed.

Edward turned in his seat and held up his hand to her to hush her up as he went about doing something with his phone. Everyone sat in the car silently for a moment and I began to speculate about what was going on. Edward had a really big grin on his face and I knew that whatever he was up to it had to be good. His phone rang out a few seconds later.

"Why Jasper, how are we today?" he answered. Alice's hands gripped the back of Edward's seat as she moved herself closer to him. Edward knew Alice's mystery man? Edward was listening to his conversation intently and I could see that Alice had begun to show signs of breaking under the pressure. It was nice to see that little sprite sweat for once.

"And how do you know Miss Alice, _my_ roommate?" he responded mockingly.

He kept chuckling to himself as the conversation continued and the whites of Alice's knuckles started to show as she kept gripping the back of the seat. I should have told her to take it easy on the leather but I was too intrigued by what Edward was doing. He had only been talking for maybe a few minutes but I could tell Alice was about to explode.

"Yeah, sounds good. See you then," Edward stated and hung up his phone. He sat there silently for a few moments and shot a quick glance over to Emmett. Edward was trying really hard to conceal his shit-ass grin, but was failing. He was likely dying to tell what he knew, but I think he was enjoying turning the screws on our little Alice.

"Fuck, I can't take it anymore! What is going on? How do you know him? What did he say? Did he say anything about me? When are you going to be seeing him? Edward!" Alice quickly rambled off.

"Holy fuck, Alice. Calm down before you have a coronary. I sure Edward is going to tell you everything," Emmett laughed as looked over to Edward.

"Old Jasper and I go way back, Alice. He's practically like a brother to me. We played baseball together at Dartmouth. I didn't know he was back in the Seattle area – so thanks for that," he said.

Alice slowly sank back in her chair and looked like she was in a daze. "Small world, huh?" she squeaked out.

"Very small," Edward chuckled. "He said to say hello and that he will see you tomorrow night."

"What? What about tomorrow night?" Alice shrieked.

"He might have suggested that we all have dinner together out in town tomorrow. That is, if that is alright with you?" Edward responded looking all too pleased with himself. He had trumped the one-and-only Alice and he was really happy about it. He totally stole my thunder as my plan had taken a much different, yet still pleasing, alternative route.

"Really! That will be great! That is going to be so much fun! Where should we go? Oh, my, what should I wear? This doesn't give me much time," Alice howled.

"Can someone give her a tranquilizer? I have heard enough," Emmett uttered as he rubbed the side of his temple.

"It will be like a triple date!" Alice roared as she bounced up and down in her seat.

"Alice!" we all shouted in unison and glared at her. I took back everything that I had thought in the previous minute – no one beats Alice.

I looked out my window to see the familiar 'Welcome to Forks' sign and thanked my lucky stars that I would be getting out of the car soon.

Facing Charlie seemed a whole lot better than sitting any longer in the car with my roommates.

PS...Please leave me a note/review if you like where I am going with this story...or not. I love the feedback!!!


	7. My Father's Eyes

**A/N:**** Okay, here's the deal people – I love this story and I wrote like a crazy person this past week so that you guys can keep up with the story. You are going to get one chapter tonight and hopefully another in the next few days. My fabulous beta VAMPIREMAMA owns me and makes this story flow. She is amazing and I can never say thank you to her enough. My Twilighted betas – qjmom and born2speakmirth are also amazing and I want thank them again for coming along on this ride.**

**Hope you enjoy....**

**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Chapter Seven – My Father's Eyes**

**BPOV**

_Charlie._

The anxiety rushed over me like waves crashing after a storm. It all happened so quickly; one moment I was hoping for a reprieve from Alice's musings, the next I was hoping that we were still far from our destination. The anxiety was started to swell up within me and my heart was beating furiously. It was quite possible you could have seen it through my chest. I started to overheat and a swell of nausea washed over me. I was so close to meeting my failures as a daughter straight on; moments away from coming face-to-face with my father. I was just so damn scared that I had pushed him too far this time that our relationship would be forever fractured due to my behavior. He was my only family and I hoped that I would finally be able to abandon my guard and lay it all out there for him. He deserved that from me and I wanted to give him the piece of my heart he already owned.

We were never much for words; we had a silent relationship based on daily acts of kindness. The phone message that he had left for me was one of those only times that he actually articulated his feelings to me, but I knew that he loved me. I was the problem in this equation. I closed myself off – it was far easier to live with your heart concealed rather to have it trampled upon. I had learned my lesson early and often as a child, and one can only live with so much rejection. I projected that attitude to every relationship I had, and the people in those relationships suffered greatly for it. I was not blind to the fact that I had so few friends; most of the people I knew fell into the acquaintance category. I would never let them in keeping them at arm's length, getting to see only pieces of myself. I was a careful work of fiction to most of my friends; they saw what I wanted them to see.

But, I was breaking. The fragile walls that I had so meticulously built were now too much of a burden to keep up. I was so tired from hiding. It was exhausting to present the perfect version of myself, a version that really did not exist. I was far from perfect – and far from healthy. It was time to try to be myself; it was time for them to see the real me.

Everyone could have probably sensed my apprehension when we pulled into the drive; my knees were bouncing up and down as I tried in vain to quell my anxiety. I thought at one point I was going to self-destruct and I desperately needed someone to help me hold it together.

"Bells, you got nothing to worry about, babe," Emmett said as he put the car in park. "You are making this out to me so much more than it is."

Was I? I couldn't help but question myself. I had so much tied to this meeting – I felt as though I could not survive if it went sour. I hoped that if I showed him my penitent heart that he would see that I was an echo of his feelings. No matter how much pleading for forgiveness it took, I wanted to make this right. It had to be right so I could start anew and let my old self fall by the wayside.

"He is all that I have left," my voice so quiet I barely recognized it. My blood felt ice cold in my veins and a chill ran down my spine. I was so afraid of being alone, to destroy my last piece of family, that I was about to stop being able to function.

Breathing was becoming difficult – the very act of being alive. Reality had hit me so hard that I was unsure that I could even get out of the car. I felt as though my limbs were alien to me and that I could not move them not matter what I tried. I knew that I had a flair for drama, but it all felt warranted during that time. A strong portion of my heart was telling me that he was going to let me go...the portion of my heart that was damaged the most.

As a child, I was always tried to get my mother to love me. It was an easy concept to most; how could someone not love their child? I was an exception. She always distanced herself from me and I derived my comfort solely from her parents. They were my saving grace as she never seemed to want to have anything to do with me. The fights she would have with her parents were heated, and it always came down to the fact they were angry with her about how she behaved towards me. She pleaded with them to let her leave and to take me off her hands. I was the iron shackles that kept her down. Her indifference to me was always a source of pain, and old wounds were constantly being re-opened. It felt like pieces of my heart would burn out and face into darkness, like bright star fading into cold.

After time, I realized that she had no love to give me. I thought she was incapable of it. She never put any effort to being a parent, and her determination never changed in concern to her need to leave. She would disappear for months and come home looking vacant and unwell. She would spend hours looking through the windows lost in her thoughts. I would always gather the small amounts of courage I had in my futile little attempts to make her happy, but in the end I would always end in failure. Her smiles were empty, and I wondered if there was anything in this world that could fill her with life. My grandparents resolve to try to help her never waivered, but in the end their efforts were fruitless. I never comprehended how she became the woman I knew; a much different version of the girl I saw in the childhood photos. I would often search out answers from my grandparents but they would become so troubled by my questions that I knew they would never tell me. The truth of her life evaded me and continued to haunt me in my everyday life. If I knew the answers, would it make me better? That was the question that I was constantly posing to myself and I could not escape the fear that the truth would not set me free.

Everyone had already exited the car and had collected outside of my door, but I was frozen in my seat troubled by my thoughts of my mother. Emmett opened the door beside me, and reached over my lap to locate my seat beat. I was still buckled in, facing forward lost in my memories. They were dark and foreign feelings of a life that was slipping away and it was like time had stopped. I could move forward with my life or remain trapped in the past.

I chose to move forward.

"Bella, babe, you can do this," Emmett said as he held my hands in his, engulfing me in his warmth. Emmett was many things, but at his most basic level he was the best friend I could have ever hoped for. He and Alice had never waivered and never left me when I needed them most. It was in that moment that I knew that I could do what I had come here to do. No matter what happened – I would always have my two best friends.

"Thanks... I mean it," I expelled with all the air I had been holding. He pulled me from the car and into his massive arms. Of course Alice, the cuddle vulture, weaseled into the hug two seconds after it began. Alice was also the person who started 'Kumbaya' around every campfire.

_I could do this._

I tentatively stepped around Emmett to see my father rested up against the door frame on the front steps of the porch. He face was pensive and careworn; I could tell that he had been worried about what would happen when I finally arrived back home. My feet started to travel towards him under their own volition, as though my subconscious was telling me what to do. He lifted himself from the frame and started to walk towards the steps. With every inch that I made towards him the fear, anxiety, and pain were leaching from my pores. The closer I got to him; the closer I felt to being whole. He represented to purest part of my heart – where a love exists that can never be extinguished.

The tears were starting to blind me and he darted down the steps, closing the distance between us in a matter of seconds. His strong arms engulfed me and I buried my face in his chest. The feel of his flannel shirt on my face and the smell of his body was like finding my own relevance. I could have stayed there in his arms for an eternity. No words; just a father and his daughter sharing a moment of reconciliation.

He took my face in his hands and wiped away my tears with the bottom of his worn shirt. The care and concern I saw in his eyes only helped the tears flow more freely and I tried to form a coherent thought. I crushed my face back to his chest in an effort to get myself together.

"I'm _so_ sorry, Dad," I squeaked out between my sobs. Every time that I went to speak it was like the cries would choke me. I started a number of times only to have my voice swallowed by my tears. Charlie's chest started to shake from under me.

"Goin' cry this one out, aren't you?" he said as he as he looked into my face. He had a warm smile on his face and the fears that I held on to started to slip away. I knew in that moment that I had to change my life. The past was intruding of my present; her specter was always walking in my silhouette. It haunted me and cast a shadow upon every relationship that I had. I had chosen to believe in the lie – to believe the worst in someone. Everyone who ever loved me never knew my heart, for it was too hidden; to precious to just give away. They had both inflicted serious damage upon my soul and now I had to fix my misgivings and make amends.

"We'll get this thing figured out, Bells," Charlie said as he breathed in my hair, "I am not going anywhere."

My fears were unfounded. He ushered us around to the back of the house and we walked together as I clung to him tightly. It was unbelievable that I let myself believe that my father was going to treat me the same way my mother did. Every interaction we ever had I was always waiting for him to mimic her in his actions. He never did and he never would. My father had always tried his best to be what I needed him to be but I never let him close enough so that he knew that he already was. He was family in every sense of the word and I knew that the future would hold us to each other. We were each others' family. How could I have been so blind? I lived my life believing the worst of him, believing that he would one day just stop loving me and cast me away. That a man who loved me more than anything held me tight to his side until we came to the porch swing that faced towards the forest behind the house. He sat us down and my head lolled onto his shoulder.

"I love you, kid. No matter what you do I will never stop," Charlie breathed as he pulled me insistently closer. I never had to say anything – he knew what I needed to hear.

The shackles that had been constricting my heart finally broke.

I was home.

**EPOV**

Watching Bella and her father embrace was one of those memories that would stay in my mind forever. I was concerned for her when we arrived at her house. I could sense her trepidation, her overwhelming sense of fear. She had completely shut down; trying to seal herself off from the pain and heartache that she reasoned she would be feeling. Emmett and Alice were there for her in an instant and watching their devotion to her made my own heart ache. Where they were succeeding; I had failed. You could not help but to love them because of how much of themselves they have invested in her. I knew that she loved them both with the same strength. The three of them were their own family and if I was entertaining any thought of a chance with Bella, I would have to win them over as well. Alice would be easy; Emmett would be a completely different story. But, with my sister's indiscretions at least I had some leverage now.

I knew that Rosalie was keeping something from me by how skittish she seemed when I would ask her seemly easy questions. Each time I would walk into a room that she occupied with Emmett I could not help but notice that she would tense up and get nervous. Rosalie does let much rattle her cage and I knew that something was definitely up. Rosalie never had a deficiency in courage and she had strength in spades. When I had thought that I had completely lost myself, she found me and helped me find my way back. After we finished high school, I was envious of her conviction and she never seemed to doubt what she wanted. That was until the day that life turned on its head. The future that she entrusted her happiness to changed and her hopes and dreams faded away in an instant. We both came home hoping to rebuild our futures together, basing our strength in our family.

I knew when Rosalie decided to come home to go to school that things had gone terribly wrong. For the first time in her life she felt fragile and out of control. We both came home to find the strength and stability that our family granted us, only to find that its foundation was shaken to the core. I had never believed that I had made a better decision then to come home than when we met our new roommates. Maybe it was fate, the force that had brought us all together. It seemed as though all of it could not have been a series of coincidences. I was going to make my own happiness now and I wasn't going to wait a minute for fate to change its mind. I hoped that fate favored the bold.

I looked out through the window at Bella and Charlie sitting on the swing in the back of the yard and hoped that she was finding what she was looking for. Bella's father was almost exactly as she had described him and I could see her features mirrored in his. His face was worn and I could tell that he had worried about this moment as she did. Her beautiful, perfect brown eyes were from her father, as well as her smile. She did not know it, but Charlie could not conceal his joy at having his daughter in his arms. We let them go off to talk as we went into the house. I wanted to talk to the group without Bella, and I knew this was my opportunity. I wasn't about to lay all my cards on the line, as I hadn't really figured out my feelings for Bella completely. There was something about her that I couldn't explain. I had no frame of reference. She just did something to me. My head wasn't wrapped around it yet.

"You guys got a minute?" I asked as we settled into the quaint little living room.

"What's on your mind, Edward?" Emmett asked with a hint of resentment.

I think he thought I was going to bring up the business from the car. He was right. The room seemed to warm suddenly and I was feeling a little claustrophobic. I had to stay my course – it was now or never.

"I wanted to talk about what happened between Bella and me. I don't want you to think that I am trying to take advantage of her or anything," I claimed as I tried to find the right words. "It's just, well, I wanted to help. I hope that you aren't getting the wrong impression."

Rosalie crossed the room to stand between Emmett and I. She knew where my head was at and most likely wanted to be a buffer between a fist and face, if it came to that. Rosalie warned me a little about the tendencies of the Big Bear, but I hoped to avoid that. She had also seen me when I was at my lowest point and knew that I couldn't stand idly by. I hoped she knew that I was coming from an honest place in regards to Bella.

"I guess I should probably thank you for that shit, and fuck, I guess I am," Emmett spit out as he rubbed his neck. "But, don't expect me to put on a skirt and pull out the pompoms and cheer your ass on. That kid is like a sister to me. I don't care _whose_ brother you are. You hurt her – you die."

"Wow, Emmett, I almost teared up," Alice chimed in mockingly. "Edward, I for one am not worried. I just want to know what your intentions are," she finished, trying to do her best manly voice. It sounded like a guy after a shift kick in the balls.

"Alice, I am going to plead the fifth," I responded knowing that it was all the truth. "I don't want to give him any ammunition, so I will tread lightly on this one."

"Good, because fuck if I don't want to use old Chuck's shovel. Plus, Alice _will_ probably fucking figure the shit out before you do. Not that anyone can keep secrets around this one," Emmett said as he jumped on Alice and put her into a headlock. Emmett could be menacing and playful in the same moment. It was a slight head trip.

"Stop! The hair. Emmett!" Alice squealed as she tried to get away from him. He released her and she quickly jumped on his lap. She gave him a swift elbow to the stomach and he groaned from the shock of it. I was sure it did no real damage.

"For that, I am going to ask you the same question. What are your intentions with Rosalie?" Alice sneered. _Good, she beat me to the chase._

"Well, dad, I would like to take her out on a date and maybe go neck somewhere," Emmett mocked as he gazed over at Rosalie.

"You are kind of a tool sometimes, Emmett," Rosalie shot back as she flopped back down next to me on the couch. She put her hand on my knee and gave me a look telling me silently that this was okay. It was going to take some getting used to. Rosalie was a lot of things but she was never one to jump into anything without thinking it through first. Always calculated, and always safe. This relationship seemed like unchartered territory for her, but I was going to _try_ to give her the benefit of the doubt. I still was indebted to her for what she had done for me, so against my better judgment as an older brother, I would let her make her own decisions.

"I would attempt to make some sort of threat, but given that we are dealing with Rose here, if you hurt her – she'll hurt you. Ask her about Brian 'Kneecaps' McGreiver," I said sarcastically.

Rosalie started laughing to herself and shook her head. "You had to bring him up, didn't you?" she said.

"What are you talking about?" Emmett asked taking the bait. I knew that I had to put some fear of God into him about being with my sister.

"Rose dated Brian when we were in high school, and he –" I started.

"He got what he deserved," Rosalie answered quickly cutting me off.

"Just tell him. He ought to know," I replied knowing full well that this would be better from her than me.

"Come on, Rose. Spill," Alice chimed in.

"Fine. Brian McGreiver took me to the senior prom after we had only been dating a few weeks. After the after-party he got really drunk and tried, well...he got a little aggressive and I sort of hit him with a baseball bat. It was no big deal," Rosalie said nonchalantly with a dismissive wave of her arm.

"No big deal, my ass! He spent three months on crutches and had to have a pin put in his leg. It _was_ a big deal, sweetie," I said condescendingly. After that, no one had the courage to ask Rosalie out. Dating her was like taking life into your own hands. I wondered what was going through Emmett's head during that time, but his response took me off guard.

"Well, good thing I wasn't around. I would have probably killed him," he said trying to rein in his anger. I raised my eyebrows at him. Although I didn't know him very well, I could tell that Emmett was probably a good guy, albeit an overprotective one. Bella trusted him implicitly, and he most likely had to earn it. That was what allowed me to give him a break; I knew that I should trust him with Rosalie. I wasn't about to go around and sing his praises, but I also was not going to make it difficult on him. If Rosalie needed me, I would be there in a heartbeat, but I hoped that she knew what she was doing.

"That poor, lonely shovel in your closet will probably never get used," Alice remarked making a little pouty face to Emmett.

"Speaking of my shovel, who's this Jasper guy?" Emmett responded.

"I don't know if this is helping or hurting his cause, but he and I are really good friends and he is a decent guy. I am more worried for him than her," I said as I motioned to Alice. I could tell that Alice was one intense woman and I wondered if 'cool' Jasper was a little out of his mind for taking on this one. I guess opposites attract.

"Thanks, Edward. I'll remember that," Alice relied as she looked at me. "Emmett, you can decide for yourself tomorrow, but I think you might like him."

"We'll see, little one. Who's coming with me to the store? Rosalie?" he asked looking straight at her. He obviously wanted to go with her alone, and I wasn't about to throw myself into a situation where he and I were alone. I would wait until we both were at little more comfortable with each other and after we were done marking our territory. There were a few more trees I think he needed to piss on.

"Edward and I will stay back and wait for Charlie and Bella. They will be here in a few minutes, and we'll get started on dinner," Alice said.

Emmett and Rosalie exited the house and I followed Alice to the kitchen. My mind started to drift back to Bella and I hoped that she was okay. She had been with her father for well over an hour and I was starting to get anxious.

"Don't worry about Bella, Edward. All of this was necessary," she said as she started to pull items from the fridge.

"How is it all necessary? I don't see why reliving pain is necessary to anything," I asked wondering what Alice was thinking. Bella was right when she said that Alice was often unreadable and that she had a strange insight to things.

We talked; well I should say she talked, for about ten minutes about Bella's treatment of her relationships. Alice said a lot of things that made sense, how Bella was always waiting for the other shoe to drop, expecting someone else to let her down. She lived in a perpetual fear of that inevitable future, and she was always guarded. Alice knew little of Bella's mother which made me think that she was the source of it all. Bella had a hard time believing in the good intentions of others, and would often not invest herself in her relationships. Emmett and Alice were like her family, and they protected each other from a lot of the trials that happen during college. I hoped that Rosalie and I would become an extension of that family.

"Alice, what in the world are you doing?" Bella remarked as she entered the kitchen.

"Helping?" she replied sheepishly as she raised her shoulders.

"Go, scoot you," Bella said as she ushered Alice away from the food. "What made you think when you woke up this morning that you all of the sudden knew how to cook?"

"I only took everything out for you. I know better than to touch anything. _He_ is a different story," Alice said mockingly as she gestured to me. I had been washing and cutting up vegetables for the salad as I was listening to Alice talk. I sensed that I may have been encroaching upon Bella's territory.

"Just thought I would help," I said as I dropped the knife and waived my hands in the air in my defense. Bella came over to me with a questioning look and to gander at my work. She seemed pleased as a little smirk came across her face and she crossed to the other side of the kitchen.

"Looks like I found my sous-chef, Alice. Go entertain Charlie," she said as she snapped a towel at Alice. Alice turned to leave the kitchen, when Bella yelled to her.

"Wait, wait. What are you forgetting?" she asked, pointing to the fridge.

"Oh, right-o. Can't forget the beer," Alice answered as she flung open the fridge and retrieved a large beer. She closed the fridge and skipped from the kitchen howling for Charlie.

I shook my head at the whole display and returned to chop up some more vegetables. I could feel Bella's eyes on me and I turned to see what she wanted.

"Hey, where's Emmett and Rosalie?" she asked. It wasn't quite the question that I expected but I guessed she was wondering where they went.

"Out to the store. I don't know what they needed, but I think Emmett wanted to go out," I said as I gazed at her. I finally took the chance to look her over to see if the days events had worn heavily on her. I could tell that she had been crying, but there was this glimmer behind her eyes that was new.

"I am guessing he thought we needed beer, which was a good assumption," she stated as she moved to look inside the fridge. "Emmett assumes that most of us like to be slightly inebriated when we get to know each other. So, we loosen up and loose our guard," she finished with a little chuckle.

"He only threatened my life once today, so I think he might like me," I said trying to pry a little into what she was thinking. I knew that if I said it she would know that Emmett thought we were in some sort of relationship and I wanted to hear her response to that. I was testing the water per se.

"I hope he didn't tell you about his shovel; he loves to use that one," she said as she smiled gently and continued to prepare the steaks. There was something that seemed so normal about the setting as we shared our conversation. It was an odd feeling to be so at ease with someone that you were just starting to get to know.

"I think Alice actually brought it up," I said as I remembered the conversation. I spent the next half of an hour talking to Bella about what she had missed between her other roommates and gave her the skinny on Jasper. She wanted to know everything about him and I was more than happy to tell her. She seemed lighthearted and jovial, and she carried on with a slight bounce in her step. Her happiness spread to me and I couldn't help but enjoy sharing in her sunshine. Her beauty was intensified by her elation, and I would catch her every so often looking at me. She face would become stained with the most beautiful blush and I hoped that I would find out what she was thinking.

"How are you with a grill?" she asked as she moved towards me with a large platter of steaks. She bit her bottom lip and she looked a little nervous as she stood in front of me. I couldn't think of what would make her nervous about asking me about a grill, but I decided not to dwell on it.

"I am quite good, actually. If you just show me where it is we should be all good," I said as I smiled back at her. She blushed a little more and I was definitely intrigued by what was going on inside of her pretty little head. She motioned for me to follow her and we walked out through the living room. Charlie was planted on the edge of his recliner starring intently into the TV. The Mariners were playing and my feet slowed so that I could see the score. I didn't realize that I had stopped completely and was watching the game until Bella's voice came over me.

"God, not you too," she groaned as she grabbed my shirt pulling me towards the door.

Charlie turned around and stood up quickly and started toward us. I couldn't make out his expression, and let out the breath I was holding when he offered me his hand.

"You must be Edward. I'm Charlie, Bella's father. I guess you probably already knew that," he said as he gave me a once over. I was Bella's new male roommate and I knew that I had to make a good impression based on that fact. Beyond that, I wasn't going to make it too obvious.

"Nice to meet you, Captain Swan. My sister, Rosalie, is here too, but she is with Emmett at the store," I said trying my best to give him the country club version of my voice.

"It's Charlie, Edward. You a Mariners fan?" he said stiffly.

"Edward played baseball in college, Charlie," Alice chimed in from the couch.

"To answer your question, I'm a big Mariners fan. My family has season tickets and I try to get to a few games a year," I replied uncertainly wondering what Charlie was going to think. I wanted him to least trust me on a basic level, but hoped that he would eventually be partial to me.

"Good. It's about time you have a friend that likes the Mariners," Charlie replied as he winked to Bella. He turned his attention back to the game and I followed Bella out the backdoor.

"Did I pass?" I asked as I went to light the grill. Bella had herself propped up against the deck and was watching me as I went about my business.

"Emmett is a Cubs fan, so they are always bumping heads. I sure he is happy that he has someone he can talk with now. I think he has the stats memorized for the past ten seasons at least, so he'll probably talk your ear off," she said as I turned to sit in a chair that was next to the grill.

I knew that I was being forward but I was dying to ask her about her conversation with her father. I didn't know if it was my place or not, or if what I would be asking would take her back to a painful place, but I felt compelled to. I didn't want to keep walking around on eggshells with her. I caught her off guard when my reply wasn't what she expected.

"Did everything go okay with your father?" I asked as I kept my voice low. It took her a few moments to respond.

"Yeah, it was good. Actually, it was better than good. I'm glad we came," she said as her smile crept over her face.

She used the word 'we.' She was glad that we all had come with her, and I starting to think that behind what was happening that Bella was someone that would end up being one of my good friends at the very least. I was starting to realize that in truth, I wanted more. We sat there for awhile longer as the grill was warming up, sharing conversation about her father. Emmett and Rosalie joined us a few minutes later and Emmett told them to leave because grilling was a man's duty. He handed me a beer and although it was a little awkward, we carried on an effortless conversation.

The whole night passed with ease and I could tell that Charlie was happy to have his daughter under his roof for the night. The dinner was outstanding and I thought that I would have to start adding a few more runs in each week if I were to keep eating her cooking. We sat around the table laughing and carrying on as the night wore on and I often sat back and laughed when they recounted the memories that they shared. Bella would steal a glance from her father every once and awhile, and the moment would have seemed sweet to anyone who did not have knowledge of the situation.

Charlie excused himself from the table when it was getting late saying it was because he had to be at the station early in the morning. Bella walked him out of the kitchen and the four of us remained at the table.

"Who's up for The Last Cast?" Emmett asked as he looked around expectantly.

"Oh God, Emmett, not that place. I am sure that there must be a better place," Alice replied puckering her face in disgust.

"What's The Last Cast?" Rosalie asked before I could speak.

"The world's best bar. Pitchers are four bucks and they have self-serve hot dogs on the end of the bar, and if we're lucky they'll have a band tonight," Emmett said animatedly. I could tell it was a forgone conclusion that we were going to end up there. I had never seen someone so excited about a bar before in my life. Bella entered the room obviously having caught the conversation.

"Only if you promise not to challenge the second largest man in Washington to a hot dog eating contest. Watching you hurl half the night is not one of my fondest memories, and to top it off...you lost," Bella said as she cinched her face up. Beer and hot dogs revisited did not seem like a fun activity for anyone involved, although watching Emmett and some other behemoth in an eating contest sounded intriguing.

"Sorry, honey, no promises. And tell the fucking story right. It was a draw...they ran out of hot dogs," Emmett said as he shrugged his shoulders playfully.

"Rose, I'm glad you're here. I call 'not it' on Emmett tonight," Bella laughed.

"All right then. Let's get this show on the road," Emmett boomed as he moved us all towards the door. With the span of his arms it seemed as he could move all of us effortlessly. We were half-way out the door when Charlie came down the steps. Bella moved towards him and hugged herself close to his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head.

"Don't worry Dad, we won't be out long," she said as she embraced him tighter.

"Emmett, I would like to remind you I _am_ the chief of police," Charlie said in a commanding tone. I was starting to realize that this crew partied hard. And I was also guessing that Emmett was the ring leader, which to me, was a scary thought. I could hang with the best of them but I wanted to save that kind of action when we weren't sleeping in a house with Bella's father, and his shotgun.

We piled into Bella's truck and sped off into the night. The town was so small it took us less than four minutes to get to the bar and everyone seemed eager to see what this little bar had in store for us. I was the first to the door and let the ladies in being ever the gentleman and shared what was a slightly tense glare from Emmett as he passed. He sure took this whole over-protection thing seriously. I was apprehensive of the fact that Emmett seemed a little too much like a loose cannon, and Rosalie, well Rosalie was a beautiful woman. I knew this. It was a fact that I had to learn about from every man I came into contact with. It would be nice to see someone else take the reins and have to deal with over-aggressive drunk bastards out at the bar. As not many men probably looked at me in alarm, I was sure that Emmett elicited a different response on many occasions. Maybe the sight of him would keep them at bay.

I strolled into the bar ready to start a night less bogged down by spectacle and I saw Bella's fleeting figure from behind. She was running towards a large brawny man with dark hair at the other end of the bar.

"Jacob!"

**Please leave some love, hot cocoa, and kisses and review....I love them!!!**

**Only a few days until the next chapter...**


	8. Let's Get Physical

**A/N:**** Here we are again...and here is your next dose of the story. I will be back around the 8****th**** of January with your next installment. You can read all the chapters at once or you can save this one for later. I want to thank the marvelous/fabulous beta of my dreams VAMPIREMAMA who absolutely rocks my world.**

**Have a Happy Holiday & New Year!!**

**The title is so very appropriate....see you at the end!**

**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**A KICK IN THE BALLS**

**Chapter Eight – Let's Get Physical**

**BPOV**

"Jacob," I yelled as I spotted him across the bar. He was sitting with his best buds at a table near the far edge of the bar and I couldn't help my enthusiasm at seeing him. Jacob was the closest thing I had to a childhood friend and I would often spend time with him and his family when I would come to visit my old man. I had seen him a few times in the summer but it was all awkward and junk when I tried to put Mike and Jacob together in the same room. Mike knew that Jacob and I were good friends but often could not mask his irritation at how we carried on. I, of course, shrugged it off and went about my business and probably caused some undue amount of pain to Mike. My actions were speaking louder than my words and most of the time I wished Mike hadn't been there at all. In hindsight, I guess you could say that I acted like a bitch and much less like a girlfriend. But, here at this bar, I no longer had to worry about that problem. I felt free finally and I wanted to act how I wanted to act – no holds barred. It felt so good.

When he finally located my voice through the crowd he stood up from his seat and a huge smile spread across his face. It was nice to feel that someone else was happy to see me. I bounded across the room whipping past the patrons in the little bar and ran straight into his arms.

"Bells," he roared as he scooped me up into his arms. It was so good to see him, and to bask in the warmth of his hug. I was hanging a good foot from the ground as he swung me around like a little girl. "Whatcha doing here? I thought that you were back at school?" he continued.

It dawned on me that he was holding on to me in a manner that would give someone the wrong impression. I started to feel extremely awkward in his embrace and more than a little nervous with where his hands were. I was free as a bird, and he probably knew it. Nothing like gossip in a small town. Jacob was always one for the sexual innuendos and I knew that I often gave him the wrong idea. It was my flirty nature – and sometimes it got me into sticky situations. I was feeling a little sticky. He placed me down on the ground and I sensed that I had an audience.

"I am just staying the night. Had to come back and see my Dad," I said. He purposely placed me on the ground next to him keeping an arm around my waist. His arm was strong and placed high on my ribcage just underneath my breast. The warmth of his skin through my clothes unnerved me and I went to move away from him. Jacob simultaneously released me to and did that weird man-hug thing with Emmett. Thank God for Emmett.

"Jacob, good to see you man," Emmett boomed. Next to each other, Emmett and Jacob looked like they came straight out of an ad for some men's muscle magazine. They had always been cool to each other, with Jacob always seeming a little spellbound by Emmett. I wouldn't call it jealously, but I think that he was envious of the life Emmett had. All that big football star guy stuff – if he only knew how much Emmett despised that reaction from others. I always thought that Emmett would have enjoyed his life a little more if he wasn't constantly being watched by others. His life was a stage with everyone concerned about his every move; it was suffocating for him. A little autonomy would have been nice.

The rest of the group had joined us in a semi-circle and I went about introductions.

"Jacob, you know Alice. And this is Rosalie, and Edward, our new roommates," I said as I motioned to each of them.

I looked into Edward's eyes and I saw an emotion there that I did not recognize. He shook Jacob's hand firmly and Jacob looked down at me with a face of peaked curiosity. I looked back to Edward's face again and I saw it finally – it was a scowl. _A scowl? Really?_ This day was now entering into the Twilight Zone and I hoped to figure out what crawled up Edward's ass to make him look so pissed. I wasn't the only person to notice. Emmett pulled Edward to the bar with him to get us some really inexpensive pitchers full of equally cheap beer and I pulled up a stool next to Jacob. I wanted to talk to him about his family whom I missed dearly and about his plans for the year. I knew that he had been thinking of transferring to U Dub and I wanted to know if he was actually going. Jacob was so non-committal sometimes and he shrugged shit off until the very last moment he could. It was annoying. No Carpe Diem for that guy. It was a less than redeeming quality in my eyes.

He laughed like crazy when I told him about Mike, which I thought was somewhat inappropriate, but he covered after he said that he knew that I would be breaking up with him before the summer was over. Apparently, I was the only one in the freaking state of Washington who did not know this. We were talking some more about his father's condition when Edward came up briskly to my side to offer me a beer. He offered it so roughly that part of it lapped over the edge onto my jeans. _Alright, guy...what's up?_ I took it from him sharply looking up into his face and I expected to see those same dark pools of emerald that I had seen earlier in the night. Instead, his eyes were that same soft green and they were pleading with me. I further I stared into them I could see they were equal parts concern and anger at the same time. The current of electricity that was always surrounding up was biting on my insides, tearing at my heart and I was convinced that I was the cause of this hostility. My heart started to beat furiously as I felt the waves of frustration pour off of him. The pit of my stomach started to feel raw and the unexplainable pull to him became heightened. In the hazy light of the bar his features were emphasized and his angular jaw was slightly clenched. It was the first time I had ever seen this hard edge to his face and I felt more than compelled to erase it.

"Hey, Jacob, will you excuse me for a minute?" I asked as I dropped myself off of the stool.

Jacob looked between the two of us and I could tell the shift in his mood. I sensed that he knew that there was something extra in this equation and his body turned rigid in an instant. His eyes searched mine for a moment and I needed to calm this little situation quickly. It seemed like every man in my life had the caveman bug today. I placed my arm firmly on his shoulder as he moved to get up.

"Jacob, I'll be a minute," I said forcefully as I attempted to push him down. He eyed Edward suspiciously and turned his gaze back to me. He gave me what I thought was his version of a sexy little smirk and I turned to release my grasp. I felt a large smack on the back of my ass and I turned on my heel to look back at Jacob. He gave me a little snide head bob and a devious wink, and I knew that it was not for my benefit.

"Sure, Bells," he said suggestively, "I'll be right here waiting for you."

_God, what an ass!_

I moved quickly to grab the beer out of Edward's hand, watchfully so I would not meet his gaze. I could feel it scorching my skin and I knew that whatever I had seen earlier in his eyes would be greatly intensified. I dropped our drinks onto the table that was occupied by the rest of our roommates.

"We'll be back," I shouted.

I seized Edward's hand and forcefully yanked him across the bar. My insides were in knots and I could not place what emotion trumped the others. I was nervous to see what was behind Edward's reactions but at the same time I was pissed that he thought that he had some reason to be annoyed. In my perspective I was doing nothing wrong, and he seemed a little over-the-top with his whole caveman attitude. Fuck, I had not done anything to deserve this type of reaction. There was another feeling lurking in the pits of my stomach as well, something that made my body feel like to was on fire and hot with anticipation. The part of me that wanted him to be jealous, furious, and wanton. I had to hide that part – for the moment.

I walked a furious pace taking us about fifteen yards from the bar next to an old beauty salon. I turned rapidly on my heel to face him. I planted my hands firmly on my hips with the intent on showing him that I was less than pleased with his demeanor inside the bar. _For heaven's sake – it was just Jacob_. Obviously, I needed to convey that sense to him. Jacob could be a lot of things, and pig-headed and unrightfully bold were terms that I would use for him in this instant. I wanted to be cool and collected, but my body was too amped up. Fiery Bella reared her ugly head and took over control of my verbal functions.

"Do you mind telling me what the fuck that was all about?" I barked at him.

"What exactly are you talking about?" Edward sneered through his clenched teeth. _Oh, really? Okay, I could play this way too._

"Oh, I'll explain it to you then. The over-protective, caveman bullshit in there. It's completely unnecessary," I bellowed back at him. The fire in the pit of my stomach was building and the heat between us was palpable.

"Really? I guess I really don't like seeing some other man's hands all over you," Edward said darkly as his hands were fisted tightly at his sides. I was not going to lie there was something so exceptionally hot about his anger that made me feel like I needed to clench my thighs together. _Such passion..._

"It's Jacob – it's not like that. And it isn't exactly like I am doing anything wrong," I asserted to him. I was testing the waters to see whether what I was feeling was what he was feeling. It felt so very wrong to do it but I was fanning the flames deliberately. He eyes grew darker and his gaze made my breath come out shakily. His effect on me was overwhelming.

"I am not quite sure that I believe that. You should see the way he looks at you," he bellowed as he took a step towards me. God, I wanted so much in that moment. I couldn't explain it. I wanted to be angry. I wanted to quiet his fire. But, what the most surprising thing was, was that I wanted him. The warmth coursed through my veins straight through my heart and down there. _OH, my GOD!_ I wanted to claim his fury and tell him that he could have what ever piece of me he wanted. I had to get myself together – my lustful mind was engaged in a hostile takeover of the rest of my brain.

"He's harmless, we grew up together. He is the closest thing I have to a childhood friend," I said as I tried to quiet my voice. It was the truth and I was desperate to calm my raging hormones. Was he being just overprotective or not? God, I wanted to know? It was an unbelievable feeling trying to mask my emotions and not show my hand, but he was having a crazy effect on me. It was really beyond my control. I was breathing shakily, and trying so hard not to launch myself at him. Every nerve ending was live; I was hyper-aware of how close he was to me. I turned my gaze for a moment from him to try to control myself, but visions of my hands fisting in his hair and the feel of his hot mouth on mine were all that I saw. That was definitely not helping my cause.

I glanced back up to see he had his hands in his back pockets and I couldn't tell what he was thinking. He eyes had changed and his anger seemed diminished but not altogether gone. I saw the resolve in his eyes as he strode and closed the distance between us. _That really did not help. _He looked guilty and his eyes were soft as he looked down at me searching my eyes. The proximity was doing nothing for my resolve and I could feel myself bowing into him. The smell of his cologne swept over me and I knew in that moment if he didn't do something I would probably combust. My breaths were becoming considerably more irregular and I was waiting for him to make a move.

"I really shouldn't do this," he said as his breath swept over me. The heat of it fanned across my face and my eyelids quivered slightly. Goosebumps burned across my skin and I became heated. Everywhere it mattered.

"Do what?" I breathed shallowly. _Please. _My mind was begging him.

"This."

His lips crashed into mine and an explosion of sensations coursed through me. His hands were wrapped around my face holding me to him and I felt a rush of adrenaline stream through my veins. It was so much better than I thought it would be. As the initial shock wore off, I wrapped my arms around his waist suggestively as his hold on me tightened intimately. His lips were soft and warm as I moaned in his mouth and tilted my head to the side so I could have better access to his mouth. He took my bottom lip into his mouth and sucked gently. I could feel my toes starting to curl. Every inch of my body was on fire; I needed more of him. I wanted everything. I needed everything he could give.

His hands left my face and he backed me up against the side of the building trapping me. I wanted this so much and I grabbed the sides of his shirt to pull him towards me. He moaned into my mouth causing my body to react – I had never been this turned on before. He released my lips and his mouth moved stealthily to my neck and he pushed himself into me further. I could feel him. All of him. I wanted all of him. His lips were hot against my skin as he moved up to my ear. His tongue flicked my ear and I felt his teeth graze my earlobe. His breath on my skin was doing wondrous things to the rest of my body.

"Do you want this?" he shakily whispered into my ear, "Me?"

His impassioned plea for me to want him made my chest fill with certainty and I knew that whatever it was that I was feeling – he was feeling it too. I could get lost in this man; it made my heart feel heavy. My breathing became even more labored as I tried to process the emotions going through my head. It was too much. I felt that I could not get enough of him. My hands went straight to his hair and I pulled him roughly back to me lips. I was hungry for him. It was like I had an unquenchable thirst. My body started to shake and I wanted more than anything to find a release from the delicious feeling that was pouring through me. It was agonizing and incredible at the same time.

I heard a loud crack and suddenly he separated from me. He quickly straightened himself away from me pushing against the wall but I could not take my eyes off him to see what was happening. He eyes grew large as he took in whatever interrupted us.

"Just checking to see if everything is okay," Alice's little voice said as it floated towards us. I could now add Alice to Emmett's prestigious category of cockblocking for sure. "Oh, I wasn't interrupting anything was I? We wanted to know if you wanted to come back inside and play pool?" she continued. The line Alice danced between love and hate was shifting to hate at that particular moment.

"Sure, Alice," Edward replied with a harsh tone, "We'll be there in a minute. If you could just give us a moment?"

My breathing had returned to normal and when his eyes turned back to mine I felt as though I was getting lost again. I really needed to get a grip. His hands reached up and touched my face softly and his index finger traced lightly over my cheekbone. I was lost in his touch and my eyes fluttered closed. I opened my eyes to see him with a smug look on his face, and his eyes were dancing. A glorious smile grew across his face as he looked down at me at planted a long chaste kiss on my lips.

"I take it that was a yes," he said as he gave me his sexy lopsided grin. I reached my hand up and placed over his, letting my face rest in his hands.

"Actually, it was a _hell yes_," I said ardently as I smiled back up at him.

He grabbed a hold of my shoulders and led me back towards the bar. He stopped at the door and looked at me, appraising me. That damn sexy grin was back.

"Well, if we were hoping to not telegraph what we were doing, we're going to fail miserably," he said he that smirk on his face. "That is unless you can turn that blush off."

I reached my hands up in horror to find my face burning to the touch and I knew that I was probably the deepest shade of crimson. I looked to him anxiously to see him beaming with humor, and I decided that he wasn't the only one who was going to have fun with this.

"Fuck it. It really is your ass on the line here. I don't have to worry about Emmett," I stated playfully. He eyes widened minutely, and I knew that he wasn't considering that option. It wasn't like I wanted to feed him to the Big Bear, but I wanted to have a little fun. I could feel that my lips had a slight burn to them, and with all his scruff on his face I knew that I had Edward Cullen road rash on my face and neck. The cool night air felt good on chaffed skin and I wondered how we were really going to pull this one off. Edward seemed to be lost in his thoughts at that moment as we both tried to figure this one out. I felt something strange in my heart and I looked up at him. I wasn't ashamed. I wasn't sorry.

I grabbed his hand and moved it to my over-heated face.

"I don't care what they think. Maybe you won't have to be so overprotective in there," I sighed as I searched his face.

He laughed as he shook his head to the side. "You never fail to amaze me. Are you sure you can keep your little friend from slapping your ass?" he said playfully as he took a handful of mine in his hands.

"You're a little confident tonight, aren't you?" I breathed back as he tightened his grip and pulled me to him.

"I believe you said, 'hell yes,' if I remember correctly?" he mocked as he looked down at me. God, where was this coming from? My experiences with Edward were not usually like this. He was gentle, caring, thoughtful...and this was different. Not different bad – different good. It was _really_ good. This was the side of him that I hadn't seen yet and I loved it. He was a playful little smart ass and I loved that he challenged me.

I quirked my eyebrow at him. "One more for the road?" I said as I bit down on my lower lip.

He took his free hand back to my face to brush the hair gently from my face. I was trying not to shake with anticipation, but it was really hard. Edward took his sweet ass time as he slowly brought his mouth down to mine. When his lips touched mine, it was sweet and easy but I could tell he was holding himself back. It was probably for my own good but I really wanted a second round against the wall of Trudy's Hair Shack. That place will always be a little special to me from now on. He didn't deepen the kiss and pulled back as slowly as he came in. I was sure I was pouting. He started to laugh when he noticed.

"Bella, we are going to live in the same house for the entire year," he laughed.

The door to the bar flew open again and a spiky-hair minx came bounding out.

"Geez...seriously, you guys. Give it a rest. I am doing everything in my power to keep Emmett from coming out here. I don't know how many more hot dogs I can shove down his throat," I groaned and I thought that we should probably make our way back in.

Edward released me and motioned with his arms from me to enter. "Ladies first," he said.

Alice went in front of me and as I crossed the threshold of the bar. I yelped as I felt his firm hand connect with my ass. I turned around to give him my evil glare but it lost it luster as I caught his devious sexy grin. I rolled my eyes at him and turned to follow Alice. I made my way back through the throngs of people and I couldn't help but feel the smile that was plastered to my face. I wished for many things in my life and all I wanted in that moment was a freaking poker face. I should have had a sign on my face that said I was just making out with a really hot guy out on the sidewalk. What made it so much worse was that Emmett knew this face. Not from personal experience, but he has seen me numerous times in my post-coital glow. There was no use hiding this from him; I thought we should just probably take our lumps now and get it over with.

"Well, look at you," Emmett seethed and he got up from his chair searching the bar from the offender. "Where is he? Is he too chicken shit to show his face?"

_Holy fuck_. Emmett was mad. Not just mad; he was furious. I had hoped wherever Edward was, that he would stay there for a considerable amount of time so that I could calm the raging inferno down. Of course, that was not what happened. Why should I have not expected him to be right behind me?

"Edward, apparently I was not clear enough today," Emmett barked and I could tell this could go from zero to worse in a few seconds. Most men cower from the threat of Emmett. Most _smart _men cower to Emmett. I hoped Edward was smart.

"No, I got it loud and clear. Doesn't look like I hurt her, does it?" Edward challenged.

_What the fuck?_ Of all the answers I expected to hear from his mouth, that was the farthest from my mind. It was almost unconscionable. I could not think of a good reason why Edward would have provoked Emmett. That was unless he knew something I didn't.

"You think this is fucking funny? I don't –" Emmett yelled but was interrupted by Rosalie.

"Fucking cool it you two. I am not having any of this fucking bullshit," she commanded as she pushed Emmett back down in his seat. "You sit here. And _you_...sit there."

Rosalie pointed her red manicured finger at Edward and he reluctantly sunk down into his chair. It was confirmed that Rosalie Cullen was a force to be reckoned with and I was surprised at how quickly the both of them sat down. I smirked as the both of them sat there obediently waiting for their next command. Rosalie Cullen's obedience school was in session.

"Oh, don't you think that I am not going to be all over you in a second, Bella. We are all going to sit here like mature adults and work this shit out. I am so over this macho bullshit," she continued as I also sunk down into my chair. Alice looked like she was watching the best show ever and he eyes were twinkling with delight. I was glad someone was having some fun with this. Emmett crossed his hands over his chest as a sign of his annoyance with being put in his place and was glowering at me. I echoed his scowl as I should just be as pissed with him as he was with me. We stayed there like that for a minute or two until I finally could not take that shit anymore.

"I don't see what the big problem is here?" I fumed.

"Bella, seriously?" Emmett shouted in frustration. "Do you think you should take a little time to figure your shit out before jumping into the first warm bed you find?"

I felt like he just cut me. He did cut me. Emmett had never said anything like that to me in my memory and instead of becoming more infuriated; I just lost it. That perilous control I had on my emotions slipped and I looked at him in utter dismay. I couldn't believe he really thought that. Did he? I knew that my hard exterior was cracking and the tears started to well up in my eyes. How could he say that?

Edward's hand grabbed my hands in my lap and I looked from my hands to his face. I didn't try to hide what I was feeling and he saw the shock in my face. His eyes bore into mine and they shifted and grew dark. He was angry. A wave of fear swept over me as I knew what that face meant. He was destined to come to blows over this one.

"You son of a bitch. I can't believe you would fucking say that," Edward hollered at him.

Edward was standing over me and was leering at Emmett. I knew this situation. Edward was about six seconds away from coming at Emmett with everything he had. Part of me wanted him to beat the shit out of him, for all the times that no one ever challenged Emmett. And the other part of me worried for what this meant for our futures together.

"Emmett, get up and I will meet you outside. I am not fucking kidding. Get up and walk out NOW!" Rosalie yelled at him. If I thought Edward looked furious it was no comparison to how Rosalie looked.

Emmett pushed up from the bar and flew out the door. The door slammed loudly. Rosalie got up to follow him and she stopped in front of Edward.

"I am not pleased with you either. But, that was out of line. If we are not back in ten minutes go buy some fucking shovels and meet me at the car," she bellowed as she turned to follow Emmett out.

Alice was staring straight at me and she had a look on her face that was part anxious and the other part frightened. I couldn't even count the number of times on my hand that it ever got this bad between us...actually I could never remember it being this bad. I don't know what had gotten into Emmett, but I was feeling sick over coming down from such an intense high to such a low. Alice moved closer to me and crawled into the seat next to me. I was flanked by Edward on my right and Alice on my left and she pulled me into a hug.

"He didn't mean it, Bella. Emmett has been dealing with some intense stuff right now and I think he took it out on you. You know he is going to come back in here and beg for forgiveness once he calms down. He would never intentionally hurt you; I just don't know exactly what is going on," she said as she pulled me nearer.

The bartender came around and brought us a fresh pitcher and I took a few healthy pulls from me beer. Today, like the past few days, could go down in the history of one of the biggest clusterfucks of all time. It all happened in one day but it really felt like an eternity since we had left Seattle this morning. This morning I was afraid of what would happen with me Dad and now with one problem solved another just blows up in my face. I needed some fucking consistency fast – this rollercoaster bullshit was making my head spin. I was starting to feel really tired; a day filled with both expected and unexpected highs and lows can do that to a girl. I wanted to just become numb for awhile and forget everything. It seemed like I was making the wrong moves in everyone eyes – but what I had with Edward did not feel wrong. It was about the only thing that felt right.

I was pulled from my reverie by Jacob taking a seat across from the three of us. I gave him a look that hopefully conveyed that his attitude would not be tolerated and I think he caught the drift.

"Where did the blonde and Emmett run off to?" he asked cautiously.

"They're outside...I should probably go check on them?" Alice grunted as she attempted to get up.

"Nope, this one's on me," I asserted as I got up.

"Bella, maybe it would be best for Alice to go," Edward said as he stared back at me. He was just trying to protect me, which I understood, but I had to see what was going on. My life was on my terms now and I wasn't about to start hiding again. Rip the Band-Aid off in one fell swoop. The pain would be quick but maybe we could get past it sooner.

"No, it wouldn't. This is about Emmett and me..." I trailed off as I moved purposefully through the crowd.

Emmett was sitting on a bench with his head in his hands and Rosalie was standing over him. She saw me as I approached as she looked at me tentatively. She knew I could make this worse – or I could make it better. I nodded at her and she bent down to kiss his cheek announcing her exit. His face was worn; I could tell that he had felt remorse for what happened inside the bar. He looked at her questionably until he saw me approaching. She gave his shoulder a small squeeze and moved to reenter the bar.

I approached him uncertainly to make sure that it was okay.

"Hey," I squeaked.

"Hey."

I sat there for a moment not sure how to proceed. Sitting next to me was a man that I had learned to count on always. Someone who never let me down. He didn't put up with any of my crap and sure as hell never let me get away with anything. He was someone I cherished. Someone I loved. It was those emotions that guided me.

"I know that you're just trying to protect me, but I need you to understand that I am not doing this because it is some fleeting thing. You know that's not me," I said as the tears started to well up in my eyes. I wished I could carry on one conversation today without becoming a blubbering mess. "I just don't want you mad at me...or Edward."

There was only one time in my life that I had seen Emmett cry. It was a moment that I hoped would never come again. He took his hands from his face and turned to look in my eyes and I saw it. His eyes were rimmed in red and I could tell that he was trying so hard not to cry. My heart sank as I really looked him over.

"Sorry, Bells," he started through his sniffles. "Please say you'll forgive me."

I crawled onto his lap and rested my head under his chin. I could never say mad at Emmett. He had a heart of gold. He was probably the most genuine person I knew. It was such a different perspective being on the other side – comforting someone else.

"That's all you had to say," I whispered as he leaned back and pulled me with him.

"What a fucking weekend this has been," he moaned as he took a deep breath.

"I take it you don't want to talk about it?" I asked.

"Nope. I am pretty checked out right now," he asserted as he burrowed his forehead into my shoulder.

"He's a good decent guy, you know?"

"Probably should man-up and apologize."

"That would be nice."

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure Rose will have my nuts for breakfast if I don't," Emmett chuckled briefly.

"I'm starting to really like her," I breathed.

"So, am I."

Anyone that could keep Emmett in check was good in my book. We sat there for a moment longer; just two old friends basking in each others' company. We were about to get up when I heard the bar door open and lifted my head to see who was coming out. The rest of the group filed out with Alice in the lead and her pace quickened as she saw us. She jumped on the bench and bounded into us. The snuggle vulture struck again.

"Girls, we should probably go to the car," I suggested knowing that Emmett needed to do some business with Edward.

We walked to the car and remembering that I had less than one beer that night I climbed into the driver's seat. We waited there silently trying to hear what was going on across the street and straightened quickly when they broke apart and moved towards us.

The drive back was silent; we were all exhausted from our night together. I wanted nothing else but to sleep. Alice was going to share my bedroom with me and Rosalie and Edward were taking the twin beds in the guest room. Emmett didn't object because he liked the couch in the living. That was his place and I never argued with him. We were walking up the steps to the house when I reached my arm out to stop Edward. The rest of the group turned and I nodded for them to continue inside without us.

"Are you up for a run tomorrow? I have one in mind for you," I said a little more suggestively than I planned.

"Sure, just take it easy on me." Edward replied as his smirk was back.

"Sorry, I don't do easy. Maybe you should stick to running alone?" I alleged playing with him.

"I am convinced of that now," he breathed.

"What?" I shuddered as I wondered what exactly he meant by that.

He shook his head and laughed. "That didn't come out right. I am at your beck and call," he said as he grabbed my hand and placed it in his. I bit down on my bottom lip nervously.

"Good. Better bring your 'A' game tomorrow, Cullen."

That sexy lopsided grin spread across his face and he moved himself closer to me. I closed my eyes ready to feel his lips on mine. When they didn't connect, I opened them quickly to see Edward staring at me with the largest smirk across his face. He was toying with me.

"Better save my strength for tomorrow. Good night, Bella," he whispered in my ear as he brought my hand up to his mouth and planted a kiss on it. He turned and left me standing there on the walkway.

I smiled to myself and walked up the stairs into my house.

_Until tomorrow then_.

**So....they kissed!! Tell me what you think...please leave a little love to get me through the rest of '09!! See you all again soon.**

**Also I want to rec "The Naked Guy Upstairs" – it is hilarious!**

**Mutt**


	9. Sober

**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**A/N: I hope that everyone had a happy holiday season and a fabulous new year. I want to thank my beta for dealing with this chapter because apparently I have been watching too much Cookie Monster because me's and my's were interchangeable in this one. And, and, and, and, and....that's for you Vampiremama!!!**

**Thank you to born2speakmirth and qjmom, my Twilighted betas, for putting up with my multiple posts over the holidays.**

**Here we go....and P.S. I like it sweaty....read on!**

**A KICK IN THE BALLS**

**Chapter Nine – Sober **

**APOV**

_Holy flicking hell._

Bella was usually a very sound sleeper, but she was giving me a run for my money that morning. I was having this amazing dream involving a certain lovely young man in a hot tub, his wandering hands and a rubber duck – when Bella's knee connected firmly and painfully with my backside. She had been restless all night and unusually vocal. Don't get me wrong; she talked in her sleep all the time but it was like some unending cycle of blabbering all night long. It was like sleeping in a room with the radio on too low to make out the words. She was generally a good little bunk-mate and entertaining as hell, but I needed her to cut this mama some slack so she could indulge in some serious beauty sleep. After all, I did have a date that night with a particular blue eyed wonder.

_Mmmm...Mommy likes Jasper._

I closed my eyes again as I let out a contented sigh. My mind was fixated on him. His sexy grin, completely unmanageable hair which was in need of some serious product, and the way he could completely disarm me with his charm. He was ever the gentleman and I knew then that one day I would have to thank his parents for making him so....perfect. I was not about to start lying to myself by saying that I didn't have it bad, because I did. Really bad!

_Great._ There would be no more sleep for Miss Alice. I had completely missed my window on that one, because my mind was racing in a million directions. The attire? Casual? Semi-formal? Hell, I didn't even know where we were going..._shit_! That was seriously stressing me out. How in the world was I going to have enough time to make it perfect? _Ugh!_ I was stuck in Forks, miles away from my arsenal of beauty products. Maybe if I had would have summoned the courage to have roused sleeping beauty up..._oh, flick_...but that really wasn't an option at the time. I had concluded that I should just try to settle myself down for a little one-on-one time with me and Mr. Jasper.

I shut my eyes again hoping for a little more fantasizing but Bella had the bed rocking and rolling again. I sat up straight in bed to like a possessed woman to glare at her sleeping form. When I finally saw her face my thought process went in the completely different direction. Her face was beet red with strands of hair matted to her forehead from the sweat that had formed there. She had begun to toss more violently and my brain went to the memories that I had wanted to wholly purge my system. I didn't want to go there but the fact that she had been mirroring those past events had me more than a little worried.

The weekend had been difficult, and let's just say that I had been all about getting off the rollercoaster, but I thought that Bella would do so much better after all was said and done. She had her little spat with Emmett, the master of the overreaction, but I thought that there would be some happy and maybe slightly erotic dreams in her future. I watched as her face scrunched into a scowl and she began to quietly murmur.

_Definitely not an erotic dream...unless Bella secretly developed a liking for BDSM._

Her body started to relax and I hoped that she would be close to waking. I knew better than to try to wake her because Bella, although she was one of the kindest souls I had ever known, was hell on a stick in the morning. It was better to wake her from a safe distance than be close enough to be a recipient of her wrath. Although sometimes I thought that Emmett did it intentionally, just to see how feisty she got.

_Only Emmett was that dense_.

Bella quieted for a brief moment so I was able to hear voices float across the hall, and I knew that the rest of the house was probably in the early stages of getting up. I ascertained from both Rosalie and Edward that they were early risers, which made me feel a little anxious for some of their interactions with 'Bella the Beast.' I would have to make a mental note to teach them the tried and true coping mechanisms that I had learned over the past few years. I heard the car start up outside and pull from the drive, and I guessed that someone must have gone out to pick up some breakfast goodies for the group.

My attention then turned swiftly back to Bella. To me, Bella was the best friend and the sister I always wanted to have and actually liked. Sure I had Jess, but we were poles apart. North and South. I would rather dress in drag in public than confide in her because she had little understanding of how my mind worked. The things that were important to me, she blew off as frivolous banter. Bella apparently had the Alice Brandon decoder ring and was always there when I needed her to be. It was an added bonus that she was never judgmental. She was the other pea in my pod, although her pea was always in need of female guidance. It was a full-time job trying to get that girl to dress and act like a woman...a lady would be a bit of a stretch. She had the right upbringing but I knew that she was Charlie's daughter; a creature of habit and comfort. If it wasn't for me the girl would not have owned a pair of heels! The horror! Gosh, she was a pain sometimes, but consequentially I loved her more for it.

She started to toss again and her words were crystal clear. Her fists were clenched as she grabbed the pillow and tried to cover herself. It looked as though she was trying to protect herself. I was so confused...

"_No....please....I don't want this...please stop."_

Her voice was a strangled plea and her chest started to heave as she became more frantic in her movements. The adrenaline started to course through my veins as I moved closer to her. Over and over she repeated the words becoming more agitated with each passing second.

"_NO......let go of me......STOP!"_

Her words were no longer quiet – she was screaming. It was a blood-curdling cry. I began to panic as the weight of the situation started to weigh heavily on me. _What could I do? _Scared and anxious, I climbed out of the bed and went around to her side. I heard heavy feet outside the door as she became louder and louder. I felt the quick burst of cool air against my back and then I saw Emmett from the corner of my eye. I tore my eyes from her for a moment and the shock I felt was echoed in his face. He looked at me for a moment as I mouthed to him, 'I don't know.' His brow was fraught with worry and I stared at him, silently pleading for him to do something. I was always so powerless. I was a chicken; I never could act on my impulses.

"_NO! James...I told you NO!"_

Emmett flew against the bed, grabbing her wrists in an effort to pull her to him. He wrapped his arms around her protectively as she woke up suddenly. He was holding her in his patented bear hug and waited patiently for her to get her bearings. She pushed him roughly and tried to free herself from his grasp as she was still locked in her dream. Emmett held his ground and was trying to quiet her down.

"Bella? Bella? Honey, it's okay....shhhh....it's okay....we are here.....shhh," he whispered to her.

Her eyes widened as she took in her surroundings and then ducked her head into his neck. She sobbed for a brief moment and Emmett looked back to me, his eyes full of anguish. I looked back to him hoping to convey that there was no possibility that any of it was his fault. My feet led me over to the bed and I sat tentatively next to my two best friends. She turned to face me as I pulled the hair from her face and she quieted quickly sitting up further on Emmett's lap. She eventually slid onto the bed and let out a loud sigh. I knew that she must be upset with herself. She had been doing so well dealing with everything that had been thrown at her, and her reaction was probably a fall from grace in her eyes. It was probably just a minor detour but I couldn't fathom the reason why her past indiscretions with James would be forefront in her mind. She took her hair back securing it into an elastic before grabbing both of our hands and bringing them into her lap. We had her in a Bella sandwich as she clutched our hands tightly.

"What was that about?" Emmett asked cautiously.

"I don't know. I don't know what triggered it," Bella groaned, "I was dating James again and...God, he was so sweet to me. Just like before. And then, it was like it was all a game to him....and that night when he –"

"I should have torn that fucker's head off when I had the chance," Emmett seethed.

"Bella, what made you think of him?" I asked wanting to know what could have possibly triggered those painful memories. I thought that we had seen and heard the last of the prick from hell, but something felt off. I could not help but feel that it was some type of warning. It scared me. I had feelings like that occasionally and I knew that something was lurking out there ready to inflict some damage upon us. I shivered in response. Bella looked to me and I tried to plant the emotion of concern on my face, but I was sure it looked more like fear.

"I was thinking about Ed – err...I mean dating again," she corrected herself mid-sentence.

"You can say his name, Bella. It's okay," Emmett huffed.

She turned her head and gave Emmett a small smile. "Well, it was the similarities....and what you said last night, your warning," she said as she looked at Emmett.

"Bella, you know I didn't mean it like that. Shit," Emmett moaned as he ran his hand through his hair. "Edward and James are _nothing_ alike."

"Bella, he's right," I said quickly.

Bella got up from the bed and went over to her nightstand to look at herself in the mirror. I looked over to Emmett who was now standing looking at her apprehensively. She turned to stare at both of us and she had a small amount of determination in her eyes.

"I know, but you were also right last night. I am way too fucked up right now to think about starting a relationship with anyone," she asserted painfully as if it was the last option she wanted to choose. I knew it was. I wished that I could have shared what it was like from my end, seeing it all unfold in front of me. From just the past few days it was evident that he cared for her. I had caught him on several occasions staring at her with pure delight in his eyes. I wished in that moment that I had taken the opportunity to share it all with her. She was trying to protect her heart – tired of putting herself out there. I hoped that I could change where her mind was taking her; she was her own worst enemy. If she thought that this line of thinking was going to move her forward, she was so utterly wrong. I could tell the dream had really messed with her head, and I had a suspicion that she was editing for Emmett's sake. She was back to being the 'glass is half-empty' Bella.

Then for a reason that only God knows, I booked a trip on the train to furious town. I connected the dots. I knew exactly what was going on.

_I saw red._

"Bella, it was just a dream," I shouted with conviction. I wasn't going to let her do that. She was so self-destructive at times that I made my head spin. It was like she was back at the aftermath of the whole James saga and she was trying to distance herself from possibilities that could make her happy. I wasn't about to go back to that hell. The drinking, the one-night stands, her reckless behavior...._oh, hell no._ I was starting to really build up some steam. Really. Flaming. Mad. Bella's eyes widen as she took in my fury.

"You are going to put on your running gear and go for a run with Edward. Do you understand me?" I screeched through my gritted teeth. I was so close to exploding and yelling like the crazy person I was.

"Alice, are you okay?" Emmett questioned quietly as he slowly backed towards the door. He was right to be afraid.

_I was definitely NOT okay._

"Not going to happen, Missy. We are not going there again. You are not going to do this little song and dance routine with me again. You are going to forget your little dream and quit being so freaking afraid to take a chance. If you want to take it slow...fine," I grounded out as I looked at her intently. I could smell her fear. I never got mad like that and she knew it. I hoped that my venom was striking a cord with her.

"Well, if you girls don't need me anymore..." Emmett whispered as he backed himself completely out of the room. Emmett knew that he was in firing range and few were spared when I got into one of my moods.

"Alice, I know that you are concerned, but –"

"But, my ass. You just broke 'safe and easy's' heart and now you are running for the hills when someone good comes along. You see it don't you?" I fumed. She knew exactly what I was talking about. James was comparable Edward – even I could see the resemblance. The Edward that she saw last night was a lot like him; possessive, protective, aggressive, cocky, and had the same effect on Bella's panties I was sure. But, that was the only side to James. There was no sincerity, no caring, and no love – just some conceited bastard that took advantage of my friend.

"See what?" she huffed in annoyance.

"You know darn well what I am talking about. You know exactly what triggered that dream, and it has you scared shitless."

"Alice, I am really not interested in this conversation right now."

Bella started to cross to the door and I moved right in front of her. It took her aback because I was rarely confrontational, but I had made a lot of mistakes by not speaking my mind.

_If I was in therapy, that would be a breakthrough._

"Bella, just listen. I should have said a lot of things – but I didn't. I was afraid and your friendship means more to me than anything else in this world. But, if I don't say this I will never be able to forgive myself," I began, my voice faltering several times. It was really amazing how women can go from angry to the point of tears in less than five seconds.

"We all have sides to us – a side we hide, a side we show to others and some that we only share with a few people. I know what has you so scared. You see so much of James in Edward, but Edward is _not_ James. There is so much more to him. I know the side of you that loved Mike also sees _those _qualities in Edward too."

She released my gaze as she traveled to the window. It was a lot to think about. I knew that it was true. James was exciting, impulsive, and he drove her wild. Mike was loving, caring, and protective. She was two different people when she was with the both of them and she always wanted more. After her indiscretions post-James, she basically went for the first nice guy she met. Safe and easy – but not perfect. She was scared because this truly could be perfection. Her two halves could be whole.

"You make it sound so simple," she whispered, "It isn't. I don't know my ass from my elbows right now."

"Well, _this_ is your ass and _this_ is your elbow," I said mockingly as I jabbed my finger into both of them.

"Very funny, Alice."

I put my arms around her from behind and rested my head against her back so I could whisper.

"Give it a chance, Bella. That's all I am asking." I breathed. I could feel her relax and I knew that I had struck the right cord. I didn't always have the best aim or advice for that matter, but I hoped that she would take my plea into consideration. I released her from my hug and she walked purposefully past me.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

"Apparently, I have a running date to keep," she said grumbling a little as she left.

**EPOV**

_How could you not love a small town_?

I leaned against the door frame as Rosalie and I waited for the nice little old lady to pack up our donuts. From the pace she was going we might need her to pack us a lunch too, but I was really in no hurry. Little Miss Sunshine was probably still sleeping at her house and I had time to relax with my sister. Rosalie was up before the rooster crowed and she apparently decided that I had slept enough. That was a common event in my childhood. I swear my parents wanted to install a lock on her door so that she couldn't wander the house at all hours when she was a child. My father had to stand guard during Christmas to make sure that my mom could put out of the presents without Rosalie knowing. I shook my head as I smiled at the memory.

"What has you so happy this morning?" Rosalie asked as she sipped her coffee.

"Just thinking about how you almost beat Santa to the punch each Christmas," I said with humor. Rosalie looked downtrodden by my comment as she stared off into space. I knew that although I was reminiscing about happy memories it was difficult to not let the present events cloud them.

"Don't go there, Rose. There still is hope," I asserted hoping to change her thought process. We both had a lot on our plates and I knew that dwelling on the past was unproductive and potentially painful.

"I know. Just the thought that memories will be all we have left of her is a hard pill to swallow," she stated slowly.

"Dad has been completely honest with us about the treatment and you know that mom is doing everything she can to beat this," I said trying to reassure my sister. "She is getting results tomorrow and we should know more."

"I know, I know," she claimed as she gestured with her hand. "I am being Debbie Downer again, aren't' I?"

"Wa, wa, wa," I said with a laugh.

Rosalie reached over and tried to swat me with her hand but I was too quick. She was always hitting me for one reason or another, and after years of her little abuses I learned some pretty good dodging maneuvers. We were interrupted from a voice from behind the counter.

"You're all set there, sweetie," Carol said from behind the counter. I thought she was talking to Rosalie but when I looked up I saw that she was staring at me. I walked over to the counter to pick up the boxes and she gave me what I deemed to be a full-tooth grin, except all her teeth weren't there. I gave her a shaky smile and said thank you as we walked out the door.

"You know if things don't work out with Bella, I am sure Carol is up to the task," Rosalie mocked as she walked to the passenger side of the car. She had her trademark devious grin on her face. I decided that a piggish comment was in order to wipe that little smirk off her face.

"Yeah, she's missing most of her front teeth. I can only imagine the amazing hummers she could give," I said with a waggle of my eyebrows. Rosalie's face turned to complete disgust and I knew that I got her back.

"I wish I could open my head to pour my coffee in to wash out the mental picture I just had. God, you are so gross sometimes," Rosalie spat out with a grimaced face.

"Don't mess with the master, Rosie. By the way, why did we have to buy out most of the donuts in the shop?" I asked.

"Um, have you seen Emmett eat? The dozen are for him," she said with a twinkle in her eye.

"Are we ready to discuss this all?" I asked hesitantly.

Rosalie let out a large breath and she looked at me intently as we sat in the car still parked in front of the Mama Jo's Donut Shop. _Got to love small towns._ We only had each other to talk to, and although hearing about Rosalie and men was like nails on a chalkboard, I had to offer her some support if she needed it. I decided that I would have to try really hard not to be the asshole over-protective older brother in the future seeing how I was living with the enemy. Emmett was definitely making my judgment cloudy with some of the events that had played out recently. To say that I had to walk a delicate line was the understatement of the century because it would concern not just two futures, but four.

"Just so we are clear...we are going to try to be civil to each other even if we're mad, right?" Rosalie asked starting us off.

"Correct. But that's easier said than done for you, sweet sister," I mocked because I knew that Rosalie had a very slippery trigger finger and had shown me earlier that she was still prone to overreact.

"Oh, I think that you showed _a lot_ of restraint last night," she asserted. I guessed that she had my number there.

"One minor infraction, sis," I said as a shrugged my shoulders. I knew that would get a rise out of her.

"Minor!? I almost took a shovel to Emmett's head last night and you were about to be my second victim. It was major, Edward," she said forcefully.

"I am just kidding around with you. I know that last night was a major fuck up on my part. I think that the four of us need a little work on control. Tell me at least the thought of us together is tolerable?" I questioned knowing that Rosalie was most likely putting on more of a show lately than necessary.

"It is tolerable. I probably shouldn't be one to judge since I am not exactly a relationship authority. Emmett has pretty much vouched for her, so I guess that means she's okay," she said.

"What? What do you mean by that?" I replied as if her answer shocked me. It did. Emmett was pretty standoffish with me when it came to anything Bella and the idea that he actually defending her to Rosalie was somewhat intriguing. He could have simply nixed the whole relationship by selling Bella out. _Crap._ I started to feel remorse creep into my skin as I realized he was probably a really good guy. He was just trying to protect his friend, and his actions were turning from detestable to honorable in my mind. I hated to admit to myself that I should probably say something to him by the way of an apology.

"Why is it so hard for you to accept that Emmett is a good guy?" she asked as she turned to me. I saw in her eyes that she was no longer in the joking mood. An honest question needed an honest answer.

"Rose, you are my baby sister. I cannot just turn off my Neanderthal tendencies in one day. I will work on it though. I promise. I just ask that you give me the same leeway as I am giving you," I said with sincerity.

"You don't think that I have been showing restraint?" she questioned and I knew that playful Rosalie was back.

"Well, Emmett and I are still alive and not buried behind Trudy's Hair Shack, so I guess restraint was shown," I said teasingly as looked to her across the car.

"I guess the 'hot head Cullens' struck again last night, huh?" she laughed. I hadn't heard that term since high school and it reminded me of some of the crazy stuff our quick little mouths had gotten us into during the time. The more I thought about it I realized what a rarity it was in the Cullen house for a week to go by without one of us having to have a sit-down with one or both of our parents. I really wished that we had taken after my mother in that respect, but we are following in a long line of Cullens with disengaged verbal filters.

We pulled up to Bella's house to see Emmett and Alice sitting together on the front step. Alice was kneeling over Emmett looking at his face with a very determined look, as if she was trying to figure out some great puzzle. She kept turning his head from side to side.

"Hey, guys, where did you two go?" Emmett asked as he tried to swat Alice off him.

"Emmett, will you freaking hold still! I just have one left," Alice uttered, annoyed with Emmett's resistance as she brought her hands back up to his face.

"Ouch, fuck, Alice. You are done," Emmett yelled as I finally understood what she was doing. He had his palm on his eyebrow rubbing it harshly to try to take the sting our of Alice's primping. She was plucking his eyebrows.

"Why in the world would you let her do that to you?" I asked as I walked up to the pair of them on the steps. Rosalie had already made it over to Emmett and was inspecting Alice's work. I could tell from the smirk on her face that she was a fan.

"It was better than looking at the two misfit caterpillars that he has for eyebrows," Alice said in a huff and grabbed the box for donuts from me.

"Those are all for you, Big Guy," I mentioned as Rosalie handed Emmett his own box.

"Sweet Lord, woman. Thank you....great...yum..." Emmett said as his words fell off due to the three donuts that were stuffed in his face.

The front door suddenly opened and out came Bella wearing running shorts and a tee. I took a chance to look at her some more, and she already had a glow to her that morning and was wide awake. _Strange_...Bella is not a morning person.

"Cullen, are you going to make me wait? I am going to give you five minutes," Bella commanded as she placed her hands on her hips.

_Yep, not a morning person._

"I'll be back in four," I said as I breezed past her and gave her my most dazzling smile I could offer. She tried unsuccessfully to continue to look mad and her lips curled into a small half smile. I made my way upstairs to the guest room in lightening speed and threw on my running gear in record pace. I was somewhere between anxious and excited for I knew that Bella had something up her sleeve. The more I lingered on that thought, the more I became increasing worried that maybe my charms were not going to work against her plans. Who challenges a marathon runner to a race? She most definitely had me there so I was going to have to come up with something to match.

I made it back to the porch where Emmett was still up to his elbows in donuts. The group seemed carefree that morning and it was like the dark cloud that had been ominously hanging over us the past few days was finally gone. Bella was standing against her car watching me as I approached her slowly. She was biting her lip and looking nervous as I approached and I got the sense that her insides were as jumbled as mine. I thought I saw a hint of a blush when she brought her gaze to the ground and started kicking the tire. It seems that I had an effect on the lovely Miss Swan.

"So, where are we off to?" I said with a hint of a smile on my lips. She looked adorable and nervous and maybe she was second guessing herself because she just kept biting her lip. It was very distracting.

"There's a trail about two blocks down that heads into the park. The loop is about four miles...think you can handle it?" she mocked with the blush coming full force. I was about to respond when I her Alice snickering in the background.

"What?" I asked as Alice looked at me with a jovial face.

"Well, all I can tell you is good luck," she giggled.

"Just bring him back in one piece, Bella," Rosalie said as she wiped off some of the donut shrapnel that somehow got onto Emmett's forehead.

My giddy emotions were mostly replaced by dread and I wondered is that little vixen was going to put me through the wringer. Hell, I teased her a little last night, but I hoped that she wasn't about to take me on a death march or anything. Bella gave Rosalie a little wink and she maneuvered behind me to start pushing me toward the street. I think that she sensed my hesitancy and want to push me forward so the chance for me to back out was not available.

"Ready?" As she started her legs moving and I quickly followed suit.

Her face brightened as I started to run next to her and her pace was just fine by me. Not too fast and not too slow. I was lucky that she was a good half of a foot shorter than me and although she was running a pretty good clip, my long legs accommodated me. It was nice; the sound of our feet against the pavement, the wind blowing through the trees, and the sound of the intake and outtake of breath. It was relaxing and easy. I glanced over to her and she was smiling as we made our way to the trail. She was beautiful in her element and her cheeks were becoming flushed from the exertion. I think she knew I was staring as her smile turned to a smirk and she looked to me.

"Let's stop here to stretch," she motioned to some grass at the entrance to the trail.

After about five minutes of stretching and secret glances, Bella stood up and looked at me in anticipation. By the look on her face, I hoped I was ready for what she had in store.

"I hope you are ready for this,_ Eddie_," she said as she took off towards the trail. Did she just call me 'Eddie?' _Ah, hell no_. She was going to get it. I guessed that Rosalie probably filled her in on the fact that I absolutely loathed anyone calling me that and she only used it when she was trying to get a rise out of me. If Bella sought that effect – she was spot on.

I tore after her into the wood and I could tell that she was running hard. Damn she was fast. The more and more I tried to push myself forward, the faster she would go. Woman was like a damn puma. My legs were starting to tighten up and let's just say I was a minute or two from a heart attack and I knew I had to think of a plan 'b' quickly because plan 'a' was having some stellar results.

It was then that plan 'b' went into effect.

**BPOV**

_What a stupid boy thinking he could keep up with me!_

That was one of my all-time favorite runs and I knew it like the back of my hand. Alice had the pleasure of going on it few times but always warned me to keep the pace down. I don't know why I fed off the adrenaline so much but I loved to push it – to see what my limits are and stretch them. It would be nice if that was my approach to the rest of my life but let's face it – it wasn't.

I had peeked back at Edward a few times to make adjustments to my pace each time he quickened his. I was the mouse and he was the cat and it was more than fun. I think he must have thought that he would catch me eventually but let's be serious...he wasn't going to. I looked over my shoulder again and I stopped abruptly in my tracks.

No Edward.

I ran back a short way down the trail to the top of the hill I had just come up and there was still no Edward. I would say a mild panic started to set in as I thought that maybe I had pushed him too far. What if he was hurt? God, what if something happened to him? My pace quickened and I started calling his name. What if he couldn't hear me? My heart was beating furiously in my chest and I wanted to start crying for how helpless I felt.

I heard the snap of a branch and in a second I was tackled to the ground. I found myself lying on my back with a very sweaty Edward holding me down. I was so excited to see him alive but I quickly became distracted by the perilous position that he had me in. His full weight was on me and he was staring at me with the largest school boy grin. He looked like he was really pleased with himself. His face was just inches from mine and by the way his eyes were smoldering I knew what he wanted to do. I would have let him if I wasn't so pissed at him for what he did.

"Oh, no, buddy. I am pissed at you," I asserted as I tried to free myself from him. I was able to wiggle an arm free only to have it quickly pinned to the ground by Edward. With each move I found myself getting held firmer down by him, my bits covered with his various body parts. My mind then started to work against my rage as it took full note of how out bodies were aligned.

"What were you thinking I was going to do?" he asked as I continued to squirm beneath him.

"You know exactly what you were going to do."

"No, I don't. You should tell me," he said mockingly as he inched his face closer to me. My breath started to come out shakily as his face got closer and he skimmed his nose against mine gently. I was probably the closest to crimson that I could get and I was quickly starting to get worked up by the idea of what Edward and I could do. He trailed his nose over to my cheek all the way to my ear making my anger disappear.

"What do you want me to do?" he whispered seductively in my ear.

_Anything! Everything! Just kiss me you damn fool!_

Instead of the words my mind was shouting I let out a small whimper and I felt his lips on my neck. His lips nipped and sucked on my neck all the way up to me chin to the bottom of my mouth. I felt his lips graze mine before he left them to continue his assault to the other side of my neck. It was sweet and unrelenting torture as his tongue flicked over my skin that was already so overheated. I wanted desperately for the use of my arms so I could grab his head and bring his lips to me and show him what he was doing to me. Then I knew for sure that he was torturing me on purpose.

"What do you want, Bella?" he whispered in my ear again and my heart was leaping out of my chest. My pelvis was acting on its own by bucking into him as I got so lost in the sensation. I would take his brand of torture any day. If I could bottle it and sell it, I would make millions.

He started to chuckle at my movements knowing that he was getting me worked up. I was giving him so much power over me but this feeling of absolute lust and his touch was a heady combination. I would have done anything that he wanted me to..._anything._

"Do you want me to kiss you?" he asked as his teeth swept down my earlobe.

I started to nod my head and let out of breathless, "yes." I opened my eyes to see him looking down at me with hooded eyes that were as dark as the dusk and I became unable to make intelligible speech. To say that I was under his spell would be an understatement. His grip on my arm weakened and I took the opening to free myself and bring my hand up to his face. I ran my fingers up the stubble on his face and cradled his face in my hand. His face was hot and laced with sweat and he leaned into my hand so slightly as his eyes closed momentary. It was astounding how someone could look that beautiful. I started to grin at him as his eyes opened.

"What?" he asked as he looked at me in wonder with his brilliant smile,

"What are you waiting for?" I said as I gently tugged my face closer to me.

His lips against mine were gentle at first as out lips met and danced with each other. His tongue slipped out over his lips and smoothed over my bottom lip. I moved my head to the side so that he could deepen the kiss and was happily rewarded when his tongue met mine. I wiggled my other limb free and grabbed his upper arm. As we continued to kiss, my hand was drawing circles down his back until I felt it contact with skin. We were both so hot and sweaty but I didn't care as my hand moved over the muscles on his back. It snaked further under his shirt and I ran my nails up and down his back eliciting a shiver. He broke the kiss with a moan and looked down at me with eyes that were the epitome of desire. He came back down to my lips and we continued to kiss each other deeply.

"Bella....I want....mmmm...." he whispered through the kisses.

It was then that I felt him. It sent the heat that was pooling in my belly to my lady parts and I was seconds away from trying to rip his clothes off. I was a needy, needy girl. My hands swept down his back and across the front of his stomach, and I lightly fingered the elastic of his running shorts. I didn't want to go for the gold unless it was welcomed. He groaned and I knew he recognized what I wanted to do. But, before he could answer we were interrupted.

I heard it before I saw it. A golden retriever was barreling towards us. _Damn!_ I forgot that my favorite trail was probably the favorite trail of a few hundred people. Edward rolled off me in a flash as we both quickly tried to get up and get our barrings. Thank God the owner of the dog wasn't first down the trail as they would have seen the epic make-out session I was just engaged in. The dog stopped in front of us and started barking and Edward went to step in front of me.

"Buddy! Buddy! Buddy, come! Come here you idiot dog!" a young woman yelled as she approached. The dog relented and returned to his master and she grabbed him to put him back on the leash.

"Oh, gosh, I am so sorry," she said as she ran past us with a bashful grin on her face.

I was still petrified in my place as I felt Edward begin to shake beside me. It only took one look at his face and in an instant we were both doubled over in laughter. I rested my face against his chest as I tried to get a hold of myself when I felt his arm curl against me.

"I think that we should probably get back...unless you want to _run_ some more," he laughed as he looked down at me.

"Well, you are in no condition to run..." I trailed off as I looked down Edward's chest to his shorts, happy that I have an effect on him. I winked back at him.

"Come on woman, let's go back," he laughed as he pulled me to his side and walked back toward the road. Our conversation was easy as I talked of the happy memories I had here and how it was the place that always felt like home to me. Every once and awhile I would catch him gazing at me and I would give him a shy smile back. I enjoyed my role as the mouse way too much.

When we finally made it to the street, I could see the house in the distance and I knew that my brief hiatus from life was over. I don't know why I thought of it that way; but being with Edward was like being in some alternate universe where my past had no implications for my future. As we walked on the drive to the house, Alice was packing the rest of her gear in the back.

"Gosh, there you are. I was going to come looking for you," she said as she stuffed her bag in the back of the Audi. She looked me over appraisingly and looked over to Edward with a large grin on her face.

"Edward, go get your shower. We are on the road in twenty," she commanded as she pushed him toward the house. I stood there impassively as I watched him walk up the steps to my house with my eyes attached to his backside. I was mad that I didn't take my opportunity earlier to touch that.

"What am I going to do with you? I see you took my advice," she said affirmatively as she placed her hands on her hips. I was beginning to think that I had a large billboard on my forehead saying that I just was getting busy in the woods.

"What are you talking about now, Alice?" I questioned as I went to walk past her. She stepped in front of me again and I was starting to question her authoritative behavior.

"Maybe I should help you out before anyone else sees you, because you look like you were rolling around in the woods," she said as she tried to contain her laugh.

"What?"

"Bella, you have a small forest in your hair," she said as she turned me around and starting pulling twigs and leaves from my hair. I didn't think to look there. _Ugh, can anything pass detection around her?_

As she finished her forest removal activities, I turned to glare at her, but she had the largest Cheshire grin on her face. I just rolled my eyes and turned to leave when I felt a hard little smack on my behind.

"Aren't you glad you took my advice?" she mocked as she continued her little gloating session.

I turned to go up my stairs and hoped that I would have the opportunity to turn the screws on the little pixie later that day when we would meet her friend, Jasper.

_Yes, it was finally Alice's turn in the hot seat..._

**There you have it – first chapter of '10! I secretly love your reviews so keep them coming. Chapters should come pretty regularly now, about every week or so.**

**Have a good one....if you want a BDSM fix try "Masters of the Universe" by Snowqueens Icedragon. She has me captivated....**

**See ya!**

**Mutt**


	10. Hot & Cold

A Kick in the Balls

A/N: Hello everyone. I have several thanks to give out – to my favorite Canadian, vampiremama, for the guidance and mass amounts of proofreading she has done for me. To my Twilighted betas, qjmom and born2speakmirth, for getting my stuff up on the site.

There is some talk of eating disorders in this chapter, so beware if that is something that is hard for you to read.

Thanks again for sharing this ride with me!

Chapter 10 – Hot & Cold

For a semi-loquacious person, I didn't understand why I couldn't come up with the words.

How could I possibly articulate the situation that was happening in the back seat of my truck? Maybe it was the impossibly cramped quarters? Maybe it was the fact that Emmett was driving like some deranged idiot, weaving in and out of traffic? Maybe it was the fact that instead of watching the world glide past my window, I was watching a certain young man with bronze hair? Nope – it was none of those.

_It was ALICE._

Alice, the fanatical pixie from hell, was testing the very strength of the restraints in the back of the car as she sat next to me. She was like some crazed little kid with ADD who just overdosed on sugar. I was in my own personal purgatory. In a vain attempt to occupy the time, I wanted to see how Barbie, I mean Rosalie, was dealing with Alice. I whipped out my cell and fired off a text.

_**WTF? I'm dying here**_

_**it is beyond irritating**_

_**can you manhandle her again?**_

_**tempting, but no...Em would have my ass**_

_**you're a doctor's kid...got any sedatives in that purse?**_

_**no...and they are called handbags**_

_**I need out...I have a plan**_

"Emmett, I need a ladies' room break," I declared as I leaned forward against his seat. I was past the point of no return...I was officially dying. I really did think there was a good chance that I would just give up the ghost, but at least I would be out of misery.

For the hour prior, I had felt like MacGyver in the back of the car, going through the wacky scenarios to solve my dilemma in my mind. I was making a mental note of all the equipment I had in my car and what I could use to diffuse the ticking bomb. Superglue? No. Shoelaces? Check. Sedatives? Regrettably no. Duct tape? Check. Was it in reach? No. _Damn_. Thus was the reason that I lied to Emmett and demanded a bathroom stop. The good news was that we were only an hour from home; the bad news was that my threshold had been reached and then surpassed. I didn't know if once I was out of the car that I would be able to get back in.

Rosalie looked toward me and I nodded slightly to let her know that I was working the steps out of my plan. Did I really have a plan? No. I was grasping at straws at the time. I frankly couldn't stand another minute in the car. It was insufferable. It had never been that bad before.

Emmett pulled into a place called the 'Pump n' Munch' and I was out of that car before he had it in park with Rosalie trailing a half step behind me. Generally, I would have had a good laugh at the name of this place, but regrettably I was in a slightly foul mood. Of course Emmett was game. I only heard him start to say some off-color comment to Edward as I made a fast break for the store. I needed some distance between me and the Audi of Torture.

Alice was driving me nutso. She had talked us through every aspect in painstaking detail, about what we should, shouldn't, would, wouldn't, might, and might not do at dinner that night. Everything from what we should wear, what topics were on or off the table, where we should go, if we all should go home together afterward? It was exhausting, overwhelming, completely fucking unnecessary, and utterly Alice. I wish I had that switch in my mind that I was assuming all men had, the one where they can just reduce women to white noise. I couldn't reduce Alice to anything. Each word hit home and I was absorbing the details without consciously wanting to. Don't get me wrong – if you needed someone to think about every last detail of anything, it was Alice, but it was a bit much. She had finally shut up about fifteen minutes before I called for the break, but that was when the twitching started happening. It was like she was on speed...I had never seen her so keyed up and I was anxious from her proximity. If it wasn't her leg bouncing, it was her twisting in her seat. If it wasn't that, she was tugging at her hair. Then she started picking her nail polish off...it was an unending cycle of nervousness.

"What are we going to do?" I snapped at Rosalie. I didn't mean to snap but I felt so anxious about getting in the car that I was starting to feel like I needed a sedative. Or a really stiff drink. Maybe several really, really stiff drinks.

"Hell if I know. Was that normal for her?" Rosalie asked, her face peaked with curiosity and disbelief.

"Yes and no. Yes, for the planning. No, for the crazy anxiety shit," I answered in a huff of annoyance.

"That was all about a DATE? Holy crow, that is unbelievable," Rosalie exclaimed, not quite aware of how Alice worked yet. Alice was the master of perfection – it had to be flawless. No blemishes. She was a planner type always putting more thought than necessary into everything that she did. It was like Alice's life was ruled by some domineering tyrant type that kept all her t's crossed and her i's dotted. She was really meticulous and Emmett and I had to deal with her overzealous ambition all the time. Our friendship was actually a derivative of her craziness, because Alice was once too consumed by all of it.

Alice was also a constant fixture in the training room at U Dub our freshman year. Her injury to me was unique because it was not from a hit or sprain, but a consequence of her controlling actions. Alice's quest for perfection once embodied every aspect of her life – all the way down to food. It was a common notion that cross country runners were thin with lean muscular frames, but Alice got too consumed with being lean. I caught her on several occasions counting her food; chips, raisins, pretzels, all in the quest to count her calories accurately. It was scary to be frank. I was really starting to worry about her when she had started to get extreme pains in her legs every time she would go out on training runs. She weighed between ninety and one hundred pounds. You couldn't talk to her about it; she was just way too fucking defensive. Any off comment would send her into hysterics and it was one of the few times that I had felt like the level-headed, grounded one in the relationship. She had numerous small factures in both of her femurs, which after a bone density test, they concluded it was in direct correlation to her weight. She was malnourished and her body had been taking the calcium from her bones that she wasn't receiving in her diet. She had to see a sports therapist who in turn referred her to a real therapist who helped her sort her shit all out. Was she always going to have to battle that side of herself? Yes, but she had found many more outlets for her energy; namely, Emmett and I.

Between the two of us we could have probably kept a therapist occupied for the past three years. If it wasn't for the coaching staff of her team, I shudder to think what would have happened to her. She was lucky that she didn't have to also deal with a less than ideal childhood/family situation like me, she had support of her family. And then to top it all off, she had Emmett and I. It was amazing how much we have leaned on each other in the past few years, and if you take the recent events into that context, you would have so much more understanding of how protective we were of each other. It was no surprise that Alice and Emmett weren't attached to anyone – because breaking into our circle was hard as fuck.

"She is nervous, I get that. But why is she so keyed up?" Rosalie asked as she hunted through the aisles looking for something to snack on. _Oh, shit_...I was going to defend Alice.

"Look at it from her perspective; Jasper needs to pass muster with all of us, especially Emmett and I. If you haven't noticed, we all are _slightly_ protective of each other," I mocked knowing full well the truth in the statement.

"Ugh, when you put it that way...oh, she's here," Rosalie hushed as she saw Alice enter the store and make a beeline to the candy aisle.

"Ah, hell no, Miss Alice," I yelled from an aisle over, "Absolutely. No. Sugar."

"What!? I'm hungry," she pouted with her hands on her hips.

I steered her over to the coffee island and watched her like a hawk as she poured herself some decaf concoction from the little machine.

"Aly, you got to take it down a notch...you are making me anxious," I said as I grabbed myself a diet soda from the cooler. She let out a long huff and I knew she was working on one of those steps in her arsenal of calming techniques. I watched her in humorous delight as she did breathing techniques in the middle of a gas station. I rolled my eyes at the fact that nothing we did together could ever be classified as normal. Not even mundane activities like getting something to drink.

We piled back in the car and Alice rested her head against my shoulder for the rest of the ride. Every time she started to work herself up she would go into another string up breathing techniques. I only burst out laughing five times. It made the rest of the trip enjoyable and comical at best and when we arrived home everyone seemed to be in a jovial mood. Anything that equaled normalcy, like your home and your routine, was a welcomed phenomenon.

We all went our separate ways as we unpacked and got ourselves straightened out from the weekend. Alice meandered into my room a half of an hour later, and by meander, I mean she really did look lost. She looked like she desperately needed something to occupy her time. There wasn't enough time to go to the mall, but it was still too early to start primping for the evening. I was guessing that her internal checklist was completed and she was staring at me intently hoping for me to fill the void. An idea popped in my head, and I knew that she would be game. Who doesn't want margaritas, chips and queso dip, and a little of our favorite waiter Jose in the middle of the day on a Sunday?

Alice and I took a ride on our duo-glide bike (yep, it was a two-seater, one in front and one in back) to the little Mexican place a few blocks away. We found this bike at a garage sale about three months ago and we rarely used it – it was for special occasions. It felt like a special enough day for me. We walked into the place and quickly made our way to our favorite table. We weren't fixtures here, but we were definitely regulars. Jose saw us as we entered and we saw him busy himself with making us his special margaritas. He made a damn good one. He was over in a few minutes with our drinks and the food. His margaritas could seriously make a grown woman cry – they were that good. I was midway into my sip when I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I fished it out to see that I had a new text message from Rosalie.

_**where did you whores go?**_

I chuckled to myself as I responded.

_**bitch, we are tequilaring ourselves...**_

"Who was that?" Alice asked as she hammered down a huge chip full of queso.

"Rose."

"Maybe we should have a little girl time...spill some beans, you know?" she replied conspiratorially. She wanted what Rosalie had in her blond head; the info on Jasper. If Jasper was close with Edward then she must know some dirt on the guy.

"You are a dangerous woman, Alice Brandon," I said as my phone began to vibrate again.

_**thks for inviting me**_

_**our bike only has two seats! corner of marshall and fifth...we'll have a margarita waiting ;) don't tell the boys**_

I hit send and went about talking to Alice about the nature walk I'd had this morning. I relayed the bit about the golden retriever and she just about wet her pants. I doubled over in laughter after Alice snorted so loud that everyone in the place was staring at us. A common occurrence.

"Want to let me in on the joke?" Rosalie asked as she sat down tentatively with us. She was eyeing us warily and I guessed that Alice and I needed to be a little more considerate of her. We were just so used to it being just the two of us that it was hard to think outside our little world. It was olive branch time.

"Sorry, Rose. We just weren't really thinking when we didn't ask you to come with us. We are just so used to it being just the two peas in the pod so...sorry," I asserted hoping that she found my apology sincere. It was.

"Is that really your bike out front? I thought you were kidding," she asked as Alice and I both started laughing.

Jose came around with a second round for us and Rosalie's first drink and I knew he was smitten. He set the drinks on the table and just stood there. Oh fuck introductions!

"Rosalie Cullen, this is Jose. Jose, Rosalie," I said.

Jose had a little Rico Sauvé in him as he brought her hand to his mouth and kissed it. From Rose's reaction I could tell this was something that was not out of the ordinary and she thanked him kindly and then turned her attention back to us. She took a long pull from her margarita and she stared at it fondly for a moment.

"Damn, these are good," she said as she licked off half of the salt. Jose would have a hard one or a heart attack if he were watching. Rosalie made everything look hot apparently and it did not escape notice from Alice.

"Rose, it is not a dick...go easy on it," Alice laughed as she continued her assault on the bowl of chips.

"You are right – dicks are not nearly this salty," she mocked as she swatted Alice with her hand.

"You are quite the manhandler...I can tell why Emmett likes you," I smirked as I saw Alice rubbing her shoulder.

"Someone needs to put him in his place, although I have a sneaking suspicion that he likes it too much," Rosalie replied as she shook her head with a laugh. I had a brief mental picture of Rose in all leather with a whip with Emmett tied up on the bed. He was wearing leopard print briefs...I shook my head furiously to get rid of it. Yuck.

I looked over at Alice and she was watching me intently and gesturing to Rosalie with her eyebrows. She wanted me to ask. Got it. Although I had thought about making this day difficult for Alice for all her meddling, I also couldn't help but want her to find someone that would make her happy.

"Rose, what do you know about Jasper?" I asked looking up from my glass.

"So you lured me here with promises of margaritas thinking I would just spill the beans about Edward and Jasper?" she asked indignantly. The look of her face told me that she was annoyed with us. I looked at Alice pensively trying to gauge what I should say or do in that situation, while she just looked but at me like I ruined a pair of her favorite pumps. We were interrupted from our stare down by Rosalie starting to shake with laughter beside us.

"Fuck, you two. I am kidding! The look on your faces was priceless...what do you need to know?" she said as she shook with laughter. Alice started to squeal with delight as I knew that she probably had a lot of questions to rapidly fire at Rosalie.

"Down, girl," I laughed at Alice as she wiggled in her chair. She was just way too eager.

"Bella, you should be the one that is excited...I have twenty-two years of dirt on Edward. Past girlfriends, embarrassing childhood exploits, and oh...the night that my parents caught him in a compromising position with a girl on top of the piano," her lips curled into a smirk.

I stared at her in shock as she coiled her lips around her drink. Something deep in the pit of my stomach was burning and although I should have been stunned by her admission, I couldn't help but feel turned on. There was little scandalous talk that could faze me after years of living with the world's biggest disher of dirt; Emmett McCarty. I knew every gross term for what guys did to girls and girls did to guys. I learned to control my gag reflex early in my relationship with him.

"Don't stop, lady. Spill," Alice commanded for her seat. If anyone loved good gossip it was Alice. She had that look in her eyes that told me she was really excited.

"It was the summer after his freshman year in college and my parents were going out to some charity thing at the hospital. He started back up with one of his old high school flames and he invited her over to watch a movie and well he must have decided that he wanted to play at little piano," she said suggestively. "Well, my mom pretty much found him balls deep with her on top of the piano."

".GOD!" Alice squealed as she knocked into her drink and spilled some all over the table. "Oh, fuck."

We were all laughing so hard now that everyone in the restaurant was watching us. Rosalie launched into some other stories about her knowledge of Jasper. I listened intently as she told me about his musical inclinations, telling us all about how he played guitar in a band in college. He was an Austin, Texas native, had a younger sister, and was a business major at Dartmouth. She really didn't have any good dirt; no pianos. It was apparent from the stories that Edward and Jasper were hell on wheels in college, a little wild and uninhibited. As she went on with her stories my anticipation of the night was starting to build.

Maybe I was just ready to just have fun...no more flicking drama. Maybe this was my year to finally be myself and enjoy my last year of college with my friends.

"Earth to Bella! Where did you just go?" Alice yelled as she smacked my forehead with the palm of her hand. She was thoroughly tequilarized.

"Sorry," I shrugged my shoulders and looked down to my watch to see it was just before five in the evening. "Geez, guys we got to go," I said as I flagged down Jose.

I took a quick peek at the bill, threw some money down, and ushered them out the door.

"How did you get here, Rose?" I asked.

"I walked. I'll just meet you back at the house," she said as she turned to walk away from us.

"Rose, wait. This bitch has pegs on the back wheels," I said as I motioned to the back of the bike. She started to laugh as she moved to the back of the bike and straddled the wheel. After the tipsy pixie was in position, we got on the bike and headed for home.

It must have been a sight.

**EmPOV**

Mother of all fuck, I was screwed. This weekend did not come close to how it was supposed to go. Generally, when the zany sisters decided to date I had the means to put the screws into these guys to make them know that I mean business. You fuck with them – you fuck with me. Most of the stupid motherfuckers don't even try to come close to them because they know I am the emperor of the world of hurt. Apparently, my fucking magic was not working at all.

Cullen was a major sore on my ass. I was dating his sister and if there was any woman who could put the fear of God in me, it was Rosalie. I think he knew that by my dating Rosalie he had special privileges that he took advantage of. I couldn't just square off with him without the fear of my balls being put in a vice. That aside, I wanted to believe he was a good guy. The more I got to know the fucker...the more that became evident. When he went up against me in the bar and defended Bella I knew, after a conversation with Rosalie, that I should give him some credit. Not many people have had the balls to stand up to me. I had to break it to myself that I needed to accept that Edward _was_ a good fucking guy...but by no means was I going to just sit back and let him have free range. Bella and Alice where my fucking little sisters and I would move heaven and earth to make sure that no one hurt them. I was going to have to change my mantra...

The girls were AWOL so I grabbed a bucket of beer and invited Edward out to the porch to kick a few back. The girls went missing hours ago, but I had my suspicions about where they were. Jose was my man on the inside and would always tell me when my roommates were up to no good. I would always give him hell the next time I saw him, because those girls always got themselves into all kinds of fucking mischief after being there. We were in for a long night.

We were about two beers deep a piece when a silver SUV pulled into the drive. A man stepped out of the car and by the way Edward's face lit up, it could only be...

_Jasper._

Edward got up immediately and flew down the stairs to meet him. I got a little information about him out of Edward, and all in all he sounded like a decent guy. I, of course, was going to put him under my brand of scrutiny. I grabbed another beer from the bucket as I made my way down to meet him. I had to take my sweet ass time and present my tough front, so that this guy knew I meant business. I shuffled down the steps and walked with a slightly menacing look on my face. I instantly recognized him from the other day when I was with Alice.

"Emmett, this is Jasper," Edward said as he turned towards me.

I shook his hand firmly. "Nice to meet you," I said firmly. I pulled a beer from my back pocket and handed it to him with a knowing glance.

"You're going to need this. The girls are probably swimming in margaritas by now," I said as I thought of the times that Bella and Alice stumbled home from that place. Tequila does wondrous things for a woman's inhibitions and I must say that it was appealing that Rosalie was with them. The last time we had margaritas together was an enlightening experience.

"They went off drinking?" Edward asked exasperated.

"If you haven't noticed, Bella and Alice don't have the best coping mechanisms," I laughed.

We went the next half hour or so shooting the shit about this or that...really inconsequential shit. Edward and Jasper seemed to know each other really well, and it perturbed me than I was warming to them. I had loads of friends...but just two real ones. I didn't escape me that I didn't have close male friends and the thought of having a constant male presence in the house to put off the estrogen-filled authority, was something I welcomed.

_I was fucked_.

I held my hand up as I heard the ruckus coming down the street. I started to snicker as I caught of glimpse of the three of them on that stupid goddamned bike. I pointed to the guys to look and the three of us stood there and stared as they made their way down the street.

It was like the fucking circus was in town...Alice was in the front wearing a sombrero with Rosalie riding on the pegs holding on to Bella.

"Fuck, Alice...I can't see a goddamned thing," Bella laughed. "Rosie, you're my eyes. Are we there?"

"Alice, turn to the left," Rosalie yelled as Alice started steering the wrong direction. "No, your other left!"

Alice turned hastily into the drive and she steered the bike straight at us with some sort of fanatical gleam in her eyes. They were all visibly flushed and I knew that they were at least three to four margaritas into the mission. Laughing at them was not something that could be avoided.

"Brake, Bella!" Rosalie yelled as the bike came to stop a few feet in front of us. Rosalie jumped off making a beeline for me and grabbed me by the front of my shirt. She gave me a wicked grin and before I knew it her lips were on mine, giving me a searing kiss. It was one of those, I am going to do some fun things with you later tonight kisses. She let go of me after a few seconds and I stumbled back when she released me.

_God, I loved that woman..._

She reached over and gave Jasper a small hug and kiss on the cheek before making an exit to the house. I knew that she kissed me like that so I wouldn't go all apeshit over her greeting Jasper, and her plan worked like a charm. I made it back to reality when I heard Bella and Alice arguing.

"Bella, I called the shower first...you wouldn't dare," Alice said as she released herself from Jasper's side. I had apparently completely missed the interactions of the other four people around me.

"It's my shower," Bella alleged as she made a break for the house.

"Ah, you bitch!" Alice shrieked as she took off after her. Alice was able to reach Bella in time to grab her leg and throw her off balance. Bella scrambled back to her feet and reached for Alice but Alice avoided her and made it into the house first. I shook my head at the display and thought briefly that I felt sorry for the guys next to me with having to put up with the house of crazy.

"Is that a common occurrence?" Jasper laughed as he took swig from his beer.

"You have no idea what you have gotten yourself into, buddy," I said as I chuckled.

I heard a few more screams for within the house and I pretty much informed the guys that we should fucking head inside to do some damage control. I snatched the bucket of beer off the steps and we gathered in the living room to be entertained by the 'Bella and Alice' show. We had been inside for a few minutes when I heard loud screaming and laughter coming from upstairs.

"Emmett! Emmett! We need you!" I heard the pair of them yell from upstairs just as Rosalie came to join us in the kitchen.

"How much exactly did you guys drink?" I asked her.

"Three margaritas tops...oh, well, maybe four. Four tops," Rosalie replied trying to visibly count in her head. She smiled at me sweetly and any anger that was trying to creep into my thoughts dissipated.

"Emmett!" they shouted again.

"Fuck, I better go see what that's all about," I said as I made my way upstairs. I walked into Alice's room but they weren't in there. I walked back down the hall to Bella's room and it was dark...what the fuck?

Then I heard the giggles coming from the bathroom...._oh, good God, no_.

"Emmett!" they yelled again and I reached for the door and opened it a crack.

"Shit, I'm right here. What do you need?" I asked not looking into the bathroom.

"Get in here, silly. We need to talk to you," Alice yelled.

I walked into the steamy bathroom and immediately I knew what was going on. For heaven's sakes, I had no idea why they did this. If I was any dude but me this was a dream come true. I thanked my fucking lucky stars that Bella had enough wisdom to have an enclosed shower.

I looked to the shower to see their two little heads poking out of the side. Bella's head was on top with Alice's underneath her. I had to shake my head because Bella had shampoo pigtails and Alice's hair was in the shape of a Mohawk.

"I will never comprehend why you two do this?" I laughed as I motioned to the shower. They were both stubborn as an ox and I guess this solved the question of who got to shower first. This was not the first time this happened. Bella was a notorious water hog and Alice would just get fed up with her bullshit and would climb right in. The conversations they would have in there educational...to say the least.

"Oh Emmett, between Alice and I we have showered with half the girls in the athletic department," Bella declared. Much to the chagrin of most guys in the world...these girls weren't in there for any other reason than to shower.

"What do you need me for?" I asked.

"Beers."

"Can't you wait?" I asked.

"Nope, need drinkies!" Alice exclaimed. I didn't respond quickly enough as I was met with two identical pouts.

"Please," they said in unison stressing the word.

"Fine."

I made my way back downstairs and went straight into the kitchen for some beers. The things those girls could get me to fucking do was unbelievable. I took four beers out in total, guessing someone in the living would want one to.

"Hey, anyone need one?" I questioned as I walked into the living room.

Edward and Jasper both held out their hands and I handed them their beers.

"Who are those for?" Rosalie asked as she eyed me curiously.

"Bella and Alice can't finish their shower without them," huffed as I turned to leave.

"They are in the shower..._together_?" Edward asked. I turned back to see a grin that I was used to seeing on Rosalie spread across his face, and I decided that maybe I would have a little fun.

"You know, why don't you boys bring these up," I said deviously as I held the beer out to them. Jasper gave Edward a quick glance and they both stood up and took the beers from my hands.

All I could think in that moment was – _payback is a bitch_.

**BPOV**

"I honestly don't know why you don't get it all waxed off?"

"Alice, I like my stripe. I am unwilling to part with it. Speaking of that, why do you have a fresh wax job?" I questioned. I was curious because Alice and I generally went together to the same waxer and we had just gone not too long ago.

"Um...urgh. Fine," she looked at me cross as if she was disappointed at what she was going to say. "I have been dating Jasper for about two months," she continued as she gave me one of those 'go easy on me' smiles.

"What?! Why didn't you tell me?" I screamed focusing on her.

"Jeebus, Bella. Keep your pants on. I didn't want to tell you when you were dealing with your shit with Mike. I had a feeling that it was not going to end well," she stated as she gave me a cross between a smile and a frown.

The margaritas had destroyed my brain to mouth filter because my only response was "I'm not wearing pants."

Alice looked at me for a moment before doubling over in laughter and I succumbed a few seconds later. I was glad she told me this when I was half in the bag because it was hard to stay mad when you effectively have 'tequilarized' yourself. I heard a knock on the door and we quickly recovered ourselves.

"Come in," Alice said sweetly.

We had made Emmett our beer bitch several times when we had one of our showers. They were few and far between, but often happened when we both needed to get ready for a night out. No one except Emmett knew since guys can by such flicking pigs when they think about two girls in a shower together. It was not like that. The locker room showers at the field were just one big room and after years of seeing everything that you could possibly imagine – naked ladies did not faze me. Neither do hickies. Or rug burns in strange places. Or piercings and tattoos that teeny bikinis would hide.

It was strangely silent which was weird for Emmett. It was a general rule that he would enter in a huff and make some big deal about having to fetch us our beers. He was probably up to something. I poked Alice in the arm and brought my finger up to my lips willing her to be quiet.

"It's too quiet," I whispered.

She looked at me silently and it registered through her buzzed mind that Emmett was definitely up to something.

"Let's take a peek," she said quietly and we both took her position on the edge of the wall of the shower. We both stuck our heads out at the same time to see Edward and Jasper leaning against the counter staring at us. My eyes widened in shock and if my skin wasn't already flushed, it was for sure then.

"Hi," I squeaked out as I saw Edward staring at me with some sort voodoo stare that went straight to my hoo-hah.

"Hello, ladies," Jasper said in a seductive voice. I looked down at Alice and realized that we could be in some serious trouble. We were completely naked and towels were out of reach...we were completely at their mercy. I was feeling somewhere between a cross of fear, anticipation, and excitement which made me feel like I had a million butterflies in my stomach.

"Your beers," Edward breathed as the both of them moved toward us. Part of me, the part that had been drinking, wanted to pull him into the shower but obviously that part did not win. Alice was in here too. They reached their arms out with the beers and we both slowly reached our hands out to snatch them out of their hands. In the back of my mind I was thinking there had to be some sort of game afoot.

"Hold up a moment," Alice yelled and both of them stopped in their tracks. "Jasper will you hand me a towel." Alice turned around in the spray and rinsed off a final time and gave me a little devious wink.

"Turn around and cover your eyes, Edward," she called and I stood back from the edge as she went around. She had a little smirk on her face as she looked outside of the shower. I almost lost my shit went she just walked out in all her naked glory.

_We were definitely going to have a conversation...._

I looked around the edge to find Edward with his hand still over his face, Jasper staring intensely at Alice like he was two seconds away from attacking her in my bathroom, and Alice staring back at me through the mirror. She had the smuggest look on her face like she was infinitely proud of her little feat. With the towel wrapped around her, she made her way to her room with Jasper in tow. I thought maybe we may not being going out after all after I heard the click of her lock. I looked back to Edward as her still had his hand over his eyes.

"Coast is clear, Edward," I said as I chuckled. "Tell me you didn't peek?"

Edward removed his hand and he looked at me intently. He had an amazing smile on his face and it didn't escape my mind that we were now alone in the bathroom. Instead of answering me he went to the door that connected to my room and turned the lock. Consequentially, my heart picked up in rhythm and I now was staring at him with wide eyes. What did he have planned for me?

"Do you still want this?" as he held up the bottle.

I nodded wordlessly and as he approached; I felt like his prey trapped in cornered in my shower. The question was– was I ready to be caught? My breath hitched when he was standing about six inches from me and his green eyes were ablaze. _Oh, God..._

I went to take the beer from his hand I felt a jolt of electricity pass through me as my hand wrapped over his on the bottle. When I started to pull the bottle hastily, he did not release it bringing his face a few inched from mine. I felt his breath over my skin igniting my body and I was a few seconds shy of expiring due to the fact I was holding my breath.

"Breathe, Bella," he whispered as the desire in the air became thick around us. I didn't want to escape him anymore. I wanted him.

He drew his fingers to my face and traced a line from my cheekbone to my chin. My eyes slightly fluttered as his finger continued down my neck to my shoulder. The anticipation of the kiss that I was sure was only heartbeats away, was killing me. If Edward was into delayed gratification....I was in trouble as I desperately wanted to launch myself at him.

My eyes closed as he traced lazy circles on my shoulder and I opened then when he abruptly stopped. He was staring down at me with eyes that were dancing in humor because I had my pout displayed prominently on my face. He laughed at little and bent down and gave me a long, deep kiss on my lips, and when I went to deepen the kiss he pulled away from me quickly. He had the look of the devil as he backed toward the door.

"Enjoy your shower," he said with a wink and walked out. I stood there and stared at the door.

No. He. Didn't.

There was banging on the door from Alice's room and I scampered out of the shower, grabbed at towel, and opened to door to the most pissed off version of Alice Brandon I have ever seen. She looked like she was capable of a homicide and I backed up to let her in. She went to the shower and turned off the water and grabbed another towel to start drying her hair. I realized in that moment, we both had just been had.

"What's the plan?" I asked and she turned toward me.

"I am still too pissed off and frustrated to think right now. And I am really hungry. Let's get ready so we can get out of here," she replied in utter dissatisfaction.

"This needs a serious plan. The battle lines have been drawn."

"Yeah, you're lucky. At least you didn't expose yourself like I did," she said as she dug her hair dryer out of the drawer.

"That was pretty ballsy, even for you."

"He has that effect on me..." she trailed off into a dreamland that was probably occupied by Jasper.

When we were finished with an abbreviated version of our getting ready routine, we met at the top of the stairs so we could go down together. I took a deep breath as I stuck my foot out to start down the stairs when I felt Alice's hand curl around my arm halting me. I turned back to look at her and tell her she was being a chicken when I looked into her face. She had a look of pure eureka.

"We are going to Sally's tonight," she said as she looked off at something in space.

"Alice, why in the world would we want to go there," I groaned. It was a Sunday and we had an unspoken rule that we would never go there when they are there.

And then I had my 'eureka' moment. I turned to face her. She looked like she had just won the lottery.

"They think we are just putty in their hands, well...this is going to give them a taste of their own medicine," Alice declared.

"Alice, you are a dangerous woman," I said as I held out my beer to clink with her. She brought her bottle up to mine. "To the two green-eyed monsters we will have on our hands."

"Cheers," we said in unison.

We made our way down the stairs after a quick change of attire and walked out into the living room with delicious confidence. The boys had the sickest smug looks on their faces, but I didn't care. Let them have their fun. Let them think the score is zero to one. We were going to even the score...and maybe then some.

"Nice of you to join us," Emmett said sarcastically. He had that look on his face that told me he was hungry and ready to go. Emmett really didn't like to wait – especially for food.

"Have we decided on a place to go?" Rosalie asked.

"Well, Bella and I were thinking we would go to Sally's," Alice began trying to catch Emmett's eye. When she did, she continued, "Emmett really likes the wings there. Don't you, Emmett?"

We were both staring at him wordlessly pleading with our eyes to play along. Emmett really did like the wings there, but he knew it was Sunday. He knew what that meant. He shook him head infinitesimally – he knew we were up to no good.

"Sally's it is then," he said as he smiled at the both of us.

Hope you enjoyed the show....please review.

Reviews are way better than cold beers in the shower!

I am working away on the next chapter and should have it to you in a week or so. Have a lovely week!


	11. Hot in Herre

A Kick in the Balls

_**A/N: Hello there! I would like to thank my lovely beta VAMPIREMAMA for giving up her time to put up with my shenanigans and getting my work back to me so quickly.**_

_**I would also like to thank my Twilighted betas, born2speakmirth and qjmom, for getting me validated.**_

_**The title of the Chapter is one of my all time favorite songs and appropriate for how the story ends. Hope you enjoy it!**_

Chapter 11 – 'Hot in Herre'

It was a fool-proof plan. That was hastily planned. And had more variables than brands of beer in Canada. So...I was silently praying that it would go off without a hitch because God knows that not much in my life ever went as planned.

Sally's was the most popular campus bar, which in turn meant that it always had at least four people who were going to approach Emmett like a group of love-struck teens. I pulled Rosalie aside as we walked up the sidewalk and let her know what she would be in for when we got there. I really did not need Rosalie, the green-eyed monster, to make an appearance and detract from the real fun. We also informed her of the whole shower fiasco.

"They did what? Fuck, so I guess this place must be part of the plan?" she laughed as she looked through the windows of the bar. It was an impressive place; it had memorabilia on every wall and was cavernous with many different rooms. It was THE college bar. Every major university had one; Sally's was ours. There were some other bars on campus too, but we would pretty much label them 'dens of sin' or 'co-ed mating pens.' Sally's was at least semi-respectable.

"No wonder you girls are wearing skirts that I have seen on some street walkers," Rosalie laughed as she slid up to Emmett. She was staking her claim; I think Rosalie worried more about other women than vice versa. She was territorial for sure – it was nice to be under her umbrella because I knew that Rosalie would probably have challenged someone to a death match if they messed with any of us.

I laughed at her comment, as I knew that my barely-there skirt was the key to the plan. Nothing says 'ogle me' better than a skirt that hardly covers your ass. Alice was all over my shit about the skirt because she would point out that some of my soccer shorts were no longer. There was a difference – my vajayjay wasn't on display if I bent over in my soccer gear.

Aside from the interior, Sally's also had some of the best food on campus. The Sunday morning breakfast platters could really chase away hangovers, and I hearted their Bloody Marys. It wasn't that long ago that we would drag ourselves there to dish on what shenanigans our Saturday nights had served up. Alice had even done the walk of shame straight there one morning to meet us. I have a sneaking suspicion that she might be wearing the same skirt tonight that she had worn that morning. _Huh_.

We all out avoided this place during football season because it was a hangout for the unreasonably spirited fans before and after the games. The last thing Emmett wanted was some drunken fool coming up to him and giving him some bullshit comment about the game. Emmett was _usually_ gracious, except for one time that he may have dumped a pitcher of beer on some unruly guy. After that incident, he always chose the small establishments that were not places people went to be seen. That was something that always put us apart from many of the athletes on campus who would go were the action was. The football players would go to these places hoping that every drunken girl would want to crawl into their pants...and generally, it was the case. In the few times we had made it to Sally's in the past year, I would marvel at the audacity of some of the women that would throw themselves at these guys. After a while guys took the hint and quit hitting on Alice and me for they knew that they would have to win the lottery before we would drop trou for them.

As we walked past the windows I caught sight of _them_ dressed in tight-fitting black t-shirts that hugged each and every muscle of their chiseled arms and torsos. _Somebody has been hitting the weights_. If I didn't know any better, and believe me I did, I would probably ask them for a drink and if they would be adverse to me licking it off them. It had been a while – but that was also a good thing. Distance did not make the heart fonder. Now, if we were talking about my vajayjay; _completely different story_. Sam looked bigger and still had the same thick unruly black hair. I have held on to that hair for dear life before. Sam was muscular and always enjoyed giving me the business standing up. Against shower walls, doors, walls of various rooms, and a few times in this very bar. The thought of letting that little tid-bit slip was not on my radar tonight. I didn't want Edward to think that I was just some wanton crazy manizer. And I had already seen the caveman mentality in action during our stay in Forks...and I had never touched Jacob, let alone fuck him on various surfaces in the bar.

Paul was leaner than Sam, with medium brown hair that just swept across his forehead. He had a smile that would dissolve panties and must have had a split personality because he always would go all Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde on Alice. One moment he was sweet and playful, and the next he would be dirty and rough. _She didn't seem to mind at the time. Ha_. Alice and I had fallen prey to them early in our college careers. Young, naïve little freshmen that we were. If you asked me point blank if I regretted it, I would say no. They were our adventurous fucks. Every girl needs one of those.

Sunday night was the only night of the week that the both of them tended bar together, and although all that wicked goodness happened our freshman year, it didn't take away the fact that they still had no tact. I did not have enough fingers or toes to count the amount of times that they tried to bed us again. I could walk around with a wedding ring and be nine months preggo, and those guys would still offer their services. And their services? It was a long, varied list. Alice and I had joked for years that they were the 'Mad-Libs Boys' because you really just had to fill in the blanks of what you wanted from a sexual encounter with them. Place, time, position, implements....anything you wanted. Or they wanted.

We never came here on Sundays because they were both working and had twice, nope...three times, gotten into knock-down fights with our boyfriends at the time. Emmett always played the pacifier because he could invoke fear in just about anyone. Mike would always get all emo when we would come here even if Sam was not working, so we didn't come here very often at all. I had a past – and although I was not proud of it, I didn't regret most of it. There was one exception, and it wasn't Sam.

I flushed slightly from the memories of our time together, back when college was so new and exciting. Sam was one of the first people that took an interest in me sexually and it was something that I had no experience with before. I was _no virgin_ when I got to college, but sex to me wasn't exactly magical. I think I had given myself more orgasms in a week with the Rabbit then I had during sex prior to Sam. I shook that memory from my head and gave Alice one last knowing smile as we walked into the bar.

_Game on._

"Hey, why don't you guys go get a table by the pool tables," Alice offered as she stilled beside the bar. There was a large table on the far end of the bar off to the side that would be perfect for what we had planned. From the table you could see the bar, and vice versa. Rosalie linked her arm around Emmett and set off for the table. For Emmett to go along with our little plan, meant that he knew that whatever we had in store; it would be good. And, of course, we aimed to please.

"We are going to grab and few pitchers and catch up with some friends," I said sweetly as my eyes travel from Edward's to Sam's. I caught his eye and he was walking straight over to my side of the bar with eyes only for me. I grinned slightly and bit my lip as he approached and Edward must have caught my reaction as he turned to see who I was looking at. Sam tapped Paul's shoulder as he slid past him, and Paul's face lit up when he saw Alice.

Jasper turned to see the two of them approach and I caught the slight scowl in my peripheral vision. It was all going to plan, but I was worried about the uncontrolled variable...Paul and Sam. Edward looked back to me, but I continued to look at Sam. I was not about to look at him because my heart was always on my sleeve and he may have figured that we were up to something.

"Bella, I haven't seen you in while," Sam said huskily. "What can I get you?"

I didn't miss the double meaning in his question as Paul reached the end of the bar and leaned over to speak with Alice.

"Alice, _babe_, what are you doing here?" he questioned as he gave her a not so subtle once over. The smug smile that slid across his face said that he was still impressed. Or maybe it was a 'been there, done that' smile. One could not be sure.

"Hi guys. We just thought that we would come see you for a drink. It has been forever," Alice smiled as she leaned in closer. "Can you get us fixed up with some drinks?"

Paul shot Sam a quick look and they both turned back to us. "The usual?" Sam asked with a sexy smirk.

"Emmett and his girlfriend, Rosalie, are with us, so we will need a couple of pitchers. Oh, God, where are my manners. This is Rosalie's _brother_, Edward, and _his _friend, Jasper," I stated as I motioned to the two of them. I chose my words carefully.

"I'm Sam, that there is Paul," he said giving a slight wave as Paul handed each of them a pitcher and then four glasses. Edward shook Sam's hand briefly and then gestured to Paul. I couldn't be sure but I think they were engaged in some sort of man-dance with their eyes. I could see the steam coming out of Jasper's eyes as he watched Paul pretty much eye-fuck Alice. It was priceless...I was waiting for one of them to say something but Alice had that one covered.

"Why don't you guys go grab a seat and we'll be over in a minute," Alice said sweetly to Jasper. Although she was playing with fire, she played it perfectly. I had to give her props when they were due.

I took the chance to look into Edward's eyes at that moment, and it took my breath away. His eyes were boring holes into mine, as if he could leave a visible brand on me marking me as his. His brow was furrowed, his eyes the darkest jade. He was mad. I knew that he probably wanted to drag me over to the table and piss on my leg, but I gave him a small little shrug as if to say these guys were harmless. _They most definitely were not._

Jasper and Edward stalked off toward the table and their body language was rigid. There was no fluidity, only harsh movements. They were both displeased with our displays. I turned to face Alice, and shot her a quick wink. She smiled back and bit her lip and tried to contain her erratic body movements. She looked like she was trying to contain a small seizure. She was having way too much fun with our little game.

"Two special margaritas, _ladies_," Paul said as he set the drinks in front of us. He gave Alice a quick wink and walked over to the other side of the bar. I caught Alice ogling his ass. I gave her a playful nudge, and she just laughed.

"Oh, the memories, my dear Bella," she whispered. I knew exactly where her mind was because I was there too, the gutter.

"Speaking of memories, I got my camera in my purse," I offered hoping that Alice would take the reins on this one.

"Hand it over," she demanded.

I fisted my hand into my purse and produced my small camera. She took it forcefully from me and waved down the bar to capture some attention. Sam made his way back over.

"Would you take a picture of Bella and me?" she asked.

"Sure, what's it for?" he said, taking the camera to his face. We held each other tightly as he snapped to photos.

"Well, it's our last year here, so we are trying to document the good stuff," Alice began as she looked over the photos on the screen. "Hey, we should take a picture of the four of us. You know, for old-times sake."

She was evil. That left no other hypothesis in my mind. Alice hopped off the stool, and walked her little catwalk over to Jasper. With a few words, the two of them were on their way back over to the bar. I sneaked a quick peek over Jasper's shoulder to Edward and he was watching me like a hawk. By the end of the night, I was sure he would chain me to my bed and never let me speak to anyone of the opposite sex again. Then, the fantasy of Edward tying me up to my bed came to the front of my mind, and I blushed. _Maybe I would suggest that later?_

"Jazz, can you take a picture of the four of us. We have known these guys since we were frosh. Can you believe how time flies?" Alice embellished, all the while smiling the sweetest smile I have ever seen. I seriously thought that we should have gone into the revenge business permanently. By the looks of how Jasper was holding the camera, I was worried that he might crush it in his hands.

"Yeah, come around the bar," I stated to both Sam and Paul as we backed from the bar. Instead of walking around to the door, they both hopped over the bar in one fluid motion. _That was hot_. They were making this much too easy. We had only been here a few minutes and it was like they were in on the plan too. The devil on my shoulder started to dance a jig...

They strode up behind us and wrapped their arms possessively around each of us. To a bystander, it was two couples taking a picture together. I thought by the look on Jasper's face that he might blow a gasket and throw Alice over his shoulder and run out of the bar. I couldn't see Edward's face, which I thought was probably good, because if he looked anything like Jasper, I was in some serious trouble.

Jasper snapped a few photos and handed the camera back to Alice with ice in his eyes. She grabbed the camera from him and looked at the pictures for effect.

"Oh, Jazz, you got a good one! Thanks," she shouted dismissing him and turned her attention back to Paul. She showed him the photos and she was flamboyant in her display. Sam put his arm around my shoulders and squeezed me into his side. His mouth was to my ear, as I could feel his breath across my neck.

"I heard you ended it with Mike. Does that mean you are back on the market?" he whispered huskily.

_Holy shit!_

I was not planning on that. Talk about uncontrolled variables – that was a big one. A wave of anxiety swept over me and I was feeling a little light-headed. I decided that I needed to get myself over to the safety of the table sooner rather than later. If Alice was all-pro at revenge, I must have been playing with some farm team in Iowa. Maybe I wasn't cut-out for this after all.

"Maybe," I answered in a rush as I bit my lip due to the nervousness. I looked at him shyly and all I saw was the gleam of hunger in his eyes. When he had looked at me this way before, he was about two seconds away from sweeping me up and crushing me against something. His passion knew no bounds. I needed some space as soon as earthly possible.

"Aly, we should let them get back to the bar," I said as I motioned to Alice. "We'll be around," I finished coyly.

We grabbed our drinks off the bar and made our way over to the table. Approaching the table my stomach was doing back-flips as I stared into Edward's eyes. If he were a cocktail, he would be nine parts 'pissed off,' one part lemon juice.

"Nice of you ladies to join us," Edward seethed. I glanced over to Rosalie who was watching the display with rapt appreciation. She gave me a smile and a small nod letting me know that we had hit it out of the park. I can only imagine what was being said at the table during our absence.

"I am absolutely starving! Bella, what should we get?" Alice asked as her head vanished from view inside the menu. She was completely ignoring Jasper in an attempt to downplay the fact that we were playing them. I avoided all eye contact with Edward but I still knew that he was eyeing me.

"Are you two going to share something?" Rosalie questioned as she looked between Alice and I.

"They always share two meals because they will eat off each other's plates anyway. Just watch your food, Alice is a renowned food vulture," Emmett laughed as he set down his menu.

"I can't believe you're hungry after shoveling so much queso dip into your mouth," Rosalie snickered.

"I have the appetite of a fourteen year old boy when I drink," Alice shrugged. "I know what we are getting."

"Do you now? Don't you think I would like to look at the menu?" I laughed.

"You want the chicken wrap and I am getting the buffalo chicken sandwich...duh," Alice remarked as I should have known better. That was what I had planned to order.

The waitress appeared at our table and took our orders. I was so amped up from the earlier encounter that I needed something in my stomach fast to keep it together. I got up from the table and made my way over to the popcorn machine sitting on the other side of the room. Having come here countless times with Emmett, I had learned how to stack multiple trays on top of each other to get enough for the whole table. I was about to dig the scoop in when a voice interrupted me.

"Got in over your head, didn't you?" Rosalie laughed as I turned around to look at her. She had a smug look on her face and I was obvious to the fact she was enjoying that our plan had gone awry. I was about to answer her when she began to speak again.

"Listen, I am not going to lie. Watching my brother squirm and get all pissed off might be one of my favorite pastimes, but maybe you need to kiss and make up," Rosalie offered as she took over the popcorn duties.

"Did it work?"

"_Did it work_? Bella, come on. I thought Edward was going to break off part of the table watching you. Fuck, I could have rubbed my boobs all over Emmett's face and my brother wouldn't have noticed. It worked," she expressed annoyingly as if she was mad at my reaction.

"Fuck, Sam caught me off guard. He knew about Mike. If I would have stayed there any longer I think that he would have suggested we go off to the storeroom," I answered pissed that I had really no clue where to go now. Was I hoping that Rosalie was going to help me? Maybe. I also thought I was just talking aloud at the time.

"From the look on your face, you've already done that before," she laughed. "You are a class act, Bella Swan."

I gave her the death stare. I was _not that_ kind of girl. Okay, maybe I _was_, but that was all in the past. I was searching in vain for something snarky to say but she beat me to it.

"Oh, don't give me that look. You have a tendency to wear your emotions on your sleeve. If Emmett knew half the shit that I have done...well, you might say I wouldn't be so lucky," she laughed darkly. "I am at the advantage because my exes are hundreds of miles away."

She took my shoulders and placed me beside the popcorn machine and put my arms out. She started to load the tubs up with popcorn and stack them on my hands.

"Honey, take it from someone who knows. Play hard to get. Just don't keep going after the bartender guy; Emmett let it slide that you were pretty much fuck buddies...you may want to distance yourself from that," she cautioned as she continued stacked the popcorn tubs on my hands like we were playing Jenga.

_Fuck._ Emmett had a big fricking mouth as usual. _Urgh._ I really wished the man wasn't like a teenage girl when it came to gossiping. I had to distance myself from the Sam situation which I probably let go a little too far earlier.

"Quit thinking so hard. You look like you are taking a crap or something," Rosalie laughed as she looked me over. "My brother obviously likes you. Work with that."

"Thanks," I said as I let out a big sigh. "Really, thanks. I can't imagine why you would want to help me, but thank you anyway."

"Bella, I am not a complete bitch, plus I am warming up to you and that little sinister pixie friend of yours," she said, layering the last popcorn tub on my hands. It was a freaking tower. She was going to have to lead me back over to the table. It was remarkable how quickly Rosalie knew Emmett, and how many tubs of popcorn he would inhale once we made it back to the table.

She grabbed my arm and led me back over to the table where Alice had planted herself on top of Jasper's lap. _Traitor_...looked like I was the lone man on the mission now. I sat down tentatively allowing myself to glance over to Edward. He was staring at me and for once I could not read the emotion of his eyes. They were always so telling of how he was feeling, but they were dark and masked his emotions. It was strange, but I had no time to linger on it.

"Bells, how 'bout some pool?" Emmett asked after he stuck a mouthful of popcorn in.

Rosalie's words repeated in my mind – play hard to get. Well, I didn't wear that short skirt for nothing.

"You're on, Emmie Bear. Rose, can you watch to make sure he doesn't cheat?" I mocked as I got up and brought my friend Mr. Margarita with me.

"Oh, this should be good. Last time these two played pool, Emmett broke a pool cue over the table, and Bella hit some guy in the balls with an errant shot," Alice cheered as she allowed Jasper to change his position so that he was facing the table.

"Those two are a little competitive?" Jasper asked as he nuzzled into Alice's side.

"A little is an understatement. Just wait until they start wagering – that is when the fun begins," Alice stated proudly as if she knew this was going to be one of the greatest matches of all time.

I was racking the balls when I remembered that I was probably not appropriately dressed to be leaning over the table, but I dismissed it immediately. I wasn't about to start to have ladylike tendencies when Emmett was challenging me. I never did admit defeat easily.

"After you are done taking your sweet ass time over there, you can break. _Ladies first,"_ Emmett voiced with utter cockiness.

I gave him one of my I-am-going-to-make-you-pay smiles, and picked up a cue from the stand. Let's be serious – I am a Swan. I am Charlie Pool Hall Swan's daughter. I had been playing pool since I could remember. It wasn't something that my grandparents were too keen on as they felt like it was a less than dignified activity, but it was one of those few things that I did with my dad.

I shuffled over to the end of the table, lined up my shot, and let it fly. I sank two solid balls, so I hunted around the table looking for my next shot. My best option was right in front of Edward. To make it, I would have to lean over the table and basically put my ass right in his face. Rosalie's words had become my mantra and I was going to work it. Hopefully, I wouldn't completely embarrass myself in the process. 'Smooth move' and 'Bella Swan' never seemed to go in the same sentence.

I walked around the table leisurely to the other side glancing coyly at Edward with every step. I was trying so hard to conceal my smile but it was being hinted at by the corners of my mouth. I tried to bite my lip to conceal it as I stopped in front of him. I felt so awkward but naughty at the same time. I really wanted to pull off the whole seductress thing and I turned slowly so my back was to him. I bent over at the waist ever so slowly making sure that I went for the full effect on this one. I arched my hips as I got closer to the table and lined up the shot. I had to stand on my toes to get the right angle and as I repositioned myself I heard the faint intake of breath behind me. My ass was on full display and I guessed that if he was lucky, he just caught of glimpse of the lacy cheekies I put on earlier. I couldn't help but smile as I sunk the ball into the far corner. I had to use my hand to get myself upright since I was arching my back so much. I looked over my shoulder to see Edward's eyes still planted on my ass. I waited for him to look up at me and from the look in his eyes I knew he liked the show. His face lit up into one of his trademark gorgeous smiles and I simply winked at him and walked away.

"Looks you have no shot, honey," Emmett mocked as he walked up behind me. Although I was playing a little game with Edward I still knew that I had to beat Emmett. I smirked at him and bent down again for my next shot. I knew that I was not going to make this one, but it was purely for effect. It was an impossible shot but required me to lean over the tables with the 'girls' on full-display. I may have brushed them once or twice along the rail, and I looked straight at Edward the entire time. I watched him lick his lips twice and take a deep breath as he quickly turned and readjusted in his seat. It seems that I was not the only one who could work a little voodoo magic.

As I hit the ball a loud whistle came from near the bar. My eyes left Edward and traveled up to the bar to see Sam and Alec smiling at me. I instantly straightened up and blushed furiously for the embarrassment.

"Time for the master to work the table," Emmett shouted as he moved behind my frozen form. He got up right behind me and whispered in my ear, "You may want to go calm Edward down."

I turned to see Edward facing the bar with Jasper's hand on his arm in a warning. I hastily made my way to the other side of the table and as I reached out to grab Edward's other arm the waitress arrived at the table.

"Now, who ordered the chicken wrap?" she said as she looked at us expectantly.

_Crisis averted._

Emmett all-out refused to stop the game and we played on as the others ate. I didn't take too long though, as Emmett scratched the eight ball. I was glad it ended that way, because I won and I could go back to the table and socialize. I really wanted to see the damage I had done and hoped that my little activities didn't ruin the night.

Alice had already split up our food and was captivated by Jasper as he told a hilarious story about Edward and baseball initiation. Jasper was a year older than Edward and was the one to go to his dorm room to get him in the middle of the night. Apparently, he was not alone.

"Well, 'Fast Eddie' here had a lady friend who was helping him 'study' and when we burst into his room, she was so shocked she almost bit his –" Jasper laughed but was cut-off before he could finish.

"Jazz, shut it. I do not need my mind to go there when I am eating," Rosalie exclaimed as she punched him in the arm.

"Why do you always have to tell _that_ story?" Edward rapped out as he ran his hand threw his hair. He was pissed off from what I could tell. I wondered why Jasper would want to push his buttons.

"Lighten up, Edward," Jasper said putting his arm on shoulder. They made eye contact and I could see Edward physically relax after a second. Was something else eating him?

"Well, if we are exchanging those types of stories...maybe I should tell one about Emmett?" Alice questioned with a little sinister look in her eye. "Oh, and Edward, don't worry. Your sister is a little loose lipped when she drinks," she continued with a wink.

"Well, that make sense, since that isn't the only part of Rose that gets loose when she drinks," he mocked as he looked over to Rosalie with a smirk. She looked like she was about to hit him when she turned and looked straight at me. _Shit_. She had something up her sleeve.

"Edward, I have one word for you..._piano_," Rosalie stated and winked to Alice and me. I was done for after I took one look at Alice. She had just taken a slip of her drink when Rosalie spoke and spit it half-way across the table when she burst out laughing. Then everyone started laughing. I was starting to hyperventilate and I decided that I had to go to the bathroom ASAP or I was going to pee my pants. I jumped up from the table and made my way through the bar to the bathroom.

This bathroom had two stalls and a line about six deep so I decided to head towards the back to the other bathroom. It was way off in the corner behind a smaller bar they only used on weekends when it is really crowded. It was pretty much dark and empty when I went back there. I went about my business and had a moment to collect my thoughts.

I was all over the place. I was happy to get a reaction out of Edward, but then afraid that he might only think about me as some piece of ass or something. I was alarmed at the stories I was hearing about Edward because it seemed that maybe he was a little bit of a man-whore. I didn't want to think that, but I did. Maybe I was trying to internalize it to protect myself, but I couldn't shake the feeling that there was more to the story. More to Edward. Yep, I had seen that. He was sweet and gentle all before we ever did anything physical. I would go with that thought, I decided. It didn't help that I was also mid-cycle and very aroused by just his proximity. I was about to leave when I heard the door lock jiggle behind me.

..FUCKED.

The door swung open to Sam looking like he wanted to eat me. I stood there shocked that I had not thought that this would happen because this was the bathroom I would sneak off to when I wanted some attention. I did not want any attention for him. He turned slowly and locked the door. I was trapped. My heart rate picked up and I started to sweat. I didn't have a clue how to get out of this one. I had done everything in my power to make him think I wanted this.

_Fuck me_.

No, don't fuck me...even my mind was a rambling mess. He stalked towards me slowly as he licked his lips. I had less than two seconds before this turned ugly. I held me hand up to stop his progression.

"Sam, stop. I don't want this. I am sorry if you think I do, but I don't," I blurted out.

He stopped and looked at me for a moment, then proceeded to grab my wrist and backed me up into the wall. He put his other arm on the side of my head, trapping me. His stared at me intently but kept his body at a distance.

"It's that other guy isn't it?" he whispered with his breath hot on my face. Usually this would be the end of me and I would smash my face into his. But that girl was gone. She wanted more than some quick tryst in a bathroom.

I looked at him repentantly, and he released me and backed away. This surprised me. Sam never took no for an answer and always got what he wanted. Maybe we were all a little different. He unlocked the door, and before he exited he turned to look at me.

"He's a lucky guy," he stated desolately and left.

I stood there for a moment and wished that I would have some sort of secret device that just recorded that, because fuck if that just happened. Never in a million years did I think that Sam would have grown a heart or at least a manner or two. My head was spinning...maybe it was the alcohol. I took one last look at myself in the mirror and headed through the door.

I was looking down at my shoes making sure I didn't trip on anything when I looked up to see Edward. I stopped abruptly as I took in his face as he was glaring at me. _Oh, shit!_ He had probably come to look for me and found Sam exiting the bathroom and few seconds before me. It didn't look good and from his face he was thinking the same thing I was. He looked so angry but at the same time he looked hurt. I slowly approached him but he put up his arm to stop me.

"How do you know him?" Edward's voice commanded. _Honest was the best policy, right?_

"It is nothing, really. We _dated_ when I was a freshman. It didn't last long. Why are you so angry with me?" I asked knowing the answer already, but for the sake of asking, I played the ignorant card.

"You are going to play innocent after I see him leave the same bathroom you were just in?" he seethed as his eyes shot through me like daggers.

"It was not like that, I swear. I gave him the wrong impression earlier. Nothing happened," I offered quickly hoping he would believe me.

"You want me to believe that?" he yelled as he ran his hand through his hair. "You can do better than that, Bella."

That was it. I was so angry that he thought that I was just some whore who went to bathrooms to get fucked by her random exes. Did he really think I was capable of that? Tears started to sting my eyes and I tried desperately to hold them in. I didn't want him to see me like that. Just so fucking easily broken. I stared right at him and got the courage up speak before I broke down.

"Is that what you think of me? That I went in the bathroom to meet him?" I screamed as I moved past him. The tears were in full force now. "If you really fucking want to know, he came in there hoping that I wanted him. But I told him no, because of YOU!"

I needed to get the fuck out of there. I ran out the side door near the back and out into the alley. The sobs were starting to wrack my body and I leaned up against the wall. I slid down and buried my head between my legs as I continued to cry. How did this happen? How did the night take such a disastrous turn?

I heard footsteps approaching and I knew that Alice or Emmett was probably coming out to survey the damage. Great, Bella ruins yet another night out. The sound stopped in front of me and I felt it.

It was Edward.

He reached down and grabbed my arms as he pulled me up. My head was still down as I didn't want to look at him. He brought his hand up underneath my face and brought my face up to see him. I kept my eyes shut and I could feel my tears run down my face. He took his thumb and wiped away my tears.

"Bella, look at me," he asked as his voice broke. When I opened my eyes, I saw his dark green eyes brimming with tears. His face was pained. I wanted to be angry, to give him a piece of my mind...but my heart just broke to see him look that way.

"Bella, God, listen...I am so sorry, I got so carried away in there" he started. My heart leapt from my chest as I took him in. His whole demeanor had changed his eyes repentant. I felt sorry for him to feel sorry...it was too confusing. "I don't know what is the matter with me. I need to have my head examined. I can't stand the thought of you with anyone else. And when I saw him leave..." he continued slowly searching for the words.

"He knew it was you...the reason why I didn't want him," I breathed as his hand cradled me face.

"I have never acted like this before, I don't know what you are doing to me," he whispered.

"I think I could say the same thing," I said as I gave him a small smile. All was not forgiven, but it wasn't exactly the time to rehash it. He smiled back at me and I knew that we were better. It was then that I realized that something shifted and I became aware that we were alone and standing in a very intimate position.

"Haven't you figured it out yet?" he whispered.

"Figured what out?"

"Oh, Bella, I am not going to make it that easy on you," he breathed as he backed me up closer to the wall. I was cornered again. I had no where to go; we were completely alone. My breath started to become more labored and I damned my body for being so aroused from just his proximity. His hexing power was infinitely more powerful than mine.

_Fuck, wasn't I just crying and angry a minute ago? Damn you Jose Cuervo._

I knew that he was about to kiss me, and my body was screaming for it.

It was what I had wanted all night long...for him to look at me like that. His eyes were powerful as they swept over my face and when they locked on mine again...I was lost. I didn't want to find my way out. He moved his hand from my cheek and lightly brushed a stray lock around my ear. His hand moved slowly down from my ear to my neck then swept his fingers under my chin. He brought both hands to either side of my face, and by then, my heart was pounding furiously in my chest.

"I've wanted to do this all night long..." he whispered with his mouth just inches from mine. I could feel the tears starting to sting again and I closed my eyes. It was my sign to him that I trusted him...with everything I could possibly give.

His lips brushed mine so slowly, back and forth, and then all over again until he captured my bottom lip between his. It was not a passion-filled assault; he was savoring and I was about two steps from the gate of heaven. He deepened the kiss and swept his tongue on the outside of my lips. I needed more fire and heat so I brought my hands up to the side of his body and pulled him into me. I moved my head to the side to deep our connection. I could have spent an eternity there just kissing him. But, apparently oxygen is essential to life. I broke the kiss and he continued to lick and suck his way across my neck. He was feathering kisses up and down as I fought to get my breath under control. His teeth pulled on my ear as he bought his mouth to my ear.

"Have you figured it out yet?" he whispered with his breath sending shivers down my spine.

My whole body was alive, heighted by his words. Did he want me like I wanted him? Yes, I was sure of that. I felt that in the way he kissed me, how everything seems right when we were like this. What did he mean? Did he want more?

"Figure....what...mmmmm...exactly," I murmured through my moans. He moved in closer and pressed himself against me. _Holy mother of God_...

I felt his erection against my stomach and I was unable to control the moan that escaped my lips. My lacy red cheekies were toast. Every kiss and touch felt like it went straight to vajayjay land and I had never been that turned on before. He brought his lips back up to mine and this time there was no desperation. More longing...more need. He took my arms from his sides and wrapped then around his neck. He slowly traced his arms back down underneath my arms and it tickled. I didn't want to laugh but it seemed like control over my body had already been relinquished.

"Ticklish, are we?" he laughed as he again brought his mouth down to mine. "I'll have to remember that."

He hand continued down my side and my breath hitched as he swept his thumb on the side of my breast. If that was the type of reaction I would get from that somewhat innocent touch – I was in trouble. He made his way to my waist and brought his hand under my shirt to lightly brush against my skin, teasing me. He broke our kiss and I opened my eyes to see him staring at me with mouth open, trying to catch his breath.

As I gazed back at him, his hand moved down my backside cupping my ass until it slip down further to where the fabric ended. He skimmed his hand underneath and never broke his eye contact. I felt like I was on fire and I wanted nothing more than his hands all over me. I pressed my thighs together briefly and his face changed into a smirk. He knew that he had me. I was his. Please....I was begging for his touch.

He forcefully brought my leg up and hitched it to his hip. I was borderline starting to hyperventilate. He slowly moved his hand down my thigh and pushed my skirt up higher.

"I have wanted to touch these all night," he said as he ran his fingers over the fabric of my cheekies. His touch was leaving me burning and thoughts of ripping off all his clothes and having him take me against this wall were in front of my mind. I had never wanted to be with someone so much in my life. I had never wanted to give someone pleasure...I think I would have done anything for him.

He cupped my ass again underneath my skirt and continued to tease me. Unknowingly, I had started to rub myself against him, desperate for friction, for release. He grabbed me tightly and pulled me roughly towards him. My center brushed him and I could not help but whimper from the sensation and then the loss of it. He bent down and gave me one more searing kiss and then slowly extracted me from his grasp. He stepped back briefly and I was left standing there with my skirt up around my hips and an angry glare pointed at him.

_Was he fucking with me AGAIN?_

Sensing my anger he stepped forward and smoothed my skirt down. He look at my appraisingly as if considering something.

"We should go back inside so we –" he started.

"Oh, no, bucko you are not leaving me hanging again," I seethed as I put my hands on my hips. _You cannot do that to me twice...that's just evil_.

He started laughing and he straightened up quickly when he noticed I was not.

"Bella, although I would like to continue," he started as he moved up closer to me taking his hand up underneath my chin. "The things I have planned require a little more privacy....and maybe a bed."

_Okay, conditionally forgiven. That was if he made it up to me..._

I smiled back at him and he tucked under his wing as we made it back to the side door.

"Do I want to even ask how I look?"

"Well, at least I don't have to worry about anyone asking you out," he shrugged visibly loving the fact that I look like I made out with a loofah. _Damn that scruff..._

"Why do I think that was on purpose?" I raised an eyebrow at him. "You should have just pissed on my leg or something."

"Only you would say that," he said kissing my hair and opening the door. We walked back to the table to see Emmett drooling over Rosalie as she took over in the pool match, and Alice planted on Jasper's lap once again. When Alice saw us coming she nudged Jasper to look at us.

"This is twice now, can't you two wait until we are in the comforts of our house?" she asked as Jasper tickled her lightly.

I rolled my eyes and went over to my chair to grab my purse. Edward cocked his head to the side as he looked at me strangely. I thought that I had made it very clear to him.

"Edward and I are heading back to the house," I said as I stared at him expectantly.

"We'll wait for Em and Rose to finish up and then we will see you there," Alice replied as she gave me a wink. That meant that she was going to try stay out for a little while longer. Edward rounded the table and we made our way to the door quickly to avoid any interaction with a certain bartender. We didn't need to go back to that.

As we made it back out into the cool night air, Edward grabbed my hand and started to lead me down the street.

"Well, Miss Swan, now that you have me all to yourself, what are you going to do to me?" he laughed as we walked down the street. He was mocking me...the only true way to fight that is to fight dirty.

"I was thinking about stripping down and getting hot and..._wet_," I replied seductively for effect.

He stopped abruptly and turned to face me. I gave him a coy glance from underneath my lashes. It looked like I knocked the wind right out of him. I could see the lust and want in his eyes as he looked at me, so I turned and walked past him. I was a few yards in front of him when I turned over my shoulder to speak at his frozen form.

"Hot tub, dirty boy. I meant the hot tub," I laughed and started to run when I saw Edward's devious smile grow across his face.

_**A/N: I am not a cockblocker...the next chapter will deliver!**_

_**Question: Should Bella wear her 'spring break' bikini or her 'safe-to-wear-around-grandparents' bikini? I can't decide if she wants to play hard to get or not....**_

_**See you in a week or so!**_

_**Mutt**___


	12. I'm All Out of LOVE

**A Kick in the Balls**

**Chapter 12 – 'I'm All Out of LOVE'**

**A/N:**_** Hello All! I want to give my love to my beta Vampiremama who betas this lovely story for me. She also likes to tease me about how I slip into present tense whenever I get to the good stuff. I can't help it!**_

_**Hope you enjoy the chapter!**_

_**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**_

**BPOV**

_Decisions._

_Decisions._

_Decisions._

Why was picking out what to wear so fucking difficult? _Ugh_. That seemingly insignificant decision was becoming the bane of my existence. It seemed like the most impossible choice that I would ever have to make. Reflecting upon it, I was probably being stupidly impossible on myself. But, I finally had Edward _alone_. Half naked. In a hot tub.

_Gah._

I thought I was going to burst at the seams; the anticipation overwhelming. I grabbed the cool marble of my bathroom counter as I stared ahead at myself in the mirror. My mind was so disjointed – I was all over the map. Heads or tails...I wasn't really processing anything as I should. I had never been that worked up before about having an intimate interaction with anyone. I was a bundle of chaotic nerves. I was willing myself to calm down but the heat that was surging through my veins was making it hopeless. My heartbeat was a staccato melody that resonated in my ears as it was beating furiously in my chest. I took a deep cleansing breath to try to control my anxiety.

I turned my attention back to the insufferable task at hand, picking a swimsuit. They were both staring at me willing me to pick either of them. It was that classic cliché, but it was rather ridiculous to refer to one as an angel and the other as the devil. I was talking about swimwear after all. It should have been a simple choice, but nothing was uncomplicated about it. My internal debate was spurred on by the fact that I felt I had so much tied to him. It was an absurd thought, that someone so new in my life had become so crucial to my happiness. In a span of a few short days, he had become a central and vital figure. There was always something about him that peaked my interest; some emotion that flitted behind his eyes when he would look at me. It was the most overwhelming feeling I had ever felt. Whether it was in casual conversation or when he was kissing me, there was always this undercurrent bringing us together. Being with him was beyond all imagination – almost too good too be true.

As I sat there and lingered over the vitally pressing issue of what suit to choose, many questions floated in my haggard mind. The first of which was; what the hell was going on between Edward and I? I was a bit foggy from floating all day in my own personal lazy river of margaritas. I knew that a question like that one was going to make me dizzy and potentially give me a headache. _Did I even want to figure it out?_ Or, did I just for that one time, want to let it just work itself out? Could I do that? _Fuck._ On a general level, relationships and I were never on good terms. Oil and water. I definitely had that market cornered in dysfunctional associations. Take your pick – my relationship with my parents, ex boyfriends, and even my friends were far from anything that resembled normal. I didn't even know what normal was anymore. I shook my head minutely as my brain went to the second of my questions.

I pondered if I had any self control in my body because I found myself too easily overwhelmed by his mere presence...what would happen when we were alone with no intrusions? When it came to the physical element of relationships I always tended to want to hit the ball soundly out of the park versus going slowly through the bases. I hated that fucking baseball analogy – but it worked for my predicament. _There was a fundamental disconnect between me and sex._ Sex was a raw physical act between two people. End of story. There was nothing more to it for me.

Of the numerous partners I'd had, there wasn't a strong emotional bond with any of them. I had never made love to anyone...but I was pretty sure that someone had made it to me. I could remember all the times that Mike and I were together and he would say these things to me that should had made my heart ache and swell with affection and love...but it just _didn't_. Maybe that part of me was locked away somewhere that I had no hope of ever finding a way to unlock it. It wasn't something that surprised me. I tried to block out anyone who had ever shown me love in my adult years. I knew it...I just never realized how it fix it. I just wanted so much to feel that connection to someone, to see that love mirrored in someone else's eyes, and to give it back without reservations. A union of hearts, a feeling of devastating devotion, _anything_...but it never happened. I never had the magic. Maybe that was what sex was always going to be for me...

_Put your fucking Kleenex away Swan, _my mind admonished...I had some of the most mind-blowing, make-you-glow-for-five-fucking-days sex, so I wasn't about to let my weepy conscience get me completely down. I had an appointment to keep with some bronze haired god in my hot tub. I needed to desperately change my frame of mind.

It was a very sad fucking fact that I was so hasty to get down to the real business, that I always rushed into sex to see if I could, or wanted to, go over the bases in finer detail later. To me, all the other bases were just far more personal than sex. Don't get me wrong – I enjoy them, but mouths plus genetalia equaled far greater levels of trust for me. I was as backward as fuck..._I got it_. _Loud and clear_. It had been explained to me numerous times and great length and peril to my psyche. I think Alice almost had an intervention for me prior to meeting Mike. She told me that I was on track to have far too many notches on my bedpost than would be remotely acceptable.

Tonight I hoped would be my cherry. The end of what was maybe the most interesting and ridiculous weekend of my entire existence. The highs were wicked high and the lows were about as bad as it could get. I had had worse – but never packed into a string of a few days. All my scheming and planning had viciously backfired on me, and maybe I should have cooled my jets for a time to see if behind all the games there was something there. That was what I hoped.

_Hell, it was what I was praying for._

The bikinis were gaping at me again and I could almost hear their little pleas for me to pick them. I had my floozy-friendly 'spring break' bikini, which looked like I stole the eye patches from two adolescent pirates to wear over my boobs. The fucker was small. Alice helped me pick it out and she went with a smaller size on top because she told me that I had the same taste in swimwear as her grandma. _Alice was such a sweet thing_. It was the typical triangle top with a really low hip-slung bottom that tied at both of my hips. The very idea of wearing it made my face heat and my heart started to race for hundredth time that day. I seriously had to think of a way to manage that. To continue imagining skin-on-skin contact with Edward had the distinct possibility of making me hyperventilate in my bathroom. I wasn't even with him yet and he had that crazy voodoo control over me.

The other swimsuit was the suit I wore when I wanted a little more coverage and when the girls were not needed to be proudly displayed. The trusty family friendly, sporty suit. This is what I had worn this summer in Forks when Mike and I would head to the beach. _Oh, no!_ When my mind started to creep back into those memories I decided I couldn't wear the suit. Fresh start – I didn't want to let myself open the old wounds, or worse, start to feel more remorse for my actions. No more living in the past.

I slipped out of the bathroom with my white fluffy rope drawn tightly around my body and headed onto the porch. My fantasy of Edward and the reality were so different. He was sitting there in the steaming water with his head rested on the edge. He looked so...wow. That was all that my mind was capable of in the moment. The water was bubbling of around him and the pale moonlight made him look like an impossible dream as the steam rose up around him. I was so lost in staring at his form that I slammed the door shut a little too forcefully.

Two perfect green eyes met my mine and I knew that I would be lost.

**EPOV**

I chased that little vixen for several blocks, running high from the alcohol and her teasing. She was quite the little minx when she wanted to be. The anticipation of being alone with her was palpable when I saw her waiting for me on the steps.

"Cullen, ten minutes to hot tub. I will leave my door to my room open so you can get to the porch from there," she said as she winked and headed for the stairs.

Her little ass bounced away from me and before my mind started formulating plans of taking her in the hot tub, I struggled to let my cooler head prevail. I was Day Three of Conquest Swan and although I knew that she would follow if I led her down a specific road...I probably shouldn't. Although she was trying so hard to give me the impression that she was this headstrong woman, I knew that behind it all there was someone who was much more delicate. I didn't want to rush it – she deserved so much more than that. I had obviously figured from the night's events that she had encounters with men that were just sexual...I didn't want to fit in that category. _Well, I didn't want to just fit in that category_. From the past few days I surmised that she needed someone who would be constant force in her life, not just some guy who wanted her for some nocturnal engagements. Someone who would be there for all of life's up's and down's.

_She sure had her share of those_.

There was something about her that left me wanting to find out her secrets, her crazy little idiosyncrasies, her dreams. She had quickly become the person my thoughts lingered on during the day, even with all of the chaos in my own life she was always there. I wasn't in a position to get into a casual relationship with anyone. Been there – done that. There was far too much going on in my life to deal with any of the fucking strife that always accompanied those. Generally, there was nothing casual about casual sex. It always ended with someone wanting more and someone ending up with the short end of the stick. Bella was poles apart from any of my previous experiences with women. I never had the inkling to approach her like that...she was just different. I couldn't put my finger on it. I knew that everything was there; the attraction, compatibility, the lust, but I sensed there was so much more to it. She was my own little Rubik's Cube that I was trying to get all squared away. I couldn't believe that I relished the thought that I would come home to her each day and be able to spend time with her. To see her smile...to kiss her...I could feel my cheek start to rise as the smile crept up the side of my face.

I made my way up the stairs after I had made brief pit-stops in my room and in the kitchen. Bella and I had our fill of drink tonight and with the effects of the hot tub we should've probably been drinking water versus anything containing alcohol. With each stair I took, my heart started to beat faster and as I closed in on her door I felt the pangs of desire start to take over. I walked into her room and took a deep breath as I hoped to see her waiting there for me. Her room was empty, but the light from her bathroom was spilling from under the door. I walked out her door and quickly headed for the tub. I dipped my body into the warm water...it was fucking heaven. I laid back and let the water consume me and I felt all my frustrations and tension leave my body.

I heard the sound of the door slamming and I knew that she was there. I had to suppress my smile as I opened my eyes because I was so happy that she was finally there with me. _Alone_ – no fucking meddlesome roommates or siblings. Words could not describe the wonder that was in front of me. As her robe slipped from her shoulders I tried in fucking vain to keep my eyes focused on hers, but fucking hell, her skin was illuminated by the moonlight perfectly bouncing off every curve. She looked ethereal; the dark blue of her bikini made her skin look so pale and delicate. She was wearing what I thought was considered a bikini – but I would never let her go to any fucking beach in that thing. Nope...I take it back that was a 'my eyes-only' swimsuit.

I noticed each feature of her was feminine and strong as I took in the curves of her body. They lazily floated down as I was taking in every inch of her. I instinctively parted my mouth and my tongue washed over my lips in anticipation. I wanted more than anything to rush to the side of the tub and pull her into my arms and crush my lips to her...to feel her skin...to comb my fingers through her hair...

"Edward?"

Her voice broke me from my state of worship and she was gazing at me with a haughty look on her face. I had obviously been caught red handed in my ogling, but from the look on her face she was pleased in my assessments of her form. She worked her hair up into a lopsided bun on the top of her head as she stood beside the tub. I stood up out of the water and offered her my hand. Her eyes widen as she took me in and her teeth sank into her bottom lip. I had seen her so that many times and I wanted nothing more that to ask her why she did it. Her eyes were no longer focused on mine as she looked at my chest.

"Bella?" I asked incredulously as I knew that we both had little shame when it came to eyeballing each other. "See anything you like?"

She rolled her eyes and shook her head as she placed her hand in mine and I helped her over the edge. She glided down into the water, abruptly ending my ability to gaze at her body. If my eyes couldn't rake over her body, maybe I should just use my hands. Worth a good college try.

She sat back and rested her head on the side of the tub and let out a loud sigh. Her face was content, peaceful almost, and I was glad that she felt that way with me. I couldn't possibly think of anywhere else I wanted to be.

"The hot tub was your idea I take it?" I asked.

"No, it was Emmett's but I have to say that I am glad I actually listened to him on this one," she laughed as her eyes stayed shut. "This thing is going to come in handy once season starts this week."

"Already? Aren't we weeks away from school starting?"

"We always start weeks before school. I am not looking forward to getting my ass handed to me all this week. Official start is Tuesday. This was my last night to live it up," she said as her brow furrowed slightly.

"I brought you up some water. It is behind you."

"Thanks, I am probably going to have to drink at least a gallon so I don't have the hangover from hell tomorrow," she uttered as she lifted herself up to get the water from behind her. As she moved for the bottle her top shifted and I found myself staring as her chest. Whether it was the cool night air or, _heaven help me_, she was aroused; I could see the outlines of her nipples through the thin material of her top. My breath came in quickly and I found myself becoming stirred up by just the very sight of them. I ran my hand through my hair and I tried not to keep staring by my eyes had other ideas.

My body started to ache for her and I knew that I would have to employ Herculean strength to keep tonight's showing rated 'R' versus 'NC-17.' Although I knew that there would definitely be a director's cut 'NC-17' clips sometime in the not to distant future...

**BPOV**

I had just guzzled a whole bottle of water to try to convince myself not to leap across the hot tub and ask him if he would be game for me to ravish him. When I turned to look back at him, he was staring at me again with the heat in his eyes that I had seen earlier in the night. I was nice to see that I was having an effect on him, although I wondered what was so tantalizing about drinking water.

As I sat back down I started to feel tense about what to do next. I had not been the aggressor in any of our encounters and I wondered if I had the guts to go to him. He ran his hand through his hair again and he was looking downright delicious. I bit my lip again as I started to run through scenarios in my mind of how to plant myself on his lap.

"You look so perplexed at the moment. Anything I can help with?" he laughed.

_Oh, God help me_...the words were out before I had a chance to let them go pass the verbal filter for approval.

"I'm just a little tense...it's nothing," I started as I looked at him. "Unless...you want to do something about it?"

His face lit up into a smirk as his eyes began to darken. I could feel the change in the air shifting around us and that charge between was becoming stronger. He brought his arm out of the water and used his index finger to silently gesture me over with a come hither stare. _God, that was hot_...I slowly pushed myself off the wall and came to a stop in front of him. He grabbed my shoulders a gently spun me around so that I was situated between his legs. My face began to flame as he slowly moved his fingers across my back kneading the muscles. He was tentative at first...but then his movements became more meticulous. He moved them unhurriedly down my sides and gently tugged at the strings of my top as he moved lower. My skin broke out in gooseflesh as he gazed his fingers up and down my sides, caressing the muscles. My head began to loll and I found myself trying to contain my moans, although a few escaped my lips.

Having Edward's hands on my bare skin was exciting me to down to my core and with each pass of his hand my resolve to not maul him was slipping further and further away. I had to squeeze my thighs together every third second to control the waves of arousal as they passed through me. His hands made another pass up my back, tugging at the strings again.

"Your suit is quite offensive...do you mind?" he asked as I felt him releasing the knot.

_Holy crow...not at all. Do what you have to do..._

"That's better," he whispered and if I was capable of purring...I would have. His hands were experts at finding the spots I wanted him to touch and I found myself floating in some alternate universe...until his fingers gazed the side of my breast. It was like earlier that night but with the skin-to-skin contact the sensation was overwhelming. Everything in me was alive and his touches started fan the flames of my desire for him. His hands dipped down lower to my hips and I shifted myself back so my bare back was against the panes of his chest. I could feel his labored breathing against me and he gently dug his nails into the flesh on the top of my thighs.

My head lolled back on to his shoulder and his mouth came down on my neck. I could feel his breath hot against my skin as his nose ran up to my ear.

"You have no idea what you do to me," he whispered as he began to kiss my neck, nipping and sucking at the skin. The blood in my veins was boiling as my desire for him was taken to new levels. His hands inched their way across my stomach and he pulled me closer to him. I turned my head to meet his lips as he consumed me with his mouth. I moved my arm up to run my fingers through his wild hair and to pull him toward me. Our kisses deepen and I felt his vehemence as he poured himself into me. His hands slowly fingered the loose fabric covering my chest and I grew frustrated at his teasing or his hesitation...I wanted his hands on me.

My hand left his hair and his fingers gradually followed the muscles of his forearm down to his hand, and with one rapid move I brought his hand cup to firmly cup my breast. He stopped for a moment and I could feel his smile against my mouth. _He liked that_...He renewed as assault on my mouth as he took the liberty to move his other hand to my other breast. I moaned in response as I could hardly keep my devastating lust at bay. My hormones were now in overdrive and I never wanted that feeling to end. I was so caught up in this man that I would do anything....

As he caressed me, expertly rolled and pulling at my breasts, I felt a dull ache starting to build in my stomach and I was so ready to take him if he is willing to give. I was too caught up in feeling, that my reservations were not even in the picture. Hesitation was not a word in my vocabulary. Everything was going straight to my center, and I felt the sensation of wild abandon as he continued his assault. I was lost...and I moaned in his mouth. The feeling was starting to build and I wanted nothing more than to find friction....release...pleasure...

I opened my eyes to look at his face and broke the kiss. We both looked at each other motionless, trying to right our minds...to catch our collective breaths. His eyes were lidded with his desire for me, the darkest of jades. I pushed myself off his body slightly as I whirled around in the water planting myself on top of him...where I had wanted to be since I joined him in the hot tub. My forehead was against his and I closed my eyes as the licentious thoughts ran through my mind...lustful...wanton...abandon...and with a burst of confidence I leaned back and slowly took my top off and threw it to the porch floor. He stared at me in admiration as he took me in, the heat from his eyes danced across my fire-kissed skin. No one had ever looked at me with such reverence before.

I brought my hands up to the sides of his face and gazed deeply into the depths of his eyes. Whatever I was experiencing...I wanted him to feel it too. The passion, the need, the uncontrollable desire...I was burning for him. I bit down on my lip as I brought myself forward to kiss him.

"Why do you...bite your lip?" he stammered slightly as he looked at my mouth. I began to pepper him with kisses as I licked and sucked on his lips.

"I do it when I am nervous...or anxious," I breathed through the kisses. "Or...excited."

He ran his hands up my thighs and over my backside...and quickly in a rush pulled me into him. As out chests pressed together I could feel his erection straining through his shorts and I let out a shaky breath amongst the kisses. I was so gloriously close to him but I ached for more. I wrapped my arms around him as he crushed his lips into mine with a renewed fervor and I felt myself slipping further and further from control. I was lost in the feelings, the sensations as my whole body trembled. Every surface of my body was singing, every nerve on fire...just his lips and his touch on my skin could do that to me. What would it be like when there were more intimate pursuits?

I was about to suggest taking to a different venue....

"Holy shit you two! Open this door!" I heard Alice exclaim. Even through two doors her volume level was perceivable to us.

We broke our kiss abruptly, and thanked all that was holy that Edward had the presence of mind to lock my door. I, _of course_, did not lock my bathroom door. We had about sixty seconds until Alice was going to be in our faces.

I was still planted on top of Edward frozen, unwilling to move as his arms were still tightly clasped around me. I looked back into to his eyes and was nervous about the emotion there. Was it surprise? Embarrassment? I went to move but his grip on me was firm and he did not let me move. He brought his hand up my back and cradled my face in his hand. I leaned into him and took a deep breath closing my eyes. His lips touched mine gently as he gave me one last chaste kiss. I opened my eyes as he lifted me to my feet and with a jolt, jumped out of the tub to retrieve my top.

"Just to let you know...I am vehemently against you putting this back on," He smirked as he handed it to me. I think that I was in shock because I stood there looking at him with my hands at my sides...playing the part of topless dancer was not me. I jerked out of my haze and quickly took the top from him. I was struggling in my haste and Edward came to help me right myself. He was finishing up tying the back when I heard that little pixie.

"Well, what do we have here?" Alice asked as she walked out onto the porch. She had that same smirk planted on her face and I was really starting to wonder if she wanted Edward and me together at all. Her cockblocking knew no bounds after that day and maybe I should have reconsidered which of my roommates is worse. Between Alice and golden retrievers, the fates were against us.

"Alice, we were just getting out," Edward said with a bite to his tongue as he held out his hand to me. "Where's Jazz? Didn't scare him off, did you?"

"Har, har, Edward. He is downstairs with Emmett and Rosalie. I was just coming to see what you two were up to," she said, sweetly and with a slight mocking tone. She knew what we were doing. Why did she feel it necessary to rain on my sexy parade?

"Thanks, mom. We're great. Why don't you just run along and play with your friends?" I seethed as I gave her a not-so-subtle glare.

Alice was obviously way too fucking pleased with herself as she laughed at my demeanor towards her. She rolled her eyes at me and gave me her little smirk as she went to exit the porch. "Bella, I see you in the morning," she began, "And Edward, have a nice trip," she continued as she walked out of my room and closed the door. _Maybe she should be replaced_? It was so unlike her to take her meddlesome ways that far...she was up to something, I could feel it. Then her words registered and I turned to Edward who was drying himself with a towel...I wanted to do that.

"Trip? You're going on a trip?" I asked in a slight panic that he would be gone in the foreseeable future. Talk about abandonment issues...I told myself that he would be returning and stop the freak-out that was just starting.

"Well, it is dependant on my mom...if she wants to go," he said as his eyes became distant. "We want to spend some time together as a family before school starts."

He looked so vulnerable, fragile almost. I secured my robe and walked to him placing my hands on his chest and searched his eyes, hoping I could erase the fear I saw there. Comforting someone was not usually my forte but I knew that my heart ached from seeing him that way. I stood on my tiptoes and brought my lips up to his as he bent down to meet me. We kissed as his arms wrapped around me pulling to him again. There was no fire...no need to deepen the kiss...just two people sharing a tender connection. He broke the kiss and I sank back down and buried my face in his chest inhaling his scent.

"Will you stay with me tonight?" I whispered hoping that he would share my bed tonight. I was not hoping for more than that – just him and me together for a few more hours.

"I need to pack a few things, and I –"

"I will leave me door open...I won't be hurt if you don't come," I said knowing that it was far from the truth. I couldn't stomach to hear him tell me no...I would just go to sleep with the hope that he would join me.

He released me and I watched him slowly walk into my room and exit through the door on the other end. He didn't turn around...he did not say goodbye...

***

I awoke sometime in the middle of the night and groggily made my way into my bathroom to use the facilities. I had one of those brief moments that you are so out of it that you believe you are in the bathroom when you are still in your bed...but, thank God, I was in the bathroom. After concluding my business I drank half the bottle of water that was sitting on my counter and made my way back into my room. I was not legally awake for these little jaunts to the bathroom and I crawled back into my bed. I made me way to the center of the bed and curled myself around my comforter realizing that I was alone.

As a started to drift off, I thought that I felt the bed dip behind me but my befuddled mind was probably imagining it to keep it at peace. It wasn't until warm, strong arms wrapped themselves around me, that I understood he was really there. He brought me into his embrace and gently brushed the hair from my neck to press a kiss below my ear. The thick stubble on his face brushed against my neck several times before he settled behind me, his warm breath against my neck. I felt the tension leave his body as he inhaled deeply.

I gingerly brought his hand to my face, gently kissing it before intertwining our fingers. I repositioned myself against him, snuggling into his embrace, and brought our hands into my chest next to my heart. I feel myself drifting off into peaceful sleep, but I heard him murmur something just before sleep overtook me. I couldn't make out the words, but my subconscious knew what I wanted him to have said.

***

I awoke to the sound of my cell phone beeping, alerting me that I had a text message. I squinted at the clock on my bedside table notifying me that it was a few minutes shy of eight o'clock in the morning. My alarm would be going off in a few minutes anyway, so I decided that I should just haul my lazy ass out of bed. I went to find my offensive phone that robbed me of precious minutes of sweet sleep. I had one new message.

_**Bella, hope you slept well. I left you something downstairs in the kitchen.**_

I didn't recognize the number but it could only be from him. I think it was probably the perfect punctuation and grammar. I threw a sweatshirt over my tank top and headed downstairs to see that Alice and Emmett were already assembled in the kitchen in their usual morning places.

"What are you doing up so early?" Emmett laughed as he ate his cereal from his bowl.

"Um...I have to meet the team at the athletic building this morning for equipment check-out," I said hurriedly. It was the truth – the reason I had set my alarm last night.

"Fuck, I know. Can't believe that this is our last year of this bullshit," Emmett laughed but then his face grimaced slightly from the thought. It was our last year together...we potentially all were going to go our separate ways in nine short months. It was not a thought that I allowed myself to linger on for any extension of time.

Alice was staring at me but her eyes kept darting from my eyes to the counter to my left. I gave her a concerned look, but realized that she was alerting my to what was left in the kitchen. I looked over to see a large coffee cup with an envelope on top. I walked slowly over to the counter and picked up the note. I opened it to find a hand-written message...

_**Bella, **_

_**Please accept my apology for leaving this morning without saying goodbye. You were sleeping so peacefully, I did not want to wake you.**_

_**I will call you when I know what our plans are.**_

_**Edward**_

I could not contain the smile on my face and I flushed at his sweet sentiment. I looked to find both Alice and Emmett staring at me with smug looks on their faces.

"What?!" I said defensively.

"Never thought I would see the day, Swan. You got it bad," Emmett laughed and gave me a big slap on my back as he left the room. Fucker never remembered that we were women...he always slapped us a little too hard.

Alice just stared at me impassively and I thought maybe it was a good time to ask her what he deal was, maybe I could then make sense of her cockblocking ways.

"Aly, will you please enlighten me on why you feel it necessary to interrupt Edward and I every chance you get?" I asked trying to keep my voice even. That could have easily escalated into something brutal and way fiercer than anything I wanted to deal with this early in the morning.

"Bella, I know you. Do you think you would have been able to rein yourself in?" she answered.

"Oh...so it was for _my_ benefit?"

"Bella, you may not believe this, but I think that Edward is perfect for you. I wasn't about to let you make the same mistakes with him," she said as she put her hand up asking me silently to finish before I unloaded on her. She apparently had some serious audacity when it came to my life and the liberties she took. "I will stay out of it for now on. I talked with Edward this morning."

_Oh, God_...the meddler was in full force.

"What did you talk about?" I asked nervously. Alice never spoke to anyone about me before, this could be bad.

"Bella, it didn't tell him all your dirty little secrets. Those are with me to the grave. He asked for your phone number and where you liked to get your coffee from. And maybe something else, but I only told him the truth," she smiled.

My eyes widened at her statement...this could potentially be several different truths that she told him. Not all of them bad, but still, Alice had my whole dating history to pull from.

"What did you tell him?" I responded cautiously.

"Bella, I told him the truth. That I knew that this wasn't just some fling for you. That I had never seen you like this before...he is going to be gone for awhile and I think he wanted some reassurance while he focuses on his family," she answered.

My plans to strangle Alice were thrown out the window. She had probably done me a favor since Edward and I didn't get a chance to talk this morning. She was still a bloody meddler...but I conditionally forgave her. She just had to stay out of our relationship from now on.

I made my way back upstairs with my latte in hand and went to my phone to send Edward a message.

_**Thk you, you have saved many innocents from dealing with me uncaffeinated **_

I went to go jump in the shower when my phone beeped again.

_**You're welcome. I will call you when we leave the hospital.**_

Hospital? _Oh, no_...I was so wrapped up in my little world that I never thought that Edward's 'family issues' could be anything more than just the normal everyday stuff. I plopped down on my bed feeling terrible for never asking Edward what was going on. I rushed down the stairs to catch Emmett before he left for the practice facility so I could ask him what he knew. He was walking out the door when I finally caught him.

"Hey, have you heard anything from Rose yet?" I asked, hoping that he would be more likely to give me information if I seemed like I was in the know.

"Nothing yet. She said they would have the results by no later than nine, so it should be soon," he answered as he packed up his bag.

"Do think they will go away regardless of the results?" I didn't know what else to ask, but as I went over what I knew, I figured that it was his mother that what sick. Remembering how very frail she looked when she came her on Friday reminded me again of how sacrificing Edward was; he never once brought up his problems with me. Rosalie obviously discussed it with Emmett – I didn't know if I should be upset about this or not.

"Yeah, I think they will. Just depends on whether it will be a happy trip or not," he shrugged, visually troubled with the information. I clasped him quickly around the shoulders and hugged his massive frame tightly, before releasing him. I had no idea why I did it...but I did.

"Swan, don't go getting all emo on me," he said shaking his head at me and gave me a quick peck on the cheek before he walked out the door.

I looked at my phone in my hand – all I had to do now was wait.

_**A/N: Sorry about the 'cliffie' I really don't mean to do it...but I did. I promise a juicy 'first-ever' lemon for you in the next chapter...although it may not live up to standards.**_

_**Hope you all enjoyed reading! I love reading the reviews so keep them coming!**_

_**Mutt**_

_**P.S. I will be updating the story every 7 to 10 days.**_


	13. Should I Stay or Should I Go

**A Kick in the Balls**

_**A/N: Happy Valentine's Day! Here is the next installment of the story and I hope you enjoy it. I would like to thank the goddess Vampiremama for her great beta work! She makes everything sound so much better – you have no idea!**_

_**Thank you to born2speakmirth and qjmom for the final clean-up and posting!**_

_**See you at the end...and don't be mad at me ;)**_

_**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**_

**Chapter 13 – Should I Stay or Should I Go**

I was lost somewhere between dozing off and waking, trying desperately to put myself back to sleep. I had been tossing and turning most of the night and was in need of some rest. Trying to find the ever elusive siesta was a difficult cross to bear as my mind was running away with my thoughts. Each and every time I thought sleep would take me, my thoughts would turn to Edward. Well not so much Edward himself, but his hands, his lips, and that damn lovable chafetastic scruff. The flutter of my eyelids would always bring some sort of torrid fantasy into my mind, with Edward taking me and claiming me as his...over and over again. So, yeah, trying to sleep was fruitless.

I couldn't get his voice out of my mind. He was just...amazing, the actual words I could use to describe him seemed to be less on point than they should. I just could not explain it. There was a small part of me that was afraid of what he symbolized; what the true meaning of the emotions I was feeling were. It was all happening too quickly and my subconscious was trying to seal itself away from the epic heart fail that potentially would ensue if it went bad. I lived for his phone calls; it was the sustenance I needed to get me through the other hours of the day. The bigger part of me was thrilled at the prospect that maybe, just maybe, I was not damaged beyond repair. That I could love and be loved. That is what he did to me – he made me believe. I couldn't put the words together that described how I was feeling; just an endless list of verbs and adjectives, but none of them seemed to adequately fit my emotions. I spent most of my days walking on my own personal cloud nine, but I did miss his physical presence _considerably_.

He had been gone now for a about week and a half. That may seem like an insignificant amount of time, but when you have to watch your roommate's charming little love affair play out daily, you sort of get a little covetous and wistful. If someone said that I was a little green with envy – I wouldn't correct them. I most definitely was. It didn't help that Jasper would constantly joke about his history with Edward, making his absence even more poignant.

The morning after Edward and Rosalie left was one I would never forget. My imagination started to make me feel like my cup was half-empty, its contents nothing but self-doubt and a dash of self-loathing. I wanted to think that I was beyond allowing myself to be lowered by these feelings, but I couldn't escape the gnawing feeling the something was amiss. I was beginning to question the connection I had with Edward and wondered despondently if he had purposefully left me in the dark about his mother. I had confided in him about my life, _well most of it_, talking about the copious loads of baggage that I brought with me, but I had heard so little about him. It was unnerving.

Those feeling were quickly nipped in the bud when I received a phone call from him later that same day. He was so keyed up he almost sounded frantic on the phone. I could almost feel the adrenaline that was pumping through his veins through the receiver on my end.

"_Bella, I am so glad I caught you. Do you have a minute?"_

"_Of course, how's your mom?"_

"_She's in remission. This is the best news we could have gotten, and there's an eighty-five percent chance that it won't come back. We've decided to take the flight out tonight to San Francisco and then drive to Carmel. I have never seen my dad like this before...it's just too unreal."_

"_I am so glad for you, Edward."_

"_Thanks, Bella. I just had to tell you... and to hear your voice. I have to get going but I will send you a message later when we arrive....yeah, Dad I got it...sorry, I really have to go. Love you, bye."_

I must have looked like I was playing a marathon game of statue tag as I stood in the same spot for at least five minutes frozen by his words. I kept looking at my phone incredulously, like it had just played some trick on me. The call only lasted thirty seconds tops...but it had me in a tizzy for hours. Wait, it wasn't hours...more like days. I was probably still engulfed in that same said tizzy, although it may have grown into something substantially greater in following days. Surely, his words were most likely a slip. I was confused, elated, bewildered and then flew through a host of other random emotions. I did have the mental fortitude to understand what had most likely happened; he was just so caught up in his jubilance that he was running on auto-pilot. The mouth-brain filter was just not quite keeping up. I had done it a hundred of times with Alice, telling her I love her at the end of calls if I was distracted or something. _That's what it was_. Of course, there was no way that he loved me. _Right?_ I convinced myself of that several times. Actually, I convinced myself of that several hundreds of several times...but I wasn't exactly keeping count. I also may have floated on air for the rest of that day and well into the next week, playing nice to all my teammates...even Tanya. Even that skank received a little love from me, not that she remotely deserved it.

Soccer began the day after Edward and Rosalie's departure and our coach decided it was time to hand me my ass twice daily. Apparently, some of the girls decided beer and nachos were an appropriate summer diet and had gained considerable weight..._fucking perfect_. Thus, we were in the midst of the most god-forsaken two-a-days in which we lifted and ran in the mornings and then practiced in the afternoons. I was so sore in the evenings I could barely lower myself to sit on the toilet without wincing in pain. People who apparently are not masochistic like me take that shit for granted, as most of them would not submit themselves to this type of daily torture. I won't even talk about the physical and mental battle it took to haul my ass up the stairs each night. But, if I thought I had it bad, I needed to only look at that poor bastard Emmett. I think I had seen Emmett crawl up the last few stairs to his room on one occasion.

It also did not help matters that some El Nino affiliated heat wave swept through the Northwest, blessing us with ninety degree temps for the whole week. Emmett, Alice and I were fixtures on our cool leather couches in the evenings as we iced our aching bodies and drank what seemed to be gallons of water. We were probably quite the picture as Alice and I wore shorts and sports bras and Emmett just shorts – it was just too damned hot to make an effort to dress ourselves. We had ice bags attached to random appendages depending on what hurt the most; knees, elbows, ankles, hips, and I may have iced my ass at one time or another that week. We had little time for the formalities of dressing properly or really caring what anyone else thought. Alice, being that little delightful bitch that she was, had her lovely boyfriend around to carry her up the stairs, although I knew that Jasper probably had a hard time getting it on with the sore, less than willing participant that Alice was after the tough week she was having. That notion was the only thing that kept me from being over the top snarky whenever they were around. The four of us ran through the cycle of take-out places and only left our couches for bathroom breaks, and Jasper became our glorified gopher when we needed anything.

Edward buoyed me through those hellish days with his nighttime phone calls. He would always send a text before alerting me to his call, and after taking the call on the stairs the first time, I explained to him ad nauseum about how each and every muscle in my body hurt from practice. He needed to give me a little more time to go through the monumental task of getting myself upstairs to my room for some privacy. With each call he always sounded so happy and at peace. Sometimes I told him I just wanted to listen; too exhausted to form complete and coherent sentences. Even as soccer had thrown me into the pits of hell that first week – it was a great week because of him.

I was a more active participant after the first week came to a close, giddy each time I would hear his voice and we would talk for what seemed like hours. I felt that I was really getting to know him and him me by way of the phone. It was impersonal to a point – but it allowed me to speak freely with him, knocking down the internal barriers that I had so studiously put up. He was tearing them down slowly with the care and concern in his voice. I don't think he could ever understand what his seemingly small gestures did for me.

Blissed out from the high that was Edward, I felt sleep beginning to take me again and my eyelids started becoming heavy. My barely conscious mind registered the fact that the bed behind me dipped and the sheets ruffled as someone climbed in silently behind me. It had been like the night before he left but now...everything was different. I felt the air change in the room – it was the same feeling you get when an electrical storm started brewing in the distance. My body was on alert, my senses heightened and suddenly anxious due to the heat of his body caused from his proximity. The last thing I wanted was to sleep...I wanted to show him how thrilled I was that he was finally back...with me.

I turned in my bed slowly to face him, holding my breath, fearing it was all a figment of my overactive imagination. I pressed my eyes tightly silently praying that he was really there. As I opened my eyes, I saw him lying on his side, propped up on his shoulder. I reached out tentatively to make sure that my mind was not playing tricks on me, my hand connecting with his chest. I ran my hands through the splattering of hair on his chest, basking in the warmth of his skin. His hand clasped over mine and he slowly brought my hand to his mouth. His lips were wet as he placed a scorching kiss upon my hand; I relished the demonstration of his affection. There was nothing that was going to be frantic or hassled tonight...we had all the time we needed to reacquaint ourselves with each other. He was here to stay.

He took my hand leisurely and moved it to cup his cheek. I felt the stubble there as my hand moved over his skin. He leaned into my touch...showing me that my feelings were emulated; signifying that he had missed me as well. I brought my face to his, savoring the closeness as I allowed his hot breath to spill over my face. Warm with a hint of mint. His hand gently cupped my face as his lips captured mine, slow and tentatively, as if he were asking permission. I poured myself into the kiss trying to show him the depth of my feelings for him. As his lips pressed firmly into mine his arms wrapped around me bringing my body flush with his. Our bodies could not hide what our hearts could not say aloud – our touches epitomizing the delicate balance between love and lust. He was pouring his reverence for me into every touch, every caress, I felt as though I could not keep my head above the water; drowning in his passion.

I felt his heart beat furiously in his chest, my hand pressed against the strong panes of his chest, reveling in the feeling of his muscular build. His fingers stroked my back slowly, his nails grazed over my skin. He lazily swept his fingers up my sides, an erotic tickle, and I felt myself squirming as he passed the delicate skin of my sides. Each pass would send waves of pleasure to my core, amplifying my need for him. His tongue became more earnest as we nipped and tasted each other with increased fervor. His hand slipped under the fabric of my cheekies and he took a handful of my ass into his palm and pressed himself into me. I could feel his erection through his mesh shorts...so little material was separating us.

He brought my leg up swiftly over his hip running his nails up and down my thigh. I pushed his chest down and I slowly climbed on top of him, straddling him with my legs. I felt empowered by position and slowly brought my hands to the bottom of my top. My heart was beating so fast in my chest I felt as though I would shatter in front of him. I carefully brought the top over my head, taking my time to tease him, shaking my hair out like the wanton sex goddess I wanted to be. When I brought my eyes back down to his I could see his smile in soft light of the moonlight that filtered through my window. I stared down at him as the light captured his strong jaw, the outline of his neck, the muscles of his stomach...I was overcome with anticipation as I stared down at the glorious man below me.

His arms flew abruptly to my wrists as he pulled me down on top of him, his lips seeking mine. My hips started moving in a slow rhythm on top of him seeking the friction, as he would thrust into me. Our kisses grew so much more heated and I felt our bodies connect through the thin barriers of our clothes.

"I want you, Isabella," he whispered in my ear as he trailed kisses down my neck. His grip on my arm tightened as he brought his mouth to my breast, taking the nipple into his mouth. I groaned in pure pleasure as he began to tease me with his tongue.

"You can have me...please," I let out in a strangled cry as he bit down on the sensitive flesh of my nipple.

"Oh, God, Bella...I need you," he groaned as he moved to roll us over reaching the hem of my shorts, slowly bringing them down my legs. He rolled on his back to free himself of his fabric confines, throwing our clothes to the floor. He rolled back on top of me, nothing separating us now as his erection pressed firmly against my thigh. His mouth covered mine again as his nails passed down over my knee, then across my thigh to the center of my lust. His long finger took a small pass over my skin as I gasped into his mouth, feeling heady with sensation of his hands. His lips were on my neck as he nipped and sucked on the skin, bringing my heart into a frenzy of beats.

"I want nothing more than watch you come over and over again...but I need to be inside you," he pleaded as he pressed two fingers inside of me, cutting off my thought process completely. I wanted him to claim me...to take what was his.

_My heart._

_My soul._

_Everything._

"Please...now, I want to so much, Edward," I cried out in pleasure and he began to curl his fingers slowly inside of me. My sex was at full attention, screaming for the previews to be over and to start feature presentation.

He leaned back taking position between my legs looking down at me intently, waiting for me to be ready. I reached me hand down and grabbed his erection firmly, my breath hitching as I ran my hand up and down, feeling all of him. He was impressive; I teased him running the tip over my lips spreading the wetness of my arousal. His breaths grew shaky as I finally lined him up, waiting for him to enter me fully. He slowly pressed inside of me. His eyes displayed his true feelings as he stared back at me reverently, then he closed them slowly, his brow furrowing. It was too much...I reveled in feeling the fullness of him inside me. He pressed further into me as he lowered himself to claim my lips.

"Only you, Bella," he murmured beginning his slow, torturous rhythm...it was ecstasy. It was better than anything I had ever felt before...the tears started pooling in my eyes as I realized I had never felt this way before, weltering in my lover's embrace.

As his thrusts became faster and harder, he buried his face in my shoulder, his hot breath on my ear. There was nothing holding me back and I became louder with each thrust, moaning in delight as the pleasure started to take over. I could feel the tightening, from somewhere deep inside as he drove me further and further to the brink. I was so close, teetering on the cliff's edge...

"Oh, God, Edward....I'm....so close...Edward...ugh.....EDWARD!" I screamed as I came hard, my legs tightening around him.

_Bang! Bang! Bang! _

_Bang! Bang! Bang! _

_Holy shit! The door!_

And then I woke up...

~ ***~

It was almost two weeks after he had left when out of the blue – all contact ceased.

I waited for him to call for two days and that was when I started to really doubt everything I had been feeling. I felt like I was some sad little character, crushed by being forgotten. At first I thought that something might have happened but I was assured by eavesdropping on Emmett's call with Rosalie that it was not the case. Everything around me started to move, to live, to grow around me but I felt that I was stuck. Everything became a constant blur. I went through the motions; went to practice, ate, slept, interacted with my roommates when they were around, but I just felt out of place in my own life. I was angry with myself for letting someone else have this much control over my life. I decided to quit being such an over-emotional basket case and just talk to him.

I left him several messages on his phone over a few days time.

He didn't call. My new mantra became 'what the fuck.'

I decided to text him, trusting that the most impersonal method would be the easiest for him to respond to. I was also so fed up with his blatant disregard; so much that I was becoming overly blunt about what I wanted. I knew that I didn't have a reason to be angry with him...but something just felt off about the whole thing. I was missing some pretty fucking vital piece in that equation.

_**hey, something wrong with your phone? did you get my messages?**_

Then I waited...not patiently if you want the truth. A few hours later, my phone vibrated.

_**Nothing wrong. Busy. What do you need?**_

_Awesome_. By way of my imaginative deduction I guessed that he was pissed with me. Why in God's green earth would he be mad at me? Okay, fuck that. I was going to get to the reason for his pissiness as my fingered punched the keys of my phone.

_**have I done something to make you angry with me?**_

I didn't have to wait for his response on that one.

_**I think you must know. This isn't something that I want to discuss now. We will talk when I get back.**_

_What. The. Fuck_. I needed a decoder for his cryptic texts. What did that mean? I felt like a child who was being scolded by their parent for taking an extra cookie or something.

_**absolutely no idea what you are talking about. when are you back?**_

_**Saturday**_

That was the last thing I had heard from him, but lucky for me I only spent most of my waking hours over the next three days thinking about what I could have possibly done to offend or piss him off. It wasn't until I firmed up my itinerary with a final call to Burgess and Bigelow that set up the chain reaction that led me to the events of the Saturday that Edward came back. It could have been one of the worst days in my life...if my life had not been so epically fucked up in the past few weeks.

Again...par for the course.

I was ready to get the hell out of Seattle for a few days to escape it all. I was running scared from the truth that Edward was going to give me. Had he made a mistake? Was there someone else? It could be a host of many things...all of them ended with me shattered. I hated Alice for telling me to so stupidly take a chance, open my heart, so she was shut out. I didn't want to run the risk of having Emmett tell me that he told me so. This effectively eliminated my friends from being those I could confide in.

I made some decisions that I shouldn't have; throwing myself into a storm I was not ready for. My thought process up until that day had been muddled at best and I must have been crazy to think that I could tackle that task all on my own. Every person had their limitations – I just always chose to ignore mine. I was just a few hours away from an attempt to put my past securely behind me...to tackle the demons that I have been avoiding for the past few years.

No one knew what I was doing, but it wasn't exactly like they had been paying attention either. Alice had Jasper, Emmett had Rosalie, and I had...well, who the fuck knew what I had or had had for that matter. If you would have asked me three weeks ago, I would have told you I have a nice young man who is interested. At that moment, I had no idea. Maybe I was running from him and finally hearing what he wanted to say to me. Maybe it was just a coincidence, but I couldn't help wonder if there was some other force out there that was pulling the strings on this one.

~***~

I spotted him through the crowd before he saw me and I raised my hand so that he could see me. He looked different after all these years; older, more refined, and definitely more like his old man. I had my first true older man crush of his father Aro, the thought of which made the first genuine smile I have had in a week cross my face. The similarities were striking. His eyes met mine and lit up as he crossed the room to the table I occupied with Jacob and a few of his friends. We had been celebrating Jacob's birthday, his twenty-first birthday to be exact, and I had promised him that I would meet him out before I had made the arrangements for this trip. I wouldn't let him down, since he had been keeping me company for the past week or so, and he was such a good constant friend. I needed those. He could be crass and annoying, but he always had a knack for being there for me when I needed him. Although, now that Nessie was in the picture, I knew that my days of close companionship were dwindling. They were so into each other that it quite possibly was a little sickening, a little too cute. Only I would find their attraction so repugnant under my circumstances. I knew I should be happy, but I couldn't get over my blatant lack of romance in my life since Edward had shut me out a week ago.

Alec made his way towards us and I had a chance to look him over some more. He was wearing a slim-fit charcoal suit with pinstripes and a pale blue collared shirt that made his deep blue eyes pop – the man knew how to work an ensemble to his advantage. He was lean, muscular and looked more like someone who should be on cover of GQ, versus mingling amongst college co-eds in some dirty campus bar. I'm quite sure that he didn't frequent establishments like this back in New York. If I hadn't played Barbie's with the five-year-old version of him, I probably would have found him attractive.

"Bella," he exclaimed as he grabbed my arm and whisked me into a tight hug. "God, you look good. Are you ready to go?"

"Sure, in a minute," I responded slightly dazed from the hug. "Alec, this is my friend from Forks, Jacob. Jacob this is Alec. He's works for the firm that covers my grandfather's business holdings," I said giving as little information was necessary. I didn't want to start playing twenty questions with Jacob, but by the looks of him playing coy was completely unnecessary.

"Nice to meet you. Bella, you don't have to leave already? It's not even nine o'clock yet!" Jacob half-exclaimed half hiccupped. I gave a pointed look to Embry who nodded slowly letting me know that he had Jacob on this one. Last thing I wanted to worry about was inebriated Jacob sleeping in some dark alley.

"We are taking the red-eye to New York so...yes, I have to go," I said as I grabbed my jacket and gave Jacob a big hug. I didn't want to tell him that we were actually flying out on the private jet, so time wasn't exactly as issue. Actually, I could have probably told him anything because I was quite sure he would not remember any of it in the morning.

"Have a good trip, Bellsie," he yelled as another shot was placed ceremoniously in front of him. I had to roll my eyes, happy that the rite of passage that Jacob was going through was in my past. I don't think there are many people who would ever want to relive that night.

As we made our way to the door, I felt a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach, one of complete unease. I started to feel the bile creep up my throat...this was happening, I was going there. I tried to calm my breathing as we approached the door – chanting to myself that I could do it. I had to.

I looked quickly over my shoulder to see a pair of eyes that I had been longing to see. Deep and perfect green eyes. Edward was standing at the bar with Jasper glaring at me. I blinked several times thinking that he could possibly be a figment of my imagination, although usually my imagination had him doing much more personally advantageous things. He was really there...in the flesh. I felt Alec's hand on the small of my back gesturing me forwards and I saw Edward's eyes break my gaze to look to Alec and then back. Of all the times to be jealous...this was definitely not it. I broke his gaze and walked out the door knowing that I was not up to having a conversation with him. My heart broke infinitely more as I walked through the door, wanting nothing more than to throw myself into his arms. I would deal with Edward later – I could only deal with so much at that moment.

He had brushed me off once; I thought that I would return the favor. My heart constricted at my thought.

"Bella, hey, where are you off to?" Emmett asked as he ran to my side.

I didn't want to tell him, but it was for the best if at least one person knew what I was doing. I had kept this all a secret from them. I had kept my family a secret. Part of me did it foolishly, the other part did it because I was tired of feeling so dependant on others. It was not like I could explain it all in a matter of a few minutes either. Emmett and Alice knew I came from money on my mother's side – they just didn't know how much money I came from. That was sure to be an enlightening experience.

"I am heading to New York for a few days for family business. I will have my cell on, but I probably will not have time to talk. I will be back on Tuesday. Will you tell everyone else so that they don't worry?" I asked hoping that Emmett would simply agree with me and let it go. I was being firm and unwavering, I hoped he noticed.

"Sure," he answered hesitantly. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, but I do have to go," I said, gesturing to Alec as he held the door open for me. Emmett's eyes passed from me to Alec several times and I saw that the wheels were turning furiously in his mind. I saw the door open and Edward walked out the door.

"Hey, just one more thing. Are you dating Jacob?"

I laughed. A good belly-shaking laugh. "No, are you _crazy_? Why would you think that?"

Just then Nessie flew out the door of the bar. "Bella!" she cried as she ran to me hands in the air. I thought that I might have the talk with her about drinking, but since her _new_ boyfriend was tying one on, I decided against it. "You forgot your scarf. Oh, hi Emmett," she said turning to him.

I was about to say some snarky comment when Jacob's voice rang out.

"Nessie, get back here woman!"

Jeebus, some people are clingy. And apparently, inseparatable since I set them up last weekend.

Nessie giggled loudly rolling her eyes and went back to Jacob who was waiting for her impatiently just inside the door. I watched wistfully as he gathered her up in his arms and went back into the pits of the bar. I laughed to myself and then turned back to Emmett who was starring at me incredulously.

"I set them up last weekend. I apparently have some matchmaking skills I was not aware of," I chuckled sadly. Too bad my skills in my own life weren't having the same effects. "I have to go."

"Fuck, Bella," he uttered as he stared at me. He knew it – I was in the wind, running from conflict yet again. "Fine. Take care of yourself and call if you need anything," he said, giving me one of those trademark bear hugs. I felt my eyes begin to brim with tears as I looked to Edward. He was no longer angry; he almost looked repentant. I closed my eyes tightly as the tears slid down my cheek and I quickly made it to the safety of the car and away from my friends.

It was only a matter of minutes until my phone was vibrating noisily in my purse.

I was running again...but it was different this time. I needed time to sort out my feelings. What I wanted – the path I was going to take. This trip was something that I had needed to do for awhile now, albeit I was not in the mindset I had hoped to be in when I tackled this part of my past.

That weekend I was going to the place that held the last part of the past that haunted me – the house my mother grew up in.

The house that she died in.

~***~

As I sat in my seat waiting to take off, I decided to look at the text messages on my phone. I know full well why I did it...I wanted to see if he had texted me. I apparently was a glutton for punishment, but I still wanted to know.

_**Alice – wft? bella, call me. what is going on?**_

_**Edward – Bella, please call me. I need to talk to you. I made a mistake. Please call me.**_

_**Jacob – bellie i mis u**_

_**Emmett – what the fuck is the matter with you why didn't you tell anyone about this**_

_**Edward – Bella, please just tell me you are okay. Please.**_

After reading his last text, my fingers worked against my better judgment and sent a reply to all of them. I needed not to be a source of anguish – I knew too much about that after the week I had.

_**I am fine. I will explain everything when I get back. I promise. It is something that I have to do alone, please do not worry. –B**_

I turned off my phone and settled into my seat, closing my eyes to the world around me knowing that the next few days were going to be challenging in the least. When the firm had called me two weeks ago regarding my grandfather's estate I thought nothing of it; probably just some issue with the stock of something of that nature. That was not the case at all.

The couple that had been taking care of the house in New York wanted to retire and the firm was urging me to sell the house versus finding new caretakers. I had no desire to keep it in reality, but I knew that I would have to go there and sort through my family's history in order to sell it. That was a concept I could not grasp. How could I sort through my family's history? What do I keep? Little of it held any significant personal value, but it was one of the last pieces I had of my family. One last piece of them. One last piece of her.

Mrs. Cope had been the one to find my mother after she died. She had worked for my grandparents for over thirty-five years, practically raising my mother and her brother. She and her husband oversaw the house and grounds and kept residency in the house. I had not seen them since the funeral, but I hoped that they could help me through this monumental task that was before me. And maybe, just maybe I hoped, answer some of the questions I so dearly needed answered.

As I settled in to sleep, my heart felt so empty as it beat in the vacuous space in my chest. A sense of dread was over me as I slowly succumbed to sleep.

I was once again all alone.

**EPOV**

I stared at her retreating frame as she hurriedly got into the waiting car. I saw the pain in her deep brown eyes as she looked at me one last time; I knew the tears were meant for me and the pain I caused her.

"Fuck," Emmett uttered, bringing his hand to his face covering his eyes. "Epic fuck up, man. What the fuck made you think that she was with Jacob? Explain this whole fucking thing to me right this fucking minute."

Emmett was angry now, his eyes boring holes into mine. We stood there on the curb as I relayed the information I heard from Jasper. Jasper had seen Jacob sleeping in Bella's bed when he came to pick up Alice last Saturday morning, and he had gone on to tell me that Jacob was a frequent guest over at the house. Jasper knew my history – he was just trying to protect me.

"Did you fucking stop to think for one moment that they are nothing more than friends?" he laughed darkly. "Bella was in fucking Portland last Friday for an away game. You could have saved us from all this bullshit if you would have just fucking asked her. I will repeat – epic fuck up."

He grabbed his phone from his pocket and quickly dialed talking frantically to Alice on the other end. From what I surmised, no one knew what Bella was doing. I took out my phone quickly sending her a text, hoping that she would return it. I was kidding myself – there was no way that she was going to extend me a courtesy that I did not extend to her.

"Well, that is just fucking great," Emmett spat as he looked at Jasper and I. Jasper had come out to find us after we failed to appear back inside the bar. "She's fucking gone. Not even Charlie knows what the hell she is doing. I will blame you two fuckers if anything happens to her."

My heart felt like to was trying to leap out of my chest as the feeling of trepidation filled me. My phone vibrated in my pocket and I opened the text I saw from her.

_**I am fine. I will explain everything when I get back. I promise. It is something that I have to do alone, please do not worry. –B**_

As a stared down at her words there was nothing I wanted more in that moment than to hold her, to ease all her fears. I knew that I had to make this all right again. I had failed her – I let my past cloud my judgment forcing me to believe that history was somehow repeating itself. She had done nothing to deserve the way I treated her, doing the one thing that she feared the most. I cast her away if she meant nothing to me...when in reality she meant too much.

It was now my turn to wait for her to return to me.

_**A/N: Sorry about the transitional chapter...but on a better note, you got to read my first-ever lemon! They will play some serious kiss and make-up next chapter...**_

_**Let me know what you thought of the chapter and feel free to PM me or message me if you have any questions! And review...please...**_


	14. Next Time I Fall in LOVE

**A Kick in the Balls**

_**A/N: Sorry about the 'evil' cliffy people...I didn't want to end the chapter there but it happened. Hopefully, this next chapter will do the characters some justice...**_

_**Thanks again to my beta, vampiremama, for being absolutely amazing...I have no words to describe how awesome she is!**_

_**Thanks to my Twilighted beta born2speakmirth for getting my stuff up on the site, and making sure that when it does get there, it is perfect. I confess I was never a good proofreader. If there is an epic failing of FF, you can find my story over there.**_

_**Hope you enjoy, and please read the author's note at the end.**_

_**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**_

**Chapter 14– Next Time I Fall in Love**

I was tired.

No scratch that – I was exhausted. I felt like I had just run the New York Marathon with a Baby Grand attached to my back.

It felt as though every fiber of my being was being pulled down toward the Earth by some oppressive force greater than gravity. Sunday had been one of the longest days in my existence...one that I would never want to relive. I had to repeatedly remind myself that once I finished this agonizingly arduous task, that maybe I could find some closure; to finally move on from the memories that seemed to smother my ability to open myself to others. It would be the last nail in the coffin of the person that I never could be – the person I never wanted to be. I could leave this place and all of its memories...and never look back.

It was also time to come clean, to quit hiding who I really was..._my greatest fear. _I had been ignoring that damn elephant in the room for too long. I concealed my past, never allowing myself to move forward, just transfixed in some dark place between my past and future. I gave everyone a small portion of who I really was, hoping desperately that it was enough, not needing them to try to see past my inadequate defenses. It hurt less if they didn't accept this version of me – for they were not really rejecting me, just the version I let them see. It had worn me down so that the walls I had built were nothing more than ashes. I needed to break the cycle. I owed that much to myself – and to those I loved, and to the people that loved me. I was taught to be stronger than this; I needed to give justice to the people that raised me.

That was the mental pep talk that I had given myself in the morning, before the lawyers descended like vultures pecking away at fragile mental stability. Thank goodness I had Alec with me; even though I was pretty sure he had other reasons to be there with me. As I walked through the lobby of the hotel at the end of that day I could not believe that I had survived – both physically and mentally.

The day did not start on the right foot...

After trying to sleep thirty thousand feet in the air with Alec 'the loudest fucking snorer ever' Volturi, I was the exact opposite of bright-eyed and bushy-tailed by the early morning. After explaining to Alec in some detail that I needed coffee, using some colorful expletives as well as threatening several of his most prized body parts, he finally relented and brought me straight to the nearest coffee shop. He knew better than to engage me in anything worthwhile until the caffeine fix was remedied. He kept a safe distance though, most likely scared that I was going to make good on one of my threats. Apparently, he wanted to keep his nads where they were – I didn't blame him. As I sipped on the heavenly latte goodness I could not escape the fact that I had put myself up to this torment. All this business with the house could have been put on hold...but since I am the original glutton for punishment, I set it up so that I would be here alone.

I shouldn't have been.

I truly was my own worst enemy. I decided to skip my fucking pity party and just try to bulldoze through the day, trying to stay as numb as possible.

I spent most of Sunday in various offices in Manhattan, sorting through piles of legal documents pertaining to the sale of my family's home. Each time I thought that I was done, another document was placed in front of me by some nauseatingly polite lawyer. It was an endless cycle of ass kissing and bogus genuine smiles. I almost stood up several times to tell them all to knock it the fuck off...but Alec seemed to know when to call for a break. Alec sat by my side the whole time going over the basics and, of course, dumbing it down for me. Not to say that I wasn't a smart bulb, but legal speak was not my forte. I was fucking lost half of the time, but apparently that was what overly expensive lawyers were for, not that I thought what I paid Alec's firm was too much. There was no amount that would match the amount of care and concern they have given me over my lifetime. Aro was my grandfather's best friend, his loyalty a testament to that. They never abandoned me, only doing things on my schedule. They never pushed, letting me deal with it at my own pace. They did all the tough thinking for me...and I just signed._ A lot_. I had my lawyers, lawyers for the estate, lawyers from the realtors' office, and some other random lawyers who obviously had names and purposes but I had just tuned them out at some point between my doses of caffeine.

I didn't think that I was really there half of the time, like some robot just going through the motions. The image of Edward's face the night I left starred in my daydreams as I was trying to make sense of his petulant eyes. It was almost like he looked sorry. But what was he sorry about? Not getting to chew my ass about whatever the fuck had him so pissy? _Ugh._ My train of thought was not helping my mood at all. I was sure that most of the lawyers I came across probably thought I was the biggest bitch, but I could care less. If I failed to mention, I was in a foul mood all that damn day.

By the time I had signed the last document, my hand was reeling for the pain of over-use. I was so relieved to get it over with in one day, with the only task in front of me was to head over to the house and sort my family's history into two piles; sell and keep. That is the way that I kept thinking about it, because it was such an easy task after all. If sarcasm was the lowest form of wit...I was the village idiot.

The last time I had set foot in that house was when I was fourteen years old when my grandfather had some business to attend to, which in other terms was putting my mother in some other grossly expensive treatment program. I knew my grandparents were trying to shield me from the pain of seeing my mother so broken, but since my grandfather refused to wear a hearing aid, the conversations were never quiet. Part of me always hated how they would talk about her like she was some type of embarrassment; no matter what she did she would always be my mother.

My recollections of those encounters were coming in and out of my mind as I rode in the car towards the restaurant that I was meeting Alec at for dinner. Alec insisted we go to some Asian/American fusion place, something hip and trendy, but I was hoping for something along the lines of burger and fries. Maybe even a shake. Apparently that is frowned upon when you have disposal income, but I never fit into the 'if you got it, flaunt it' category. I caught Alec several times laughing and rolling his eyes at my behavior as I picked at the food hoping that it wasn't still alive, because he knew me a little too well. He and his sister both knew the pomp and circumstance of this whole wealthy-elite thing was not my speed.

I was beginning to wonder if he was doing these things to just get a rise out of me – that would have been in character for him. I hoped that when Jane met us at the house tomorrow she would put his little derrière back in line. Jane was a dominative and controlling woman – no one messed with her, not even Alec. She walked the delicate line somewhere between colossal bitch and hard ass, if there was truly a difference. She also knew my feelings about taking my place among high society, and although she may not have seen eye to eye with me, with ended in an amicable truce on the matter. She never pushed me to be something I was not, which in turn was why I respected her so much. She would have the task of cataloging the artwork and antiques; which pieces would go for auction and what pieces would stay with the estate to be loaned out to museums and other private entities. Her help was welcomed in that area because as with lawyers, what the hell to do with that stuff was not forte either.

It was surreal being in New York as an adult; everything was the same but it was different at the same time. Just thinking about the enormous wealth of my family had me wishing that I was back at home – this was not somewhere I ever felt that I belonged. I always thought that I was playing a game of dress up, that if you took away all the fancy clothes and refinery, you would see the real me. And the real me had no place here. I was called some sort of fucking heiress or some shit like that, but in reality, the place that I resided, I was just Bella. I never wanted any part of this, the main reason why no one knew, but I was starting to feel ill at ease with the fact that I was always telling half-truths and never the whole story. I never told my two best friends, not because I did not trust them, but because I was afraid that they would treat me different. It was silly – I knew in my heart that nothing I could possibly tell them would change anything. I was just being so utterly fucking ridiculous about the whole thing. I needed to put a stop to it. I was beyond frustrated with my behavior.

I knew little as a teenager about what holdings my family had, or the sheer size of the massive estate, but the way we cruised around town I knew that my grandfather was well known in the right circles. Little did I know then that my grandfather started one of the most lucrative publishing houses on the East Coast, Randolph & Bergman House Publishing. I was a Randolph. In hindsight, I guessed that it made perfect sense, since the man had a library the size of an indoor soccer field. The contents of the library had already been boxed and put in storage, waiting for me to grow up and finally have a place to put them. It wasn't like first editions could go next to the Kegerator out on the porch.

I rode the elevator up alone – lost in my thoughts. I grabbed my cell from my purse hoping to find a long list of texts and messages. I wanted them to worry, to show that they cared. It was selfish...but I needed them more than ever. I never wanted to see them all so much in my life.

_Wow_...thirteen texts and seven messages.

_**Alice – text me**_

_**Alice – please text me**_

_**Alice – forgot how to use those little fingers?**_

_**Alice – now you are just hurting my feelings**_

_**Rosalie – Bella, please text Alice. We are begging you.**_

_**Alice – seriously, is your phone off**_

God, she was annoying..._I loved it._

_**Emmett – Jeebus, Bella...for fuck's sake call Alice**_

_**Alice – talk to me, goose**_

Oh, no, she's pulling out Top Gun quotes..._was she drinking?_

_**Alice – I just ripped Jasper a new one...boys are stupid **___

That peaked my interest. What was she so pissed at Jasper about? A small chuckle escaped my lips as the doors opened to my floor. I walked out of the elevator, head down as I read the rest of my texts.

_**Alice – I need to know where you are staying**_

_**Alice – don't play coy with me – what hotel?**_

_**Alice – call me**_

_**Alice – CALL ME!!!**_

Okay, I obviously needed to call Alice, hopefully placating her with a short phone call. I laughed at my thought because when was any call with Alice short? Maybe I was also laughing about placating her...because I knew that she was going to be one pissed off little monkey.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"I take it you received my texts," she rasped into the phone, a little less chipper than usual.

"I did. You are a persistent little minx, I must say. I didn't look at my phone until after dinner," I said, a non-lie.

"Where are you staying?"

"A hotel in Manhattan. Might I ask why you are so interested?" She definitely had my curiosity peaked.

"For a smart girl, you can be pretty dense sometimes."

"I love you too," I replied with thick sarcasm.

"Listen – you went off without telling anyone, with some freaking random guy that no one knows, flying across the freaking country, and now you want to play games with me? Oh no, missy, I just want to know where you are fucking staying so that, heaven forbid, if something happens, I can get a hold of you since you are not answering your phone. That is what _friends_ do for each other."

She was pissed – not that I could blame her. If she had pulled a stunt like this I would probably be giving her a pretty large piece of my mind right now.

"Sorry, Alice. You are right...about a lot of things," I said sadly as I entered my room.

"I know I am. Why don't you talk to me?" she cried, reaching the point between anger and sadness. I was making her upset...again. I had kept her out so many times; I almost did it without thinking.

"I miss you," I whispered, trying to hold on to my emotions as they pushed against my already wavering control. It had been such a long day.

"Talk to me...please," she pleaded.

I told her everything – not leaving a single detail out. The estate, the money, my mentally ill mother, her coke addiction, her overdose, the house in the Hamptons..._everything_. My whole life laid bare for her to do with as she liked. I felt like I was opening myself up, feeling free from the weight, but afraid of how much power having that knowledge would give her.

"Wow, I kind of feel a little overwhelmed right now, if you can believe that. Why didn't you tell us? Why did you just allow yourself to live with all those secrets?" she asked. I knew that she was now talking about Emmett too. How I could keep it all so hidden and what exactly were my intentions in doing so. This was a line that I would have to walk delicately – not wanting to hurt her more. The last thing I wanted was to have her think that I did not trust her enough...I didn't trust myself enough. Talking about it made it real – I never wanted to relive those events of my past, to have them play out for a captive audience.

"I don't know. I watched so many people use my mother for her money; I just became jaded about it all. I wanted people to see me outside of my family and _their_ money. Hell, my childhood was so far from fucking unicorns and rainbows...I just didn't want to talk about it. It was too difficult. It was easier just to tell you the minimum amount," I said.

There was a long pause and I thought I heard some voices in the background.

"Are you going to tell me where you are staying now?"

"St. Regis Hotel on 55th in Manhattan. Suite 4400. What else would you like to know?" I let out a nervous laugh as I pulled down the covers of my bed, ready to settle in for the night.

"I think you should hear Edward out."

_What?! _

"Really, my meddling friend. Why? He never heard me out."

"He just was given bad information by a good source." _Fucking cryptic pixie._

"Nope, you have to do better than that."

"Fine, you didn't hear this from me, but Jasper may have told Edward that he saw Jacob in your bedroom, and he may have made him think that you two were in there together, and Edward pretty much thought that you were with Jacob."

_Really? That was it? For fuck's sake, why didn't he just ask me?_

"Why would Jasper do that?" I asked, having to know why Jasper would jump so quickly to a conclusion, and then go run like some little girl to tell him. That seemed very out of character for him.

"Jasper had his reasons...but don't think I am defending him. He feels horrible about what happened, but in a way it makes sense why he did it. I would tell you, but it is not my story to tell."

"Why didn't he just ask me? Why does no one talk to each other?" I huffed.

"Pot meet kettle," she giggled.

"Not funny, biatch."

"Couldn't help it. Just hear Edward out, this was just an epically bungled up misunderstanding."

"Fine. I will deal with this all when I get home; I have enough going on right now." I breathed not wanting to start thinking about what it all really meant. Edward thought I cheated, well cheated might not be the word, but in that same vein. It was like finding the second to last puzzle piece...just one left.

Edward.

"I think that you should take a more proactive approach actually. The sooner the better."

"What does that mean?"

"I think I will let you figure that one out yourself," she laughed. I wished Alec was here to dumb down Alice's cryptic responses.

I ended the phone call with me promising to check in every so often with the group so that I could keep them informed of my whereabouts. I was evidently on Alice's twelve set program for people who can not communicate well.

I was about to succumb to the exhaustion when I heard a knock on the door, effectively jolting me awake. Did some person have the wrong room? That shit did not happen in hotels like this. Maybe at the Holiday Inn, but not here. I could probably rent every room in one of those hotels for the price of what I paid here a night.

I begrudgingly got out of my bed and made it to the peephole.

_Holy fuck...._

_Holy jeebus..._

_I must have been hallucinating...._

It was Edward.

**EPOV**

"Edward, you just don't go flying across the country to find someone who obviously doesn't want to be found," Rosalie spat out as she leaned over my back to see my computer screen. I knew that what I was doing was rash and impulsive, but I needed to right my situation with Bella as soon as possible.

"I think it is romantic," Alice said as she snuggled into Jasper's side as they were sitting on my bed. The woman just ripped him a new asshole ten minutes ago but was now melting into his embrace. She grimaced as she must have realized she was still supposed to be mad at him and quickly distanced herself. She had every right to be mad at him – and I had every right too.

When he explained the situation in a little more detail, I knew that Jasper was a little too keen on settling the affairs between us; to erase the wrongdoings of the past. Why does every fucking thing always come back to _her_?

"Not helping, Alice. Just shush," Rosalie uttered as she tried to quiet Alice. If I had one ally in the room it was definitely Alice. Emmett was just brooding and pissed off and I was wondering if he was about to lay into me about what happened with Bella. I decided that it would be in my best interest, in pursuit of self-preservation, to not provoke him and to try to keep myself out of his hair. He was just as much of a caveman as I was, prone to over-react at the drop of a hat.

"Guys, I have already made up my mind...I am going," I said as I looked again at the screen to see if they had anything available. I called in a favor to one of my father's friends who owned a travel agency and they had sent me a list of options.

"I think you are out of your fucking mind," Emmett laughed as he stood in the doorway. "She will probably kick you in the balls when she sees you, and again when you explain what happened. I just hope you make it back with at least one of your balls."

I flinched at the statement, because although I hoped Bella would hear me out, it was not like she was at all predictable. She was pissed and hurt and would most likely lash out at me when she saw me. I knew that I fucking deserved that shit – but all I really wanted to do was be close to her so I could tell her why I did what I did. After that, I hoped that see would see past my flaws, my emotional baggage, to see that I was serious about her. About us.

She was frustrating to say the least. She never reacted in the way I thought she would, a definite part of her appeal, but it made her a little too much like a loose cannon most of the time. She wasn't the typical female, not that it mattered, but sometimes it would be nice to know how she would react. When Jasper had called to give me the heads-up about Jacob, I was wondering if everything that I had just experienced was at all real. She was so different from anyone that I had ever been with; she captured parts of my heart that I had long since abandoned after I ended things with Heidi. I found Bella captivating – someone I could not stay away from, not that I found myself wanting to. With each day that I was gone I found myself feeling more attracted and more at ease with her. I was slowly allowing myself to open back up, to allow someone in, for the first time. She was the first one I let see the real me in so long.

I had been on a string of dates with other women, but they never got very far as I didn't allow myself to get past the surface. Eventually, I found myself not caring about going on actual dates, preferring to find a willing participant at a bar. My escapism started to take hold of my life as I found myself drinking far too frequently. Each time I would go home with different woman and treat them as though they were disposable. Each one of them only faces and names, but not that it mattered. I was glad when Rosalie and Jasper finally stepped in because I only had so much left in me. I was too broken to remember the real person I was. Rosalie only managed to give one black eye and a busted lip when she convinced me to leave Boston – and let's just leave it at that. I took the next few months off and differed my admission to Harvard Medical School for the year. I was not in a place that would allow me to proceed without self-destructing completely and potentially ruining everything that I had worked so hard for. My parents knew little of what happened; keeping to from them in the hopes that they would never see me as the disappointment I knew I was.

I was four months into my travels in Auckland, New Zealand when I received the urgent call to come home – my mother's cancer had reared its ugly head. My family became my new focus. I gained admission to U Dub's Med School and I guess the rest would be history. But it wasn't – my past had crept back in just when I was ready to turn the page on a better chapter of my life. _That bitch did quite the number on me_.

After the seed that Jasper planted began to grow, I felt that my unfortunate history was repeating itself, that I was again the fool. I wanted desperately for it not to be true – she had to be different..._she had to be different_. I could not shut off the emotions that I was feeling..._it had to be real_.

_I needed her to be real_.

My subconscious was playing the devils' advocate telling me it had to be too good to be true, because that was what made sense to me. It was too easy to think she had wronged me, versus believing that she had feelings for me. After all, everyone else had coupled up; maybe I was just all that was left. Maybe she was just going through the motions.

I dreamt of her every night I was away, and at first they were the kind of dreams that you wake up and wish you hadn't. Rosalie could see right through my flushed face every morning, knowing full well what type of dreams I had been having. In typical Rosalie-style she would watch in pure satisfaction as she would tease me in front of my parents. It was times like that I always enjoyed the fact that Rosalie never really thought things through enough. I may have let it slip that she was dating Emmett, and nearly fell out of my chair when my father spit out half his coffee onto the table. I still have the scar on my shin from where Rosalie kicked me with her heel when I didn't move fast enough to get away. That was what Rosalie did best.

_Fuck._

All this fucking shit that we were embroiled in could have been avoided if any one of us, well actually just Jasper or I, would have fucking stopped for one minute and asked a question or two. The thought had crossed my mind that I undeniably had to work on my communication skills. Hell, Bella even tried to get to the bottom of all this crap, but I just shut her down.

_I was screwed_.

Did I really think that this was going to work? Just showing up at her hotel room and beg for forgiveness?

As I got off the phone with the travel agent and began to pack, everyone around me started to eye me more cautiously. I could tell that they each had there two cents to throw in.

"Any luck, Alice," I asked hoping she was able to get a hold of Bella.

"She's not answering my calls or texts, but she will. I know it," she replied as she gave me a bright smile. I thought that she was more keyed up about me leaving than I was.

"Moron," Rosalie huffed.

"Rosalie, you know full well this is the right thing to do," I stated as I packed some clothes in my bag. Alice took interest in what I was doing, as she came in meet me by my closet.

"Oh, man, you have to bring nicer stuff than that. Here let me help," she breathed as she flew past me and dove in head first into my closet. Dress shirts, slacks..._wow, where was I going?_

"Aly, I don't know if I need to dress like that," I uttered as she started to match my clothes together into outfits.

"Bud, I hate to tell you this, but from the way you described the guy she left with, I am not sure that you want to show up wearing jeans and some concert tee. She's doing business out there, right? Think lawyer," she responded as she started placing the items in my bag.

I had to admit she was probably right. After appeasing Alice with my wardrobe choices I finished packing and headed to the door. I turned to see my roommates gathering their things together and following out the door.

We piled into Bella's truck and sped off toward the airport.

~ *** ~

"Please tell me Alice got a hold of Bella?" I asked as I grabbed the bridge of my nose.

"She's on the phone with her now. Get your ass in a cab and head toward Manhattan," Rosalie said with a little too much gusto. I can't imagine that she would be on board now.

"Text me when you know," I said hitting the end button.

I grabbed a cab and headed toward the city not quite ready to face her. I was beyond nervous, a bundle of chaotic nerves as we sped toward the city. I forgot how beautiful the city was at night. The cab driver kept glancing at me in the rearview mirror, most likely because I gave him a borough versus an actual address.

My phone vibrated in my pocket.

_**Alice – St. Regis Hotel on 55**__**th**__**. Suite 4400 under Isabella Randolph. Tell them you are her fiancé coming to surprise her. Trust me. Good luck and good night.**_

"St. Regis Hotel on –," I said quickly cut off by the cabby.

"I know where _that_ one is," he laughed as he eyeballed me through the rearview mirror shaking his head. I wondered what he was thinking, but I didn't have time to dwell on it.

I felt more and more like a man on the way to the hangman's noose; an overwhelming sense of dread that my presence here in New York was not going to go over well. Not only was I guilty of believing that she had no moral fiber and had cheated on me, but I closed myself off to her when she obviously had needed me. At the first sign of trouble, I shut down on her, blocking off all forms of communication, leaving Bella to contend with her own demons.

My fucking caveman tendencies were all over the place since I had met her – being so absolutely possessive that I hardly recognized the man that stared back at me in the mirror. I was never that person, but my past had clouded my judgment to the point that anything was a remote possibility in my mind. Bella was by and large innocent in the situations that I flew off the handle – except when she basically invited Sam's aggressive advances to get some sort of misguided revenge. I could not get over my mind screaming 'mine' repeatedly as I watched her interact with Sam, wishing that I could show him that she was mine...only mine.

_Heidi had really done a number on me._

I shook my head, not allowing myself to remember her, to reminisce about what she did. I stared resignedly out at the lights of the city as the cabby slowed and pulled in front of the most luxurious and ostentatious hotel I had ever seen.

_She was staying here?_

I got out of the cab slowly as my mind tried to process the sight in front of me, and the impeccably dressed bellhop who had opened my door. _What the hell?_ I had stayed at some classy places before, but nothing compared to this grandiose hotel that stood imposingly before me. I was in a complete stupor as I handed money to the cab driver, probably way too fucking much, but I wasn't focused on anything in particular in that moment. _Did he bring me to the right place?_

"Welcome to New York, sir," the young bellhop spoke as he handled my small carry-on.

I followed him at a snail's pace as I regarded the beauty and splendor of the opulent entrance to the hotel. It reminded me of the hotels we stayed in during our family vacation to Paris several years ago, but in comparison I knew that the St. Regis must have been one of the finer hotels in the city.

_Again, she was staying here?_ This was something out of the Twilight Zone rather than reality.

"Sir, would you follow me to reception," the bellhop stated as he looked at me incredulously, most likely since I didn't look that part of someone who would stay here. I was too stuck in my own mind to function properly, rooted into the spot about three steps into the hotel. I was just standing in the middle of the lobby gaping at the scene before me. I thought for the briefest moment that Bella must have been fucking with Alice when she said she was staying here.

"Um, actually I am here to surprise my fiancé...she is staying in suite 4400. Miss Isabella Randolph," I said with the most genuine smile I could muster.

He gave me once last once-over; I was mentally thanking Alice for making me change my attire before I left. This would have never worked in beat-up jeans and Chuck Taylors. He walked slowly over the portly woman behind the reception desk, and they conferred in low voices that did not carry to where I was standing. I was trying to ascertain what they were talking about as I did not want them to call her room and tell her I was in the lobby. Part of me was sure she would tell them to let me sleep on the street.

The bellhop made it back to me and gestured forward toward the elevator bank at the end of the hallway. I entered slowly, pensive that I was just moments from her door. What would I say to her? The whole ugly truth? My stomach lurched as the elevator started its climb.

The bellhop was eyeing me warily, most likely taking in my paling form, and I wondered if he was moments away from taking me back to the lobby.

"The Bottega Suite is one of our most requested suites in the hotel. I hope you find your stay a pleasant one," he said genuinely. I simply nodded in agreement, unable to make out words.

I tried to calm myself as the elevator's motion ceased and the doors began to open. The bellhop turned to me and handed me my bag wordlessly and gestured down the hall.

"Have a lovely night, sir," he said as the elevator doors closed leaving me alone.

I walked a short way down the hallway to a large door and placed my hand against the frame as I tried to calm myself again. I was flipping a coin there in front of her door; a fifty-fifty chance for two alternate realities to take place. I could almost feel how close she was, just behind those doors.

I raised my hand slowly and began to knock....

It seemed like an eternity until the door flew open and I saw her beautiful, scowling face. Her eyes were a mixture of anger and surprise, and she looked me over several times before...

*

*

*

*

...she flew into my arms with such force that she almost knocked us onto the floor. I was too stunned at her display that my arms hung flaccidly at my sides. She buried her head into my chest as I regained the ability to move my arms and held her securely to me. My fingertips brushed the silken tips of her hair as I could feel her cries as they escaped her lips. I traced a finger along the hair that was obscuring her face and slowly brought it behind her ear.

She nudged my chest with her face and brought her chin up so that she was gazing up at me through her tear-filled eyes. She looked as though she was searching for something...

"Why did you come here?" she whispered as tears fell from her eyes. I never wanted to cause her tears again as a fresh wave of guilt flooded my chest, constricting the air.

"I needed to see you...to make this right. I am so sorry, Bella," I uttered as my eyes started to fill. I tried to hold them back, but I was too tired from hiding the emotions I had kept at bay for so long now. It was like everything was hitting me at once; a ton of bricks crushing me under its weight. I had so much tied to her; it was too soon for me to be feeling this way when she was in my arms.

I brushed my fingertips along her cheekbone, wiping away the stubborn tears that continued to fall. Her hand left my chest and she gripped my neck firmly bringing my face to hers. Her lips touched mine and she pressed into me firmly, leaving my mind to reel from what she meant by it.

_Did she forgive me?_

She ended the kiss as she slowly sank back into her heels and turned away to walk back through her door. None of this seemed real; her reactions...nothing. It took all my mental facilities to believe that I was really there, not sleeping thirty thousand feet in the air. I stood there gaping at her as she strolled further into the suite. I shook my head again and grabbed my bag and walked into her room...well, at least one of the rooms of her suite. I dropped my bag as I entered, quickly shutting the door behind me.

"I am too exhausted to hash out anything tonight," she verbalized insecurely from the door to her room. "But, I would really like it if you...um...slept with me tonight."

She was biting her lower lip, staring at her feet and I knew that she believed that there was a part of me that could turn her down. I had completely destroyed her trust...I knew it then in that moment.

It was an epiphany of sorts; I knew that no matter what our pasts had done to us that we would have to find our future together.

I marched steadily to her side, bringing her face again to meet mine, but this time I was searching her eyes for the briefest hint that when we woke up in each other's arms that we could move forward and not linger in the past. I could see the hope in her eyes before they closed as my lips converged upon hers again. It was like kissing her for the first time...there was so much more behind this simple of devotion.

"I will meet you there in a moment," I said as I kissed her forehead and released her from my embrace.

I watched her climb into the opulent king sized bed in her ratty tee and mesh shorts; a dichotomy between the life I knew about and the life I would soon discover. I wondered absentmindedly who this woman really was, what secrets that she would bring to bear.

_Who was Isabella Randolph?_

_**A/N: I will be out of town starting in a few days and the next chapter may be slightly delayed. I will try to crank it out as soon as possible and get it to you.**_

_**PS – don't forget to review! **_

_**Mutt**_


	15. At The End of The Day

**A Kick in the Balls**

_**A/N: I want to thank all the people that have written reviews for my story...I love reading them and they make me want to lock myself in my office and write away...I would, but my 21 month old probably wouldn't like it.**_

_**Vampiremama is the best...go and check out her stories! Her current fic is an interesting twist on Twilight...I love it.**_

_**To borntospeakmirth and shabbyapple for providing their beta skills on this piece and getting it up on Twilight.**_

_**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**_

**Chapter 15– At the End of the Day**

**BPOV**

I was so comfortable and warm as sank back into the cozy blanket that engulfed my body. I felt the strong arms gently squeeze my frame, his warm breath spilling over my cheek...

_Then they sounded...warning bells...a lot of them..._

_Holy shit!_

_Red alert!_

_Not a fucking dream...I repeat, not a fucking dream!_

My eyes flashed open, as the frightening jolt of adrenaline coursed through my veins waking me up with a start. I took in my surroundings, silently realizing that he was really in my bed – not yet another figment of my overly active imagination. I admitted to myself in that moment, in the deepest corners of my mind, I'd hoped that what usually transpired in my sordid dreams would happen. Sadly, it didn't.

I blinked my eyes furiously, willing them to focus, the clock on the bedside table showed the time to be just before six, the dreaded hour when my alarm was to go off. This was the hour that I was supposed to join the land of the merry people who function normally before ten o'clock. New York was apparently crawling with them. I hated those people. I cursed those people.

Edward was one of those people. _Ugh. Please don't be awake yet._

I wanted to think that I gave no perceivable evidence that I was indeed awake, but apparently the man knew or he was just laying there waiting for me to awaken which seemed borderline creepy at the time. His fingers started to lazily trace patterns on my arm as my body started to stiffen from the very shock of him being in bed with me, because I had yet to wake up to him still being in the bed with me. Sleeping in the same bed was obviously not a novelty, as I had done it before, but it was different now as a lot of unnecessary bullshit had transpired between us. I still had no idea of how to approach elephant in the room.

All that lay between us were unanswered questions...

I racked my brains for a moment, trying to recall the events of the previous evening, remembering that it was indeed I who invited him to join me in this mountain of expensive sheets of finery. The sheets were like freaking butter – I kid you not. No bed should have been that nice if people were actually expected to get out of it. After I mentally chastised myself for allowing my mind to linger on my bed-fondness, I refocused my thinking to how I was going to respond to the situation at hand.

It seemed to be a peculiar but fortunate turn of events that landed him in front of my door the previous night and I was beyond pleased to see his familiar face in the lonely existence that I concocted for myself. It was everything that I had missed in this world...truly all I wanted to see. After spilling all my troublesome beans to Alice, I was exhausted on so many levels that I let myself pretend for the night that the past few weeks didn't happen when I saw him through my peephole. I had no energy to delve into what had happen between us as my heart was already at its limit for what it could handle in one day. I just didn't have the strength to do it.

He gave me what I wanted, what I truly needed...just his presence beside me was enough to launch me into deep sleep. My dreams were haphazard flashes; memories of the past mingled with my hopes for the future. Edward was a fixture in quite a few of them.

One part of me wanted nothing more than to flip over and get to the sexy-time business; to replay the torrid dreams in my reality. After all, the man would not have flown this far if he didn't have feelings for me. My pulse started to betray my body as my thoughts lingered on the feeling of his bare chest pressed into my back. He was there; his ridiculously grand gesture brought him to me when I needed him the most. He was like some sort of Casanova turned Prince Charming, and I suppose that tapping my ass, or his for that matter, might be a quick (but hopefully not too quick) and dirty way to break the tension. It was tempting...but wrong on so many levels. I knew that jumping him would not solve my problems; it could potentially tear down any of the progress that we had made.

_If sharing a bed and not talking to each other counted as progress_.

But that was the crux of the problem...how was I even going address how much he hurt me? It was not like we were some exclusive couple...we had only known each other for just a few weeks. I let myself get too attached to him like some sort of wretched parasite needing to feed off of another to thrive. I couldn't stand on my own two fucking feet so I required someone to support me, a reminder of my inherent weakness. I understood more in that moment how similar I was to my mother. She never stood on her feet, but rather cast herself into what she deemed to be safe havens time and time again, whether it was my grandparents, Charlie, or some random man that promised her happiness. She was reckless with her love and her heart, and all too trusting of those around her. My father was the only man that she ever had true feelings for, someone that she loved...but her demons were always too powerful causing her to leave the only happiness she found in her short life. Love did not conquer all; it could not erase her pain or her need to try to rid herself of it. I understood her more after my altercation with James...a name that I rarely ever brought up; the shame of being so easily deceived beleaguered me.

Renee was always trying desperately to keep her head above the waves in the stormy waters she cast herself into time and time again. Whether she sought the misery, or it sought her, one thing was for sure; I would have never survived with her alone. She could barely care for herself, let alone a three year old when she finally stopped caring whether we lived or died. It could have easily been the later. All she needed was drugs – I needed so much more.

My coping mechanisms were and always will be a joke; she shot hers through her veins, down her throat, and up her nose, not caring if the little girl in the other room had enough food or water to survive her binge. Thank God that my grandparents were so gosh darned meddlesome – they would have never found us when we needed them the most.

_FUCK._

I needed to focus on the man connected to the fingers that were still on my arm, but what I would have to do that day seeped into my every thought...the flood waters of reality breaking through my levees.

I wanted to believe that there was this overwhelming quality in Edward that made him extraordinary, but he seemed fallible like the rest. He wasn't perfect; that was something that I knew, but I didn't think that he would trust the lies so easily like it was easy or expected that I was capable of that. There was so little I knew about him as my thoughts turned sour that maybe, just maybe, I made this all out to be more than what it was. Maybe he was my subconscious' version of what I thought I needed, that somehow I was pretending that he was the perfect man for me. In my memories he became like some vicious part of my imagination, a partition of my soul, being a steadfast reminder of how fragile I was. There were too many times that he had believed the worst in my character. The night with Jacob in Forks. The night with Sam at the bar...his overly possessive nature was apparent then, but why? As he continued his gentle caresses of my skin, I broke out in gooseflesh over the idea that I knew nothing of concrete value from the man who I was sharing a bed with. A man who had pulled emotions from me that I thought I was incapable of...someone who had potential to be more than I imagined I could ever have.

The thought frightened me...not because I thought he was some homicidal loony, but that I had no idea of his true personal side. I had practically asked him to help me wash my dirty laundry, and then help me fucking fold it when I didn't even know if the man was a virgin or not. _Shit_...scratch that. The fucking on the piano incident; how could I forget that? My mind start to race faster with thoughts that I could not take hold of. Who was he really? A love 'em and leave 'em type? A serial dater? Village bicycle? Maybe he had too many notches on the bed? I was starting to panic as I wondered if this was all done purposefully, that he was not divulged his past for a reason.

I had let this all happened too quickly. It was time for some damage control.

I pulled away from him scooting my way over to my side of the bed, separating us by at least an arm's reach. He was staring at me incredulously; maybe wondering about what I was doing, or why he is sleeping in one of the nicest suites in all of New York City. _Oh fuck_...this was going to be two exhaustive conversations, I didn't know then if I had it in me. I viewed him with susceptive eyes as I took in his face...why did he have to look so damn good?

_Fuck. Me. Talk about making it hard on a gal_.

Propped up on one arm lying on his side, I could see every detail of his delectable lean body. _Focus!_ He had dark purplish bruising on his eyes, and I suspected that he was just as worn from these past few days as I was. There was something else in his eyes, something small and hidden, something that I was not supposed to see. _Fear_. It dawned on me then that I indeed had the upper hand...the power. Maybe it was true that I knew so little of him, but let's be serious...I am a four-time letter winner in hiding one's past. _Fuck_, it was actually probable that I had my doctorate in it now.

"Hi," I said quietly as the morning's claim on my voice was strong.

"Hi."

Okay..._awkward_. I took a deep breath, no sense in testing the waters, I was going in head first like the idiot I am. I just hoped that my head-to-mouth filter was in working order as I was attempting a conversation of value before ten in the morning.

"So, what exactly are you doing here?" I asked tentatively. "Not that I am unhappy you are here, but it is a little bit unexpected."

_Just give it to me Edward...the whole truth so help you God. I am starting to sound like a lawyer, must be by osmosis or overexposure._

"Wow, _really_? You want to talk before coffee?" he laughed, his eyes darting to the clock behind me.

I pursed my lips and climbed out of the bed of my dreams, feeling the loss of it after it was gone, and made my way to the desk in the room. I picked it up quietly, did my business and returned to Edward and the bed. I could tell that he grew anxious in my absence as he started to rub the ends of the blanket through his fingers hurriedly.

"I'm ready if you are. I want it all Edward – there is no time like the present. Here and now, the whole truth...and don't sugarcoat it, we are beyond that," I said as I made myself comfortable in the sheets, which was easy. I was facing him; a mirror image of his body.

"Okay, you deserve the truth. I have to say I am sorry – this is entirely all my fault," he began as he looked at the ceiling running his hands distractedly through his hair.

"I am starting at the beginning, so bear with me. I want you to get the full picture of why I have acted the way I have...but it is by no means an excuse."

I nodded as he looked intently at me. I knew what he meant – that no matter what our baggage is, we should not let it cloud our future. We have both learned this lesson the hard way as there is no reason that we should both be hundreds of miles from home dealing with our collective demons. We should be at home enjoying the early moments of a blossoming relationship. Hopefully, we had no passed the point of no return where there was no chance to get past what had been said and done.

"I met Heidi when I was a sophomore at Dartmouth. We started dating and we were serious...I knew early on that I wanted to marry her." He breathed as if it was a huge weight being lifted from his chest. His voice seemed strangled as he spoke. "In the winter of my senior year we came back from break and we started to make plans for the next year. I was accepted early to Harvard for med school and she was being waitlisted there for law school when she started to pull away from me. It makes sense in hindsight what she was doing then, but I was oblivious to what she was doing. She was so goddamned particular about everything; not getting in was not an option for her. I told her that everything would work out and that she might wait a year and reapply if she didn't get in...but she would have none of that. Everything she did was planned...nothing to chance. I guess that's why she had set her sights on me in the first place."

I had no idea where he was going with this so I tried to keep an open mind when my heart felt like it was being drained as he talked about loving someone else.

"What do you mean by setting her sights on you?" I asked, curiosity peaked by his words.

"I fit the profile – I had the right family, I was smart, ran in the right crowd, I am quite the catch, I guess," he shrugged nonchalantly as he looked at me.

_Yes, you are_...was all my mind could think in the moment. I again was silently chastising myself to being so utterly distracted by his good looks. He was so much more than just a good catch. _Fuck me..._I didn't have the strength to not to forgive him, everything about him overwhelmed my heart with emotions.

"It got worse in the spring as the deadline for acceptance drew closer, I caulked it up to nerves, but there was something off that I didn't see...or maybe I didn't want consider that anything was wrong. I was as guilty as she was when it came to seeing the perfect life we could have together – to see the perfection and not pat attention to the faults that we had. I had planned a special night for her birthday to try to help her with the stress, she was so worried that I was going to go off without her, but...I was really planning on asking her to marry me. It's true – I am a fucking hopeless, stupid romantic; my friends all told me I was making a big mistake. I wish I would have taken their warnings seriously, but everything just seemed so easy. It was the next step – so I was blindly going to just take it whether it was the right thing to do or not."

I held the breath in my lungs when he said this as he eyed me with unspoken fear from his admission. This wasn't something that could have ever expected. Chills ran down my spine in response. I understood he loved someone else enough to marry them, although it was hard to wrap my mind around. I had already been on the receiving end of love like that, it seemed that Edward and I had way more in common than I had earlier suspected. I thought of my relationship with Mike, the ease of it and how it just seemed right. But, it was not the love that I needed or craved; an all-consuming love that burned you thoroughly from the inside-out, not leaving a piece of you untouched to the very bottom of your soul. From what I could tell – their relationship was not that much unlike the one I shared with Mike.

He rolled onto his back, covering his eyes with his forearm, his mouth tight in a grimace. I felt something strong and foreign for him – he was recalling his pain, reliving it for my benefit, to make it right. My heart began to beat an uneven staccato rhythm, my heart breaking to see him like that. Before I knew what I was doing, I grabbed his hand, interlacing our fingers holding it tight to my chest.

"I had it all planned out, but I forgot something back at the frat house so I had to go back there unexpectedly. I was running up the stairs when I caught Jasper walking out, he grabbed me, and then I knew that something wasn't right. He wanted me to go with him to go grab a beer..._he fucking knew_. I walked in and went up the stairs to the second floor and...I fucking heard them. I burst through the door to see Heidi fucking one of my brothers..." He laughed darkly.

He sat up and looked at me hard, his eyes not wavering from mine. His were red and swollen with unshed tears...I squeezed his hand in mine bringing it even closer to my chest, holding him to us. To the very idea that there was an 'us' to save...there was for me, I knew it then as I stared back into his eyes. I looked at our intertwined fingers, giving him some unspoken courage to continue, allowing the memories spill from him, freeing him from his pain.

"His dad was on the admission board at Harvard, she was trying to fuck her way in so her perfect fucking life would be a reality. I'd never knew how twisted she really was; she never wanted me to find out. She was just going to do whatever it took to get in and then we would have this fucking happy life together. It was like the person that I loved didn't exist...I couldn't even look at her when she begged me to forgive her. I ended it – I would never be able to get past that level of betrayal," he ended his eyes lingering on out hands clasped on my chest.

He took a deep breath looking like he wanted to say more, but didn't continue. It was like being hit by a speeding truck, the memories of his reactions taking a different tone in my mind. I understood so much more about him; his possessiveness, his rash behavior, how he would stake his claim to those around him. How, even in the beginning, his consuming fear of betrayal left visual marks on his life.

I wondered what type of miracle it would take for us to make this work with all of the baggage that we both carried...and never dealt with effectively.

"It all makes more sense now, that's for sure. You were hurt before, I get it. I think there are too many instances of our past that we withhold from each other. I probably take the cake in that department...but, why did you just shut me out? You never gave me a chance," I claimed as he started to run his free hand over my knuckles, moving closer to me so our faces were only separated by several inches.

"I never gave you a chance to begin with – you were really doomed from the start. That's how I am now...I just expect every woman to betray me. It was like some sort of fucked up déjà vu with you and Jacob and I flipped...I hope you understand it had nothing to do with you," he uttered as his eyes focused on me in the hopes to gauge my reaction to his words. His eyes were pleading with me to understand, to accept him and his faults.

I held my other hand to my head in the hopes of delaying the headache that was starting to build in my head. He was already forgiven in my mind; maybe I was being too easy on him, but as much as I would like to think that my actions were above his, I was bound to let my past cloud my actions too.

This was all just too fucking serious way too fucking early in the morning, although I did ask for it. I shut my eyes and prayed that my latte would arrive and I could just shower away the feeling of dread that was creeping in.

"I understand...I do. This got way too heavy for this time in the morning," I uttered feeling as though I was not going make through the entire day if we were going to keep addressing the issues between the two of us. I needed to let him know that what he was offering was important, but just too much of a burden for me to carry. I felt the tears start to sting my eyes. "This is all just a bit much right now. I have a lot on my plate...but, um...I am glad you are here with me now. Today is going to be more difficult than I would like to admit."

He stared at me for a moment as we sat motionless in the bed.

"Bella, I am glad that I came too, but I have to ask, who's Isabella Randolph? And what exactly are you here to do?"

As he finished his question my alarm blared from the bedside table and I moved quickly to silence it. I turned around to find Edward still laying there looking at me expectantly like he thought that I was just going to launch into my life's story right then and there. I needed caffeine, a lot more confidence, and possibly a shot of Jack before I went there. And possibly, a really good thorough crying session. I was only ready for the generalities...although I knew that as the day would wear on he would get my than just the words I could tell him. He was going to see it himself.

"Edward, I am going to tell you everything, but I, well I should say we, unless you have some pressing matters in NYC, have a really fucktastic day ahead. So, I am going to hit the showers, and you should do the same," I answered roughly as I climbed off the bed. I wasn't trying to be so gruff with him but I was no match for the overwhelming sense of foreboding that was coming over me. I mentally promised myself to try to keep it light, but knew that that was a promise that would be hard to keep.

That taxing feeling was no way to start the day and I hoped that Edward would just come with me and be supportive without giving me grief about the dirty details of it all. I was already unearthing years of denial and hidden demons; I didn't need to rehash every detail of my past. I hoped he would understand, although my trust in him had been eroded from his judgmental actions already.

I scooted into the main bath telling a moping Edward that there was another shower across the hall, and made quick work of getting ready.

~ *** ~

"Oh, hey, can you get the door? It's just room service," I shouted out to the main room where Edward was sitting in his bathrobe, fresh from the shower. He was checking his email from my laptop and checking his course schedule to make sure everything was correct. School was less than a week away.

I walked back into the bathroom quickly to wash the toothpaste from my mouth, excited about liquid hot goodness that was moments from my lips. I walked back out into the main room, but was confused when I heard Edward's voice.

"Can I help you with something?" Edward asked with some malice to his voice. Seemed like I had to get to the door quickly before something bad happened to Edward...or my latte.

"Mmm...I am sure you can. Seems like Bella was keeping you a secret," Alec purred from the doorway.

I ran around the corner to see Alec leaning up against the door frame practically undressing Edward with his eyes. I couldn't blame him though – Edward was especially nice to look at. He also had my two lattes in his hands.

"Good morning, Alec," I said with acid in my voice as I walked to the door and unceremoniously grabbed my drinks, handing one to Edward. He was going to need his wits to keep up, and away for that matter, from Alec.

And Jane.

"Isabella, who is this lovely man?" Alec questioned as he gestured to an immobile Edward still standing in the doorway, frozen by the force that is Alec.

"Alec, this is Edward...a friend from home. Edward, this Alec, my infamous lawyer friend would keeps me in check and oversees my family's accounts," I sneered as I walked to the far end of the suite, grabbing my cell off of the table and powering it up.

"A friend from home, eh? Hmm...I think there is a little more to it than that, my dear Bella," he laughed as he walked over to where I was standing, leaving Edward in his wake. Although Alec reeked of GQ goodness, it only took a few moments with him to know that he was hitting for the other team. His manscaping was impeccable; nothing out of place. He was always dressed to the nines, always offering to take me shopping so we could buy items that barely qualified as clothes. I didn't enjoy buying clothes that were at least ten dollars per square inch, although Alec loved playing dress-up with me. He was the only boy to ever enjoying playing Barbie's with me. There was also something about his voice...my gaydar was rarely off because of my early exposure to him.

"I am just going to go and get ready," Edward motioned as he headed back into the master bedroom where his suitcase resided.

"Keeping things from me now, are we Bella?" Alec breathed into my ear. The man lived to tease me.

"Not at all, my dear friend," I laughed as I stepped into the heels that had magically appeared in my suite last night. "I see that you again took some liberties with me," I continued gesturing to the shoes.

"It's a personal indulgence...I wish I had the legs to pull those off," he laughed as he gave them a thorough look-over. "You should wear heels more often, little girl, they do wonders for your legs."

I grabbed his arms and brought him in to hug me; I loved him too much. He and Jane were the only pieces of the fucked up puzzle that I wanted to keep. Between them and Jacob, they were the closest things I had to siblings. He held me close, knowing when I needed him to just be there for me.

"You don't have to do this, Bella. I can call off the troops with one phone call. It is your choice," he whispered in my ear, overwhelming with the true concern in his voice. He had seen what yesterday had done to me, wearing me down almost to the point of no return.

I saw Edward out of the corner of my eye, watching us intently. The small smile I gave him was returned with a small lift of the corners of his lips, enough for me to know that he was with me and that Captain Caveman was on hiatus.

"I think I will be okay," I said as I stared at him, wanting him to know that I was not just talking about the day, but the bigger picture between us.

Alec released me and we headed for the door, making our way to the elevator. As we slowly descended, I could tell that Alec was again enjoying the show that is Edward, and I leaned over to his ear.

"I do not share," I said loud enough for them both to hear.

Alec started laughing silently, and I gave Edward a shy wink as the doors opened. It felt freeing to just flirt with him, getting back to where we were before this all started. The summer sun kissed my face as I walked out the door; I knew that no matter what happened I would be going home with Edward.

The only question that remained was if I would survive this day with my heart intact.

~ *** ~

The house was a ghostland; eerie, dark, and silent. The house looked the same as I remembered it, but it was not the same at all. The walls that used to breath light and cheeriness were stark endless lines that continued through the house. With each room we passed through, there was little that I wanted to keep, family heirlooms sent to auction. Alec would look at me every so often gauging my mental stability to see if he was pushing too hard. He wasn't.

There was a reason that this was never my home – after losing a son and a daughter to this lifestyle my grandparents never wanted any of this for me. They chose Phoenix; away from the spotlight, the money, and the evils that pursued those with means. I was never a Randolph...always just Bella. They would lay no judgment upon me for doing what I was doing to the house and their belongings. That made it easier, but each item seemed to carry a memory of a life that was lost with it. The couch where I snuggled with my grandfather when he would read from the classics. The window that I broke when I threw a rock at Alec and missed. The bed that I curled up on and slept with my mother in.

I saved her room for last, knowing that it would be impossible for me to not have an epic breakdown in there. As I approached the door I heard a familiar voice from my past.

"Isabella, dear, is that you?" Mrs. Cope asked as she walked up behind me slowly, looking over my face.

"Hello, Mrs. Cope. How are you?"

Before I knew what happened, she had her warm arms around me crushing me to her chest. The unpredictability of it caught me off guard, but I was soon relishing the generosity of her care. That was her very nature; it was like she had some magic way to comfort you when you needed it. She took care of my mother and uncle as children and she stayed on for the rest of her working years to take care of my family.

"I have something for you. I gathered her things together after she passed...things I think that you would want to see," she said as her eyes filled with tears.

I followed her into my mother's room silently as she went to the walk-in closet to get a large tote. The room was empty...a fissure in my heart opening as I realized that there was nothing left in the room that was hers. It was all cleaned out.

"Before they came to clean out her things, as was described in her wishes, she had wanted you to have a few things of hers. She never wanted to burden you after her death...she seemed to know it would be early in your life," she said as she took in my beleaguered face. It was hard to try to hide the emotions that were engulfing me.

She patted the mattress and I came to rest on the side placing the box up on the bed then turned to run her hand across my cheek. "You are just as beautiful as she was, but you have your grandmother's strength. They all would be proud of you," she said, retreating to the door.

I looked at the box in front of me and brought my shaking hands to the lid. I took deep breaths to calm my racing pulse, willing myself to be in the right frame of mind. I removed the lid; the first thing that attracted my eyes was the bound stack of music sheets. I took them out of the box seeing that below were stacks of pictures, journals, and some other items. They did not hold my attention as I bought the sheets to my lap reading the title on the top sheet.

'_Bella's Lullaby.'_

**EPOV**

Bella had been gone for some time, and I had found myself wandering the house, inundated with the grandeur of the century old structure. The secrets that she had kept were slowing unfolding and revealing themselves as we went through the day. The pieces were little by little being filled in with the truth of her family's life that she hid so well.

I found myself in a grand space, the music room where one of the most beautiful grand pianos I had ever seen was filling half the space, while another piano was covered in a sheet. I walked to the first, elated to see it was a Steinway grand model D. I had the rare chance to play one a few years back, an amazing instrument. As I ran my fingers on the cool wood, I felt compelled to see what was under the sheet on the other side of the room. I heard voices far off echoing off the bare walls of the house. I felt confident that I could uncover it undetected.

I walked over to it and slowly raised the sheet...I stared at it in shock. I knew what it was. I blinked several times thinking that I must be seeing things. I lifted the lid slowly, careful not to make any noise. If I had thought it earlier, I knew it now, and was doing something I shouldn't. The letters on the plate sat there mocking me...it was true.

_Alma-Tadema 1887_.

Also known as the world's most expensive grand piano.

One point two million dollars at auction.

_Holy shit._

The voices began to grow louder and I slowly covered up the piano and walked across to the side of the room and sat down at the Steinway. I was trying to calm my breathing, Bella had in her possession a piece of unimaginable history.

"Do you play?" Jane asked, causing me to almost flip over on the bench as well as have a mini heart attack.

I cleared my voice willing the adrenaline the slow in my veins, and answered.

"Yes, I do."

"Well play something then, while I catalog these pianos in my computer," Jane answered coldly. Bella said that business mode and bitch mode where the same and to not make too much out of her. She was just a bitch.

"Are they both going to be sold?" I asked as my voice cracked slightly.

"Bella has not decided yet. Apparently they hold some sort of sentimental value," she replied as she slowly uncovered the Alma. I may have started to drool again. To most it would have looked like some ostentatious gaudy piano, but if they only knew the craft that went into the beautiful piece.

"William bought these both for his wife. She was quite the accomplished pianist," Jane offered. "Look in the upper right corner, there is a plate there."

William was Bella's grandfather; Sophia his wife.

_To the love of my life –_

"_I love you, not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you."_

_Your William_

I felt her before I saw her turning to see Bella standing silently in the doorway. Her eyes were swollen, cheeks puffy from her anguish. I went to stand up to go to her but she gestured for me to stay.

"Jane, will you give us a moment?" Bella asked.

Jane crossed the room quickly, gathering her items. My eyes went back to Bella as she shut the door the room, sealing us in. She walked to me slowly, tentatively, and sat down next to me. She looked deep in my eyes, searching them, placing her warm hand on my cheek. Her tentative lips met mine and wrapped my arm around her waist pulling her closer. This was the first kiss we had shared since I had left...it was long overdue.

She did not deepen the kiss, but just the feel of this intimate act was enough for me to know I was right to come here. To fight for her...to love her.

She broke the kiss and slowly opened her eyes, the desire evident to her deep brown pools. I wanted to take away the pain she was feeling, I wanted to do whatever I could to make it easier, less of a burden to carry.

"Can you play this?" she asked handing me three old tattered pieces of sheet music. I looked it over for a moment, the pace, the notes, making sure that I could meet her request. I read the title on the top, 'Bella's Lullaby."

"Who wrote it?" I asked.

"My mother."

I placed the sheet on the piano and began to play without question knowing that Bella wanted me to do this. It was beautiful, soft and sweet written ages ago by the looks of the paper. I could feel her starting to loose it as her body shook beside me. I stopped immediately to comfort her, but she grabbed my arm, telling me silently to continue.

I could feel her tears soaking the edge of my shirt as she rested her head on my arm. I came to the end of the last sheet, realizing the composition was unfinished. She asked me several times to play it over and over...a request I granted. I played as my heart started to slowly splinter at the pain that she was enduring, hoping that I could help her through it.

Each time I came to the end and began to play again, I committed the notes to memory.

I would finish it for her.

"_I love you, not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you."_

_- Roy Croft_

_A/N – Am I getting too sappy? I just re-read the whole story and feel that we need some humor STAT! I am going to get these two lovebirds back on the plane and back to Seattle. Back to the fun..._

_I already have the Homecoming and Halloween chapters stirring around in my little margarita filled mind!_

_Please review and leave some love!_

_Mutt_


	16. I Got a Feeling

**A Kick in the Balls**

_**A/N: Welcome back folks! My relic of a computer finally crashed and I got a new one, so sorry about the delay with the chapter. Hope you enjoy the next installment and we will be back on campus for the next chapter.**_

_**Thank you to vampiremama/readingmama for the excellent work she does as my beta. Check out for profile if you want to see the master at work. She is far better than I am! I also might add that I love when she scolds me for making up words!**_

_**Thank you to born2speakmirth and shabby apple for their as betas as well. The amount of work that they must do really boggles the mind. I think we should invent a day to thank betas. **_

_**Thank you to all of you that are staying with me for this ride. I hope I do not disappoint.**_

_**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**_

**Chapter 15– I Got a Feeling**

**BPOV**

That damn black box.

It was the only thing left after the disappearance, or complete removal, of every last piece of my mother's life. I felt that its very presence was either going to ruin me or unlock the secrets to why my mother destroyed her own life.

It felt like an ominous cloud that followed me through the rest of my day.

When I finally mustered up the strength to re-open it and really peruse the contents, it was a major shock to my system. Nothing that I found there was expected; her actions in memory could not predict what I found inside. It was a treasure chest of memories and artifacts of a person that I thought I knew; someone who's true nature was never known to me. Letters from Charlie, pink baby shoes, pictures that represented a glance at her favorite memories, a lock of hair...and fifteen leather-bound journals were all neatly placed inside the large leather box.

The journals were the most intriguing – and shocking. Her words set upon paper. Her truth; her side of the story. I had only known two perspectives at this point – my grandparents and Charlie's.

I hoped her truth would finally set me free.

She was my mother, the person who gave me life, but from the little I was able to read through in some of her later entries, she felt that she had no right to share that joy. She'd felt she had no right to happiness...no right to love. She'd thought she had no right to be a part of my life...it was best for me that she did not include herself in it. It was a stark contrast from what I found when I read journals from an earlier time period. It was the early years of my life that she was the happiest. When she thought that she had found her true family; people who would love her unconditional no matter what her demons were.

As I had sat on the cool hardwood floor my heart seized up as I read through the first few passages of her diary, focusing on one that was dated a few months after I was born. Although the edges were worn, the pages talked of her overwhelming affection for her baby girl, her feeling of elation on finding a purpose in her life. She said that it was only after I was born that she felt there was a meaning to her having survived that fateful night her brother died. That maybe this one time she did something right; that for one time only, her touch did not blacken a soul.

I was her redemption.

I skimmed through more pages finding words that made me feel like my internal compass had never known its true North...that my childhood was lies and secrets for her words of love that were never passed to me. _Why?_ It was like the people I loved the most were a part of some great conspiracy to keep me in the dark. My grandparent kept me from her...my mind was reeling from the truth in her words. The later passages were so dark, so cold; a deep splitting contrast to the woman who wrote the words that were so full of love and contentment.

_How in the world was I going to possibly reconcile any of this?_

The more I read, the more I understood that my hazy childhood memories were all just fragments of truth, lies to keep me from knowing the legitimacy of her words. She was convinced that she would inevitably hurt me so she, with help of her parents, tried to extract herself from my life, but couldn't bear her existence without me. That was why she always came back, why she would always seem to be holding back, masking the true pain she was feeling. She watched me from afar...my heart sunk lower into my chest feeling the acute pain that my mother wanted to love me.

I became frantic to figure it out; the change. What the hell happened?

I had picked up a second journal, hoping that its contents would reveal the change...it did not disappoint. It was four years into my parents' marriage; I knew this was going to talk about the self-destruction of my family, her leaving Forks forever with me in tow. I felt as though the space in my chest constricted around my heart, reading those words. She was slipping further and further into an abyss, the darkness of her past ruining her future. I knew that my mother was sick; clinically depressed but there was something else in her words. They had an edge to them, disjointed words, phases not making sense. It was like she couldn't even complete a thought when she was attempting to put it down on paper. I felt anger surge through my body, but it was not pointed at her. I wanted nothing more to stand in front of them and ask them the hard questions...why did they not help her? Her words made me want to reach out and break her from the cycle of crushing waves that were being prevailed upon her. Her words were a plea for help.

They went unanswered.

They let her fail.

I put the journal on the floor beside me, bringing my palms to my face trying to hold back the sobs that were choking me. I felt so lost...I never knew my own mother. I wanted to read more, but I was so tired, ready to leave New York and never come back. This godforsaken place was haunted with what seemed to be questionable memories – everything I knew about this side of my family was in question. The truth had eluded me for so long, maybe I had a chance to question the veracity of the claims made against the woman who obviously loved me. Her words burned into my memory...her script was what I saw when I closed my eyes.

_She had loved me._

My whole world shifted on its axis taking a new course...a spell had been broken.

A fresh burst of sobs hit me when I finally could let those words burn into my very existence. I let my emotions swirl around me, knocking me further to the floor as I was in the eye of a terrible wild storm. There was no one left that could tell me the absolutes – no one to refute the words on the page as they had done in my memories. I hoped desperately that the rest of her entries would bear that burden to light...to guide my through the rest of my muddled childhood recollections. I felt as though I was being literally dragged into the darkness, the contradictions of that house were going to swallow me whole if I did not leave. I needed to reconnect with the present, to see the truth evident in my life.

I needed to find him.

I hastily collected the items that I had strewn about the floor, piling them all back into the box. Except for one item; the lullaby. I set it on top of the box with veneration – this was tangible proof of her love, written in music for her little girl. The words repeated in my head as I strode purposefully through the house trying to find him. I heard his voice coming from the far East end of the house, from the room that was my favorite place in this house.

My feet faltered as I saw him sitting on the bench of the most precious of possession in the grand estate – my grandmother's piano. It was a fortieth wedding anniversary gift from my grandfather, a testament of his true unyielding love for her. Something stirred in my heart at that moment as I stood there silently watching his hand move over the plate marking the words that he spoke to her so many times in their lifetime together. As my past tried to consume my very being, locking me away from the hope of a normal existence, he connected me with the present. I still had so many unanswered questions, but I let my heart take the lead as I walked into the room.

If the sheets of tattered music in my hands were proof of love, then he, as he sat that reverently moving his hands across the keys, was proof that I was capable of deserving love.

~ *** ~

"Let's get out of here...I'm finished," I said as I rubbed away the salt trails that had dried to my face.

"Are you sure you don't want to stay longer, Bella? This will be the last time you will be able to be here," Edward said as he brushed an errant hair from my face.

"Oh, yeah, I am sure. This place holds nothing for me anymore. Plus, I could literally eat a horse right now. Damn crying..."

Edward looked at me incredulously, like I had two heads or something, but I was checked out and ready to get the show on the road. I stood up from the piano every joint in my body cracked from sitting there so long. Edward was acting strange as he slowly lifted himself from the bench, touching the keys over and over. He looked like he wanted to say something.

_I really needed to get to know him better…_

"There you are! I thought that you went AWOL on me, little girl," Alec exclaimed as he glided into the room. "We are all done here. Janie's got some stuff for you to go through, but other than that, you are free as a bird."

"Thanks, Alec," I said as I walked to him and gave him a small hug.

"Bella, look at me. Ugh, I told you waterproof mascara, honey. Your tendency for waterworks makes that stuff a must." He laughed as he took out his pocket square and wiped away the excess remnant of my mascara rivers. "Have you decided where you want these two pieces to go?" he asked, motioning to the two pianos.

"That one I want to go to my house in Seattle. The other I have not decided on yet," I said looking toward the other piano covered in a sheet.

"That thing could catch at least a million at auction, you know?"

"I am not ready to part with it yet. Let's just send it to the storage facility in Seattle that you arranged for," I said as a heard what sounded like a breath of relief from behind me. _Huh?_

"What do you think, Edward?" I asked casually, wondering why he was so quiet behind me.

"Oh...I don't know. It seems like too great an instrument to just sit in a storage facility. It is just too remarkable for that...I guess," he replied sheepishly looking at it with what appeared to be appreciation. Maybe even worship.

_Double huh?_ I think Edward has a thing for the Alma...I was going to store that thought away for another day. But, I knew one thing for sure…I never wanted to be a piano so much in my life.

"Fine by me, honey," Alec said to me, or maybe Edward, I was never sure. "The truck will be in Seattle by Friday or Saturday. I will call you to step up a delivery time so you will be at the house."

I looked back at Edward who was staring again at the pianos and although I wanted to tell him to give it a rest, it was almost slightly adorable the way the man looked at those beauties.

"Edward, don't worry. You'll be twinkling those little ivories again by next weekend, if you can bear being separated that long. Plus, I give you visitation rights for Alma," I snickered as I watched him laugh to himself.

My thoughts started to get away from me when I thought of the only other memory I had involving a piano, wondering excitedly if maybe I would ask him to show me how he did it. I could feel the blush start to creep up my face, the warmth spread over my skin, and I knew that I had to shake my dirty thoughts quickly before I resembled a tomato. It was a stupid freaking coping mechanism but it seemed that a quick trip to the gutter was in order.

"Are you blushing, Bella?" Alec laughed as he looked at me. _Fuck._

I decided to play dirty...it would be a welcomed distraction from the morose morning and afternoon I had. I wanted to see if I could make Edward squirm; get him to feel the passion that I had so dearly missed. I knew that we weren't far from getting back on track, but what's so wrong with a friendly reminder of what it is like to be on _my_ track.

"I was just recalling this story that Edward's sister Rosalie told me about him. His mother caught him in a compromising position that included a piano and a female companion," I replied with a snarky tone and gave Edward a quick little wink.

"Really? Huh, I think your stock just went up in my mind, Edward," Alec laughed and gave Edward a not so necessary once over.

Edward blushed furiously and leaned back over to put the lid down on the piano. I wondered if maybe Alec and I should have left to allow Edward some time alone with the piano. The man must really love a good piano...the thought of that same piano in the sunroom back at our house caused my smile to widen as I realized that I could ask him on any given day to play it for me.

Jane breezed through the doorway and walked up to me with a face that was in full bitch mode. Something large must have crawled up her ass for her to look like that.

"Well, isn't this lovely. We will be leaving from the private entrance at the back of the house. The front is swarming with paparazzi. Apparently, someone wants to get a shot of the elusive Miss Randolph," Jane said icily. I had to remember this was her normal tone...she was going to either die an old spinster or marry someone who enjoyed being a submissive.

"Do you ever smile Jane or do you have that look permanently botoxed on your face?" I sneered as she handed me paperwork. She cocked her little perfectly manicured eyebrow and turned her attention to Alec.

"Reservations are at seven, correct?" she asked keeping her tone the same.

"Yes, they are, Janie," he laughed. "God, we need to find you a boy toy to work out this aggression, or maybe just a few good stiff drinks," Alec smiled as he lifted his arm to wrap around his petite sister and walked out of the room. They were complete opposites...no wonder they made such a good team. I just hoped they never worked the 'good cop/bad cop' routine on me.

"Ready?"

"Yes, I really am," I replied as I gave him a genuine smile. The house now felt like a dead body to me – it had no soul, no life. It was finally time to bury it.

Edward walked to me, picking up my attaché case and throwing it over his shoulder. I had not taken the opportunity to really look at him all day, my mind slowly turning to slush as I took him in. He wasn't perfect – but the man knew that whatever he had, he could melt the panties off of most women with a pulse. He was wearing a dark, slim-fitting suit, with a plain white dress shirt. I caught a peek at his Cole Haan shoes in the morning...I have a thing for men's shoes, but as a part of the whole ensemble...I was overheating. My panties were in full melt mode.

Edward grabbed my hand intertwining our fingers as he guided me through the doors. A touch of his skin on mine was exhilarating, no matter how innocent the touch. That feeling, although welcomed, was not going to help the conversation we needed to have tonight.

I felt that I was forgetting something as we walked through the corridor. Edward must have sensed my unease.

"I put it with the rest of the papers in your bag, babe. No worries," he whispered in my ear as we approached the back staircase leading out of the house to the secondary carport.

I gave him a strange look because I really had no clue about what he was talking about.

"The lullaby, it's in the bag," he whispered into my ear.

"Oh, gosh, thank you. I would probably have an epic panic attack trying to find it later. Thank you."

I smiled warmly at him as I started to wonder if the conversation with him I wanted to have in private was the right choice.

~ *** ~

We sat at a small private table at some overly expensive steak house in Manhattan and I couldn't help but feel at ease. Maybe it was because I finally had a real meal and a few cocktails, but I felt as though some enormous weights had been lifted in the course of a day. I had no real clarity when it came to the situation with my mother, but I had in my possession pieces of my mother that I never thought I would find. Something about having the tangible property; her words, her feelings on paper was enough for me to believe that I may be able to find closure.

To finally lay the past to rest.

The black box had become less of ominous black cloud…and more like tiny specs of light, guiding my way through the darkness.

As the night drew on I knew that I had to have the conversation with Edward. Every time I thought of him, I could feel the low hum of electricity pass through me, a connection that I had no words to explain. With each laugh, every time our eyes would meet, I knew that my course of action was the right one. With each layer I peeled away from him I got closer to knowing who he really was -- and each layer did not disappoint. The more I knew, the easier it was to let myself lose control, to be myself, to let him in. We were not perfect creatures by any means of the word, but we were beginning to see our flaws together. I didn't want anything to stop us from discovering who we really were, and what we would be to each other. Friends, confidants…lovers, what have you, I needed to unravel the enigma that was Edward Cullen.

I just had to find the courage.

There was also another potential problem -- my over-zealous libido. I needed to make sure my vajayjay didn't start to call all the shots when it came to our physical relationship. She was a tricky little minx, and it did not help that the man completely and utterly dazzled me. The way that he looked at me sometimes should be illegal in all states; his power over me was something that I was definitely afraid of on many levels.

I had thought in my head about some ground rules that should be established; mutually agreed upon rules that could keep us from being carried away in our passion. My mind started throwing questions at me as I began to completely tune out the conversations that were going on around me.

Complete physical abstinence? _Fuck, really? _My vajayjay was now all ears as I was mentally debating my rules. No, that was not an option, as I knew that keeping my hands off of him was going to be impossible. Plus, I had already had my hand around the cookie jar…and I was human after all.

I also knew that if I jumped into sack with him everything would become ridiculously complicated, and fuck, I did not need anything complicated. The two sides of my mind were having a fight-to-the-death cage match in my mind as they tried to decide what course of action was the best. Virtue versus reason. They came to a set of mutually agreed upon rules. Well, really just two.

_Sex? _Out.

_Everything but sex? _In.

My mind started to head south of the border to naughty town when I started to think about getting Edward very naked…very soon. My vajayjay did a small victory dance and the rational side of my brain was just happy that I showed some semblance of control. I was not good about control -- if it wasn't for Alice's epic cockblocking skills, I would not be having this conversation. And Edward's balls would probably be in a jar.

I was being pretty absurd when I thought that I wanted to talk to him about having no sex until we knew each other better and then asking him what would be the best way to get naked and get to the other things on the list that were in. I must have been really lost in my own world, because a shrimp tail connected with my forehead breaking me from my trance.

"Earth to Bella! Honey, I want to know what you were thinking about because…well, anything that can make you blush like that has me intrigued." Alec laughed as he gave me a sexy little smirk.

Suddenly, an incredibly awesome and really naughty thought came into my mind when I looked at Alec.

"Oh, it was nothing." I replied shaking my head infinitesimally. "Are you coming back on the plane with us tomorrow, and…did you change Edward's travel arrangements?" I asked in a rush, hoping that after several of his martinis that he would not be able to put two-and-two together.

"What? Why would you change my flight?" Edward asked as he looked between us. Jane was off talking on her cell phone and having a smoke, so happily she was not there for the exchange.

"To answer your questions; no, Jane and I are staying here to finalize the paperwork and make sure that everything goes off without a hitch. Plus, they are having a sale at Berman's. I cancelled Edward's ticket…" Alec tailed off as if something else popped into his mind. He gave me a devious smile, "It will only be the two of you on the plane."

_Well, fuck me…he was good._

I cringed for a split second before I answered Edward's question. When Alec had anything over me it usually ended with me wishing I was never born. He was ruthless when it came to making me squirm. He had perfect ammunition now.

"You are going to fly back with me…on the private jet, if that is okay?" I smiled sheepishly. I couldn't help but feel a little strange at that moment. On the one hand, I wanted him with me, and since I was already going back there, it seemed like the right thing to do. On the other hand, I felt like it may make him feel uncomfortable.

Money made me feel uncomfortable, because I had way too much of it.

"Hmm, I see," he said giving me a small wolfish grin before he turned the Edward Cullen man-charm on Alec. "Thank you for doing that, Alec. I am sure that Bella and I will find those travel arrangements more _accommodating_ for us."

_Holy hell…_

Alec started laughing to himself as he looked between us trying to size up what exactly was going on between the two of us. He had badgered me several times about what our status was, but I was adamant about not giving him the skinny about any of it. Because, truly, I didn't know. But, after Edward's last comment and the fresh wave of my arousal, I knew that I wanted to know.

Because 'knowing is half the battle,' and the 'battle' was trying to figure out how to keep myself from launching myself at him at any moment.

Damn him and that sexy smirk of his.

"The flight is scheduled for six tomorrow, I hope that you won't have too much trouble getting up," he snickered as he made a lovely visual for Edward with his olives on the toothpick and a not so subtle waggle of his eyebrows. The man had no boundaries -- he liked nothing more than playing with the breeders.

Jane made her presence known back at the table as she gave the poor waitress the stink-eye and commanded another cocktail. She looked between Edward and Alec and knew that Alec was playing.

"I actually am an earlier riser…it won't be a problem," Edward laughed, enjoying the banter a little too much. Only maybe it was the cocktails. I knew one thing for certain; I was going to need to change my panties after this night.

"Alec, it never ceases to amaze me that your mind is always filled with such filth and innuendo, someone should give you a taste of your medicine," Jane sneered.

"I am just having a little fun, Janie," Alec said with his hands up in defeat. Her lips curled slowly over her olives and a sinister smirk came over her face.

"Bella, not to worry. Alec is just jealous since father has him on a tight leash now," she sneered and ended with a maniacal laugh. She was such a menacing and frightening person if you didn't know her. She had a heart -- it just wasn't very big.

"What did you do now, Alec? Steal Big Daddy A's Range Rover again?" I laughed thinking only of the memory of when I was still in high school in Phoenix and Alec got busted for taking off in Aro's car. His excuse was that his Porsche did not have enough cargo room for his shopping excursion downtown. That may have been the last red flag indicating to Aro that Alec was hitting from the other benches. Or that he on several occasions growing up wanted to go out for Halloween as Cinderella.

"No, it is not like that at all. I may have chartered to jet to Cabo one weekend and forgot that Aro had some uber important business meeting he had to attend. I would have paid good money to see Dad sitting in a commercial airline, next to some stranger. " He laughed because if you knew Aro, flying commercially was like doing the walk of shame back to your pad after a wild one-night stand. "He has me on some sort of probation until he gets over the shame. So, basically, I am on probation for life. "

Alec waved his hand dramatically in front of him as if this was such a tremendous burden. I looked over at Edward taking in his demeanor hoping that my overly fortunate and somewhat elitist friends were not making him uncomfortable. If someone who did not know us was around, they probably would have been completely put off by their display. Edward seemed to being taking it all in stride, although I know that his Ivy League education and having a doctor as a father must have given him exposure to the 'other half' as he said earlier.

I hoped that he knew this was not me…a path that I never chose but had to take regardless if I wanted it or not. I was not ungrateful for my circumstances, but rather hoped that were not a part of the definition of whom I was.

He wrapped his warm fingers around my wrist squeezing my hand gently. I realized that it was time for us to have time together alone to iron out the wrinkles in our relationship.

I may have also prayed for a little divine intervention to keep me from mauling him when we left the restaurant together.

I eyed Alec looking at us, hoping he would leave us unscathed.

"Well, kids. I have a date with Marcus my personal shopper tomorrow and don't exactly wanted to look like a hag with dark circles under to eyes, so I think it is a about time we call it a night, "Alec uttered. The mental picture of him with a cooling mask over his eyes ran through my mind as I tried to stifle a laugh.

As we walked to the front of the restaurant, Alec pulled me aside.

"I hope you know what you are doing my sweet girl, "he whispered into my ear. "I have seen those hands in action. Call me and let me know if he is as passionate about playing you as he is with those ivories."

"Jeebus, Alec! " I yelled as my face heated dramatically. He blew me a kiss as he ducked into the awaiting car. They sped away into the night, leaving Edward and I standing alone on the pavement.

**EPOV**

Alec insisted that we take the car service back to the hotel, but Bella had other ideas. She wanted to walk and take her time getting back, it get to enjoy the little time left she had in the city. After I explained to her that I was game for anything, she guided us along the practically deserted streets of Manhattan.

"I'm sorry, I should have asked you first," she blurted out as we started walking down the street.

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh, sorry. The plane. I should have asked you," she replied nervously as she kept her eyes on the pavement below.

I could tell that she was apprehensive about something, to which I did not know. That was something that always kept my interest peaked when it came to her -- a surprise around every corner.

"No, you didn't have to ask. I am interested to see how the other half lives," I laughed nervously knowing what I had been thinking earlier when we were at the restaurant. Six hours alone with Bella in an airplane with no interruptions, no cell phones, and no invasive gay friend named Alec, and no roommates…it sounded ideal. Plus, by the way Bella was blushing; I knew that she had other less innocent thoughts in that pretty little head of hers. My thoughts were not too far behind.

When it came to Bella, it was hard to keep my emotions in check. Firstly, there was this overpowering compulsion to protect her. Not that I believed she couldn't handle a lot on her own, but I didn't like to see her in so much pain. It seemed that her life was giving her an endless supply of that. I wanted to wash it all away with her tears, but I knew there was so much more to the story. There was so much more to Bella than what met the eye. As the secrets kept spilling from the two of us, we were well on our way back to being where we were before I left for California. Our lives forced us to skim over some vital parts of the early stage of a relationship and I just wanted to opportunity to get to know her. The real her -- the whole her.

No more secrets -- for me as well.

There was another compulsion I had when it came to Bella; the feeling that I wanted to consume every part of her. It was overwhelming how I was starting to feel about someone who was not even on my radar a few weeks ago. Now, she was everything. Something inside of me snapped back into place when I saw her open the door to her room when I arrived in New York. It was like I was whole again…that I could take in a deep breath without worrying about the weight of being without her crushing me.

I needed her -- every step, every movement, every glance…_fuck me_, and I sound like a stalker.

There was just too much of me wrapped up in her…

"Am I the other half, because I don't think I would look at my life that way? I only fly in the thing because they offer it…and I end up paying for anyways," she laughed as she began to visibly relax.

She went on to explain that although they were expensive, Aro's company was a one-stop shop for her and they handled everything. Jane and Alec were her account advisers and handled everything in her life. She explained to me that because she was a collegiate athlete that she had restrictions of how much money she could make, and a whole other slew of regulations from the NCAA. She said that she regularly had to meet with the advisors to make sure that she was not jeopardizing her eligibility. It seemed to me that maybe Bella had too much invested in these people.

"You don't worry that they are screwing you over?" I asked.

"Don't laugh…but I paid attention in Civics class when I was in high school. You know, the checks and balances thing. I have two independent companies making sure that they are not screwing me over."

"Do they know?"

"Yes, Aro asked me about one of the company's once and I explained to him it was a stipulation of the will. It was a half-lie. My grandfather only predetermined that I hire one…I wanted to be sure. And to be honest, it was fucking overwhelming to have to deal with all that stuff."

"I couldn't imagine. Do you have any inclination to work at your grandfather's publishing house?" I asked. I had been dying to know this. Bella had a publishing empire at her disposal, I had wondered over the past few hours why she never pursued it.

"I will have a minor in literature when I graduate this spring…but beyond that, the world of publishing doesn't do it for me. I'm just not passionate about it," she replied with a small shrug of her shoulders.

"What are you passionate about?" I asked.

She stopped abruptly, a slight jerk coming between our hands as she stood a motionless as a stone on the sidewalk. She slowly turned to face me, a small shy grin spreading over her face. The crimson seeped into her cheeks as she stared into my eyes, my mind not registering the passersby or the sounds of the busy city around us. For a moment, it was just the two of us - two people trying desperately to rid ourselves of the past, moving toward a future.

A common future -- my mind silently hoped as she gazed at me, uninhibited in her show of her emotions. On many occasions, Bella would read like a book, her emotions passed on her face like clouds gliding by in the wind. There was only one emotion registering in her deep brown eyes.

_**Passion**_.

I had seen it now several times, most of those occasions it was not directed toward me, but to people and moments in her life that meant something. My heart started to pick up its pace, mirroring the push of adrenaline through my veins as this small woman before me was letting me know that I was just not some passing fancy. That of everyone in her life, I was important.

My hand moved under its own volition as I pressed my palm into her cheek, catching the tears that fell. I heard her sharp intake of breath as I moved myself closer to her, our bodies fitting together effortlessly. She was as unwilling as I was to break eye contact wanting to savor this small moment between us.

"I don't want to screw this up," she whispered, her voice crackling over the words.

In an instant I knew what she was saying, my own heart issuing the same caution. From this moment on we needed to proceed with caution; to not let the heat of the moment or our pasts hinder us in moving towards our future. We needed to find our way together, blending our hearts so that we could become whole together, not the splinters of souls that we are now.

"We have all the time in the world…we will make this work," I said as my emotions started to wash over me, a tide to powerful to break away. My heart felt heavy in my chest, every beat pushing the anxiety and anticipation to well up inside of me. With every tick of the clock my world shifted on its axis, aligning myself with her.

There was solidarity in my life now; I was only half of the equation.

She was my life now.

~ *** ~

**BPOV**

I decided to check my phone before hitting the sheets with the bronze-haired God. I had to apply a triple coat of chapstick to my lips after we made out every five seconds on the way back to the hotel. I wanted to kiss him from here to eternity but Edward's ridiculous five o'clock shadow prevented that. The lower part of my face was burning due to the chafe and I hope that he didn't take off the entire top layer of my skin. Returning to soccer practice with a chafetastic goatee did not seem appealing.

I had two voicemails; they were both from Alice.

She cursed me out for making Page Six, although from the pictures you could not tell it was me. And they ran it with my name as Randolph.

_Bullet dodged_.

The text messages on the other hand, sent me into a tizzy.

_**Angela -- Bella, need to talk ASAP**_

_**Alice -- Are you opposed to heels on your Halloween costume?**_

_**Emmett -- You are making me dinner tomorrow. I haven't had a good meal in days and Rosie refuses to cook for me**_

_**Angela -- EMERGENCY!!!**_

_**Alice -- Are you ignoring me again? **_

_**Angela -- coup d'etat**_

_What the fuck?_

The posts from Alice and Emmett slipped from my mind as I could only think of the frantic texts from my teammate. I sent a quick text back, not really wanting to get on the phone in case this was one of those moments when people just want to talk.

_**Hey Ang what's up?**_

I climbed into the sheets and as Edward tried to neck with me, my phone chimed again. I gave him a stern look and he started to make the whole bed shake from his laughter. He was a 'marker.' He really liked the fact that everyone with a pair of eyes knew that I was his.

I was definitely not complaining -- although my face may have a different opinion.

_**Angela -- Tanya took your midfielder spot at practice. She has been trying to convince everyone that you bailed on the team and that she should be made captain**_

I saw red.

Tanya motherfucking Denali was going down.

_**A/N -- We will officially be leaving the angst (well most of it) behind. Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Thank you to all of you that keep reviewing! I am officially addicted now!**_

_**Mutt**_


	17. Not Ready to Make Nice

**A Kick in the Balls**

_**A/N: I would love to give all my love and props to my beta vampiremama /readingmama for all the crazy work she does on my stories. Please go check out her stories on both Twilighted and . They are awesome. Her new story **_**Gloaming**_** is a good one!**_

_**Thank you to born2speakmirth for being diligent on getting my story uploaded to the site so quickly, thank you again for all your work as a beta. My story could not exist without one.**_

_**Hope you all enjoy the story…it is going to get juicy from here on out! Just setting the stage.**_

_**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**_

**Chapter 17– Not Ready to Make Nice**

**BPOV**

"Oh, fuck me."

"Not quite the greeting I was looking for, Swan," Emmett said with a playful laugh although he was trying desperately to look mad at me. His lip was twitching really badly as he tried to stifle his amusement.

His wide frame was against the floor frame while Edward and I moved up the walk towards the house. We had just arrived into Seattle around forty-five minutes ago and I had hauled some major ass to get back to the house. I just wanted to be there; to smell it, to see the familiar sights that were behind its doors. Getting to see Emmett's little dimpled face was also welcomed, but I knew from Alice that he was pretty pissed at me for running away like I did. He kept his ridged stance as he watched the both of us. Two men had accompanied us from the airport were unloading our things and bringing them up to the porch.

The Emmett McCarty welcome wagon did not look like a happy wagon. I guessed that he did not like to be out of the loop, being the gossip monger he was. He had probably been waiting for us all morning, like a dog waiting for its owner to come home so it could pounce. I hope he didn't pee in all my shoes when I was gone.

"What the hell is all this stuff?" he asked as he looked at the boxes that were being placed unceremoniously on the porch. There were only four of them -- mostly small possessions from the house and of course the box containing my mother's things. The piano would be here by the weekend. I was already looking forward to that.

"Um…it's just stuff from my grandparent's house, no biggie," I replied as I hauled my body up the stairs. I was still tired even though I did get in about five hours on the plane this morning. Luckily, I was able to score a latte on the way back from the airport so I could clear my foggy mind before heading to the soccer stadium. I wasted a lot of fucking time sleeping because someone was being a complete ass-bag and fucking with my not-even-close-to-being-perfect life.

_Motherfucking Tanya Denali._

Six hours on a plane alone with Edward and I slept almost the entire time. The only action I got was a kiss on the cheek. Although, in consolation, I did sleep on his lap with my face nuzzled into his stomach, smelling eau de Edward as I drifted off to sleep. I fell to sleep with Edward on my mind and luckily my dreams stayed pretty innocent because I really didn't need him to start in on me about what I could have said about him in my sleep. Especially after the 'going slow' plan was in effect. I only possessed so much will power, and I had a sneaking suspicion that my will was going to be tested.

A lot.

I would have plenty of time with Edward to sort it all out after I got done with the oodles of business I had with my team. I had bigger fish to fry. But speaking of fish reminded me of why I had wasted so much precious time.

My dreams of the little hussy from hell kept me flopping around like a trophy-sized Muskie yanked from the water all night long in my bed that was co-habited by Edward. My innocent dreams, well mostly innocent, would take detours straight to nightmareville every time that I settled into a deep sleep. My last nightmare was of me walking toward a very naked and excruciatingly hot Edward sitting in my hot tub. Okay, I fully admit I had no innocent dreams that night, and, yeah, one would assume it was a good fucking dream to have. He was moaning and looked like he was in the grips of ecstasy as I got nearer to him. The steam was blurring his image, but I could see that his head was lulled back to the side with his face scrunched up as if he was holding off from having the best orgasm of his life. I must have made some noise because he slowly brought his face forward; his eyes met mine and his mouth twisted into the most carnal smirk I had ever seen on his face. I was hoping he was imagining what we had done in that hot tub, waiting for me to join him to act out all of our fantasies. As I got closer I could see something hidden beneath the water.

Strawberry blonde hair.

My dream abruptly became fucked up when Tanya's head came up from under the water and Edward grabbed her bringing her to his lap. I woke with a start and I was very pleased to not be dreaming anymore. That thought of them together made me want to cut my skull open and pour bleach onto my brain to erase the memory.

_God, I hated that bitch._

I know it was irrational and I was applying the soccer issue to my Edward relationship, but I clung to him the remainder of the night hoping it would keep those evil dreams away. The rest of the night turned out to be only twenty whole fucking minutes, because my alarm sounded letting us know that we had to head to the airport. I was in quite a sour mood and Edward kept trying to be helpful and ask what crawled up my ass, but I stayed as quiet as the grave. My mind had only one thought racing through it.

That bitch would not escape me…her ass was as good as mine. I kind of felt like rubbing my hands together when I thought of my evil scheme. I let my revenge play through my mind, anxious for it to play out.

"Edward can you make sure this stuff makes it into the house. I was thinking of storing it in the basement until I had time to sort through it again?" I asked as I moved to walk into the house. Emmett was having no such thing. "Just make sure that box goes to my room." Edward was carrying the important box…the one that I truly cared about. Emmett locked eyes with me and I knew that we needed to have words.

"Cullen, why don't you head inside while I have a conversation with Bella," Emmett commanded as he moved aside to let Edward pass him. Edward shot me look that asked if it was okay and I nodded, wordlessly letting him know that I would be fine. Emmett's bark was always worse than his bite. He was really a little bichon frise lap dog stuck in a German shepherd's body. Edward retreated into the house stealing one last look at me before he twisted away. Emmett turned to watch his retreating form and when he was out of earshot I was ready for the beast to be unleashed.

Emmett took one huge step forward and crushed me to his chest; enveloping me in his large frame. Oxygen apparently was not vitally important.

"Good God, woman, you gave me the motherfucking scare of my life," he breathed as I was having a lot of trouble finding air myself. My feet were dangling at least two good feet from the ground. He smelt good though -- maybe his hygiene had improved since Rosalie had arrived.

"Emmett, I need…to…breathe," I choked out. He released me, placing me back in front of him keeping his arms on my shoulders. His face spoke volumes; I saw the emotions swimming there on the surface. My reluctant heart wasn't just hurting me, but everyone around me by its silence. I could tell that I hurt him by my silence; by my lack of trust. I knew that I had to repair that damage somehow.

"I'm sorry, Em. I really am," I said as I cupped his cheek gently. I was trying so hard not to cry, but when you are faced with someone who has loved you and looked after you, knowing that you never trusted them enough with your deepest secrets…it was heart-wrenching. Of course, Emmett would never allow me to wallow in my own self pity. I think that was the entire apology he needed.

"Swan, there are two things that you need to know. One; if you ever do that again, I will shave all my body hair off and leave it in your bathroom for you to guess where it came from," I visibly shook from that statement. Emmett knew of my complete aversion to men's body hair. You just never know where the fuck it came from. "Second, you are cooking for the house for the rest of the week as a penance."

"Rosalie, still refusing to cook for you? " I said expectantly. Edward told me how whiny Emmett had become because no one was there to cook for him. I could only imagine how bad he got. Emmett's needs were basic -- food, water, porn, and shelter. Emmett just smirked…I had hit the mark but instead he decided to switch gears on me.

"Quite the quandary you have yourself in, little girl," he said with his trademark smirk. I knew that he must be talking about Tanya.

"Have you been reading the dictionary again, Emmett? I don't know if you are using that word correctly." I laughed as his smile reached all the way to his eyes.

"Just because you are always up to your ass in books, doesn't mean that you are the dictionary police. I will have you know I won the fucking spelling bee in like fifth grade or something like that," he laughed. Emmett was smart, he was also a smart ass and Alice and I were the only two people who ever called him on it. I spun past him to get into the house when his huge mitt connected with my backside making me jump.

"Ouch! Jeebus, Emmett, leave my ass out of this," I sneered playfully.

"You better get going little girl. That asshat teammate of yours has been dragging your name through the mud since you've been gone," he hooted evilly. I think Emmett knew that I was finally going to go after the bitch. She did have it coming.

"Fuck me. Does everyone know?" I asked as I twirled around to face him again. Athletic departments were like high schools when it came to gossip. Everyone was up in your business life some crazy large dysfunctional family. I was sure that this gave everyone a good time at my expense.

"Oh, hell yes, everyone knows. Just so you know, everyone has you at about four to one odds that you are going to beat that harlot back into submission. The odds would be more in your favor if she hadn't slept with half of my team," he guffawed as his eyes filled with mirth. I would be surprised to see his same eyes today at my practice.

"Great, I guess today's practice is going to be more interesting than I thought," I laughed. It was absurd -- the stands were going to be full of people waiting to catch of glimpse of the carnage. I had a much different approach. "Don't bother coming to practice, there will be nothing going down, no bloodshed. I am going to give her what she wants," I continued coolly.

"Swan, I am a little afraid for that little girl. Just tell me when to be there, and I will," he stated as he eyed my suspiciously trying to figure out what I had in store.

"You are coming to the exhibition game, right?" I asked deviously.

He shook his head and laughed at me. Emmett knew that whatever revenge I had planned was going to be good. It wasn't until this morning that I found out that Alice had told Edward to get me to agree to the plan. I should have known that Edward had consulted Little Miss Revenge herself; I truly think evil might be her middle name.

"I will be there," Emmett replied as I journeyed upstairs to grab my cleats before heading to the field house. I was really exhilarated to be going to practice -- it was a little scary.

As I went about gathering up my things, my conversation with Edward filtered back into my consciousness. He had been my sounding board on what to do and although I was reluctant to let go of my first choice, beating that bitch's ass, I had to agree to his approach. Little did I know it was Alice's idea.

"_How good is she at your position?" Edward asked. By his tone I noticed that he wanted me to answer this question honestly; not like a woman scorned. It was hard to admit the girl was a pretty decent soccer player when all I wanted to do was pulled her nasty strawberry blonde hair from her head in chunks._

"_She is okay at it, but she seriously lacks the self-control to by able to handle it. She wants the limelight too much to stay in position and do what is expected of her. That is why she has never had one of the better positions. She's a center midfielder, placed there because it is where we can use her and not worry about her fucking everything up." I answered truthfully in a huff._

"_What do you play again? Sorry, soccer is a little foreign to me," he responded. I had to get back out my soccer field diagram I had drawn on a cocktail napkin so I could show him again._

"_I am the offensive midfielder, or the attacking midfielder. I try to control our offensive pushes and I score maybe ten or so goals a year," I stated for the tenth time. He was deep in thought; he was adamantly against my plans to just pummel the bitch which I thought was a great fucking idea._

"_Let her have it."_

_WHAT. THE. FUCK. Did I lose my hearing?_

"_Um…fuck no," I said raising my brows to question his sanity for even thinking I was going to give in. Oh, hell no._

"_Bella, listen. Let her have it and fall on her ass. Make a fool out of her. She'll have no one to blame but herself. You don't even have to touch a hair on her little head."_

_THAT'S NO FUN! Ugh._

"_Edward, I am not willing to put MY team through this bullshit because Tanya-motherfucking-Denali is throwing a goddamned fit about me being gone," I replied irritably. I really just want to pummel her._

_Edward put up his hands and quickly kissed me passionately. My resolve diminished quickly…and maybe my brain oozed from my ears._

"_You have an exhibition coming up this weekend, right?" he asked as he broke our kiss._

"_Yes," I responded still dizzy from the kiss. He definitely knew what effect he had on me._

"_Doesn't matter, right?"_

"_Well, I wouldn't say it doesn't matter, it goes on our record, but it doesn't really mean anything to the season and standings."_

_I raised his eyebrow at me again trying to make me see that this was a good idea. It wasn't -- I hated to lose. But, putting Tanya in my position against the US Women's National Team didn't sound so bad._

_It could be epic._

~ *** ~

"Swan, get in here!"

Coach's bellowing voice met me as I walked across the threshold at the entrance to the locker rooms. He usually didn't have his office open but I concluded that he wanted to talk to me before I saw any of the girls. Tanya was one manipulative shrew and I knew that my one day absence, yes, it was only one fucking day, had caused a definite stir.

I loved Coach Hobbs. I really did. He was one of the reasons that I decided to come to the University of Washington versus any of the other competitive soccer programs in the nation. And of course, there was being close to Charlie. He had been an assistant of the women's national team and wanted to have a more stationary job after his wife became pregnant with their first child. He was innovative and intelligent, a coach that knew how to push you without ever having to raise his voice. He brought this program to the national stage and we were always ranked in the top twenty-five in both the coach's poll and the AP poll. He has told me a million times that this was our year to go all the way. That was why what I was going to do was so incredibly fucking difficult. I wanted my team to be going full speed ahead, not stopping for the insane ramblings of Tanya. But, if the ends justify the means then so be it.

Little did dear old coach know that I was going to play right into his hands. I was going to agree with him. I was going to play along. I was going to make him rue the day that he listened to a single poisonous word that came from that woman's mouth. I would, at the end of the day on Friday, look like the messiah. Well, that was what I had hoped. Sometimes my plans did not always go according to plan…there was no room for error on this one.

"What's up, Coach?"

"Shut the door," he said as he gestured towards the door.

I went to the couch opposite his desk and watched as he moved aside some clutter on his desk. He was mentally preparing himself to talk to me. He knew that I was passionate about soccer to the point of almost being fanatical; he was preparing himself for explosion of Mount Bella.

"I have been doing some thinking over the weekend," he huffed as he ran his hands through the scruff that had accumulate on his face.

_That dirty, dirty floozy was in your ear yesterday Coach, don't lie…_

"And I was thinking about maybe trying something different…"

_Just spit it out Hobbs, let's make a deal…_

"I was thinking about changing up some positions on the team to try to maximize our scoring potential, and I was wondering what your opinion, well…um, your openness to trying something new?" he finished in a rush.

_Man, he looked scared…_

His eyes met mine warily and I had to try very hard to not smirk and looked like the smug little asshole I felt like. I shook those feelings from my mind and focused on talking to coach. Eye on the prize.

"Whatever you think is right for the team," I deadpanned hoping to have an effect on him. I was essentially crawling up his ass for some serious brownie points and didn't really care what I had to do to make that bitch pay. This was about vengeance and proving once and for all, that Tanya was not a team player. That everything that came from her mouth was for her benefit only. I was sick of her putting herself before every one else on the squad. Sick of the games. I was ready for it to be done. They needed to see that her talk was not worth the price that we would all have to pay.

"Really? Hell, Swan, I expected a different answer from you completely," he sighed like a massive weight had been lifted from his mind.

_Was I really that bad? Huh_.

"I am thinking about moving some people around in the forward and midfield positions. I want to see how you do at striker and I want to move Angela to the other side to see if we can generate more goals…"

_Blah, blah, blah…get to the good stuff…Angela and I are good…actually we are better than good…_

"And I was thinking of having Tanya move into your position," he cringed as he got out the last piece of information.

Coach knew that Tanya and I didn't get along. There had been several occasions at practice where I was sure that he was going to have to pull me off the bitch when I went postal, but in three years it never happened. I was the fucking Mother Teresa of restraint. She was a year younger than I was and had been a thorn in my side ever since her nasty strawberry blonde hair bounced its way onto the field. I was recruited to take over a graduating senior's spot and when she came at the beginning of my sophomore year, she believed that attacking midfielder was her position. Like I was just going to roll over and play dead and let her have it. She battled for it in vain every year, because any smart coach wouldn't move their All-American midfielder for fun. I took much delight in her reaction every time coach told her that she wasn't going to get it.

"Is this to try at the exhibition this weekend?" I questioned laying the seed for the plan.

"That was what I was hoping for. Are you up for the challenge, Sawn?" he smirked.

"I am willing to do what you think is best for the team, you know that. But, if all doesn't go to plan, are we back to normal?" I questioned giving him my most supportive voice willing him to give me peace that I was not giving it all up without a fight. Because I would fucking fight to the death.

"This is temporary unless it proves to be a good decision for the team," he replied and I got the sense that he wanted Tanya to fail in this endeavor as much as I did. Maybe he thought this would get the bitch off his back for the year.

"Good. Sounds good," I replied distractedly as my mind shifted to the look on Tanya's face when coach would come into the locker room to tell her that she would be playing my position. I had to steel my mind for the eventual smug, all together bitchy smile that would spread across her face. She would most likely think that I fought him tooth and nail about it, but in reality I gave him what he wanted. She would like nothing better to sour my relationship with coach, to weasel her way in so that she would have more power. No dice Miss Denali -- you are not going to get the better on this smart gal.

"Bella?"

"Oh, sorry, coach. I was distracted for a second," I replied as my trip to la-la land was longer than I thought.

"Good to have you back. It isn't the same without you. Tell the girls to be dressed and ready in ten minutes. We'll have a chalk talk and then head out onto the field," he stated as he started to go about his business.

"See you in there coach," I replied and turned toward the doors to the locker room.

_Oh, come out, come out, wherever you are my dear Tanya._

_Bella wants to play._

~ *** ~

"Holy, H E double hockey sticks that smells good!" Emmett yelled from just inside the front door. I had peeked my head around the door to see who had come in hoping it was Edward.

Just fucking Emmett. I never thought I would be so happy just for that asshole. God, I loved him. He was just like the one thing you always needed; like a number two and a coke at McDonald's after a long night of drinking your face off.

"Oh, sweet Lord, tell me you are making enchiladas?" he yelled again from the entrance to the house.

I shook my head as my body started to shake with laughter. That was what I had missed. Just being there at the house with my friends that I adored and with the man that I loved --

_Holy hell did I just think that?_

_Good God…I have it bad._

"Just for you, sweet cakes," I replied as I started to mash the avocadoes for some homemade guacamole. I was looking for some brownie points with my roommates, although some part of me believed that I was right to assume that they had simply looked past my needs. Emmett and Alice were so wrapped up in happy goddamned couple's land that they completely forgot about me. Maybe I was so used to all the attention for my epically fucked life. Who knew, honestly? I had no clue at this point, but I was willing to forget it and move along with my life. That change in my mental outlook on life had a lot to do with Edward. He strangely had this control over me that made me want to forget the petty business and move on with my life.

The Tanya situation was definitely not petty…for clarification's sake.

I think that Emmett must have run to the kitchen because before I could think of some other snarky remark he was in the kitchen breathing down my back. Personal space was apparently not in his vocabulary today. I should make the mother lover read the dictionary.

"That's my girl. You know you would be the perfect woman for me if when I thought of getting nasty with you I didn't think of my own mother," he laughed as he went to take a big finger swipe out of my guacamole. I moved quickly to elbow him out of the way before he got his massive finger in my dip.

"For heaven's sake, Emmett, I have no clue where those fingers have been…but I have some ideas. Keep your little piggies out of my dip." I chuckled as Emmett got the biggest shit eating grin on his face. I waved my spoon at him like my grandmother had done to me so many times before when I was younger. Smacking him with it almost seemed cathartic. Realization hit me like a speeding truck when I thought of the words that I had just used.

_Oh, shit, I opened the door on this one…_

"What man wouldn't want to dip his fingers into something so wet…warm…tasty…um," he replied in his fake lusty voice. "Oh, I forgot…something so moist."

I cringed. That word was my kryptonite; my nails on the chalkboard. Moist may have been my least favorite word in whole entire world, and Emmett knew it. It could be anything; cakes, the air, or the back of his shirt…everything was fucking moist. _Ugh. _I looked at the guacamole wondering if I would even be able to eat it without thinking it was…moist.

"God, Emmett, I feel like I need to take a shower and then wash your hands with bleach. Knock that shit the fuck out. Please," I bellowed as I turned up the oven for the enchiladas.

He made his way over to the table and I hear the distinct rattle of the front door. I went around the corner again to see both Rosalie and Alice walking into the house. I kept my eyes on them for a few moments longer to see if there was anyone behind them, but there was no one. _Damn. _I think I might have even huffed…just no one witnessed it. I was going crazy not seeing him but I didn't want to seem like some crazy stalker bitch that he had to check in on every few minutes. I was a confident woman…okay, I'll cut the crap. Where in Jeebus' name was he?

Edward Watch was still in effect.

I went back into the kitchen where I saw Emmett reading up on something in the student newspaper. It was the fall sports preview and Emmett and I had both been interviewed, being the respective captains for both of our teams. We had some really talented freshman and a new transfer, our new keeper, Nessie, making us contenders for both the conference championship as well as making it deep into playoffs. I think I may have mentioned every one in the article but Tanya.

_Bitch. _Consequentially, I wondered for a split second if maybe I was the bitch in this situation?

_Nope. _Plan still in effect.

It seemed like ever since practice today I couldn't get her out of my mind. And I had better flipping things to think of too, pray a little bronze haired god who was absent from the players in the house currently. Practice went just like I thought it would, and nothing out of the ordinary happened that I didn't already expect. One thing was for sure; every set of eyes was on me when the coach discussed moving positions. It was fucking creepy because I knew that everyone expected me to make a big spectacle of the whole thing but I was not going to give anyone the satisfaction. I had to play this one cool and I did, although Tanya was way to overly fucking vocal about everything. I think I almost drew blood when I thought of the times that I had to keep my cool and I took it out on the insides of my hands. I had my hands in white-knuckled fists for almost the entire practice.

My only freedom from strife was in the other seniors on the team. We were as tight as it got as teammates go, and they all tried to give me an earful of what they thought on the situation. Angela was probably the most understanding and I let her in on the whole business of what I had concocted. To say she was game would be an understatement. She damn near tackled me with delight when I told her, which is nothing short of miraculous for Angela. The girl was like a cucumber; always cool, always collected. Except when you crossed her. If she and Alice were in a death match I think it would probably end in a draw.

She was more than pissed that she was being bumped from her position because she was a damn good striker, even if it was by me, and she was just as ready as I was to see the end of Tanya's constant griping. In coach's new scheme, she would be playing the center forward position which was not that much different from striker. I promised her my first born child that I would have the game of a lifetime and make her looking really fucking good for playing along.

Rounding out my support system was Emily and Leah who were the 'bitchtastic twins' because they could quite possibly be the two most ferocious soccer players out there. Leah was the sweeper and Emily was one of the center fullbacks and between the two of them, and combined with Nessie as our goal keeper, we had one of the top-ranked defenses in the nation. They were never off their game and even in practices they were always on, taking no prisoners. Leah slide-tackled a girl in practice once damn near breaking the girl's leg and laughed when she started crying. I was always thankful that she was on my team. I did, however, get her a shirt that read, 'there's no crying in soccer,' for her birthday last year. Sometimes I had to remind the two of them to turn it down a notch on the freshman so they wouldn't scare them away, and because I had better things to do then talk freshman off the ledge.

Between the four of us, making Tanya look like a fool would be easy against a sub par team, but we were going to do this against the national team. We all had a lot to lose if it didn't go to plan. We were all seniors at the end of our collegiate careers and the national team was really the end all for us. There were really no professional teams, no major contracts; this was it for us. The sweat had beaded up on my forehead as I thought that this could possibly be the worst plan in history. Not just for me, but for my teammates.

But, I had an insurance policy.

_Alice._

Never had she been wrong about these things. No one bet against Alice. That was good enough for me.

"Bellie, your home!"

Alice wrapped her frame around my back and I thought that this was so familiar, like I was the wife and Alice and Emmett both came home from work to find me slaving away in the kitchen. A modern version of Norman Rockwell I supposed.

Rosalie appeared in the doorway and gave me a nod as she moved around to sit next to Emmett at the table. I think Rosalie was a big proponent of 'if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.' Not that I thought that she still didn't like me, but I did just pull a crazy little stunt over the weekend. I wasn't about to push my luck.

"Okay, Bells, let us have it," Alice shouted from the refrigerator as she was grabbing a Coke.

"Okay, no to that," I said gesturing to the caffeine riddled beverage in her hand. "And what exactly am I going to let you have?"

Alice put back the pop and grabbed a bottle of water instead. Last thing I needed was for her to be spastic when we were having a serious conversation.

"First, we want New York, since Eddie boy isn't here, and then we want the scoop on practice," Alice cheered as she sat back in her seat ready for me to launch into my story. I couldn't help but notice she used the word 'we' but Rosalie and Emmett seemed lost in their own world.

I launched into my story about New York and what I was doing there, the house, the estate, the boatloads of money I had, and so on and so forth. Alice's face turned into a smug looking glare as I finished up with my tale of New York. What was up her ass?"That's all great in all, but I wanted to know about what happened with Edward? I need the details!" she shouted as Emmett and Rosalie looked at her like she was crazy. She was, even though she didn't know it.

"Um…no," I said and turned my back on the three of them. Like I was going to talk about Edward. Crazy little weirdo…I was not going to spill my beans. I wondered if Rosalie had a chance to talk to her brother about everything.

"Oh no, missy. Details. Give me details," she hollered as she started to almost bounce right off her chair. She had her trademark little smirk on her face…I was not going to give in. I wish that the kid came with an ownership manual so I knew how to turn her down. I ignored her, not a good idea, and checked on the enchiladas in the oven for something to do. I had them down to a science but I needed a diversion from Alice. She was relentless and would most likely pester me until I gave up. I wanted to keep it between Edward and I because, seriously, there was going to be enough shared between everyone in this house. Hard to keep secrets when you sleep a mere fifteen feet away. Thank God I soundproofed this house…

"Swan, I am starving here! Look at me, kid, I am wasting away. Feed me," Emmett begged and again I looked at the table and saw two very earnest faces staring back at me.

"Okay, I have two things to say to y'all before I feed you. One, Emmett, I will feed you," I said and saw his eyes grow large with appreciation. "But only if you promise to let me off the hook. And, yes, I made you cookies," I finished addressing Emmett. Emmett was really a simple creature. I could have really sealed the deal if I bought him some new porn. I just didn't have time.

"Deal, woman. Now feed me!" he yelled like a fourth grader. I saw Rosalie's hand connect with the back of his head in annoyance, but I saw the smirk on her face that made me think that she found this endearing. That was a scary thought.

"Alice, I am not going to kiss and tell. If you want to ask Edward, be my guest," I said with a sweet not-so-genuine smile.

I damn near dropped a whole pan of enchiladas on the floor…

"What did you want to ask me, Alice?" the sweet velvet voice said from just behind me. I swear the boy needed a bell.

"Oh, Edward my dear, your little Bella here is denying my right as her best girlfriend!" Alice huffed as she was staring daggers at my head. God, she was a noisy little demented pixie. I should probably just tell her since her finding out through her Sherlock Holmes-ish ways would almost certainly be more painful in the end. Everyone's business was Alice's business.

"Alice, this girl doesn't kiss and tell either. Sorry to disappoint," he said as his eyes moved to me as I stood transfixed in my current position. At least I had the sense of mind to put down the pan of enchiladas, because Emmett would have in all probability licked the floor if it had slipped. I knew that he was breathtaking, but in all honesty, memories and mental flashes had nothing on him in the flesh. My heart beat faster in anticipation, the air charged between us. He gave me a quick wink that made my heart miss a few beats and then took off fluttering like I would combust on the spot. Everything was starting to fall back into place -- the puzzle slowly taking shape.

We were interrupted by Jasper Whitlock himself coming into the room, slapping Edward on the back in the form of some sort of male ritual or greeting, which one it was I did not know.

I knew that Edward was off with Jasper trying to make it right between them. They had lost so much time together because of fear and misunderstanding and I knew that Edward was anxious about it when he was in New York. Jasper had been one of his closest friends in college, but family trumped him. It was Jasper's cousin that was bumping uglies with Heidi. It had killed Jasper to not be able to tell him. Jasper had vowed to him that he would never let anything like that happen to him again. That is where the whole Jacob sleeping in my bed situation came into play. He thought out of some sort of demented pact with Edward that he felt it was right to tell him about anything and everything that I was doing. Jasper was so bent on proving his loyalty that he was making mountains out of molehills. Seed planted; and we all knew what happened afterwards.

Edward had been in contact with Jasper occasionally through the past two years, always wanting more but never allowing himself to ask for it. Edward knew the spot that Jasper was in and wanted somehow to move past it and start anew and the Alice situation was the perfect solution to them reconnecting. I hoped that the situation with Jacob would not hurt their friendship. I could see how much he needed it.

We ate, laughed, I may have snorted once or twice, and I just fucking basked in the moment of being back with my family. There was nothing like it.

Jasper was looking at me oddly at the table and I wondered if he wanted to maybe apologize or something. He seemed slightly ill at ease with me and I observably knew why. Hopefully he would cross that bridge when he was ready.

~ *** ~

**_Ding dong_**

Who do I know that would ring the doorbell? Most of the peeps that I knew would just walk right in and yell for someone. This was not exactly the house of manners. I was just finishing up with putting away the leftovers and watched as no one made a move for the door.

_Food comas._

I shrugged it off and made my way to the door, opening it without giving a glance through the sidelight.

I was met with two of the most piercing blue eyes I had ever seen…eyes I could never forget.

A face I could never disregard. A face that haunted me into my darkest dreams.

Why was James on my doorstep? And why was the room suddenly spinning and going dark?

_**A/N: I want to thank everyone who is reading this story for staying with me and it will be fun and mostly angst-free from here on out.**_

_**Oh…but there will be drama! Just wait, you'll see.**_

_**Also, if any has some good recs out there for stories I would love them. I am going on vacation and I need some good reading material. I hope to get you another chapter before my vacation. I am sure no one would want to hear my drunken ramblings from vacation so I will be writing before then.**_

_**Please review!!**_

_**MUTT**_


	18. Bad Romance

**A Kick in the Balls**

_**A/N: People…I am so sorry about the late post. I am currently on vacation and did not have time to post until now. My son is crazy!**_

_**Warning…this chapter has angst and lemons…consider yourself warned. It has an explanation of a graphic and horrendous sex act…you are warned again.**_

_**Mature audiences only…again, warned.**_

_**Thanks to vampiremama, my beta extraordinaire, for getting this back to perfection in the bottom of the nine inning. She really does not know how much I heart her.**_

_**Thanks to born2speakmirth and shabbyapple, for all the work they do to make the Twilighted universe perfect, and all the work they do for me and the rest of the crazy people who share what is floating in our brains.**_

_**Hope you enjoy!**_

_**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**_

**Chapter 17– Bad Romance**

**BPOV**

It was like a thick and heavy blanket pushing the air from my lungs…suffocating me as my heart sputtered, nearly stopping completely. The instant that my eyes looked into his steely blue gaze, I knew that staying vertical was definitely not in the cards for me that day. Too much angst is hard on a gal.

God must have pushed the fade to black button on my life's camcorder because the shadows crept from the edges of my vision until I saw nothing but darkness.

~ *** ~

The voices were becoming stronger, but still sounded strange to my ears as if cotton was shoved into them. I felt as though I was just a spectator in my life. A freaking blind spectator that is.

"Bella. Come on, Bella!" a male said. I could feel his breath on my face. Hints of mint and nicotine flowed over my face in quick successions.

"If you don't fucking let her go this second, I will rip your arms from your body."

"Emmett, what the hell is the matter with you!"

That was Rosalie. _Maybe_. At least I thought it was. The fog still had not lifted and consciousness was not coming quickly enough. It was like I was trapped in my own body unable to break free. Someone was holding me. I didn't know who, but I surely didn't want to open my eyes, because I knew for sure that it wasn't Edward. I leaned my head further into the chest of the man that was holding me and with a tentative whiff I knew that _he_ was holding me. I felt a shiver run down my body…

Not a dream. Not a nightmare. _Reality. _Apparently what they say is true…reality sucks.

"You have a lot of fucking nerve showing up here!" Emmett yelled.

Holy hell -- that was Emmett's 'I am as pissed as all hell' voice. I was too chicken to try hard enough to get my eyes open, and I actually wasn't sure that I could. I felt that I was lying in the bottom of some black pool. I could see the light filtering through the dark water but I was not able to make a move towards it. I could feel the cold shadows clinging to my body, holding it at bay and keeping me in the darkness.

"For Christ's sake, Emmett, what should I have done? Let her drop on the floor?" James replied with no malice in his voice. He sounded concerned…_maybe_. There were many shades of his voice that I remember; this was not one that I had heard often. His proximity was doing strange things to my body, as if my subconscious was trying to force an issue. James and I had unfinished business, which was a nice way for me to say that I wanted to beat his ass still.

"Okay, can someone please fill me in on what is going on? You know each other?" a female's voice responded. I could not place her but I knew that it was definitely not either Rosalie or Alice. It was coming from behind me somewhere. Not that I actually knew where behind me was.

I really needed to try to wake up.

"Yes, we all know each other, but we don't have the time for explanation. _James_, will you lay her down on the couch?" Alice asked, growling when she used his name. He was kind of the-one-who-shall-not-be-named in our house. I felt her small hand run over my arm causing my hand to involuntarily twitch. Interesting that I could not move either. I tried numerous times to get my body to move and got nothing. It was reminding me too much of the day that I had my surgery and had to fight to gain consciousness…maybe that was something that was unique to me. It could explain why I had always that that my brain is in some odd way inherently different from everyone else's.

"What the hell happened? Is she okay?" Edward asked in a rush. I could taste him in the air, his heady scent calming me instantly. He must have not been here for the initial spectacle. That was good. I didn't exactly want him to witness each and every time my life turns into a spectator sport. I should've started selling tickets at the rate that I was going at.

I could feel his presence close to me making, me feel safe although I was still in the arms of a man who was the epitome of everything Edward was not. Kindness to cruelty. Love to hate. Reverence to detestation.

Edward to James.

I could feel the muscles beneath me flex and strain, the cool air moving as I was being carried toward the living room, or in that general direction. I was starting to ready myself to make a push to the surface knowing inevitably that he would release me soon and I would be safe. I used the word 'safe' loosely because there was a time that I was not safe from him. Those ominous thoughts momentarily sucked me further into the darkness but I knew that things were different now.

I was different now.

I wasn't the same naïve girl that he took advantage of. I knew of love and respect -- things that I was not granted under his reign over me. I knew no differently then believing that his version of love and lust were what was normal. I was too far gone, too brainwashed to hear the warnings of those who truly held my best interests at heart. I could only hear his voice on its own in my thoughts, only wanting to make him happy…willing to do anything to make that happen.

Well…_almost_. And that was the rub that brought it all to a head that one disastrous night.

His arms left me quickly and I heard a gasp from behind me.

"Get your fucking hands off of me!" James yelled.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Rosie?" I heard the woman shriek again.

The voices were being distant as I felt warm hands touch my face reverently, sweetly bring me close to the surface. I could hear someone or something thrashing around a short distance away. The loud noises reverberated around the room peaking my interest in exactly what was going down.

I hoped that Emmett was finally getting his wish…teaching his first-ever class of James's Beatdown 101.

"Get the fuck out of here!" I heard Emmett yell again.

"Emmett, get a hold of yourself! What the hell has gotten into you?" Rosalie bawled, the noise fading further away. I could tell by the tone of her voice that she was scared…Emmett was an impressive sight when he is angry. Waking the sleeping bear is one thing, getting the bear to calm down before he goes incredible hulk on something is entirely something else.

"Alright, everyone outside now!" I heard Alice scream and within seconds the room was silent, but for the breathing over me.

"Bella, baby, wake up. Please," Edward begged his voice thick with concern. It took everything I had to open my eyes, but as the light filtered in I saw his silhouette directly above me.

I struggled with everything I had until the fog lifted, and I was free from the dark waters.

"Hello, there, beautiful girl," Edward whispered, his face a mere few inches from mine. I wanted to kiss him…_hard_. In light of everything that had happened I want to revel in the fact that I had this man, this sweet, loving person, who gave me the courage I never thought I had.

It was in that moment that I slowly righted myself on the couch, cocked my head to the side and I looked at Edward, whose face looked pensive and partially shocked. I felt possessed by something that wanted me to quit cowering in the corners. To fight my own battles. To seek some revenge and redemption…

"Bella, are you okay?" I heard his voice, the words not registering. I still had not spoken a word, my thoughts too intent on doing what was on a repetitive loop in my mind. He was concerned, I could tell. I probably would have been too. I must have looked like some crazed zombie staring off into space, but I was too focused on the visual in my mind to care. I had to do it. Something deep in my soul needed me to.

Hopefully, Edward would not care, but it also meant that I would have to tell him…that was where the situation was going to get really sticky. Edward was going to hear about James since apparently it was 'sex partners on display time,' James hitting third in the batting order. James was my first…and almost my fucking last. I almost made the conscious decision that night to become a lesbian and be over with it. If it wasn't for the penis and my craving for it, it would have been a done deal.

_Seriously_…it was that bad. It also was the catalyst for my first and longest epically bad decision to go running. The one that I swore never to repeat.

I stood up glancing at Edward and giving his hand a strong squeeze and releasing it quickly. I made my move for the door, knowing that Edward would follow and would see what I was going to do and really not caring.

This was for me.

"Bella, what are you doing?" Edward asked his voice higher than normal.

I turned on my heel and looked at him.

"Something that I should have done a long time ago," I stated flatly, no color in my words.

I quickly opened the door to the scene in the front of my yard. James and his flaming red-haired lady friend were half way down the walk facing toward the house. Emmett and Alice were standing together, Alice's arm wrapped around his bicep. Jasper was off to the side of Alice, arms crossed in what seemed to be a defensive stance. Rosalie was standing in-between the groups her head moving back and forth between the group. Words were flying around but I was too fixed on my target to care.

All eyes fell upon me as I made my way down the stairs and the words ceased.

I made my way over to my friends, moving in front of Rosalie to impart on them a little taste of what I had in mind. The fear and concern was evident on their faces as I purposefully strode up to them, but in that moment those looks failed to move me from my mission. I truly was a woman possessed.

Emmett was shooting daggers at James over my shoulder and I put my hand to his face to get him to focus on me.

"I should leave my thumb out, right?" I asked knowing that Emmett needed only a few words to understand.

Emmett jerked his eyes to me suddenly after me words registered. Something akin to satisfaction came over his face and gave me a small nod. I gave a quick look to Alice who looked like a cat who had just swallowed a canary. That was all I needed to continue my craziness.

"Rose, we're going to get out of here. Call me later after you get this all sorted out," fire crotch said dismissively. I really shouldn't be repulsed by her, but anything that was willing to go around with James deserved nothing less from me. She had no clue the man she was with. I wondered darkly if she was a willing participant in his sick games. For one second I allowed myself to think that she was just as innocent as I was, my anger now pouring off me in heavy waves.

"No, wait. There is just one thing," I said as I turned and walked toward the pair. Rosalie flashed me a warning with her hard eyes…I would deal with her later. I marched up to them, a mere inches from him. At first I saw fear in his eyes; they grew increasingly suspicious as I approached. But, as I stood there in front of him I could tell that his mind was taking him on a trip down memory lane, a small conniving grin was pulling at his cheeks.

I was no threat to him…never fighting a battle for myself in my life. To him I was just someone that he had his fun with, a passing fancy in his games. It sickened me that I gave in to him allowing him to take my innocence when I thought that he was special…I loved him. It was nothing unique to him, although at the time he made it seem that it was. He was perfect in the beginning…every girls' fantasy of the man that they wanted to snag. It was like the universe revolved around him -- he was the man in the center of all the attention. He was the 'man of the campus' and he chose me. I couldn't believe it when he set his sights on me, that he could want me. He used my insecurities against me allowing him to trap in his web of lies. That he found this dreadfully plain girl sexy…I let him charm the pants off me, literally.

I was so blinded by the show that when the red flags started going up I was too mesmerized to even notice. At first I was hesitant to play along, but in the end…I trusted him. I should have never been so foolish, I should have been more guarded with the experiences of my childhood, but he just made me believe it. Everything he was selling…I bought hook, line, and sinker.

_Fucking asshole._

He was the reason why I whored myself around the campus…that was what I was good for. That was the level that he left me on. He reduced to a shadow of my former self…a person that I was ashamed of but couldn't escape. It truly was easier to believe the worst in my character than it was to believe the best.

_God…I needed this._

I gazed for one more moment into his eyes and found the confidence I needed in his cocky blue gaze. I turned slightly to my right…and swung my fist around with everything I had.

I watched as he bowed backward grabbing his face and stumbling backward onto his ass. I heard a scream from beside me, the red-haired harlot going to the ground to help him.

_God…that felt good._

I stood over him panting, the adrenaline coursing through my veins. The power I felt was a heady feeling, watching him clutch his eye in obvious pain. I felt powerful, victorious, like a phoenix rising from the ashes.

I felt whole. I felt vindicated.

"What the fuck is wrong with you people?" she yelled as her eyes met mine full of rage.

I thought that the bitch better stay the fuck there because I was sure that I still had a good left in me. Rosalie flew past me knocking me over slightly as she rushed to her 'friends.' I really needed to find out how she knew these two and if it was going to cause I huge problem in our household. I felt sick when I realized that Edward might know them too. Before that thought had a chance to blossom in my mind another more pressing issue happened.

_Pain. _A fuckload of it. _Motherfucker…it hurt._

I clutched my hand to my chest looking over the swelling knuckles…not good. Before I could say boo, Emmett was on one side of me and Edward on the other.

"Now is a good time to go, James," Emmett sneered, not really controlling his emotions really well. "You are not welcome here, but I am sure glad that you came today," he continued, a hint of humor on his words. I think that Emmett may have liked what I did a little more than I -- although Emmett had never been in an actual fight before. He was probably living vicariously through me.

"Can someone please tell me what the hell this is all about?" Rosalie asked imploringly. I could see in her eyes that she needed someone to make an admission. She was flying blind here; she could not make heads or tails of the situation in the dark. I could tell she was on edge as her eyes flashed between Emmett and her friend. For everything that Rosalie was to me, and coincidentally wasn't…I needed to put this straight for her sake. There was too much at stake if this ended poorly for her.

"James is an ex, Rosie," I huffed exasperatedly feeling the pain in my hand starting to intensify. She looked at me like I had to give her something better than that. "My first ex."

She continued to stare at me as she must have done the mental rundown of what I had told her at her eyes fixated on the ground. I saw the moment she knew what I was talking about, the comprehension making her eyes wide with shock. She also may have looked a little pissed, but I can never be sure with Rosalie. Her manicured brow lifted over her right eye slightly, a typical Rosalie move asking me to make sure that she had it right. I knew that she did. I nodded slowly, turning my head slightly to see Edward looking at my hand that I had clutched to my chest, which was starting to feel like I had put it in a raging fire. His brows were furrowed together, a look of pain on his face. I think that he felt my eyes upon him because he looked up into mine a second later. I was afraid of what I would see there, but my fears were never realized. His eyes were concerned and jaded…I didn't know what to think from his expression.

"Tori, I think it is best that you leave," Rosalie replied her voice flat.

"Rosie? What the hell?" she replied the shock evident in her voice.

"Tori, your friend is not welcome here and I have to agree. I am sorry, but I think that we should meet later…_alone_," Rosalie stressed as she pleaded with her friend. Tori nodded slowly, obviously knowing Rosalie well enough that she knew that it was best for her to just go. When Rosalie was not joking, she never minced words.

As my gaze shifted to James, I expected to see murder in his eyes but it was not there. Not even a hint of it. Neither were any of the other emotions I expected from a guy that just got punched by his scorned ex-girlfriend, if you could actually label me that. He looked…_remorseful_? Talk about your mind-fuck…that was unexpected. He was looking at that Tori girl, almost pleading with her to drop it. I was pretty sure then that Tori was not playing any of James's games. It looked to me that Tori was pretty high up on James's food chain, and that his relationship with her was important to him. The thought of him in a committed, loving relationship made the bile rise in my throat. It was disgusting considering in the context that I knew him. Guys like James don't change…you could never convince me that it was even fathomable.

But, she, and whatever the fuck their relationship was, was not my problem. And I had just about enough drama and upheaval in one day. I felt a sick feeling on déjà vu wash over me…wasn't I just saying that a few days ago? _Huh_…the vicious cycle continues.

I turned quickly leaving the scene in front of me, letting it play out without me…I needed some fucking ice STAT. I rushed into the house and straight to the kitchen, pulling out the freezer door to get one of the ice packs. I thought better of it and decided to grab a bowl and fill it with ice and water so that I could submerge my whole hand. I was just about to put my throbbing limb in it when Edward's voice startled me.

"Let me take a look at it," he asked, his voice seeming off. There was nothing in it, as if it was dead. I walked over to him slowly trying to gauge his face, his eyes giving me nothing. I placed my hand in his tentatively, but his hands were so gentle that I had nothing to fear. He flipped it over in his hand a few times, pressing in on my wrist. It was a little bit of a turn-on to see him play doctor, although I had the same amount of medical training he did at this point.

"I don't think you broke anything. Do you want me to call my dad?"

Oh hell no. _Yes, Edward, call your Dad. Tell him that I punched that asshole James in the face and that I may have broken my hand. Make sure he calls my coach and tell him too. I bet that he would really like that I was dating his son then. Geez, not a good idea._

"Um…no. That would not be a good idea. He's a school physician, he would have to report it," I whispered hoping to not make Edward angry. I had no clue what was going on with him. To say that I was scared was an understatement. The longer I stood there the more I realized that my moment could have cost me something more important.

He nodded slowly and then let out a huff of air. "Let's go upstairs."

He grabbed the bowl of ice and started to move towards the stairs, his lifeless feet moving slowly in front of me. I was freaking out. Something was wrong, like seriously life changing wrong. I was starting to feel queasy…maybe the passing out, punchfest, and maybe broken hand were a bit much for me. Add a pissed off and unheard of quiet Edward to the mix and I was spinning.

He pushed my door open and moved to the bathroom. I stood in the middle of my room in shock…no clue what to do. He came back out with a towel and walked to the bed placing the towel down and the bowl on top of it.

"Come here," he stated calmly. I went to him in an instant not wanting to rock the boat any further. Maybe I had pushed it too far…maybe the constant deluge of my problems was a bit much. Maybe it was too much. A charity case that was too much to take on as Rosalie's words from a few weeks ago sprouted back into my mind.

I sat down next to him on the bed sinking my hand into the frigid water loving every second of it. It was nothing compared to the shooting pain of the ice baths that I had taken for physical therapy and the cold was extinguishing the fire in my hand. I could now focus my attention to Edward.

"I suppose you want to know what that was about?" I asked hesitantly knowing that the question would be just around the corner anyway.

"An ex?" he huffed.

"Yeah, he was my first boyfriend…it didn't end well," I whispered.

"You don't have to tell me," he responded his voice pained.

I took a deep breath…Edward needed to know this. This was a part of me, a part of the reason why I act the way I do towards relationships.

"No, it's okay," I started having troubled finding my voice. This was not a story that I told often, only a chosen few knew about what happened. "We started dating around Christmas time, before school let out my freshman year. He was so sweet and nice to me; I thought that he really loved me and he did a ridiculously good job of making me believe him. I was so naïve…I just didn't want to believe what people said about him. I thought that I was different, that he was different with me. Like I was special."

This was going to be harder than I thought, each word bringing back memories that I have spent years trying to rid myself of. To be truthful, he was really good to me in the beginning, charming, charismatic, thoughtful, and kind -- all the qualities that you would want to have. And then there was the attraction, almost animalistic. I wanted him so bad and he made me feel things that I had never felt before. It was an amazing, empowering feeling…but it left you with nothing when it was taken away.

"He was my first," I stumbled on those words, "but I was definitely not his. I thought that everything was perfect and I was so happy. Then he started asking things of me, wanting to do things that I was not _comfortable_ with," my recollection sparking irritation in my mind. I could not believe the things that he wanted me to love in the name of some sort of injudicious love.

I couldn't look Edward in the eye. I couldn't. I was too afraid of what I would see there. I stared at his hands, his knuckles white as his fists clenched.

"I did what he wanted with a lot of coaxing for him. He said that if I loved him I would do it. I believed him."

I blinked back the tears. I was not going to cry again over this. The idea of crying over what had happened flipped the switch in my mind and I was livid. I was so angry…

"It was the week before spring break and there were all these parties going on. James and his roommates were having this huge party at his house and…he wanted to go it his room so that we could have sex. It wasn't a strange request, so I just went."

I felt myself clenched my fist involuntarily and it stopped me in my tracks for a second. I willed myself to calm down some more and continued. My fury simmering in the background.

"We were on his bed when he asked me to go on top…and, um…God. Fuck, I am just going to say this. A few of his buddies from high school were hiding in the closet and one yelled 'pole' and they came storming out into the room. It was some game called 'rodeo.' James had to hold me in place for eight seconds," my voice sounded so angry in my ears.

"I finally got away from him and started screaming at him. His friends were just laughing at me, joking with him for losing. I just stood there staring at him as he started to put his clothes back on. I couldn't move. He went to touch me and I cringed. He laughed…_he laughed_. Told me to leave. And just…left. It took me so long to just move and put back on my clothes. I just sat in there trying to reason…trying to understand. I don't know how long I was in there but he came back in…with another girl. He told me I was pathetic and he was done with me." My voice shook as I got those last words out.

I took the chance to look into Edward's eyes for a brief moment and when I did my heart shattered into a million pieces. He looked destroyed…he looked how I felt. His eyes were like glass, but the emotion was strong there. My tears spilt over my lids. He grabbed the bowl of water, moving it to the floor. My hand was numb; not feeling it was a relief.

"Bella…" he started, I felt the pity in his voice and it made the rage inside of me burn me from the inside out.

"No, no, no!" I shouted. I didn't want to hear it. I didn't want him to have to coddle me again, to comfort my in my pain…I was finished with it. "I won't have you looking at me like that! I get it…I get it, I am fucking broken. Some motherfucking charity case…I just can't stand it anymore. I am so sick and tired of being broken, of my messes coming back to haunt me at every turn," I spat out. He slowly started to come towards me and I eyed the door wanting to run.

I wanted to fucking run…I turned back to see Edward looking at me with a concerned and pensive face, wondering probably what dimension of hell I was currently living in. He had his hands up in a position to try to calm me, to make he see that he was here for me, but fuck; it just made me more enraged.

"Is this what you want?" I screamed. It was a question that I had been asking myself since he showed up on my doorstep in my hotel in New York. How could he possibly want this? The constant drama, upheaval…it was almost too much for me to take, let alone a man who barely knew me. To him my life must seem like a constant inundation of secrets and spectacles, making me seem like a fucked up version of myself.

"Do you want to have to clean up after all my messes? To constantly be picking up the pieces after me? I can't stand this…don't look at me that way!" I screamed as his face morphed into a face of fear and sympathy. I couldn't stand him looking at me like that.

"Bella, will you just stop for a moment," he breathed frustrated with my behavior like I was some errant child throwing a temper tantrum.

"No, I will not. Can't you see what this is doing to us? Sometimes I think that you wouldn't even be here if you didn't worry about me falling to pieces," I seethed.

"Just wait a fucking second, Bella," he demanded, a shot of fear going up my spine. My fury shifted, a feeling of remorse starting creeping into my body. "Is that what you really believe? That I am just here because I pity you?" he sneered. I could tell that I hit a nerve.

I turned my back to him, not wanting him to see me teetering on the edge of crying again. I was so weak…it was pathetic.

"Look at me," he fumed, his voice shaking with anger. I turned to look at him. "Do you want to even know what is going on in my head, or are you just going to believe the lies that you have concocted to make sense of this?"

I crossed my arms in front of me, staring at him blankly.

"For Pete's sake, Bella, I want to fucking hunt down James and murder him. I can't stand what he did to you…it just makes…makes me crazy," he raged as his hands tore through his hair, his frustration evident. "If I had known this before, I would have killed him…that is what is going through my mind right now. I have never felt that much rage before…_never_."

Holy shit…never? My mind thought of his past, his pain…never? My face must have registered my internal debate, because Edward answered my unspoken question.

"Never, Bella. Not even after what happened with Heidi. I don't know what to do with it…I have never felt like this before. This is what you do to me…you make me do things that I thought I wasn't capable of. You make me feel things…" he trailed off, his face wistful.

_Holy mother of all things holy and unholy…_

It was like a tornado whipped into the room sucking out all the air, the anger, the resentment…it was gone. His face was down looking at the floor…his admission making me crazy for him.

I walked to him slowly not to startle him, but my breaths were coming in and out so sharply I was sure he knew of my approach. I stopped just in front of him, the heat of his body coming off in waves. He was still angry with me, but I needed to show him how he made me feel.

I needed to show him.

I grabbed his hand, walking as across the floor into my bathroom. I pushed to door open with my elbow, keeping my numb hand from any more contact. I left him in the middle of the room, walking over and locking the door going into Alice's room. I turned to look to see him watching me, his eyes dark, as I slid past him to lock the door behind him. My heart started to pound in my chest and I moved past him again, turning on the shower.

The weight of his eyes on me, my body tensing as if I could feel them moving over me. I tested the water with my hand, a cool edge to it, something to calm our overheated bodies. I wanted this…the contact, the embrace, sharing our feeling with each other. Our words were too hard for us to speak anymore.

I turned to look at him…his eyes were liquid fire, burning my core, turning my temperature up. He stalked toward me in two purposeful steps, his hands grasping my face as our mouths collided. This was not a loving embrace, or two lovers sharing in an intimate moment.

It was two distraught people trying to let each other know without words. I found myself up against the shower wall, the cool brick against my hot skin. Our tongues found each other, tasting savoring the heat of the moment. His teeth sunk into my lower lip, a moan to large to stifle escaping my lips. It was in an instant that I was ready for him…to take him any way he wanted.

I pushed him back, separating us as my hands went to remove my shirt. My eyes followed my hands, watching intently as I brought my shirt over my head. He was glorious…panting in need. I made quick work of my bra, letting in fall into my shirt on the floor. His eyes raked over me, a small wily smile crept across his face as he moved to me quickly. His hands were under my ass, lifting me up as he connected out bodies. His hot mouth found my nipple, biting down on it roughly, and then teasing it with small flicks of his tongue. It was madness…the very best kind.

He switched his assault to the other side, my back arched to give him better access. I felt so needy, so wanton; I wanted this man in every way. His lips left my mouth and I let my legs slide down his torso. If it wasn't for the feeling of the shower spray, just behind me, I could have stayed in that position forever…but I wanted more.

I pushed him away again, avoiding my wrist completely and went to work on my shorts. His eyes were the darkest of jades as he watched my fingers slide to my hips, just under the fabric. The thought crossed my mind to just push down my shorts leaving my panties, but I thought better of it.

I wanted a wet Edward…now.

I pushed them down my legs hastily, hoping not to loose my nerve, watching as Edward's eyes almost went black. A heavy cocktail of want and nervousness rushed over me, as his eyes roamed over me, stopping briefly as he eyed my sex. My tongue swept over his lips…my heart hammering loudly in my ears. I was naked in front of Edward…my thighs squeezing involuntarily wanting some relief from the pressure that was building.

I clumsily felt for the entrance behind me, not able to break from his gaze as his eyes found me. I have never seen him look at me like that before, my wetness seeping from me. I found the entrance stepping backward into the shower, into the cool water and out of his gaze. The water fell hurriedly over my body, every inch of me feeling alive.

I was waiting.

I heard a faint clink on the floor as I closed my eyes, wetting my hair, letting the water dance over me. I stepped forward out of the spray and as I went to open my eyes, hands roughly clutched my hips bring me flush with his torso. A smile broke over my face as I looked at him…I could feel every inch of him.

His erection pressed into me, the sensation causing my eyes to close again, a jumble of words falling from my mouth. He silenced me with his mouth, our arms seeking every inch of skin we could find. My nails scratched against the panes of his flat stomach, his hands roaming down my sides. We stayed there for an eternity, just tasting, touching, and feeling the heat of each others' tough on our skin.

He broke out kiss and flipped me around, crashing me into his back…his hardness.

"I want to wash you," he whispered huskily in my ear, my heart rate spiking again.

Ever since his cockblocking me in the shower a few weeks ago, I had fantasized about him doing this very thing. Every time I was in that damn shower I almost needed to quickly relieve myself, my mind flooded with visions of what was happening in the present. It may have been one of the best decisions in the history of decisions to come in here with him.

His arms left me momentarily; I could hear the sounds of the lather forming in his hands. I was hot with anticipation, a small moan escaping my lips before he even touched me. His hands worked over my skin, as he massaged the soap all over my chest. With each sweep, my breaths would become irregular, his touch teasing. He slowly worked his hands lower, the anticipation of his touch causing me to wiggle against him.

"Does it feel good?" he voice in my ear again causing my stomach to flip, my eyes fluttering. He had no idea what he was doing to me.

His hands started to go lower, my clit ripe for the taking. He was teasing me…with each pass he would get closer to the Promised Land, but instead would guide his slippery hands over my ass. Not that I minded. My head lolled back on to his shoulder as his hands moved over my sex. A strangled "please" fell from my lips. My hips moved on their on accord, pushing back into his hard-on. He slowly slid his hand over girly parts, caressing the folds, finding my clit and teasing it.

Best day ever…

He continued his teasing, rubbing clitoris slowly as my hips started to work in tandem with his hand. His breath was hot against my neck, his tongue sweeping over me. He kissed and licked and sucked, bringing me closer to the edge…wanting to catapult my self over it. The release would be sweet.

"Oh, my god…so damn good," I panted as his fingers found my entrance. He dipped his finger in, his thumb keeping pressure on my swollen clit. He began pumping them, in and out, in and out, until my legs started to shake, the coil ready to snap.

I felt the speed and pressure increase, another finger added to the mix, his teeth taking purchase on my neck. His hips pressed into mine…I was too lost to think to do anything else. I was so very close to orgasm, the sounds of my pleasure echoing against the walls. His free hand found my hardened nipple, rolling it, pinching it as I neared my release. My heart felt like it was about to jump from my chest…my legs feeling weak as he increased the tempo.

"I want you to come, baby…I want to hear you scream my name," he said between kisses.

**That did it.**

It exploded from me, the pressure in my belly causing my whole body to spasm.

"Edward…oh…my…God!" I screamed, as his fingers continued to sweep over me letting me ride it out. I reached around me to find his face, my hand curving over his face, my mouth finding his. I was satiated…I was in heaven.

We continued to kiss like that, until his hardness caught my attention. I broke the kiss and turned to face him…

"Your turn."

_**A/N: Had to end it there…reviews will get me to write the second half of this chapter in record speed…unless Alice knocks on the door!!!**_

_**Mutt**_


	19. Higher Love

**A Kick in the Balls**

_**A/N: I am back…and just so everyone knows…**_

_**Without my beta vampire mama Edward would have a hairy penis, and everything would be perfectly perfect in this chapter. Betas are amazing people!**_

_**Thank you to my Twilighted betas shabbyapple and born2speakmirth for doing such great work!**_

_**Enjoy!**_

_**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**_

**Chapter 17– Higher Love**

EdPOV

"I want you to come, baby…I want to hear you scream my name." I breathed in her ear and I could feel her body start to shake. I captured her lips again, my mouth fighting her for dominance; wanting her to know that nothing was insignificant to me…she was the only significant thing in my life. I wanted her to feel that on the most carnal level.

Not school. Not my family. I almost felt _too_ into her, like she was the oxygen I needed to breathe. She was some sort of miracle drug willing me back into the person that I thought I would never be again. I felt alive again as she pushed back into me, her orgasm at the cusp. That part of me was stolen years ago, the same time her heart turned black. The night she single handedly took away my dreams.

It was different now. I had dreams; I had plans…so many of them now included her. It was too fast, too quick to be real -- but it was. I could feel it with every cell of my body. I wanted to be the man she needed, the man whose name would fall from her lips each time she found pleasure in my arms. The only man who could make her feel this good. I wanted to be the last man that ever had the fucking privilege of touching her this way.

I felt her knees awkwardly give from underneath, her legs a quivering mess. I had never felt so alive, feeling her orgasm wash over her, my hands not idle as the waves crashed. I wanted her to remember I could make her feel like this…and I secretly wanted her to know that I could do much better. This was just the tip of the iceberg, to say.

"Edward…oh…my…god!" she cried. As my hand started to still, my breathing was as labored as hers. She turned slowly in my arms swaying slightly as she resumed control of her body, and I may have gloated internally at the sight. Her face was burned by her blush, her skin making her look so vivacious, so alive as my eyes swept over her profile. Her hands reached for my face, allowing her thumb to glide over my lips. We brought our lips together at the same time as the water continued to pour over us. She arched her back slightly to turn to face me, and my hard-on pressed firmly into her. My breath caught as I felt every muscle in my torso contract almost painfully wanting to seek relief.

I wasn't selfish…but it went without saying that I had needs as well, which also meant that I was open to anything she had to offer.

Her lips faltered against mine as she pressed back into me again…she had no idea what she was doing to me, the control she had over my body. She had completely bewitched me…and she didn't even know it. Our kiss was broken and she turned to face me completely. The release in contact caused my body to involuntarily shiver. Her lip was already firmly between her teeth as her eyes sought mine. She looked amazing…more beautiful than I had ever seen her, and I thought delicious thoughts about how I wanted her to look this beautiful for me all the time. Satiated and beautiful, and all my doing.

"Your turn," she said in a voice that I had never heard before. It was thick with lust, but had a hint of command to it. Every part of me wanted her to give me the sweet pleasure, the other more priestly part of me wanted to just make sure her needs were attended to and not be so selfish.

I blocked out the later part of my brain.

The thought of her pretty little fingers wrapping around me started me down the line of thinking that would have caused me to go off with even the slightest caress like some high school kid having a girl touch him for the first time. I could feel the coil in my belly precariously set to spring and I wanted to think of anything else that would help me keep control. That was the last thing that I needed to have happened in light of the new developments of the afternoon. My pride was at stake and Bella's hot body rubbed against mine so divinely was NOT helping. Her lips were moving across my chest, nails scratching my overheated skin…

Everything was starting to fall into place, secrets revealed, our idiosyncrasies divulged; we just needed to come together as equals, partners in a relationship. It had never been that way before for her. With James, he took complete advantage; with Mike, she was in control. We would have to learn that together. In addition to everything that I knew, it was plain to me that Bella was someone that would do anything to keep the peace, even at the threat of her happiness. She was a giver, she would take the pain if it made someone else happy; James, her mother, Mike, the situations were endless.

My mind floated back to James as I tried to rid his memory from my brain and enjoy the moment, but the idea that someone had coerced Bella into anything sexual made my mind sour at the thought of being physical with her. Her nails were scratching their way down my stomach brought me away from the thought…

"Oh, shit," she mumbled as she rested her forehead on my chest with her eyes on the prize. Well, on _my_ prize at least.

"Bella, honey, is there something wrong?" I was panicking. When a girls looks at your penis and says 'oh, shit' happy thoughts do not spring into your consciousness. There wasn't really anything wrong with it, although it may be a tad of the big side. A Cullen thing, or so I am told.

"I'm a rightie…"

Okay, not the response I thought I would get. At least she didn't say anything about my penis. I started to laugh, mostly because I was nervous, the other half wondering if I had pushed too far. She did have a stressful day. But, then again, the whole showering thing was her idea. Not that I minded.

"Bella, I need some clarification on that?"

"Oh, well, I'm a rightie…I mean right handed. I, um, punched James with my right, so…I am going to have to use my left…to you know…" she mumbled against my chest.

_Oh, shit_…I forgot she was injured in the line of kicking some douche bag's ass and it was probably her dominant hand. Her go-to hand. I looked down my chest at her but was caught completely off guard by what she was doing with her left hand. It seemed that Bella was doing some sort of weird sexual stroking the monkey warm-up because she was basically jacking off the air beside me. I shouldn't have laughed, and I tried my hardest in that situation not to, but my shoulders started to shake on their own accord as I tried in vain not to. I was laughing because the girl had no idea how hilarious she was, or how adorable with her warm-up session. I was really starting to succumb to laughter when she looked at me incredulously like I was the one who had sprouted another head.

"What?" she asked with a hint of irritation on her tongue, she was probably mad at me for being insensitive, but she had no idea how comical the situation really was. To me at least.

"Bella, babe, although I want nothing more than for you to offer me some…assistance, there will be plenty of time for that," I replied, ignoring my almost painful hard-on that she kept nudging absentmindedly with her pelvic region. I was trying to be a gentleman and give her an out if she needed it, but that was coming straight from the grand central station in my brain. My dick was seriously trying all attempts at sabotaging me.

"Oh, Cullen, I can do anything if I put my mind to it," she replied with a sarcastic bite to her words. That was when I saw the determination in the set of her eyes and I knew that this was a challenge that Bella was not going to meet. My penis was doing some sort of victory twitch and it became harder than steel as her gaze continued to penetrate me. I let out a shaky laugh as her hands started to move up and down my torso again, giving me another warm-up to what was going to play out. Most of the time when I was intimate with someone, this foreplay thing was complete unnecessary because it really wasn't hard for me to cum like nobody's business. I just would turn off the old brain and take a more natural approach to thinking with the small and more dominant brain that was situated in my pants.

It was different with her.

Every touch, every sweep of the hand, nails across my chest, was different, part of the whole, not just a distracting warm-up. It was unnecessary when I had no true feelings for the women involved, just looking for the final payoff. With Bella -- it was all payoff. Getting to taste her on my tongue, to savor her sweetness, feeling her body mold into mine made my heart beat harder and faster than I thought was humanly possible. The little minx had my number in so many ways, it was unimaginable.

Her eyes set upon mine again as she broke from my lips, dancing with mirth as she pulled me down so she could whisper in my ear.

"If my left isn't good enough for you, I could always just use my mouth." All the hairs on my neck were standing straight in attention, as well as my penis. I let out a low moan as I tried not to pump my crotch into her. But, sometimes the caveman is hard to control.

"Let's just see how this looks," she murmured as her right arm wrapped around me under my arm, clutching my back as best she could with it. I could feel her little love box squeezed tight on the outside of my thigh as her hand, the good one, started going south. I thanked the sweet baby jeebus that I'd manscaped two days ago.

Her fingers wrapped slowly around me, my body shuddered at the contact. I had never been a fan of the poor man's blowjob, but that thought was lost on me as her fingers explored every inch of me. She touched the head with a feather light touch, almost reverently, her nail moving over the slit.

She was trying to kill me.

The pads of her fingers spun around the tip, both of us watching, me in rapt fascination and her in intense concentration. I secretly hoped Bella was one of those girls who liked to watch, to see the intimacy happening, not closing her eyes. That thought alone almost pushed me over the edge again as her fingers curled tightly around the base. She stroked me languidly for a moment and I wondered if she was loosing steam for this particular act…or maybe she was thinking that she would make good on her earlier threat and just use her mouth instead, which in turn would mean that I would explode before I could even make it past her lips.

This was a safer option.

The contact stopped all of the sudden and Bella arched herself backward, making her breasts look fucking fantastic as she reached behind her. Her hand was cupped when she brought it back, a white gel-like substance occupying it.

"What's that?" I asked concerned with anything that was going to go anywhere near my penis.

"It's a surprise," she said confidently, that shy air-monkey spanker practicing woman gone. She had a wicked look to her and it made me harder which I thought was actually impossible. My balls were starting to shriek in horror at me since the stopping and starting was causing a small case of blue balls. I didn't really think I was going to hold-out that long when she actually touched me again.

The coolness of the gel took me by surprise and her hand started right back where she started, slowly stroking up and down. She was at task, no distractions. She was watching again, our eyes fixated on the same action. Something was feeling odd though…something was different…something was better.

I let out a breathy moan, "I think I like your left…oh, god, I love your left, actually," I shuttered, my penis feeling fucking glorious.

"Menthol…it's the menthol," she said, as it all made sense.

With each stroke the warmth of her warm sliding over me was amazing, the loss of the heat, although quick, sent a cool sensation over my sensitive skin. It was pleasure and pain, intermingled, struggling over each other for dominance. I could feel me balls start to tightened, my hips moving with her hand.

My right arm sought out her face, cupping it in my hands as I brought myself down to again taste her sweetness. I had to break the kiss every few seconds to moan against her lips, my orgasm wanting to unleash itself. I was almost at my breaking point, but again, the caveman was trying to holdout and enjoying the show at little longer.

"Oh, God, Bella…I think I'm --" I groaned.

She broke away from my mouth, her head against my chest again.

"I want to watch," she whispered.

And that was that.

"Oh, Bella…oh, God…awwww," I moaned. I tried to remain upright as my legs and my muscles involuntarily flexed. I leaned into her as I rode it out, pressing her into the side of the shower stall.

"Liked that, didn't you," she laughed, the smug little minx enjoying my post-orgasm incoherency. "Here let me wash that stuff off."

She quickly grabbed some different body wash and worked up lather in her hands ready to clean me up, but I knew that the trouser snake would have different ideas. Plus, I didn't think Bella knew how sensitive everything was after the shower wanking.

"I think I better do it there, _champ_. This guy's a little sensitive, and will not behave if your hands go anywhere near him again," I was referring to my penis like there were actually three of us in the shower. Then I should've probably said there were four, not wanting to excluded Bella's hot dog warmer.

"Alright, _sport_, let's do this thing and get out of here. I am turning into a prune, and I think our roommates may be wondering what we've been doing," she laughed as she made fun of my little nickname for her.

Fuck, roommates. I wanted to scrub us both furiously so that no one could pick of the smell of the love juices that were floating around in the shower at the time. But, who was I kidding? The permagrins that we were both sporting would be bad enough.

BPOV

Lucky for us the house was deserted when Edward and I finally made it back downstairs. Whether it was my post-coital glow or what, the events of the early evening did not seem to register in my conscious thoughts. Although James had undeniably changed the course of my life I couldn't help but feel that I would not be the person I was today without his effect on me. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't wish him on anyone, well maybe Tanya, but he is a constant reminder that there are people in this world that will try to do harm to you. That don't have your best interests at heart. And coincidentally, there are people out there that will always have your back…and your heart.

It was like my two worlds collided today -- the good and the bad (and ugly too.)

I lived in a house filled with people who wanted nothing but the best from me and for me, and it was the first time in my life that I wished I could bundle them all up and keep them forever. Maybe I had all the family I needed.

Edward went to his room to do, well, he went to do something, and I went to the sunroom in the front of the house. The room was bright and cheery and was filled with warmth as the setting sun came in through the large picture window. I had always wondered what this room was used for when the wild and crazy frat boys dwelled here, but the large bookcase on one side made me think that this room may have been a room of quiet study. Possibly for the three guys in the house that studied. I am sure that the three-story tap system got way more use than this room.

The sun had set awhile ago and I wondered when the rest of the crew would return from their ice cream outing. Emmett had left a note, and by note I mean two whole words; ice and cream, a simple creature he truly was. I went into this room with a purpose, to unpack the box that had been critical in moving the black dust that had clogged my heart, keeping me from living my life. On the outside, it was an unassuming thing, but on the inside it held the contents that have slowly been unraveling my past, and inadvertently my future. I never expected my mother's words to consume me as they did…and my beliefs on the woman that she was were misguided and false. I judged her in pieces and on hearsay, her words were causing me to believe that I owed her more than that.

The fear and anxiety were not present as I slide off the lid, but I knew what I was looking for this time. I had almost completed reading her words… but it was proving difficult as I got to some of her later journals. Large portions of time were missing, like parts of her went missing, that she had nothing to write. I could recognize when she was particularly low, or when she would have come back from therapy or some rehabilitation clinic my grandparents sent her to. Her words were disjointed, irate, and raw in some portions, her heart's pain spilling on to the page, and then sometimes it seemed like bits of light would shine through the darkness…it always seemed to coincide with my name on the page.

My heart would feel so empty in my chest when I would pour over these sections, aching to let her know that I loved her, missing the lost time that we were never able to spend together. It was the most difficult to read the portions were she was zealous in her belief that she owed my grandparents a real daughter…that she would give them the chance to have me fill the void she had created. That she was never worthy…that my life was better without her in it.

The more that I saw those words, the more the entries seemed so dark, like she was letting her beliefs consume her…she let the demons win.

As my silent tears slid down my cheek, I reached back into the box to find the photo I was looking for. It was in a delicate silver frame, a picture of a beaming mother holding a sweet little princess dressed in white. I must have been three or four at the time, as my fingers brushed the frame moving over my mother's arms that held me so tightly. I could almost feel them…

I placed the photo on the ledge; its home would be on top of the piano when it was delivered in a few days time. A reminder that you should always live in the light, that happiness can be found around every corner if you look for it. And maybe, if you are lucky, happiness finds you…

I made a vow to my mother's memory…to always let the light shine no matter what adversity I find.

I watched Tanya from across the locker room, something was definitely up. She kept stealing these brief furtive glances my way and she looked utterly fucking suspicious. Something was definitely going on. It was the day before the big game…my own special D-Day for Tanya, when I would unleash my forces on her little axis of evil. The anticipation almost palpable in the room amongst the allied forces. When my gaze made it over to Leah, I was not going to lie; she looked a little too scary for my own liking. Thank God she was an ally.

Practice was normal, average, nothing special, with everyone getting ready to play their new positions, just like any other day. Tanya and Bree were having some sort of field day over there laughing and giggling like little school girls, and both kept glancing my way every few seconds. I wondered angrily if I had a piece of grass stuck to my forehead or something. My blood pressure start to rise and the pangs of panic were on track to give me a full-blown attack in about four minutes, as I started to feel like the walls were closing in on me. It was a blessing when Angela slid next to me on the bench and leaned over so that she could say something in my ear.

"She's going to ask you to waive the twenty-four hour rule," Angela sneered quietly in my ear.

_What. The. Fuck_

"What? Why? I am fucking handing her my position tomorrow and she wants to go out and tie one on?" I asked as I stared at her now in confusion. That panic attack was long forgotten, but my mind was racing why Tanya would want to do such a thing. The girl truly had no brain.

We had bent the twenty-four hour rule before, which meant no alcohol twenty-four hours before a game or practice…why the fuck did she want to bent today? Before an exhibition against the National Team? I couldn't make sense of it at all…I was at such a loss.

"It's her twenty-first birthday, Bella. Maybe she should be allowed to have fun," Angela laughed darkly as my mind went in a thousand different directions. I had been to quite a few celebrations of peoples' twenty-firsts and they were all ugly, sloppy, and always ended with someone passed out or vomiting profusely. I had even picked up Angela at the hospital after she got alcohol poisoning. I never did underestimate Angela after that, and one of Charlie's old sayings rang true; always be afraid of the quiet ones.

_People had it out for you on your twenty-first birthday…_

_EPIC._

_Holy shit, karma really is a bitch_…if she wanted to fuck this up royally on her own, more power to her. It possibly could be the best lesson for the bitch whose parent's money never bought her class, tact, or the brain cells that were vital in determining that this was a really bad idea. Not to mention the fact that it was the Thursday before school started. This was an epically bad line of thinking. I almost wanted to tell her no…again, almost. If it wasn't for the vivid memory of what she said to me the day that my mother died, I would have thought better of my decision to let her have her way. It was hard to believe that people could be that cold and unfeeling…but that was Tanya to a T.

My reverie was broken when my eyes finally focused on a pair of Oompa Loompa colored tanned legs in front of me.

"I was wondering if I could ask you both a question?" she asked politely, almost too politely. God, I really hated her. Bree was standing in formation right behind her, a form of weird girl support, and I was again thankful that Angela had her ear on the ground today and knew of this before I could be caught off guard. I really would have said no, of course, to protect my team, and Tanya was a mere thirty-six hours away from making herself look like the worst and most selfish teammate ever. The plan was getting better and better with each passing minute; the potential of it going off with the best possible result was impressive.

Now, what kind of woman would I be if I didn't allow her to celebrate her birthday?

A big, freaking awesome BITCH…that's who.

"What's up?" I asked nonchalantly, letting her know that I could not care less about what she did in her little soap opera life.

"Well, it's my birthday and I have friends in town that came from quite a distance to see me," she started in a voice that was filled with condensation, and I had to grip the seat to keep from strangling her. She had always thought she was better than everyone in the room; her money, her prep school, her father some big-time lawyer in New York, she always thought that we were all mutts and she was some pure-bred. If she only knew that she was looking at one of the most unique pure-breeds out there.

"And I was wondering, if you would lift the rule for tonight, since it is just an exhibition tomorrow, anyways," she finished with a bite to her tongue and her hands planted firmly on her hips. Bitch thought I was going to fight her on this one…

"Be careful, and try to take it easy. Tomorrow is a big deal to a lot of people in this locker room. Just make sure you are at one hundred percent tomorrow," I replied trying to sound diplomatic and keep my voice even. I spoke loud enough so that most people had heard me. It was like I was the CEO of the coffin building company and I was just handing her the tools. It almost seemed too easy.

_I needed to talk with Alice as soon as possible._

"Um, thanks," she countered quickly, turning about face and leaving Angela and I sitting there wondering if that fucking dragon lady had any tact. No 'thanks, I wouldn't let you down,' no 'I won't do anything to jeopardize the team,' bitch got what she wanted and left.

I couldn't wait until tomorrow.

EdPOV

"What did you just call me?"

Alice was staring at me with a mischievous grin, looking like I had fulfilled her wildest fantasy. Well, a fantasy of a non-sexual nature that is.

"I called you 'man-candy,' because that is what you are. You and Jazz are just too cute for words. We have to go make sure that Tanya gets drunk off her ass and you are going to help," she cheered, and I was particularly worried what this was going to all entail. For fuck's sake…I just wanted a drink.

Bella was off with some of her senior teammates to have dinner and watch a movie together. It was apparent that this was some sort of ritual that they did before each and every game, and although I was hoping that she wanted to spend time with me, I knew that I couldn't monopolize her time. It was her senior year of college…hopefully she would fill it with only happy memories. I was going to make damn sure her year was better than mine.

"I prefer 'man-meat,' if I have any opinion on this at all," Jasper laughed.

I was sitting in third wheel territory, the back seat, as we drove towards the strip of bars that were near campus. When Bella had come home from practice she nearly tackled me on the front lawn. She was wearing my favorite pair of running shorts, the ones that cut all the way up to her hip displaying her long lean legs. She had jumped out of her truck, bounded over to jump on me, wrapping said legs around my torso. I clutched her tightly, hoping like hell that I could keep my balance so that we would not be both tumbling to the ground.

Her arms came to my face and she kissed me…one gigantic kiss on the lips. It wasn't a startin' something type of kiss, but one that I would take any day. She was just happy to see me, and from the mischievous grin on her face, I knew that she had news.

"Ali!" she screamed. A top of the lungs, make your ears bleed scream. I still think I might have permanent damage in my right ear.

Alice came down the porch slowly, looking at the two of us in amusement. Bella was still straddling me. She wasn't really heavy; I didn't notice that she was still wrapped around me. _Who the fuck was I kidding_…I noticed and I enjoyed it. For Pete's sake, who wouldn't? Maybe it could be thought as a test run for later. A logistical test of sorts.

"I was actually wondering if I could talk to two separate beings," she laughed.

Bella gave a wiggle and I slowly released her legs, noticing that I didn't have a twitch or tremor in the muscles in my back meaning…I definitely could hold her like that for an extended amount of time. _Fuck_…where is my brain? I was pretty sure 'Shower a la Swan' has permanently left my brain in the gutter involved in hashing out the intricate details on how to get her naked again. I wondered how long the delayed gratification take-it-slow plan was in effect. I knew why we were doing it, but she made it hard. No pun intended.

"Guess who turns the big two-one today?" Bella grinned, looking like she was going to launch out of her shoes at any moment. Excitement like that was a little unnerving…it had to be good.

"Whoa, left field. I wasn't expecting you to say anything remotely like that," Alice laughed, but she looked somewhat off not being the one with all the answers. Alice liked to have her hand in any and all pots, as well as stir them at times when she felt it necessary.

"TANYA!!" Bella wailed, and then I thought at least the hearing loss is in both ears.

"So? Don't you have twenty-four hour rule? It won't work if you bust her on it," Alice replied sarcastically as if all her well laid plans were going up in smoke. Funny thing was that Bella was still permgrin smile from ear to ear, and I hadn't seen her smile like that for like ten whole hours.

_Gutter. Gutter. Gutter._

"Well, we decided to give her a pass on it tonight. She said that she would be responsible," Bella laughed, and it was like some arrow struck Alice with some sort of divine intervention on her bitchiness, because that wicked, downright scary, gleam was in her eyes.

"Holy Black Friday, Bells, this is why you are my favorite!" Alice screamed. Then they hugged, and jumped around. And just when I thought they were done, they hugged and jumped around some more. I would classify these moments as times when men would just become spectators to the odd female activities.

Alice stopped, turned on her heal and stared straight at me.

"You will do."

That was how I found myself going to the some bar with one half of the twisted sisters, and my side-kick Jasper.

Jasper went along because Alice had him by his short and curlies, and I was pretty sure that he wanted to keep his balls attached to his body. I went for Bella; at least that was how it was sold to me. I was not under any circumstances allowed to say anything but that I was Bella's new roommate. Or that we were friends. Or that I want to fuck her six ways to Sunday.

Or that, quite possibly, I was in love with her…

I felt awkward because nothing in this world made me think that hiding my relationship with Bella was warranted in the least. I kind of wished that we could mark each other in some way to make sure that people knew that we were both taken…_happily_ taken. I think she wanted to piss on my leg before she left the house. She told me several times that 'the bitch' was not allowed to touch me, and if she asks for my number and I give it to her, that she would run over my phone.

Then she said something crazy about the hot tub under her breath, but I just shook my head at her. Her jealousy was adorable and not at all necessary.

And it became so much more evident why her jealously was unnecessary…when I set my green eyes on Tanya.

She was some odd cross between a Stepford Wife and a not anatomically correct Barbie Doll with strawberry blonde hair. And fake boobs…ugh, why the high and tight fake titties? They did not come close to looking natural - just two half grapefruit attached to her chest. The worst part was that the hack that did them left one higher than the other one. Not remotely attractive or anesthetically appealing. I did feel a little ridiculous at how long I was staring at her boobs. Maybe that was their intended effect.

I actually took my time in looking at the rest of her, appraising the competition for my woman, and it may have caused some unwanted attention. She was wearing something that Alice uttered was 'trashy,' some strapless dress that was too flimsy to stop her headlights and thong from being in plain view of everyone in the bar. She was what my fraternity brothers would call a 'fuck n' dump' kind of girl, but I had a feeling she made the dump portion difficult on a few poor souls.

"Look alive, my man-meaties, there's a game afoot," Alice laughed, doing a ridiculous Captain Hook pirate impression. Alice sure got her jollies from sticking it to people. She did point out numerous times that Tanya had this coming…she had said and done some ugly things to Bella that were unconscionable.

Jasper and I headed to the bar, because the insanity of 'Thirsty Thursday' was starting to wear on my nerves. There were people everywhere in numerous stages of intoxication, it was borderline insufferable. Something about these types of college bars always seemed to turn my crank and turn me into some moody guy with slight anger control issues. I was actually glad Bella was with her teammates right now so that I wouldn't have to show off some of my more assholeish tendencies through my overly possessive nature as of late. I had my own problems keeping my hands off the woman…I couldn't help but believe that every man looked at her that way.

Jasper quickly acquired four beers and I looked at him incredulously…he shrugged and mouthed 'happy hour' as we made out way back to Alice who was talking to some of her teammates a few tables away from Tanya. I must have been staring again, because that time she caught me.

I looked away quickly but I could tell the damage was done.

She was over to us in less than ten seconds. I was hoping I looked just like fresh meat…nothing more than just a new face.

"Alice, I didn't think I would see you here," Tanya stated, with a hint of malice on her tongue. I think it was meant to sound nice, but her voice gave me no indication of it.

"I was just showing some new friends some of the hot spots on campus. We are just stopping in for a drink and then heading out," Alice replied, a nicely played volley back into Tanya's court.

"Oh my gosh, what are you guys? Med students? Law students?" she asked, a little too interested for my comfort as she pawed at the both of us. She didn't even ask us our names first. That was where Alice came back in.

"Oh, sorry, where are my manners?" Alice laughed as she rolled her eyes for our benefit. "This is Edward, and this is Jasper. Edward just moved into our house and is starting med school next week. And Jasper is Edward's roommate from Dartmouth," she finished leaving out the detail that she and Jasper were basically common law married by how much time they spent together, or that it was my lifelong mission to try to make Bella happy. Inconsequential information for the game we were playing.

Tanya's eyes went from appraising to downright scary as she looked me over. I felt a chill run down my spine…I hated that look. Heidi would do the same thing to me all the time when we went to social functions when we were dating. Like she had won the fucking prized pig, the fucking best catch.

"Oh, Edward, you came on the perfect night, it's my birthday and we are celebrating! Please say that you will join us?" she asked with what I thought were her equivalent of puppy dog eyes, but the lack of sincerity in them made my stomach churn.

It was going to be a long night…

"Oh, Eddie! Baby, pleeeeease don't leave!"

I stared at the drop-down drunk in front of me. She was absolutely hammered…and fucking clawing at me. Her eyes were like little slits, so much so that I thought there was no way that she could actually see me. She had already partially vomited the last shot she had taken, and I knew the full effects of the alcohol had not hit her yet.

She was fucked.

I had just spent the last three hours in the fifth circle of hell with this woman…all I wanted was to go home and shower off her smell that was attached to my clothes from all her hanging. I had my fill and I was ready to vacate the premises immediately, the look on my face was obviously clear to both Alice and Jasper. Alice nodded slightly and she knew that she owed me big time for this, and came to my rescue in the nick of time.

"Hey, Bree, we have to take off. Edward has an important meeting tomorrow with the Dean. You will make sure that Tanya makes it home okay?" Alice asked seeming actually concerned with Tanya's welfare.

"Doooon't leave," Tanya begged as she tried, again, unsuccessfully to work her way into my arms. Drunken seductive Tanya did nothing for me. Tanya could do nothing for me even if she were sober…I really wanted to get back home to Bella; hopefully her door is unlocked so that I can get my nocturnal Bella time. Nocturnal Bella had very vivid and very vocal dreams. I had to admit the caveman in me rejoiced whenever I heard my name float across her lips followed by a few poignant moans.

"It was nice meeting you," I murmured as I turned and walked to the exit, too tired to carry on the charade any longer. The air was crisp when it hit my face, cleansing me from the dirtiness of the bar. Alice and Jasper were coming in close behind me and I could feel the laughter before it spilled out of Alice. She was laughing all the way to the car.

"I thought that she was going to have you stuffed and placed on the mantel in her parent's house," she cried, as the tears spilled down her face. "She even invited you out to dinner with her parents after the game tomorrow, or I should say today." Her humor was infectious as both Jasper and I started hooting about some of that woman's antics.

"Fuck, bring us home woman! Eddie, and I had to wash off the eau de Tanya that we have all over us. I swear if she rubbed those things on my arm one more time…" Jasper trailed off wiping at his arms as if she left a visible trace.

"At least she didn't try to molest you or grab you junk every five minutes," I grumbled, thinking of the numerous ways I blocked her from making contact. She was fucking persistent.

"Edward, you are up for sainthood in my book. When she 'accidentally' spilled her drink down her chest and asked you to help her wipe it up, you looked like you were two seconds away from blowing chunks," Alice giggled bringing forth the memory that I wished to hell that I could purge from my mind.

"Don't remind me," I replied pinching the bridge of my nose.

I think Alice was on my wavelength as she quickened her pace to the car, giving me a small wink over her shoulder. The drive was quick and the house was almost completely dark expect for a few porch lights left on. I wasted no time; I was in the shower in less than two minutes. The hot spray soothed my tense shoulders as I tried to block out the night's events and focus on where my night was ending. I dried off quickly and made my way up the stairs and into her room.

The moonlight lit her face; she looked even more flawless than in my memory. No woman could truly compare to her, she was my absolute picture of perfection, although the two of us are perfectly dysfunctional for each other. I crawled into bed behind, hoping that I could just assume my position behind her without waking her. I nuzzled my nose into her neck, inhaling her scent, willing myself to forget the last few hours.

She stirred slightly, her hand finding mine and bringing it to her chest. My body responded by sinking into her more, our forms intertwined as sleep began to take me under. I don't know if I imagined it, or if it was just wishful thinking, but she uttered words in her sleep that I hoped were meant for me.

Nocturnal Bella's words could not always be meant for my benefit.

I hoped they were for me.

"I love you."

_**A/N: The whole next chapter will be about the Tanya Saga…**_

_**And just so everyone knows…I LOVE reviews!**_

_**Mutt**_


	20. Your Love is MY Drug

**A Kick in the Balls**

_**A/N: Hello there everyone! I hope that you enjoy this chapter because it was difficult to write.**_

_**Thanks to vampiremama for turning this out quickly and for helping me seem like a good writer.**_

_**Thank you to shabby apple and born2speakmirth for their work on Twilighted!**_

_**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**_

**Chapter 20– Your Love is my Drug**

**BPOV**

I could sense the light was filling the room through my shut eyes as the morning sun made itself known. I couldn't remember the last time that I had slept so soundly, my muscles protesting already from my lack of movement. I went to bed alone; Edward and the gang went out for a drink, but in reality they were really going out to make sure that Tanya made a complete and utter ass of herself. Not that I actually thought that she needed help in that department, but I was thankful I didn't have to experience it firsthand.

Alice was going to dangle the boys in front of Tanya as bait, and that in itself would not have gone over well in my presence. Tanya may be the most heartless person I knew and if she had known that Edward was mine, and he was for clarification's sake, she would have used it against me. People's lives were games to her, she never cared how things ended but she made damn sure that she got her kicks off it. After my mother died and I was holding on by a perilously thin thread, she was the one that told everyone that she committed suicide. That she was some deranged coked-up loser that didn't care enough for her daughter to bother sticking around. She had sent me right over the edge when she basically said that I was not a daughter _worth_ sticking around for. Those words precipitated my second fateful run, a day that I could never forget no matter how much I tried. I can still hear her voice, menacing and cruel in my nightmares.

She deserved whatever was coming to her.

As I slowly stretched my arms over my head they made contact with stubble, and I almost jumped out of my own bed from shock. He was still here. My fingers halted for a moment as my brain caught up. He had never been here when I woke up, one of those early birds who chased the dawn. I chased the mid-afternoon, so we hadn't ever met in the mornings except for the one morning in New York. Sometimes it was awkward, but hell, it meant more sleep for me so I actually didn't want to mess with the status quo. I flipped over gently, trying not to arouse the sleeping wonder, then my hands began to trace the stubble on his chin. He looked so peaceful and vulnerable, and even a little child-like as he slept. There was nothing imperfect about him; no drool, no mouth catching flies, no hand in his pants, nothing that I could jest him about later. I knew that my movements would wake him, but I wanted them to. The first thing that his eyes would land upon would be me, my hand moving up his jaw line through his hair of its own volition. He stirred slightly, the crease in his eyebrows showing as his face scrunched up from my disruption of his sleep. I knew that my light touch was probably tickling the hell out of him, but I was sure in the moment that the means would justify the end. As if on cue, his hand reached up to scratch his face, but only met mine in response. I ran my nails through the scruff and it seemed to jolt him out of the confines of sleep. He opened one eye slowly a small smile on his face as he focused it.

With a smile that never faded, he drew both hands up to his face and scratched his face roughly several times, his long fingers running through his stubble. I propped myself up to watch him, taking every detail in as though I needed to commit them to memory. Just a small part of me feared losing him, that he would disappear and that I had to savor every moment. It was foolish to think, but for every step that we took forward together, I couldn't help but think how many more we had to go. Life at that point was easy; real life and the difficulties of balancing that and school, just days away. We were in a bubble now, and I hoped desperately that the bubble would not burst when our lives took over, when other requirements took out time away from each other. We had survived so much already.

The bed shook as Edward took his arms over his head to stretch and quickly grabbed me, pulling me to his chest, his chin resting on the top of my head. I wrapped myself around him, draping my leg over his, my arms around his torso.

"Hey, sweet girl, to what do I owe this honor to?" he laughed his voice full of sleep. He seemed jovial; I could almost feel his smile as he said the words.

"You're still here, this is one of the perks," I replied turning my head into his chest taking subtle deep intakes of breath, the scent of his skin was intoxicating. Not that I really wanted to know, but I had to ask out of some crazy impulse to know what happened last night. Who was I kidding; I was desperate for the information.

"How was your night? I didn't hear you come in?" I asked in a nonchalant tone, not wanting to give away the fact that I was dying to know what happened. If I wasn't lying on him, I was sure that I would be bouncing around waiting for him to tell me. Of course, I was also going to have a long conversation with Alice, because men tend to leave out vital details. Or, even worse, leave out details that would self-incriminate themselves. I left my door cracked purposefully last night, making sure that he knew that I wanted him to end up with me in my bed. Even if I was unconscious.

"In all honesty, I would rather forget it ever happened," he muttered, as I could feel his heart pick up in pace. He was either nervous or was having some issue with post-traumatic stress. I hoped for the later. Tanya had a way to make you want to remove hours of your life because of her mere presence.

I scooted away from him so that I could see his face, a measure of how true he was being because it was too easy to lie when you didn't have to look someone in the eye. Call me insecure, or whatever, but there was a small part of me that feared the unknown's influence in our relationship. Maybe there was something out there that we were not immune to; I just hoped to all hell it wasn't Tanya. I propped myself on my elbow and watched him for a moment. When he finally looked at me, a small lazy grin spread over his face, like seeing me was the best thing in the world.

_Right_.

"Why are you so far away? What happened to the perks?" he fake whined, but I knew that he was just prolonging the inevitable. He should just really come out with it.

"Tell me and then _perks_," I replied, giving him a smile that I hoped was the equivalent of his panty-bursting smile. I had no idea of what kind of perks I was offering, just that there would be some reward for him being my trustworthy man.

"Wow, I think I have to go out more with that Tanya chic, if you are going to be offering services like this," he laughed knowing full well that he was starting to get me going. I think that was something that Edward loved to do; to push my buttons, to get me all riled up and ignite the passion so that he could be the recipient of said passion. It worked like a charm, but I was not going to let him know that I was in on his secret. Why mess up a good thing, right?

"I should think not, since overexposure might get you some airborne venereal disease that she is bound to be carrying. I would like to keep the clam happy and clean," I stated, and then instantly turned red as I knew how my statement was going to be construed. I usually just spoke my mind around Edward, but I didn't exactly want him to know that I wanted to waive the white flag at the sex embargo. There were still some other steps in the process that I would sure like to try beforehand, but ever since I wrangled the trouser snake, I wanted it.

And I wanted it bad.

If normal men supposedly thought of sex every seven seconds, I thought of Edward's penis at least every five. Then I would think of the 'where', like my bed, the shower, not the hot tub because those bitches are hard to clean, the balcony, my locker room, Emmett's shower, and the list went on and on. Then I moved on to positions; and then I was a wet mess in the middle of the afternoon. I could be cooking eggs, or in a team meeting and I was a hot useless mess. I was probably blushing fucking hard every time, so much that I was thinking people were going to start asking me if I had some sort of heat rash. I could not focus, the no sex rule almost ruining my ability to do mundane tasks without fucking up.

It had to end.

His gentle laugh brought me back. "Ah, Bella, I won't do anything to make the, what did you call it, the clam, unhappy. You have my word." He finished with a waggle of his eyebrows. I could feel myself getting worked up and thoughts of playing on 'sex legs' sounded appealing. It was a rumor around campus that sex was good for females before athletic activities and bad for men. It might've been a rumor focused on the male whores on the football team, but I was interested about this hypothesis.

Not that I was going to test it.

Well maybe. Just not today. Well, that's untrue. Not this morning. After the game, I was game. If all goes to plan, I was going to be doing some servicing, and maybe get serviced in return.

"Alright, you got me. I want to play hide the sausage with you, but that is neither here nor there. Spill the beans and I will promise to make it worth your while," I stated wanting to get the point of the conversation out of the way so that I could drag him to Maggie's for some breakfast.

"For starters, just so you know, I want to play doctor with you," he chuckled as his hand skimmed over the fabric of my top, playing with my fire. He was a tricky bastard. "And last night could be summed up in a few words; fucked up," he finished with no humor coloring his voice.

"That bad, huh?"

"Bella, I think you have no idea. That woman is a nasty piece of work, and I am also pissed at you for thinking I would want to touch that. She is vile, disgusting, and has wonky boobs. She spent most of the night trying to measure me for a fucking jacket to her daddy's yacht club, and the other half trying to cop a feel. I almost thought of doing some bodily harm to myself to get out of there." He laughed darkly as his mood soured significantly. To say that I was shocked by how he was responding was an understatement, his detestation of her was seemingly unwarranted by how little he knew of her.

Then it hit me. _Heidi_. She was just another version of the same sad model. Status, privilege, and all that other bullshit stuff was what mattered to them. Perception the key to it all. I felt guilty that all of this had brought him back to an unpleasant time in his life.

"Oh, God, Edward, I am sorry. I didn't think. The last thing I wanted you to be reminded of was _her_," I said quietly, hoping that he understood that I was truly and deeply sorry.

"Bella, don't be sorry, I am not. If anything you should thank the Heidi's and Tanya's of the world for helping your cause," he replied as he brought his whole body forward to brush a sweet kiss on my mouth. If making me swoon was an art, then Edward was up there with the likes of Michelangelo and Matisse. It was almost unreal what he could do to me in a few simple looks or touches.

"Now, where are my perks?" he laughed as he lay back down against the bed. He was doing something with his eyebrows that was supposed to be seductive or suggestive but I had to stay the course.

_Tonight._

"Well, bud, you get five minutes of cuddle time tops. Then we are off to Maggie's for some breakfast. Then we can cuddle again, then I have team meal, then I have to go to the stadium, then my game, and then, if you are lucky, I might nibble on your kielbasa. Again, if you are lucky," I laughed mostly because I was being forward, but mostly at the fact I got him to blush. And maybe my use of synonyms for sausages instead the proper words for the male genitalia.

I went to climb out of bed but his hand snaked around my waist and at lightening speed I found myself under him, my arm pinned to the bed at the sides of my head. He stared at me for a moment as I wiggled beneath him, not actually trying all that hard to free myself. His head started a slow decent to my neck, his lips hot against my skin. He made several passes up and down my neck, interchanging between his lips and tongue. The scruff of his chin moved over my skin, further down to my chest catching in the fabric of my top.

"I know what you are doing, and it is not going to work. I do have willpower," I breathed as he moved closer to my breast, and I was again a hot mess. Not an unusual occurrence. It was like the faucet turned on whenever he touched me. I had to add shower to my morning list. A fucking arctic shower.

His tongue stopped at my top, his breath hot on my skin. I looked down at him to find him staring at me, his chin now right below the swell of my breast. I knew that I was in for something bad as the cocky half grin was firmly placed on his lips. His mouth floated a fraction of an inch above my nipple, and before I could protest brought his mouth down and sucked through my flimsy top. I let out a small moan that could not be contained, and just when I thought the sweet torture was going to leave me with a severe case of sex legs, he bit down on my tender nipple.

I did what any woman would do; I cried out and bucked my hips against him.

"Uncle."

"Did you just say 'uncle,' Bella?" Edward grinned as he continued to hover over me.

"Yes, uncle, please," I pleaded. I had willpower but I was on the reserve power unit already after the stunt he just pulled. I was doing everything in my power not to just let him molest me. In reality, it was a desirable predicament I found myself in.

"Tell me again why you are against the perks this morning? I could think of many different ways to make you moan like that again," he said, his face an inch from mine.

My eyes kept darting to his lips wanting nothing more than to lose myself in him and start my morning off right but, it all was a fucking challenge. I had to show some backbone and not let him get the best of me this time. Maybe it was time that someone else was the hot mess. My resolve steeled but all I could do was muttered a few words as my body and mind were engaged in a mighty drop-down battle.

"Sex legs. Can't have the sex legs," I breathed.

He shook with laughter, his hard-on pressing into me in all the right places and I found myself with a mighty quandary. Why couldn't he make this easy on me?

"Explain."

I pushed him off me, but he simply rolled us to the inverted position with me on top. I was straddling him, and he may have given me a little hip action letting me know that he was ready and willing. And I may have ground myself into him a few times for good measure just because I could.

HAVE. TO. HAVE. WILLPOWER.

"Sex legs are when your legs are like Jell-O from all the sex and other business. It could potentially be bad for my game," I giggled, because Edward's face was scrunched up into some unknown emotion as I explained this to him.

"Bullshit. I call bullshit," he laughed as he grabbed my hips rolling them against him. My head tilted back slightly at the sensation, my heart starting to sprint in my chest. I closed my eyes for a moment, thinking briefly about how he has worked me up before and not following through. I should leave him wanting; make him feel like he will burst from not touching me.

"You can call it anything you want, babe. But no orgasms until after the game," I replied and removed myself from his saddle. Very regretfully. I stood beside the bed for a moment as he watched me intently, most likely to gauge whether or not I was being serious.

"Oh, God, you're serious," he muttered as he got up slowly from the bed. I didn't miss him adjust himself as he got to the seated position. He moved off the bed and towards to door, before I could even muttered another word.

"See you downstairs in ten. Nope, wait, give me twenty. My wiener needs some attention." His face so jovial before he left the room. I also didn't miss the epic piece of wood he was sporting. I hoped no one was downstairs to witness it. Just as I was about to make a turn to the bathroom, his head popped back in the door.

"I am going to hold you to your word."

I couldn't remember a time when I was this happy.

And freaking frustrated.

"Where the fuck is she?" Leah growled underneath her breath as we all were sitting for our team dinner.

It was three-thirty in the afternoon with no sight of either Tanya or Bree. Bree was probably stuck handholding for the tart, since she had no backbone to stand up to Tanya. I was mostly pissed that she wasn't here, but also a bit disappointed. I wanted to see her in all her hangover glory and this was trying my patience on the matter. Alice had said that she had seen Tanya puke twice in the bathroom and that she just kept rallying after each time. Mostly because of Edward. She was trying to put on some show for him -- if she only knew what he really thought of her. That thought made me smile.

"Oh, what the fuck are you smiling about now? Bitch just cannot cop out now," Leah hissed and although she has the demeanor of a pit bull I couldn't help but agree with her. That bitch better show up.

Coach took that moment to walk back in the room, rubbing his index finger and thumb across his eyes. He looked weary, like his boys came down with the chicken pox and he spent the whole night in the hospital with them. I could always tell when he went through parenthood hell because it generally meant sprints and lots of yelling. He had the same look.

"Ladies, we can start. Tanya and Bree are having car trouble and won't be making it," he stated looking straight at me. It was then that I knew that he knew. Someone must have called him. That wasn't all that shocking because my teammates were freaking wild and caused havoc up and down the campus a few times in the past three years. He would often get phone calls from administrators or other coaches who heard or witnessed the debauchery in action. He would then kick our collective asses at practice and then the captains would punish the girls individually. He had never received a call about me, so I was like an angel in his eyes.

If he only knew. I was just better at being discreet.

I wondered what he knew, but I already knew that Tanya blew it. Her word was like shit now to him, to all of us, especially with the lying, and I would be moving back into my position after tonight's game. It all seemed a little too easy, but I had a feeling the best was yet to come.

"He knows, doesn't he? Angela whispered loud enough that Leah and Emily could hear her too.

"Oh yeah, he knows. Look at his face. It looks like a cross between taking a shit and getting kicked in the ass. He knows," I laughed, hardly containing the joy that was sprouting up in my body.

"I heard from Rick that she showed up at his place asking for Dave looking like a fucking mess. But, it gets better. Rick may have told me that she got sick when she was trying to give him a blowjob," Emily chuckled. "It is all unsubstantiated, though."

"Where the fuck does it leave us for tonight?" Leah hissed, almost spitting in my face. God, she was an angry bitch.

"Well, she said that she was having car trouble so that means she is showing up tonight. But, for sure she is running stairs with Bree for two weeks and picking up the balls after practice. I actually can't wait for tonight. I have a good feeling," I replied with my devious half smile.

"Swan, you are one dirty SOB, but at least you are our dirty SOB," Leah laughed, as Emily half choked on her breadstick.

The four of us fell into a fit of laughter, buoying my hopes. It was another moment where I took the chance to take mental picture for prosperity.

This was the beginning of the end for the four of us, in a few short months our time together like this would be over. It was bittersweet and I couldn't help but feel that I was lucky to have them.

Or in Leah's words, "I was one lucky bitch."

"Oh, God, I would give my boyfriend's left testicle for a camera right now," Emily laughed as she turned quickly around to address me.

There at the entrance of the locker room was Tanya. Well, what was left of her.

She pretty much looked like death warmed over, and she had a greenish tint to her that made her look even more like the wicked witch of the west. Her pallor and her bloodshot eyes were testament to the night, and day coincidentally, she had, but no pity was found in my thoughts.

This was karma bitch.

We all went about getting ready for the game and I could tell that Tanya was looking a bit better than she did before when she had walked in. I wanted her to lull herself into that false sense of confidence that she could do this, but I knew the screeching halt was going to happen early. Your body just cannot keep you hydrated long enough, and with the usually warm weather and unrelenting humidity, I gave her until about halfway through the second half until she was either booting or fainting on the field. Or throwing the most unholy fit. I hoped for the later.

Tanya was a hothead, even more so than me, and got kicked out of a few games her freshman year. She had like some demented psychotic break when she was on the field, and one time, decked a girl straight in the face after she was slide tackled. It was fucking priceless. She made had been some prissy bitch but she was somewhat fierce when I came to fighting. I didn't want to admit it, but she could probably take me.

Coach finished up quickly before we went out for warm-ups, telling us to do our best to represent ourselves and the team. I looked around the room at my teammates, a few of them had the potential to move on to the higher level and their faces mirrored their excitement, or anxiety. Leah and Angela were two that I thought definitely had a chance to be invited to the national camp the next spring, and although I denied to their faces, I was also on that short list. Emily just wanted to move back to some crazy small town in Washington and get married and have a hundred babies, but you would never know it. She was just as aggressive as the rest of us and I knew that maybe if she was lucky, she might get invited too.

We walked out into the night air, thick with moisture, and I knew that this was going to be a long night. The humidity was oppressive, beating down on us as we took the field. I took a long pull from my water bottle and moved to the sidelines to start our warm-up.

I caught a grimace from Tanya as we began to run across the field.

"So, that must be Edward," Angela leaned in as she stood next to me as we were being announced on the field.

I looked at her from the corner of my line of sight and then turned to see what she was looking at. There was Edward talking with his father on the track just beside the field. I bit my lip to keep from smiling but I knew that he was looking at me as he talked to his father. Even Carlisle turned several times to see what Edward was looking at and I knew that the cat was pretty much out of the bag. I just hoped that I didn't need to see Dr. Cullen soon so that he couldn't give me the fifth degree about it.

"Yep," I replied popping the 'p.'

"Double-date pizza night soon," Angela whispered. I knew that she wanted to get to know this guy that had invaded my life so quickly. She would love him, and Mr. Dentistry himself, Ben, would love to have someone to talk to about medicine.

"Can you focus right now? Ang, please, I don't need the distraction. He is distracting enough on his own?" I mocked as Angela's shoulders shook lightly.

"Oh, Bella, you got it bad," she laughed as we stood watching the national team members get announced.

"Tell me you have hit that?" Leah asked.

"Jeebus, you two. Knock that shit out. We already have to worry about Tanya shitting the bed, you don't need me distracted too," I giggled as I watched Edward retreat back into the stands. I watched as his lean legs took him up the stairs, just making out the outline of his butt muscles as he moved. He sat next to Rosalie and his mother and my eyebrows darted up at the fact that this event was a family affair.

The Star Spangled Banner blared from the speakers, an old recording of the marching band. People were filing back on campus and I half expected the stands to be empty. It was an exhibition. As the anthem ended, I turned to jog back to the sidelines for a few moments when I finally was able to see the whole expanse of the stadium.

Full.

I don't mean just full. But, fucking full.

Holy shit.

I jogged into the circle of my teammates, going on nothing but auto-pilot. Angela was our emotional leader; she brought our hands to the center.

"Huskies, on three. One, two, three," she cried.

"HUSKIES!" the team cried as we stormed the field. I ran next to Tanya for a moment noticing the thick beads of sweat coming off her forehead. She looked at me crossly from the corner of her eye and I knew that whatever happened, I would come out on top.

Little did I know as the team stormed the field, I would have to wait until a few minutes into the second half for all hell to break loose.

**EPOV**

It was half-time. Same as in football, when the teams leave the field and head off into the locker room. Carlisle had been sitting with us for most of the game, talking aimlessly about one player or another, or about the dynamics of the game, off-sides, so on and so forth. I kind of wished that he could turn himself off for a few minutes and just enjoy the game.

I had to admit it to myself; soccer was kind of boring, although when Bella was running down the field or dribbling the ball it caught my attention. Carlisle finally left to follow the team down to the locker room to assess injuries and left me to my own devices with the rest of the group. My mother followed him and I knew that she would probably sneak home to rest. She was notorious for just leaving without a word because she knew that one of us would offer to go with her. She adamantly told us that she was perfectly able on her own, but we would always refuse her. She just up and leaves and then sends us a text minutes later telling us she's already to the car and not to bother.

My phone beeped a few minutes after she left alerting me to that fact.

Bella was unbelievably good at soccer. Not like just good, but extremely fucking good, like she probably should have informed me that she was the athlete in this relationship because my ego was taking a pretty serious hit in the stands. I played baseball at Harvard, but I was not remotely as good at it as she was at soccer.

She seemed at home out there and when she would get the ball, which was nothing short of a miracle with that dumbass Tanya directing the offense, she actually looked almost more skilled than some of the players on the national team. Angela managed to score a goal off her head after Bella had beaten a defender and kicked it from the side of the goal just before the half. The team hugged and carried on, all except for one. Tanya was licking her wounds and yelling at some of her teammates even when they had scored. And one point in the half Tanya looked like she was screaming at Bella something terrible, and Bella just took off back to her position.

She had some major self-control.

Tanya looked something pitiful, hardly keeping up with the pace and skill of the game. She made blatant errors; passing the ball to the opposing team, mishandling passes, and looking like she just shouldn't be out there. She had been called to the bench twice during the half to get her ass chewed, but it looked like she had no respect for what he was saying. She gestured wildly to the field and looked like she wanted to tear her own coach's head off. She was side-tackled just as the half came to a close by a behemoth of a woman, and I was pretty sure there may have been blood splayed about the field if Tanya wasn't stuck on her ass grabbing her ankle.

She looked just fine when she was walking off the field.

"Edward, do you want anything?" Rosalie asked as she was being lugged to the concession stand again by Emmett. He had at least three massive hot dogs during the first half and looked like he was going to go for a repeat performance.

"I'm getting him a dog," Emmett laughed as she pulled her with him leaving me with Alice. Jasper was working with Maria that night on something to do with the restaurant and could not come, although he said he would be down for some pizza later.

Alice was looking at me expectantly like I should start up a conversation, but instead I heard my father's voice from down below.

"Edward!" he yelled and motioned for me to follow him.

I looked at Alice and she just shrugged, holding down the fort in our absence. I made my way to where he was and he walked us toward one of the athletic buildings so we were out of earshot. I had a feeling that he was going to grill me about the situation with Bella, but I was way off the map.

"I just had an interesting conversation with one of the girls, Edward," he said, his arms crossing over his chest. This was not the way I saw this happening. I ran my hand through my hair in frustration, and just decided to hell with it; I was just going to tell him.

"Dad, I have been meaning to talk to you about this thing with Bella--" I started but was cut off quickly.

"Edward, we know about Bella," my father chuckled. "Do you think we are blind or that Helen Beth from the agency wouldn't call us?"

Damn that Helen Beth, always meddling. Helen Beth ran the travel agency I used to see Bella in New York, so I guessed that my parents have been on to my game for some time now. Possibly from the beginning.

What the fuck was Carlisle talking about? He shook his head and continued with his story.

"I was looking at Tanya Denali's ankle when she mentioned that she had met you, and I don't exactly know what I may have said, but she seemed quite put-off when she left," he explained.

A million scenarios went through my head, but I needed a little more information from my father, who just coincidentally, had the ability to ramble on and on with his patients. I swear he knew each and every athlete on the campus, taking pride in knowing each of them.

"Dad, what did you say?"

"Nothing in particular that could have angered her like that. I just told her about you and Bella, and I might have mentioned you were in New York. I wasn't really paying attention to much of what I was saying as I was examining her. Is there any reason that she would be angry with you, Edward?" Carlisle asked, switching into parent mode.

I could feel the sweat start to make the shirt that was already sticking to me melt closer to my skin. A simmering panic built in my chest as my heart rate started to climb. This was bad. Tanya knew; Bella did not, which in turn meant that it could blow up in Bella's face quickly. Bella had mentioned the number of times that she flew off the handle at some seemingly mundane things and my mind raced that Tanya was going to take it to blows.

I shrugged off Carlisle the best that I could as he went to talk with Bella's coach, and headed back to the stands to talk with Alice. She would know what to do if there was anything, which in my mind, there wasn't anything that we could do.

Alice confirmed my suspicions as I told them the news.

We could only watch.

**BPOV**

"Denali, quit giving me the fucking stink-eye! What is wrong with you?" I asked as we took the field for the second half. She was fucking staring daggers at me ever since we left the locker room and I wanted to know what the fuck was with her now.

I was fucking working my ass off on the field to try to make us look like a half-decent offense since she was fucking everything up. All her errant passes to no-man's land, her missed shots, and all-around heinous play were apparently my fault from the way that she had been chewing my ass all game.

I was about two seconds from ripping her head off and feeding it to the wolves.

"So, Edward Cullen, eh? Is he like your fucking boyfriend?" she seethed, her beat red face glowering at me. I could tell by the tone of her voice that she was enraged, and that I should probably get her to calm down. Not that I did that.

"Well, we haven't put a name to anything yet, but that sounds pretty good to me," I jested with a menacing smile on my face. If it was going to come to blows then it would. I wasn't backing down anymore.

"You must be one fucking lousy lay for him to be all over me last night," she taunted as she lined herself up next to me. Floozy thought that she had me.

"If that were true, you wouldn't have had to go to Dirty Dave's to catch a new STD, and Edward wouldn't have been with me last night. In MY bed," I scoffed as I watched her knuckles grow white underneath the strain she was putting on them.

She was going to punch me.

"You are just some fucking low life cunt who is jealous. If I really fucking wanted your boyfriend he would be mine. You are just his sad back-up plan since he couldn't have me last night," she laughed, trying to crack my defenses.

"Keep telling yourself that, honey. Maybe it will make you feel less like the tartlet you are," I slammed. The voice coming from my body didn't sound like mine. I had never stooped so low before and I was starting to come down from the high of finally putting Tanya down to where she belonged.

Speaking of Tanya, she looked like she was about to rip my head off.

Before we knew it the whistle blew and the game filled in around us. I was so caught up in my verbal sparring that I missed the fact that the game was just about to begin. I ran to my position quickly, to safety, and watched as Tanya stalked off. She was not going to let this go.

I kept my eye on her when I could and I was unnerving what I saw.

Tanya was known to be rough when she played, she had been kicked out of several games her freshman year and was known to get at least one yellow card a game. She was notorious for pulling shit that had no place on the field of play. There was something inherently darker about how she was played the start of the half.

Like she wanted to hurt someone. But, that was how Tanya played just about everything in life.

I watched her. As a defender backed into her, she threw a sharp elbow to her back making the player fall to the ground. When another player fell to the ground in front of Tanya, she kicked the ball straight at her head with all the force she could muster. Elbows here, kicks there, it was all almost too much to take in. The other players were yelling at the referee, but he was oblivious to it all. She was taking out her aggression for me on the other players. She went up to head the ball a few moments later, and slammed her elbow into the chest of the opposing player. It was gruesome; she was trying to injure people she did not know because her emotions were out of control.

Everything was spirally out of control quickly.

About three minutes later, Bree passed the ball up the field to Tanya who had a wide berth to work with. If I thought that she had looked physically ill the first half, nothing could compare to how she looked now. She looked beaten down, her hair smashed to her forehead, mud covering her body; she like she was going to collapse any second.

Mentally, I knew that she was not faring as well. Her eyes told that story, as they were dark and menacing, like she was possessed by some devil.

She worked the ball down the field and as a defender approached her, she quickly spun the ball on the side of her foot and moved passed her. Angela and I were moving on the field in perfect position to be outlets for her pass, but I knew it would never come.

It would only take a few seconds for Tanya's career at U Dub to come to a close.

Two players approached her at once trying to force the pass, but Tanya blindly held onto the ball. The rest continued in what seemed like slow motion. The first player lunged forward for the ball, stretching her legs out. Tanya turned quickly to face the player, bouncing the ball over her and kneeing her square in the chin. The girl's head snapped back, her face bloodied as she went limp on the ground.

Tanya moved forward unfazed by her act of violence as the second defender approached. The crowd was deafening in my ears, people screaming in every direction. I saw coach for the national team on the sidelines screaming, gesturing wildly about his down player. The crowd was on their feet, Tanya's acts not unnoticed that time.

The whistle blew just as Tanya forearm came into contact with the next players face. She fell to the earth in a thud clutching my face in her hand. With play halted, Tanya kicked the ball away in frustration, oblivious to the fact that the sidelines were being emptied onto the field. Players, coaches, medical staff rushed the field to try to grapple with what had just transpired.

The damage was done. It was over. She was over.

Angela stood next to me as the referee held out his red card, then we watched as the campus police and one of our assistant coaches walked her off the field. She looked defiant; as though none of it troubled her. That was Tanya though, she didn't care who she hurt, and no one mattered to her but herself.

It would be the last time I would see her in her uniform. It was the last time she would wear it, something that after the initial shock of the game wore off, I was happy about. I felt like I was drowning in guilt as I watched her walk off, but her antics later in the locker room proved that my feelings were unfounded. No remorse, no shame.

What I didn't know at that time was that Tanya would make the national news, shine a not so awesome spotlight on our soccer program, and be suspended indefinitely from soccer.

The game ended without incident after that, the two injured players out for the remainder of the game. I was operating on auto-pilot after that, going through the motions as if I was in some state of post-traumatic stress syndrome because there was no fucking way any of it had happened. It was too unreal.

I undressed. I showered. Did my hair. Dressed myself in my street clothes.

Not that I remember doing any of it.

I was sitting in my locker stall tying my shoes, when my phone vibrated in my purse beside me. It jolted me awake as I fished for it out of my bag. It was a text from Edward.

_**Where does a guy meet a girl after her soccer game?**_

I smiled to myself as I remembered how the day had started out and deciding to close this dark chapter for good rather than sit a stew about what had happened.

Plus, I had a feeling that my day was going to end in the same way it had begun. But, maybe, if I was lucky, fewer clothes would be involved.

_**A/N: Hope you all enjoyed the chapter! I love reading your reviews, so thank you to all that review the story. I will be posting about every two weeks now with summer approaching, cabin season in Minnesota, so I will not have the luxury of writing over the weekends soon. I can probably get them out quicker if I write shorter ones, so we will see.**_

_**Thank you for reading & review please!**_


	21. Give Me One Moment in Time

**A Kick in the Balls**

_**A/N: Here it is…the moment everyone has been waiting for. I hope you enjoy it.**_

_**Thank you to vampiremama for always getting me back my stuff and quick as can be, and for being supportive when I am questioning what I am writing. She's the best. Check out her profile for all the great stories she has shared - you will not be disappointed.**_

_**Thank you to the ladies over at Twilight, born2speakmirth and shabbyapple, for their quick turn around time for getting stuff up on the site. **_

_**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**_

**Chapter 21– Give Me One Moment in Time**

**BPOV**

As I made my way out the door a sense of calm washed over me; it was truly over. All the worry, the frustration, the unknowing, everything had come full circle and I couldn't help but feel the worst was over.

It had to be.

I pushed the door open and the oppressive humid night air engulfed me. The air was heavy, thick with moisture, and it had begun to gently mist. The moisture clung to every part of my body. I didn't have the opportunity to dwell on it because the moment I looked forward, I saw him.

Leaning against the wall with one leg up, he seemed to be lost in thought. I could feel the charge in the air, the approaching storm, as I walked toward him. My body had never felt so alive, my steps so uncharacteristically buoyant, carrying me toward him. My heart was beating rapidly; there was something different now I could feel it. I had no idea what it was, but something was pushing me forward to him. I knew it from the moment his eyes met mine.

Forever.

His green eyes met mine firmly as I approached, our contact never wavering, drawing us together. There was something in the way that he was looking at me, so possessive, almost primal, that made me want to claim him, to make him mine. To make the gently traced lines permanent, marking one's territory.

In more ways than one.

I stopped in front of him, my heart beating in that irregular staccato rhythm, the Edward Cullen effect, as I watched him intently. I wanted to give him every part of me; my heart, my soul, and finally, my body. I knew this man. I knew his kind heart, his gentle soul, his loving touch; that knowledge igniting a hot fire across my skin. There was no reason for putting limits, or embargoes in our case, on our physical manifestations of love; when our hearts were ready, we were ready.

My body jolted in surprise as the sky lit up behind us, the lightening crackling through the charged air. He pushed off the wall, closing the distance between us. His warm hands lightly touched my shoulders, his eyes following the movement, tracing a line down my arms. I swallowed reflexively, my heart wanting to leap from my chest.

"I was worried about you," he whispered, his eyes meeting mine again. I could feel my heart swell, a feeling of complete love overwhelming me. The last time I had a moment like this was with my father a few weeks prior, when he told me that I was the best part of his life. I wanted to save the moment forever, lock it away, but I somehow knew that I didn't need to. That there would be moments like this to cherish for as long as time would allow us.

I shook my head minutely. "I am just glad it is over. There's just been so much hanging over us, I'm ready to just enjoy this. Us," I said quietly, trailing off in the end. My stomach was in my throat now, my nerves a mess, because I was letting them go.

My walls, my defenses; it scared me half to death to let my guard down. But, he deserved every part of me, and I deserved someone to love me for who I was when no one was watching. The person that we are on the inside that we hide because we are too frightened that the true parts of our soul will scare them away. The mask, the guise of strength slipping away as one solitary tear slid down my cheek.

"Come here," he murmured, his arms pulling me closer to his chest. I took one deep breath; home, I was home. He made me feel so protected, loved, cherished; I never wanted to step away from him. I don't know how long we stood like that, but it wasn't until the sky opened up that we ran desperately for the shelter of the car.

"No, no, I thought that you were going to kill her. Bella, the look on your face when you were walking back on the field was priceless," laughed Alice, who much to my chagrin probably knew exactly what Tanya and I were talking about as we walked onto the field for the second half.

"God, that seems like so long ago now," I sighed knowing it was only a handful of hours since I was on the field. The familiar aesthetics of Padre's Pizza made it feel like it had been light years ago since all of that bullshit happened on the field. Part of me thought that I was trying to forget it happened. The non-bitch side of myself. The other part of me hoped that she was being flushed down to hell to play with her minions.

"If you had only seen Edward, he was as white as a ghost when he came back up. I swear my father has no verbal filter," Rosalie huffed, not giving away the fact that her father had put her into many, many compromising positions with his mouth. Her story from prom may have been the best; when Carlisle let it slip that her date was her back-up plan for when the guy she wanted to ask her never did.

"He was so nervous that whole second half. I had to move away from him since the bleachers were vibrating from him bouncing his leg like a crazy person," Alice chimed in quickly.

Edward and Jasper were off on their own using the facilities and such, and I was stuck with the two gossip hounds who wanted to know every detail of what had gone on during the game. And before. And after. I was pretty much checked out so it seemed like an arduous task going through it in detail. Detail enough to please Alice that is.

"Shut it, squeak. I had to send you back to sit with Edward after three minutes because you were all bouncy and full of energy. I could have killed Emmett for buying you a soda," Rosalie mocked as she threw a fry straight at Alice's head.

Huh, Emmett.

"Where is Emmett anyway?" I asked wondering why he wasn't here and why Rosalie wasn't with him. It was a two-fold question because honestly they were the worst out of all three couples. It was definitely not because I didn't like Rosalie's company but it was a rarity that they separate. I had it in my mind to give her a disparaging comment about said fact, but again, I was just too drained it sling some mud.

"Sleeping. In his words, he needed to get some serious sleep and I was too much of a distraction. And then some shit about sex legs," she groaned with a dismissive wave of her hand.

"What about sex legs?" Edward's voice came from behind me, obviously hearing the last part of our conversation. I hope he knew we were talking about Emmett here.

"Oh, God, you know sex legs. Sex before a game is bad voodoo for your mojo, and you don't perform as well. Some people say it helps, some say it hurts. Who really knows? Not that I have tested this hypothesis. Honestly, I cannot think of why it could hurt, unless you go for some marathon, tantric shit. I had heard -" Alice said in one unholy breath of air.

"Holy shit, Ali. Breathe," I laughed as I nervously looked up at Edward, who was staring right at me as I watched Alice work her way through her long-winded session.

"Why are you talking about that?" Jasper laughed obviously quite taken by Alice's ramblings. He was a special soul to want to put up with her ramblings on a permanent basis. Alice had rushed into my room that other day looking like Christmas and her birthday all wrapped together and basically shouted at me that it was terminal. I asked her what the fuck she was talking about and it was about Jasper. They were terminal. Only Alice would talk about a relationship in those particular terms, although I knew what she meant. It did make me wonder if she was actually dropped on her head a few times as a child. It would explain so much.

"Oh, Rosalie's been barred from sleeping with Sasquatch tonight because he is worried that she'll throw his game off tomorrow," Alice beamed as Rosalie looked like she wanted to kill her. I think Rosalie wasn't as game about throwing her sex life out there in front of her brother as Alice was about saying everything and anything that came to her mind.

Typical.

"So, this is a universally held belief on this campus? You have got to be kidding me," Edward laughed as he sat down next to me elbowing me in the ribs, trying to keep it a joke between us.

As if anything was just between us.

"Oh, did princess Bella not let down her hair last night and invite you up," Rosalie quipped, making my head snap to her attention. It was a good deflection, and Rosalie was the master of taking unwanted attention off of herself. I had to admit it; she was good.

But, so was Edward.

"No, she just played possum and I took an extra long shower in the morning. But, you must understand that Rose. I saw that the 'special' box made the move," he jested, as Rosalie's eyes became as big as saucers. Every girl knew exactly what Edward was talking about; whether it was a drawer, box, or something else, it was where we hid the pleasure paraphernalia. Although I knew that Rosalie could probably defend herself, I thought that I should help her out.

"Hey, hey there. It is no one's fault that women's hands, and sometimes men in general, don't do the trick for us," I retorted dismissively and effectively threw that whole table into a laughing fit. I didn't mean to, but I guess I kind of threw Edward under the bus on that one.

"Present company excluded, that is," I added, but that seemed to increase the laughing. I simply put my nose in my drink and hoped to ride it out.

"This is why I love you," Alice barked as Jasper slid in behind her, grasping her tightly.

Alice was saying something to Rosalie, when I felt Edward move closer to me. I could feel the heat radiating off his body, his breath warm on my ear. My heart was already racing do to my slipup but I felt as if it was beating harder and faster.

"Was that a challenge, my dear Bella?" he whispered as his hand moved further and further up my thigh until my breathing hitched.

How to explain it? I really don't know how to at all. I had been nervous before, but this was wholly different. I had thrown up before big games, breathed into paper bags, and had other times when I felt my anxiety was out of control but those times were poles apart from this. Those were moments of dread, of pure panic; this was of excitement. Extremely nervous excitement.

As the five of us went out separate ways when we got back to the house, Edward said no more than two words to me. He went straight to his room and I felt like someone stole my compass and threw it away. No 'I'll meet you upstairs' or 'be naked and ready.' Well, I never expected to hear the second of those phrases, but he left my grasping at straws. My heart and my mind were all over the place from his constant teasing and touching with the car ride home being the absolute worst.

Not that I minded, but he left me feeling needy and on edge.

I showered again after I made it to my room, the heat and humidity still making me feel sticky and wet. I found my equilibrium in the shower, feeling like I was finally calming down. My fantasies of Edward walking in to join me never materialized and it was difficult not to think of him when I was in there. My thoughts were getting me nowhere quickly, and I found myself wondering what in the holy fuck was going on.

Hot and cold. Interested and aloof; I was having trouble wrapping my brain around it all. I was ready to move forward and just when I had thought that we were on the same page, he pulls some Houdini act and I am left out in left field wondering what to make of it all. Maybe he wasn't ready; maybe the steps I thought we were taking weren't moving us forward, but into some limbo that I couldn't make sense of. I had never been here before; always holding the cards after my experiences with James, making sure my house of cards was on my terms. It was always perilously built but in the eventually that it fell, I would be okay. It was all a sham but it kept up appearances. I was never in love; it was something I never let myself do.

My house of cards was in a heap at my feet.

I had fallen; given away my heart to someone who promised to keep it, and me, safe and happy. It made me feel so out of control, my comfort zone too narrow and small for the feelings that I was having.

Where the fuck was he?

I threw on a pair of boy shorts and a thin gauzy nightgown that barely covered my assets. It was too hot to think about putting on anything else, the thought of binding material was much to my distaste. I tried to calm myself after the day that I had walking out to my balcony to breathe in the night air. The night was as unsettled as I was, the sky waiting to open up again and send the nighttime revelers inside to safety. There was unseen electricity in the air, faint spot of lightening in the distance.

I was running my fingers across the damp cedar decking of the railing went I felt I was no longer alone. I didn't not turn around, not knowing what I would see if I did. There was so much unknown to me then, there had still been no declarations and I was too scared to bare my soul to him. There would be nothing left of me if I did and it was not returned.

His footfalls came closer and closer, I could feel his presence in the air around me as my heart rate picked up. He was right behind me, so close.

His touch was light as his fingertips grazed my shoulders running the down the backs my arms, so light and gentle. Almost tentative. That gave me pause, for all the time I spent thinking that he had all the control it made me realize that he was operating without a compass as well. We were so new to our feelings that we both acted on impulse, doing what our hearts desired. Lust and need had been the focus of our past encounters, love and reverence only playing minor roles. Everything was flipped on its head; each touch, each caress meaning more. I made a wordless plea in my mind; let my heart be my compass.

No more holding back, no more rules. My heart as my compass. The words in a quiet loop in the forefront of my mind.

"I thought that you weren't going to come up," I whispered as he moved flush with my back, his bare chest emanating heat.

"I actually can't seem to stay away from you," he laughed quietly.

His breath was in my ear, causing my knees to fell weak. I felt myself melting into him, the thin fabric of my shirt sticking to our bodies holding us together. The sky lit up again, lightening flashing across the sky quickening my pulse. The energy between us was shifting, my body responding to his presence. I flexed my legs feeling a wave of arousal sweep over me as his arms encircled my waist bringing us intimately closer.

"I don't want you to stay away from me," I responded as I moved my face to the side leaning my head back into his chest.

His next action took me by surprise as he slowly turned my body to face him, bringing my face up so that I could see his eyes. His eyes had always showed his heart, unnamed emotions lived there in the depths, opening a window to what he was feeling. They were a deep shade of jade looking intently into mine, searching my face. He was looking for the same thing I was, our mirrored hearts seeking for an answer to the question we were both afraid to ask, a hint of wetness coming to my eyes as I stared back at him.

I placed my hands on his bare shoulders, his skin hot and damp from the humidity hanging in the air. We were connected together by some divine force driving us to each other, my heart feeling full in my chest. He leaned down slowly, his lips taking mine softly. For a few moments our kisses were tentative and gentle, testing the waters as we embarked on this encounter together wanting to savor each moment. I opened my mouth inviting him in, rewarded by the soft touch of his tongue.

I was paralyzed under his spell, the urgency I felt growing in his kisses, my need echoing his passion. His arms gripped me tightly, my hands in his hair clutching and grabbing as our kissing progressed. I broke from his mouth for just second, oxygen a necessity, as he attacked my neck. My grip on him grew harder as his teeth met the soft flesh of my earlobe. My whole body was aflame; my need for him palpable as he continued his onslaught on my body. The coils in my belly were setting as his hands cupped my behind bringing me up close and personal with his erection.

"Be mine, Bella," he murmured into my ear holding our bodies flush.

Lightening broke furiously across the sky making me jump, bringing our faces together. He never had to ask; I was his in every way possible. I knew what he wanted, the joining of our bodies. The last piece of an intricate puzzle, to join us in every way possible. There were no words to describe how I was feeling, but it for once in my life felt right. Natural. Like this was the way to was supposed to be; a destiny of sorts.

"Yes," I breathed, a glorious smile taking over his face.

The sky chose that moment to open up again, the cool rain bouncing off our bodies as we stood transfixed on the balcony. It was a moment, a milestone, a time when we decided together that with everything we knew, we wanted to be together. The rain started to soak through my top, the fabric deliciously sticking to my prominent nipples, his eyes told me so much. The rain ran down his body, over his taunt muscles only to be absorbed into his mesh shorts. He stepped back slightly to run his hand through his hair, my passion igniting. I lunged forward to him, taking purchase, grabbing his head bringing his mouth to mine.

Seeing him wet and tantalizing did all to absolutely abolish my self control, my kisses heated and filled with a passion that I did not think I was capable of. His hands lifted my shirt from my back quickly finding my skin. He stopped abruptly a few seconds later, grabbing my hand and pulling me to the door. I walked inside quickly, dropping my hand and moving to the bed. I stood frozen in the doorway, watching his muscles flex and strain as he pulled the comforter off my bed. Then the blanket. Then the pillows. He turned and stalked to me, his eyes glowing making every muscle in groin clench pleasurably.

Desire was blooming in every pour of my body.

He grabbed the hem of my nightgown, bringing it over my head quickly. My hair was sticky and wet clinging to my body as removed. He tossed it on the floor, appraising my every inch of me. An involuntary shiver went through me although the night was impossibly warm. No one had ever looked at me the way he was, there was no shame in standing before him.

In a moment of complete boldness, I stopped him as he grabbed my hand to bring me to bed. I shook my head, my hands on his hips my fingers dipping into the fabric. Our clothes had no place in the bed. I hooked my thumbs into the fabric, his eyes growing impossibly darker as I slowly moved them down his hips. I bit my lower lip as I looked down his body, bending to free him of his clothing. I stood back up to be met with the sexiest smirk, as he started to repeat my motions. I tried to not look at his erection, but my eyes were brought there several times as his movements were slow. His fingers traced across my stomach, his thumbs into my panties. He leaned in and placed a kiss above my right breast as his body followed the descent of my last article of clothing. He was on one knee below me as I stepped out of my underwear.

He didn't immediately come up. His eyes moved over my body from his angle, his eyes focusing on parts of me that made my face flame with excitement. I had to quickly balance myself on his shoulders as his hands started to work their way slowly back up, his mouth kissing up my inner thigh. I felt the nervous butterflies take flight inside my stomach as he worked higher and higher. My thighs would clench as each sweep got him closer and closer to my center. I thought that he was just teasing me, taking me to the line, but not crossing it.

Man, was I wrong.

He kissed my inner thigh one last time, and I was airborne. Actually airborne - as in flying through the air. He lifted me to the bed, placing me on the top. He stood there for a moment, watching me, the flush traveling over my whole body. I was lying on the bed, open and ready, waiting for his next move. I thought he would climb the expanse of the bed, but he had other plans.

His features were lit only by the dim light on my desk lap, his eyes burning with need. By a look alone, no one could ever make me feel so beautiful, so wanted. A bright flash of lightening struck somewhere close, the thrill of it sending gooseflesh across my skin. There was so much charged energy the air around us, my breaths coming fast and shaky. My body trembled, his fingers across the skin of my inner thighs, as the loud boom of thunder reverberated in my room. His touch felt electric, my skin tingling in the wake of his touch.

He was situated between my legs, his mouth replacing his hands. His kissed me so reverently, taking his time as my loved every inch of my skin. His teeth scraped my hipbone, my hips rising from the bed, my body so responsive to each caress. His hair tickled my stomach, and briefly I thought to bring him up to me, to consummate our love, to get to the business of things, but it was although time held no place. There was no need to rush; we had time to enjoy this.

When I gazed back down to him, he was again looking at me; I couldn't help but let out an unsteady breath. This man was the ruin of every self-deprecating thought I ever had. He head ducked down, his hot breath just above the juncture of my hipbones, and then I could feel his tongue against my skin. My body quivered in response, the pleasure unimaginable. There was so much more to feel, so much more, my heart felt like it would burst. The heady combination of lust, pleasure, and love had my heart in almost a panic-stricken pace, as he nipped and sucked.

I could feel each muscle tighten and lock down, my impending orgasm building slowly. With each pass of his tongue, with each suck, the coils became more tightly poised to spring. The storm outside was no much for the sounds I was making, not feeling shy about letting him know my approval of what he was doing to me. My legs started to shake, flexing at their own accord, his teeth on my clit. Lightening filled the whole room, striking so close, my body exploding into orgasm. It was sensory overload; the thunder shaking the entire house as my body quivered and convulsed. The lights flicked on and off, and then there was only darkness and our labored breathing. I was trying to rein mine in, coming down for that impossible high.

Edward's head was beside mine on the bed, as I kept trying to restrict in my errant moans. There was no way in hell that all just happened. Apparently, prayers do get answered. Even naughty ones.

Edward's hands traced over my face and I could see the faint smug smile that he was trying to conceal but I was too blissed out to care at that moment in time, but that didn't mean that I wouldn't have my fun with him.

"Power's out," I breathed, rolling to face him.

"It is," he smiled, the lightening showing his features to me.

"Too bad, I was thinking about watching a movie. What should we do now?" I deadpanned as I tried to wait for the storm to show me his face.

"Oh, I have some ideas," he murmured, as his fingers ran over my legs, drawing circles over my hip.

His fingers swept up and down the side my body, focusing his attention on my sides and hip. I felt myself squirm under his touch; each delicate pass would send waves of arousal to my core, amplifying my need for him. He moved his face in slowly, only a fraction of an inch from mine, and in one move hitched my hip over his and crashed his lips down on mine. There was an edge to him, his pent up emotions rolling into me as his kisses became more and more heated. He rolled us so he was hovering above me as each caress of his tongue brought us closer together.

Most of his weight was suspended above me, his erection pressing into my hip. His hands trailed over my body as he worked his way down. He took a handful of my cheek into his palm, hitching my leg up and pressed himself into me. So little separating us.

My heart was beating so fast in my chest I felt as though I would shatter into a million pieces, knowing that we were so close. My hips rolled forward into him, his breath catching, and his arms shaky faintly.

"I want you, Isabella," he whispered in my ear as he trailed heated kisses across my collarbones. My grip on him tightened as he brought his mouth to my breast, taking the nipple in his mouth. I groaned in pure pleasure as he began to tease me with his mouth.

"I…I…I'm on the pill…FYI," I moaned. The only rational thought I had was that I wanted nothing between us. Just us - no barriers. My moans became strangled as he bit down on the sensitive flesh of my nipple. My back arched off the bed, our bodies moving in sync, a delicious sensation as his erection pressed into my clit. He must have felt that too.

"Oh, God, Bella...I need you," he groaned as his mouth covered mine again as his hand cupped my face gently.

"Please...now, Edward," I breathed as we looked at each other for a moment. I could feel him move his hips slightly, lining us up, his eyes never leaving mine. He pressed into me slowly, filling me completely. Not that I could have stopped them if I tried, but tears ran down into the pillow as the moment struck me. This was it.

His breaths grew shaky as we lay there motionless, his eyes displaying his emotions as he looked into my eyes. He started to move slowly, the fullness exquisite to feel. I wrapped my legs around him, feeling the angle switch; reveling in how good it felt as he moved in me. His pace was quickening now as if he could feel my need. Our mouths were a tangled mess of moans and kisses, as our lovemaking progressed.

This was definitely not just sex.

"Oh, Bella," he murmured as the rhythm became faster. It was better than any fantasy, dream, or any other experience I had ever had before…it was pure ecstasy.

His thrusts became faster and harder as he buried his face in my shoulder, and then he seemed to think better of it.

"I want you on top," he asked breathlessly, his arms shaking beside me.

He moved us effortlessly, never breaking contact, with me ending up staring down at him below me. I started to move, rocking my hips, up and down, as the delicious feelings started to take over. My body was driving, Edward's thrusts meeting mine, working in tandem. My hands were on his chest as I pressed myself down on him and I could start to feel the tension building again inside of me. My moans became louder and louder, emboldened by his erotic murmurs.

He was too far away. I wanted his lips on mine; his breath in my face, our eyes only inches apart. I grabbed his arms pulling him up, his legs stretched behind me. I straightened my legs behind him and grabbed onto him tightly as our lips met again. This position was close, each thrust hitting the spot, driving me insane. Our bodies were drenched in sweat as we poured ourselves into each other. There was nothing holding me back as I became louder with each thrust, moaning in delight as the pleasure started to completely take over. I could feel the tightening in my belly, from somewhere deep inside as he drove me further and further to the brink. I was so close, as I moved my hands down to increase the friction.

His brow furrowed as his breathing began to become as erratic as mine; I knew that we were both so close.

"Bella, I am so close, baby," Edward grunted, his face scrunched up as he tried to hold on.

We were both teetering on the cliff's edge as the lightening and thunder started to fade into the background but still lighting the room.

"Oh, God, Edward...I'm...so close," I cried, my orgasm seconds away.

I screamed hard as I came hard, my legs tightening around his torso. The tremors were making my body shake as he slammed into me a few more times. I could feel his orgasm as it ripped through him, he we both tried to find our collective breaths. We were both shaking as we held on to each other, basking on the afterglow.

I pushed him back gently, his body falling hard back onto the bed. With some regret, I removed myself from him crawling up slowly to lie beside him. Our bodies were covered in sweat, as I lay on my side watching the fall and rise of his chest.

The storm had past, the billowy drapes blowing as a cool breeze came in through the windows. My body shivered, too sensitive from our lovemaking. Edward pulled me too his body, so that my head was on his chest. We stayed like that for a time, until of breathing was normal.

The light on my desk flickered, suddenly catching me slightly off guard, and within seconds the power was back on. I wanted to stay where I was, naked on my bed with Edward, but my mind and my OCD tendencies had a different plan.

"Babe, I would love to stay here and lay with you forever, but…you are sweaty. We need to take a shower," I rushed not wanting him to think I was crazy for not wanting to lay there and cuddle like every other girl I knew.

He laughed.

"Show me the way," he said as I pushed myself off of him and scooted off the bed.

I walked to the bathroom door knowing full well that he was watching me the whole way. That did a lot to awaken my libido that was done taking a cat nap. I turned to see his eyes on my ass, his lazy grin plastered to his face. I gave it a little shake to get his attention.

"Coming, Cullen?" I asked as I bit down onto my lower lip and winked at him. The smile spread across his whole face as his started to move toward me.

It was going to be a long night.

_**A/N: It's summer…thus updates might become to be a little more scattered. I am working this summer and have a lot of vacations planned, but I will keep you all in mind and try to update as much as possible.**_

_**Hope you enjoyed and please review!**_

_**Mutt**_


	22. Mini Chapterette Junk In My Trunk

**A Kick in the Balls**

_**A/N: Thank to my lovely beta vampire mama for sticking with me and if you haven't her fanfic is excellent reading material!**_

_**Thanks to my other betas born2speakmirth and shabby apple!**_

_**This is a baby chapter, but I hope you like it.**_

_**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**_

**Mini Chapterette 22– Junk in the Trunk**

**BPOV**

On a list of the top ten ways to wake up in the morning, a blood-curdling scream was definitely not one of them. I honestly didn't know if it could seriously be on anyone's list.

That was how I woke up on Saturday morning, after the most grueling, aerobic, and pleasurable of Friday nights. I was absolutely not complaining, but this girl and her girlie parts, needed some rest. So, let's get back to the screaming.

Of course, the perpetrator was Alice. The location? Our shared bathroom. Cause? Well, I was going to have to freaking find out. It figures that Alice would do this to me, due to the fact that I was her savior from any scary insect she found in the bathroom. Random flesh-eating spiders (that actually didn't exist) would join her in the shower and I would have to kill them. She would owe me big time for this.

"Bella! "

_Holy fuck she is demanding,_ I thought as my feet hit the floor. I was about to start toward the bathroom, when I noticed that I had no clothes on. I was still in some haze because it didn't register until I was half way to the door.

I quickly threw on a tank top and shorts and scooted myself toward the God awful noise. Interestingly enough, there were two distinct voices in the bathroom. Alice's constant shrieking apparently covered up Edward's voice.

"For all things holy Edward, put some damn clothes on!" Alice screeched, and I found myself close to a fit a giggles as I listened through the door that was slightly ajar. Where was a naked Edward, but where was Alice? This had to be good for Alice, to be freaking out about my naked boy in our bathroom.

"Maybe if you handed me a towel, I could cover myself up, honey," Edward mocked.

"Why are you showering up here anyway? You have your own shower, and don't look!" Alice yelled again, so I found myself pushing open the bathroom door slowly to see what the hell was going on.

I blinked a few times to make sure I had it right. Alice was perched on the toilet, and Edward was in the shower. Some artfully placed glass blocks were all that separated the two. My guess was that Alice thought it was me in there and decided to sneak in and use the water closet, a normal behavior for either of us. Just not today.

Alice quickly finished her business, flushed, and in the quickest move I had ever seen, had her shorts back in place.

"Towel, Alice," Edward huffed.

"You guys making friends in here?" I laughed as I walked into the bathroom met with the angry scowl that was Alice.

"Apparently, you haven't taught the boy-wonder here the rules. If you or the two of you are in here, lock my freakin' door," Alice exclaimed with a punctuated foot stomp at the end. It was actually hard to take her seriously when she got mad. She looked more like a preschooler than an adult when she made here ridiculous pouting face.

"Duly noted, Alice. Good luck today," I reminded her. She had her season-opening race today a few miles from campus, and if it wasn't for the afternoon football game, we would have all tried to go down and see her. Well, at least the end of the race. Cross-country isn't exactly a spectator's dream. A little boring for my taste.

Alice bent over in the middle and started heaving as her laughter was in full force. She wasn't just simply laughing; she was laughing like there was not stopping in sight. Like the night when Mike tripped down the stairs carrying a large bowl of guacamole. We laughed at him for three straight days. Guacamole is very hard to remove from blond hair.

"Mirror…look…in mirror," she got out before she fell to her knees.

And that was when I saw it. Well, I saw me, and it was not a pleasant picture.

".GOD."

"Seriously, a towel please. Bella-," Edward said, but then stopped mid thought as he saw me in the mirror.

There were no words.

My hair looked like a rat's nest that was completely flat on one side. My lips were cherry freaking red from overuse and man-scruff abuse. I had lots of makeup under my eyes, so I was rocking a Rocky Raccoon look. And to top the mother chucking thing off - I had a hickey.

A HICKEY!

Under my ear on my right side.

I was going to kill him.

Well, maybe not kill him. Just maim.

"A hickey! You gave me a hickey," I screamed as I turned to look at him. I knew that I looked like Medusa's half-drunk over-fucked twin sister, but I was too livid to let this one slide. I grabbed a towel from the rack, stepped over a quaking Alice, and went straight to the cause.

"Bella, Bella, what are you going to do?" Edward laughed as I approached arms in a defensive position.

"A hickey, Edward. Are we twelve? A hickey! How in the hell am I going to cover this bugger up?" I yelled as I started to twirl the towel together with both hands. Nothing says happy hickeys to you asshole like a good snap on the ass from a towel.

I snapped it at him once for good measure and his eyes grew wide as I got even closer.

"You wouldn't," he half laughed and cried at the same time.

"Get him, Bellie!" Alice shouted from the floor.

"An eye for an eye, Cullen."

"Shit, you're serious," he bit out as his hands went straight to his package. Like I would aim there. No one would benefit from that. He was cornered in the shower, right where I wanted him as I got ready to take aim. I had needed him to bolt the shower and run away so I could give him my parting gift on his ass on his way out.

"You can't stay in that shower forever, Edward. If you want a towel, I will give you a towel," I said in a polite voice laced with sarcasm.

Still with his package in hand, he looked between the two of us hoping for a reprieve, knowing in a few seconds that he had no options rather than leaving the safety of the shower.

In a flash, or streak I should say, he ran past me knocking me slightly as he slid on the floor. I think that he thought that if he could distract me enough that he would not get what was coming to him in the end, but if he didn't know it by now, I held grudges. Epic grudges, and even if he had gotten away, I would still get him.

Not that he did get away.

I steadied myself quickly, his bare ass a mere two feet from me as I took the towel firmly in my hands and let it go. This wasn't the type of towel fight that I would have with Emmett, where the most amount of damage is favorable, and I held back a little as my wrist unfurled, hearing the crisp snap echo against the walls.

It was followed closely by a 'holy fuck' and some other curse words jumbled and yelled together in fast succession. If we were playing Battleship, I just sunk the big aircraft carrier with one flick of my wrist.

"Holy fuck, Bella! Is there blood? That fucking hurt," Edward yelled as I followed the path he had taken into my room. He was standing buck ass naked in front of my dresser eyeing up his ass.

A quarter-sized red welt was just starting to form. I couldn't help but smirk as I threw him the towel.

"Here's your towel, _dear_," I laughed as I took in his scrunched up face. Edward and I were going to have serious issues if he was going to make this a big deal like some seven year old girl.

He took one last look at his backside before wrapping the towel around his lower half, cutting off my voyeuristic fun. He turned to look at me, still in my post-sex glory, hands on his hips.

"No more hickeys," I said, trying to remain serious but knowing full well that taking me serious in my current state would be difficult.

"What about in areas that no one can see? Well, no one but me that is," he smirked. The devil was playing with me as his smirk was on his face again.

"Babe, I shower with chicks every day, girls notice things like that," I laughed, remembering when Leah had matching hickeys on both of her breasts. We tortured her relentlessly about it for months and I did not want those type of rumors getting out about me.

"So, what you are saying is that you are fair game after that? After soccer is over, I can go about marking you wherever I feel like it?" he asked as he moved closer to me. I felt like I was being pulled by some strange force, willing me to him. Man had some powerful voodoo.

"What is it with you and marking me? I'm not going anywhere -" I stopped as he was close enough to smell, fresh and clean, the water still clinging to his upper body. I ran my finger down the path of one of the drops on his bicep, the water disappearing in the crease of his elbow.

I was about to look at his face, a perilous task as my body was starting to come alive, when I heard the doorbell ring. Maybe I had just been saved by the bell, but I knew better. There was only one person that would ring the doorbell at my house on a Saturday morning.

A delivery man.

The piano was here.

_**A/N: Readers, I have not forgotten you. I have happy news - I am pregnant with numero 2! The downside to that is that I have lost seven pounds and have been as sick as a dog. So, writing fanfic has been difficult. I am going to give you stuff when I feel inspired, and hopefully as I get further into my second trimester, and less ill I will write more.**_

_**Thanks for sticking with me!**_

_**Mutt**_


	23. Hello

**A Kick in the Balls**

_**A/N: It's been a whole year and all I can say is I'm sorry. They are still going to be shorter chapters since my life is twice as busy now...with my second little one. Thank you to my beta vampiremama who writes fanfic that I love and to my beta at Twilighted born2speakmirth who I hope still knows who I am.**_

_**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**_

**Mini Chapterette 23– Shoe Drop**

**BPOV**

"Were you scared last night?"

"What?" I responded as I looked over to Rosalie who had a look of concern on her face. Well, maybe it wasn't concern, but a girl can hope. I think that was the expression _she_ was hoping would come across, but it looked more like she was trying to figure something out. I started to sweat a little as she watched me, almost in a critical way, most likely hoping to catch my emotions as I thought about her line of questioning.

"I could have sworn that I heard you scream last night. Maybe it was just my imagination. That was some storm last night." She gestured casually as she looked back onto the field. I was definitely sweating after she finished her thought. What could have my response been? _Yeah, that was me. I was screaming when your brother and his masterful tongue made me orgasm last night so hard that I almost forgot my last name. Or actually, it could have been in the shower, when he had one of my legs over his shoulder…thank God for the bench in there._

Rosalie and I were not there.

Not that I didn't think we could be girlfriends and share sex stories, but I didn't think I wanted the business on Emmett nearly as much as Rosalie probably wouldn't want to know about her own brother. That thought made me cringe.

"Yeah, storms have always gotten me worked up, although I don't remember screaming." I gave her a lame smile to match my lame excuse. It wasn't like giving her an easy answer would stop her train of thought, but I had to give her an answer that might lead to more questions and more verbal diarrhea. I think Edward knocked a few things loose in my brain last night.

Rosalie gave me one last hard look before she turned her attention to other things.

"So, what section are we in?" she asked as we stood at the top of one of the long staircases in the football stadium. I promised Edward that I would go early with Rosalie to the game because she wanted to watch warm-ups. Warm-ups, and several hours before warm-ups, was when most of the student body was in the parking lots tailgating before the games. The only people who actually watched warm-ups were die-hard crazy fans, stalker-type girls, parental units, and the first wives club. The first wives club is all the girls who think that their boyfriend's status as a football player gives them some superiority over the rest of us; that by association they are better. I knew half of them by name since I got some 'get out of jail free' card for being Emmett's roommate and they were borderline nice to me. I knew it irked them to no end that their boyfriends knew me or were friends with me, because that concept is foreign to those types. Emmett always told me everyone always thought we had to be fucking each other, because girls and dudes were not friends. I just told his buddies if they kept their dicks in their pants long enough maybe they might realize that chicks had more purposes then as an orifice to stick their junk into.

I looked down at the tickets. Fuck my life.

"Section 101. It's down five sections to the right," I uttered. Emmett's tickets this year were first row, right behind the bench. It made sense with him being a captain and all, but that was the heart of the first wives club.

Suddenly my head started to pound as I thought about the incessant bitching, whining, and…bitching I was going to be subjected through during the game. It wasn't like I could tone it out easily; high-pitch screeching was easily heard everywhere. I had to hope there were a lot of parents in town because then the ladies might be held in check.

"Bella, you look like I just kicked you in the balls, and since I know you don't have any, I think you ought to just spill it." Rosalie laughed as she marched us over to the closed concession stand.

I was about to stop her when, well I actually don't know how to explain what happened next, it was like Rosalie went into Barbie mode. I didn't know someone could arch their back that much.

"Sorry, but we are closed," the guy said without looking up from his register. He was going to get an eyeful when he did.

Rosalie's perfect manicured fingers started to gently tap the surface of the counter as she waited patiently for him to look up. I watched as he huffed bringing his head up to tell her off and then, bam, his eyes registered shock. Eyes, boobs, eyes, boobs, eyes, boobs…then finally back to eyes. I think in a normal circumstance Rosalie would have handed him his ass, but she obviously wanted something. It was almost scary that she wanted to practice law as I could only imagine what the poor male judge's responses to her would be.

"I'm…I'm sorry. What can I help you with?" the guy stuttered as he tried to keep his eyes on Rosalie. He had on a button, 'Support the Chess Team', and I knew by the look of him that he most likely had a poster of Leia in her bikini from Star Wars hanging over his bed. I almost wanted to tell Rosalie to be gentle with this one.

"Oh, my friend and I just wanted some diet Cokes before we went to go sit down, but I understand you are closed." Rosalie spoke, but not in her normal voice, it was a cross between her own voice and Elle Woods from the Legally Blonde movies. I tried hard not to laugh as Rosalie, the hard-ass, tried her best at seeming innocent and cute - it was truly beyond hilarious.

"We are closed, but I think I can help you." He smiled as he turned to get Rosalie her drinks, knocking over a whole stack of cups in the process. In less than thirty seconds he returned with half the staff, or half the chess team I should say, and two diet Cokes. And the biggest freakin' smile I had ever seen. I think he brought his buddies over just so they could see him interact with Rosalie.

"Oh, thank you so much. How much do I owe you?" she asked sweetly.

"Oh. On the house, just make sure you come back here if you need anything," he waved as we turned to leave.

Rosalie thrust the drink in my hands and walked toward the section. It was like a light switch went off.

"Nice work, Rose. You will probably star in his dreams tonight," I laughed as she slowed in front of our section.

"So, you going to tell me what has your undies in bunch over this section, or are you just going to let me find out?" she mocked, already knowing me a little too well. I had to learn to hide my emotions a little better.

"Only if you tell me how many times you pulled that act off?" I gestured to the concession stand.

"Oh, Bella, you can't imagine how great and detrimental it all is. I am not full of myself by any means, but I don't want to have to dress and act a certain way to be taken seriously. That's why I just stick with the bitch factor I have going," she laughed.

"Rose, I don't think you're a bitch…all the time," I laughed again, and she just gave me the Cullen smirk, which apparently is hereditary.

"So, are you going to tell me?"

After that, I launched into my explanation about the section; it was almost like Rosalie was excited about the prospect of it all. There was so much about her I still did not know but she seemed to enjoy the prospect of listening to these girls gab about their boyfriends. We took our seats in the front row, and I could feel the eyes on us. Well, I could feel them on Rosalie. No one else was in our row yet, so I knew the girls were just eyeballing here trying to figure out who she belonged to. Emmett only ever had Alice and I or our friends, and his family use these tickets, so I was sure that it was going to be gossip central in t-minus forty-five minutes.

We took our seats and watched as the players went about their stretching and warm-up activities. Every once in a while the big bear would look up here and give a small half smile. It felt ridiculously weird to see Emmett like this, but also strangely enough, good. I was glad he had finally found someone, since I knew if he didn't, we would continue to live together and probably become married under common law rules.

"I am teaching you how to cook this year," I blurted out.

"Did Emmett say something to you?" Rosalie looked at me hard. I took it this was a soft spot for her.

"No, no, he didn't. My mind was on a bizarre tangent and I was just thinking I could teach you how to cook his favorites," I breathed out, wanting the scrutiny to be over. She kept looking at me, her gaze unwavering. "Or I could teach the both of you?" I offered.

"Shit, Bella. Sorry," she shook her head. "I think I would like that. My mom is a genius in the kitchen and I never learned. You just caught my thoughts in a dark place."

I felt bad for a moment remembering what it could have been like to wonder if all the things you took for granted could suddenly be gone. It was all too fresh still, although hopefully she could fulfill her regrets.

"Don't worry about it. Maybe I could get you started so when you see your mom, maybe you could cook for her. I would think she might like that," I replied.

Rosalie was quiet for a moment as she looked out onto the field. I was wondering if what I had said was too much. She turned to me slowly, eyes wet with unshed tears.

"That would be nice, Bella," she said as one tear fell over her lashes and onto her cheek. She squeezed my hand, and I realized we just had a moment. I hoped some humor would lighten the mood.

"You are kind of all over the place today, Barbie." I laughed.

"Oh, hell if I don't know that. Flow's in town and I become like a leaky faucet. My emotions are all over the place." She smiled as she cleared the last of the tears from her eyes. During that time the team had left the field and now the bleachers were starting to fill up.

I watched the people fill in around us, gave some waves to classmates and parents, and enjoyed some non-dramatic conversation with Rosalie. I was actually thinking Rosalie was one cool chick, but then my thoughts turned to Edward. He was going to join us with Jasper at game time, but insisted I go with Rosalie alone. Was he trying to get us to like each other? Was he trying to get her to like me? I was trying to wrap my head around his intentions when Rosalie's voice knocked me backed to the real world.

"So, are you going to tell me about your scream last night, or should I just guess that you and my brother were playing hide the pickle?" Rosalie mocked.

Shit. I had just taken a slip of soda, but luckily I just swallowed it awkwardly instead of having it coming out my nose. I knew she had something up her sleeve on this one; maybe I should have just answered her straight off when she had asked before.

"Do you actually want me to answer that?" I asked because I seriously wanted to know. "I am not going to ask you what you are doing with Sasquatch because that is too weird for me."

"Firstly, Bella, he is not that hairy. And second of all, he is my brother and I want to make sure that you are being gentle with him. It is not like he doesn't have his baggage too," she continued.

Okay, she was concerned and I could see this was something we had to get out there so we could be on some sort of similar page on the subject. I wondered what she thought of Heidi.

"I know he does, and honestly Rosalie, things are going so good that I am expecting the other shoe to drop soon. Nothing this good has ever lasted for me," I replied, my mind shifting to a multitude of memories of when the other shoe dropped. It had happened so many times, that my line of thinking was normal to me.

I saw that Rosalie's emotions were shifting as she tried to hold her face to one emotion. I knew she was trying to be tough on her exterior, but I hoped she understood that hurting Edward was the farthest thing from my mind.

"Rosalie, I thought your brother was coming with you?"

Rose and I both spun to see Esme standing in the aisle next to our row.

"Mom, I thought you weren't coming. What are you doing here? Do you need to sit?" Rosalie rambled quickly, obviously ill at ease with Esme standing in the aisle.

There was something different about her as I studied her face. Nothing drastic, almost like a breath of fresh air surrounded her, a small twinkle in her eye.

"Rosalie, stop being such a bother, I am fine," she stated in a motherly, yet slightly annoyed tone. "Your brother?"

"Sorry, Mom. He's back at our place playing with Bella's piano. Apparently, old habits die hard." Rose laughed. She might have even snickered. I would have to ask her about that.

Esme gave me an appraisal at that point, that damn telltale Cullen smirk slowly crept onto her face. I would have paid a million dollars to know what was knocking around in her head at that moment.

_Damn the smirk._

"Girls, I just had a wonderful idea. Why don't you all come over tonight for a dinner at our house? Jasper and Alice, too," she finished, the smirk threatening a hostile takeover of her whole face. Esme had, in my mind, at that point become a formable force of something. Something that I had no idea what it was exactly but, I did know for certain that she had a few tricks up her sleeve.

Before I could even spit out a response, that would most likely be rushed with a possible voice crack, Rosalie beat me to the punch.

"I have an even better idea. Dinner at our house," she replied turning her head to make eye contact with me.

_Shit._

"We'll cook," Rose added.

"That does sound nice. Does seven work for you?"

Rosalie and Esme were staring at me intently. _Oh, shit, here we go again. This was going to be interesting._

"That sounds great, Mrs. Cullen," I responded.

"It's Esme, dear, and we will see you both tonight." She laughed, like she knew full well she was setting this up to be quite the entertaining night.

As we watched her slowly descend the stairs to the arena floor, I grabbed my 24 ounce beer sitting in front of me and finished it.

"That was both impressive and alarming. What are you stressing about?" Rosalie stressed the 'you' in her question.

_Huh?_

"Oh, me? Well, my boyfriend's parents are coming over. Parents who may or may not know that I have some baggage that has me pullin' some crazy-ass stunts lately, and I think they have no idea that I am dating their one-and-only beloved son, and…I have to cook!" I rushed.

"Since when do you have a boyfriend?"

Of all the times the boy could sit down next to me…it had to be in the middle of my diatribe of the situation I had just found myself in.

"Nice of you two to show up. We are having Papa and Mama C over for dinner tonight. Bella and I are cooking," Rosalie said not bothering a look in any of our directions. The team was being lead on the field by Emmett and the rest of the captains. There may have been drool.

"Does that make me your boyfriend?" Edward laughed and I could see that damn smirk from the corner of my eye.

_Where was my beer? Oh, right, I finished it._

Here we go again.


End file.
